WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.

Typhoon winds and rain pound down on our friends as they waste no time running from Old City towards the city proper, where the alarm bells ring. A guard hails them from atop the wall, informing that all three main gates of Port Nyanzaru are being approached by mobs of undead, with the three city districts outside the walls being under threat. Malar's Throat is experiencing floods that push the dead forward, Tiryki Anchorage is being evacuated, and Old City has the previously seen horde approaching. The Old City citizens and Po's gang are well underway of arming themselves for an undead beatdown - aaaaand there goes Krenko, running towards the closest killable zombie in the distance!

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"RAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." screams the goblin as he runs away from the party. Arnie sprints to catch up, informing Krenko that there's MORE zombies to kill elsewhere. "...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAA!" as the goblin spins 180 degrees, never stopping his scream, passing the others right through the city gate. To the Throat!

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The crew is nearly upon the cliffside slums known as Malar's Throat when a virtual tidal wave of water blasts through the gate carrying a number of zombies and skeletons, splattering them to bits. Floodwaters are surging through the gorge! Arnie eyes a wiggling arm and ponders if the undead are simply just misunderstood, but Bertram quickly brings the handyman back to reality. Over at the gate where an uprooted tree has lodged itself, an armored silver dragonborn beckons them over as an arrow from above skewers a crawling skeleton in the streets.

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"Hail!", shouts a voice from on high. "We could use a hand closing this one!" A distinguished man in polished armor and wielding a large sword calls down from the top of the gate, informing of the situation. Much of the Throat's residents have safely holed up in the Temple of Tymora, swarms of zombies run amok, and while surging floodwaters were up until just now a problem, strangely a couple of kobolds emerged from the drainage and waved as they cleared the drain below. The gate, however, is now blocked by that uprooted tree. 

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The unlikely heroes snap to action! Col, Krenko, Winchton, and Lovely stay below and begin helping the dragonborn and a none-too-bright looking human haul the tree while Bertram and Arnie climb the gate's scaffolding to help from above. The fellow introduces himself as Lord Brixton of The Company of the Yellow Banner, a fellow party of adventurers. Arnie excitedly introduces The Handy Hands and Brixton furrows his brow, but there's no time to waste debating the better name. Brixton points out of a few of his immediate companions: Seward the archer, Seph the dragonborn down below along with Biff Longsteel (generic human fighter #872), Devlin the strangely goat-like wizard, Bravus the dwarf cleric... and Bravus' talking pet lizard Sebastian.

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"Salutation!", says the lizard. Arnie and Bertram exchange a look but say nothing.

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Bertram touches an arrow of Seward's and it lights an arc into the slums. "Illumination!" states the reptile. He looks through the deluge of rain and points. "Oh no...", softly mutters the historian. A young girl, one of the urchin informants from a couple days earlier, is injured and slowly limping toward the gate as pack of shambling corpses pursues.

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Krenko wastes no time, dropping the log and running towards the girl. Col heads up top, leaving Winchton, Lovely, Seph, and Biff to struggle with the tree. Arnie and Bertram do their best to spell-snipe at long range to protect the girl and Krenko but the emerging wave of zombies grows and grows. The desert druid lays down spike growth and seriously impedes the dead's progress, but even ripped up and bleeding from thorns, more keep appearing.

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Devlin the goat-like wizard whips around and blasts the log upon Lord Brixton's request. Winchton tries to halt the next obvious action but it's too late... Seph and Biff close the giant gate, inadvertently locking Krenko and the girl alone to face the undead masses. The goblin steels his resolve.

 

"He needs help!", calls the young historian, "Get us down there!" Arnie doesn't have any rope... but he has a patchy cloak! He rips the patch depicting rope off his magical cloak and it instantly turns into a large coil, which he uses to lower himself, Col, and Bertram down to aid Krenko. "Innovation!", calls the lizard. 

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Col flings ice knives left and right, shredding the unliving. The goblin barbarian has been seriously wounded in protecting the girl and is barely standing. Krenko feels the glass of a healing potion being shoved into his hand and turns to see Bertram looking down at him, golden eyes flaring with energy. 

 

"You might want to step away."

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The warlock erupts with the fury of his aasimar heritage as blinding light erupts from his eyes, mouth, and eventually entire body to sear the flesh off the encroaching masses. Spike growth and ice knives continue to shred the opposition. After a tense few rounds the cleric Bravus calls forth a mighty flame strike to finish off the few remaining zombies, buying enough time for our companions to climb the rope up to safety atop the wall. "Destruction!", exclaims the lizard.

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With gate closed, the girl rescued, and the remaining residents barricaded inside the Temple of Tymora, Malar's Thoat is safe for now. Lord Brixton and the others give thanks... but the pleasantries are premature. Alarm bells still sound from Tiryki Anchorage to the east, and a huge domesticated brontosaurus is seen crashing down into a building as it is overwhelmed by undead.

 

Exhausted looks are exchanged. Wounded and almost entirely without spells left to cast, the crew doesn't have much left to give. It's Arnie's call to arms that rallies moral. As long as there's people in danger, there can be no rest! We must help, for helping is what we do! The Company of the Yellow Banner wave farewell for now, and the crew heads on. Onward to the Anchorage!

 

"Determination!", cries a small voice as our heroes run to the east.

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The guards at the Tiryki gate are reluctant to close it as so many residents and domesticated dinosaurs have yet to be accounted for. The city's harbormaster, Zindar, is seen flying above the streets rescuing who he can. A guard can hardly finish expressing the need for more rescuers when Col spots a parasaurus being pursued by skeletons and rushes through the gate alone. Krenko chases after. Bertram lights a few stones to throw and locate the skeletons through the rain when he hears a high-pitched whistle from from a nearby alleyway. There, a curious figure beckons them to take cover.

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With leathery skin, short stature, an oddly dinosaur-like face, and a longsword made of pale metal, Bertram and Arnie cannot make sense of the humanoid race that this fellow may be. They eye him suspiciously, especially when it becomes clear that his only mode of communication is a combination of whistles, clicks, and... is that the smell of honeysuckle? The scent shifts to ham and then to wood smoke as the creature whistles, making it clear there's an odor component to his "speech". He seems to understand Common well enough, though. The historian, the handyman, and their new ally rush ahead to catch up with Col and Krenko.

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The Harbormaster flies by in the storm as Col loses sight of the parasaur, but a familiar sight is seen as he rounds a street corner: Esmerelda the loyal anklyosaurus is thrashing against a mob of undead, with her owner the old dinosaur keeper feebly waving in despair nearby. The goblin jumps on her plated back and defends from above while the druid uses the meager spellcasting ability he has left. Salvation comes in the form of their new smelly ally. 'Dinoborn' (as Bertram dubs him) raises his white blade and begins carving into the zombies and skeletons at an impressive rate, flashes of light emitting with each strike. An arrow arcs from a nearby rooftop and catches a zombie in the eye. The odor shifts to lemon as 'Dinoborn' hoots in excitement at the sight of a middle-aged man above them wielding a longbow, and another ally is found. 

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"Lookout!", shouts down The Archer. A domesticated allosaurus charges by, pursued by a large swarm of undead. To the left another dinosaur emerges. A stegosaurus... missing half its face. The companions can do nothing as the undead beast swings its mighty spiked tail and skewers the elderly dinosaur trainer. Arnie, Bertram, and The Archer do their best to keep it at range, but the pack chasing the allosaurus has diverted directly towards them and the odds look dire. Dinoborn's flashing blade is destroying the undead left and right, but not fast enough. The scent in the air shifts to fresh-cut violets.

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"Well you heard him...", calls The Archer. "RUN!"

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Krenko finally manages to spur Esmerelda forward and the anklyosaurus charges towards the city gates with the goblin barely holding on. The Archer jumps down and the rest flee in pursuit, diving into a nearby alleyway in hopes to lose the horde chasing Krenko and Esmerelda. Smokey apparitions of wings on his back, a golden dragon-like individual hovers over the rooftops and above the alley. "Duck!", shouts Zindar the Harbormaster, as his hands glow red-hot and unleash a fireball that decimates the undead mob. The half-dragon flies off, Dinoborn and The Archer run down a street to further assist, and the exhausted crew make it back through the gate just before its closed for the time being.

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With Port Nyanzaru finally secured, the weary faces of adventurers, guards, and city folk are all that there is to be seen. Bertram works a bit of magic to make some warm broth to serve the temporary refugees. The allosaurus had escaped and has reunited with her rider, the familiar salad-eating tortle from the tavern. Taking a few minutes to attune to his ability to speak with animals, Krenko comforts Esmerelda and has perhaps the saddest conversation of this adventure so far in which he informs her that her elderly human companion has died.

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Reports come in. The Anchorage has some undead stragglers but should be cleared by morning. Malar's Throat is clear, though floodwater and random undead limb cleanup my take a while. Old City is... well, Old City. The residents and Po's mob had so much fun beating down the undead hordes that it seems an impromptu gore party is underway.

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As Krenko cries in the rain with Esmerelda, the rest of the crew spend what remains of their energy to limp into their nearby haunt, The Thundering Lizard. "No band tonight", says Crumbeard, "Can't say it's a good night for partying...". The dwarf pours Arnie a shot, looks at the handyman's face, then passes him the entire bottle instead. 

 

It's been one hells of a day. 

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The goblin gladiator strains his ears. At the far end of the crumbling prayer room in the sunken ruins, the bloody footsteps end where two figures converse in hushed tones. The young historian ponders his usual cautious actions, thinks a moment, then furrows his brow as he makes the rare brash action.

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Bertram walks right in to the room.

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"Excuse me, ah, yes. Hello!", says the warlock politely. "I just walked in from outside... I'm here to investigate the history of this wonderful place. Marvelous ruins, yes? What a relic of a great era! May I tour this fine location?" 

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The two figures, joined by a third walking from a doorway between them, slowly turn their heads. Bertram's allies stare with mouths agape from the doorway in suspense. With a blood bath and the severed limbs of humans just a few rooms away it's a very safe bet that visitors are not welcome, but unexpectedly, they cautiously interact with the young historian. 

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"A visitor... yes... come in. Welcome..." The lithe figure in the middle beckons smoothly.

 

Dozens of small snakes swarm the prayer room's floor. Chanting grows louder from beyond. Bertram's closer inspection reveals a mottled combination of snake-like features mixed in to the otherwise humanoid figures that are closely watching him. Col shifts into a tiny snake form and sneaks along the serpentine crowd while Arnie wrings his hands as he watches the tense situation. 'Help, Arnie!', he thinks. 'Your friend is alone and needs help! '

 

And so, of course, Arnie also walks right in to the room.

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"Hey guys! Anyone seen a dog come through here? I lost my dog. Anyone? Goes by the name "Handy's Little Helper".

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Winchton and Krenko simultaneously facepalm from the doorway. The three snake-people turn in silence to each other. Krenko can't stand the tension any more and blasts in to the room to chop at the snakes on Arnie's boots. The middle figure turns and runs through the doorway, shouting as he goes: "Begin the ritual!"

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A writhing mass of snakes falls from the ceiling and barely misses Bertram. The fight is on! The goblin rages as he targets the right-most pureblood, while Col shifts out of tiny snake form to attack the one on the left with a bit of ranged assistance from a brick-throwing Lovely. Bertram runs ahead while Winchton rushes in to aid Arnie in dealing with the swarm of venomous snakes. The two purebloods attack with scimitars and blasts of poison spray emanating from their very hands. Winchton switches over to help Krenko and Bertram with the first snake-person, which falls in a hilarious combination of pike ("stab!"), sword ("slash!"), frying pan ("gong!"), and a murderous brick thrown by an orangutan ("WHACK!").

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Col shifts into his usual giant snake form and utterly fails in constricting the other pureblood... or does he? The desert druid awkwardly flops all over the enemy, who also utterly fails to do anything about it and ends up tangled in Col's body anyway. Meanwhile Arnie produces a new light show: a flaming sphere which he launches at the mass of snakes. It's super effective! The handyman cleric wreaks havoc with his newfound divine flame while Col and his allies finish off the final fiend. 

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Krenko though, can't help but pursue that third snake-person. "SNAAAAKES!" shouts the goblin in bloodlust as he runs through the door, up the stairs, into a vestibule, and through a double door to the temple's ritual chamber. He stops. Two purebloods, two red serpents, and a cowled and hulking humanoid poses with a scimitar above an altar. The goblin's eyes go wide. Krenko turns around, runs out the double door, into a vestibule, down the stairs, and out the door. "SNAAAAKES!" shouts the goblin in fear as he points up the stairs.

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With the last of the snake swarm burnt to a crisp, the companions continue as a group up the stairs. The ever-present chanting grows to peak volume as the sound of a pounding storm echos from somewhere above. They rush in to the final chamber to see the two remaining purebloods holding daggers to their own throats while the leader behind the altar, large in frame, raises his hooded face.

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Where a human's head should be, a snake's head exists. It's mouth curls into what could almost pass as a disturbing smile.

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"You. You are welcome to watch."

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The figures hiss in unison. The purebloods grimace as they slice their own throats, falling to the ground as green mist rises from their convulsing bodies that coalesces on the leader's large scimitar. With a guttural word its wielder stabs the scimitar down into the altar, carving a diagonal line over a familiar maze-like symbol.

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There is no time to waste! The ritual must be stopped! Winchton and Krenko throw themselves into the room and fiercely attack the large snake-headed figure, but he does little to stop them and only grunts as their blades impact. The leader hisses "sleeeeeeeeep" and his attackers doze off for a quick moment. Snake-Col quickly slithers in past a mound of rubble only to have a giant constrictor much larger than their own shapeshifted form emerge from the ruins and tower above all. The massive snake gnashes at Col, forcing him to drop his own snake form, and in an ironic reversal of fate Col finds himself grappled in the spiraled reptilian body.

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Arnie launches spell after spell but few find their mark. The two red snakes pack a vicious and toxic punch as their venom greatly damages any who come near the altar. Bertram, Winchton, and Krenko unload on the snake-people's leader but nothing is slowing him down. The scimitar turns, and another diagonal line is cut across the altar. The young historian quickly observes the symbols as he gets close. A maze... yes... Ubtao. This used to be a temple to Ubtao. Why would these abominations wish to defile the temple of a long lost god?

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The leader cuts a third angled line over the symbol of Ubtao. A triangle. This doesn't feel right.

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The companions rush to slay the leader, but their blows just barely fall short and the profusely bleeding snake-person produces a glowing blue gem and slams it down into the carved triangle.

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"Krrrisss sssha sssraah naa Ras Nsi!", shouts the leader as he takes his hands off the scimitar and spreads his arms wide, ritual completed and ready to die. The now-blue triangle pulses and hums with a blue light than emanates upward.

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A blue triangle. Ras Nsi. This is uncomfortably familiar.

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Thorns erupt around the room as Col struggles to find a druidic spell to turn the tide. The half-orc hunter finds that the red serpents are physically quite weak, cutting one in half as he advises Bertram to do the same. And finally, the snake-person leader falls as he speaks one final time:
 

"Dream... your worst dreams..."

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Under the rolling thunder a dull pounding is heard within the walls at the back of the chamber while Col strains against the massive constrictor. Krenko can save this day! The goblin barbarian pulls the rip cords on his decorative kobold wings, launches himself at the constrictor while thinking of flying... and his vest of levitation activates. The goblin soars through the air above the druidic spikes, severing the giant snake's head in a single blow, and then... just sort of unceremoniously floats around the room as he tries to find out how to stop levitating.

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The rear wall breaks open as a Chultan man bursts on to the scene with a big club in hand. Hey. Isn't that one of Pock-Marked Po's lead henchmen? The man shouts in confusion at the scene as Po himself peers around the broken wall.

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"What are you all doing in my basement? And what in the Nine Hells are THOSE?!?" as he stares wide eyed at the various dead snake and snake-adjacent creatures.

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Sure enough, exiting through the wall to the upper ruins reveals that this is no secret location at all: the snake-people had taken up residence in the sunken lower levels of Pock-Marked Po's own ziggurat home. Bertram pulls a hapless floating Krenko along by his whip like a sad goblin-shaped helium balloon while Winchton hefts the leader's corpse along for evidence. A storm of increasing size rumbles outside as they explain themselves to the Beggar Prince. He's grateful for the crew clearing out his newly-discovered basement levels, but none too excited of the idea of cleaning up corpses, severed human remains, and a literal blood bath. 

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The story furrows Po's brow. There's long been rumors of snake-people deep in the jungles. "Yuan-ti", they're called. The yuan-ti are ghost stories of sorts - tales that mothers tell their children to scare them into behaving. Ras Nsi... he's the biggest 'boogeyman' story of all, but his stories have never had any connection to the yuan-ti. If yuan-ti are real, why do they wield power through the symbol of a legendary necromancer from days of old?

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Theories are cut short when another of Po's minions comes down from above. "Uhh. Boss? You might wanna come see this." The companions follow the Beggar Prince up and out to the top of the ziggurat.

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Rain pours at a sideways angle in the heavy winds. Trees bend as thunder booms overhead. A mob of Po's loyal minions gathers down below in front of Executioner's Run. Under the building typhoon, lightning flashes and reveals what the mob is facing: a shambling wave of undead approaches Old City from the west. 

 

From yuan-ti to reanimated dead. From from bad to worse. Alarm bells sound to the east in the city proper.

 

"Me and my boys got this. You. Go. Port Nyanzaru needs you.", says Pock-Marked Po. 

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Reluctant to leave Old City to an encroaching zombie horde, our heroes run eastward back into the heart of the tropical city. Alarm bells clang. The undead of Ras Nsi invades the city, and Port Nyanzaru needs heroes.

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It takes some convincing to bring the kobolds back from the brink of panic once they find out that the crew intend to leave the sewers before dealing with these so-called "snake people". Not to worry, insists Arnie, they'll be right back! Just a few matters to attend to and then the Handy Hands will venture beyond the locked gate. Handy Hands Promise guaranteed! Besides, the cleric needs some supplies to help his new friend Sneep brighten up this dingy old sewer residence. Bertram grabs a few empty vials from the inventor's tables and it's finally time for a stinky trek back towards the late day's light.

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(Level 4 achieved! Finally! Feats and Ability Score Improvements are chosen.)

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While concerned about their smell, Father Spittlesplat of the Temple of Gond is overjoyed to see the crew return. So overjoyed, in fact, that in exchange for returning the prototype helmet he's more than generous in rewards. His old labcoat from his tinkerer days is a cloak of useful items... while well-worn and far from tactful looking with its stylized patches, each patch can be ripped off to magically transform into whatever utilitarian item (and more!) the patch represents. "That's so... HANDY!" exclaims Arnie, as he dons the tight gnome-sized labcoat over his tropical shirt.  

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Krenko looks confused as his request for a weapon is met with Spittlesplat producing an iron pan. "The pan of perfection!", says the gnome. "Anything cooked in this pan turns out exactly like you want it to, and never burns... unless you want it to." (DM: It's a "mace" and does bonus fire damage on a crit. Deliciously deadly!) As Bertram fills up his vials with some Gond-sanctified holy water the Father offers perhaps the best reward of all: A meeting with one of the city's Merchant Princes. He has some sway with Jobal, the Merchant Prince of jungle guides, and states that he is able to arrange a private audience up at Goldenthrone in the morning. More than thankful, the crew parts ways with the gnome priest and head out for a bit of shopping before the day is over.

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Following the flyers to the smithy known as "The Eye of Gruumsh", Bertram sees the curious sight of an old full-blooded orc hammering away and making stylistically brutal mash-ups of orcish and Chultan designs. He purchases a new shield and a hardy chainmail shirt as a saddened Krenko stares at a large rack of shiny weapons while counting his few remaining coins. The old orc blacksmith unabashedly stares at Winchton, but nothing is said... for now. Arnie finds a flower merchant and stocks up on a beautiful tropical bouquet. Hmm. Something more is needed. A taxidermist is willing to part with an almiraj pelt complete with horn still attached. This'll do perfectly!

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A busty tiefling woman, a furbolg in overalls, and a bugbear in a straw hat unpack their stringed instruments as the crew returns to The Thundering Lizard to clean up. Post-bath nightcaps are enjoyed as the rollicking "bluegrass" band plays, but Krenko just can't contain his excitement. He has to test this pan! Crumbeard allows it, and the goblin bounds behind the bar to join the highly suspicious Goldie in the tabaxi cook's lair.

 

The steak is cooking up wonderfully, but the tabaxi just cannot stand the goblin's total lack of cumin and throws a pawful in to the pan. With a soft *fffssshhh* the pan completely absorbs the cumin as Krenko imagines a cumin-free steak.

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Goldie's eyes go wide. Another paw full of cumin. *fffssshhh*. A bigger paw full! *fffssshhh*. The tabaxi shrieks in disbelief. Two massive paws full! *fffssshhh*. That cat chef stares at Krenko like he's some demon lord in goblin form as he exits the kitchen with a perfectly-cooked medium rare steak for his friends. Mmm. Delicious.

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Before the night is over Arnie and Bertram finally investigate the magic emanating from within the handyman's fanny pack. Ahh, the "broccoli" stone gifted by the chwinga. It's evocation magic, to be sure. Looks like a stored spell of some kind. The other glow is apparently the ornate pipe that Arnie looted from a poor unfortunate zombie weeks before. Krenko quickly lights it up and the following puff of smoke swirls into a dead dragon. Intrigued, both Bertram and Arnie try and see whimsical monstrous creations of their own minds appear in the haze. Even a passing Lovely takes a drag as the ape fetches a cup of tea from the bar, but sure enough, where monsters dwell in the subconscious of many a humanoid, the ever-faithful orangutan puffs out a perfect cloud shaped like Winchton's head.

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*         *         *

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A repeating tap on Arnie's window heralds a predawn visitor - the tabaxi with an eyepatch that he had lent a gold piece days before. She may have seemed shady and maybe truly is, but she pays him back tenfold. River Mist is her name, and it seems that she is sister to the laconic tabaxi with the lisp that hangs out inside the tavern. Should Arnie need help getting around, he only needs ask her or her brother.

 

Once the wet morning is fully lit, the handyman makes the call. Sure, they have a date with a Merchant Prince, but a promise was made: we must return to the kobolds! No one is eager to ditch, but a promise is a promise. "Snake-people" beware.

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By request of Krenko, the city's Grand Coliseum is swung by on the way out. The towering walls of the large oval structure are lined with an impressive array of larger-than-life statues. Former champions. Gladiators that rose above. Krenko stops at one in particular: Ekene-Afa. The visage of a muscular Chultan woman slyly smiles down at the goblin barbarian. Starting as a lowly pit fighter and now a Merchant Prince, Ekene-Afa is living proof that anyone can make it big. The crew head inside.

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In the gladiator's locker room Krenko and the crew are greeted by the half-ogre event handler. Not much for solo fight signups, but there is this big spectacle soon about a hero's journey through the Nine Hells. Any interest? The goblin barbarian shrugs. Sure, why not? Krenko signs up as "Ice Demon #5" in the coming event, some laundry is done by way of Bertram's express mending laundry service, and it's off to the dank sewers once again.

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It's raining as the companions march through the drains back to the kobold lair, fresh waters cascading down from above. The relieved kobolds warn of reset traps and an attack during the night. Snake people. One lies dead on the far side of the large gate.

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Despite the impending doom Arnie does his best to lighten the mood by gifting the flowers and almiraj pelt. It'll make the place more impressive, he says! In an interesting display of cultural misunderstanding "impressive" is taken as "inspiring fear in others", and Sneep rejoices in decorating the sewer lair with flowers to inspire maximum doom. The almiraj pelt is taken similarly, with Sneep donning it to look like a cute weird little mutant bunny-unicorn-lizard but believing he is now more awe-inspiring than ever. The leader gives his old retractable "dragon" wings to Krenko. Strike fear in to those snake-people!

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The body on the far side of the gate is disconcerting to Col. Random patches of scales instead of human skin. Slits instead of a human nose. This is no druid. This is an abomination.

 

The path lies forward and is paved with slain kobolds. The eerily quiet and partially collapsed tunnels are scouted by the goblin until a collapsed wall catches the eye. No, not collapsed... removed. Beyond the removed stonework lies something else entirely. The ruins of some ancient structure, sunken and tilted at a slight angle. And they're lit from within.

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Soft chanting in heard the distance. Snake people.

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Dull torchlight reflects off a crumbling brick interior. Piles of debris in an abandoned chamber catches Bertram's eye. The young historian clears the rubble to find a faded symbol of Ubtao, the creator god of legend. This place is old... very old. 

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Arnie puts his ear to a door and hears the splashing of someone stepping out of a bath. Waiting a moment then entering, no one is seen. The large warm bath though... that's no water. Blood. A literal blood bath. And bloody footprints track out the other side of the room. The chanting continues.

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Quietly following the blood prints, Bertram finds himself in a mockery of a kitchen. Three corpses hang from meathooks on the far wall in various states of dismemberment. A severed human leg rests on the old kitchen's prep table. A large knife has recently been used to carve out a snack-sized portion. Arnie enters and his jaw goes slack as he realizes just what is in front of him. Cannibals! There's actual cannibals here! No imagination or inference needed! REAL cannibals! Bertram rushes to silence the panicking Arnie just in time for Krenko to return from scouting ahead. The footprints continue on.

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The goblin stops a moment. "Hey!", he whispers. "I'm just your fired tour guide, why am I down here risking my life?" The rest of the crew turn to each other. They nod in unison. 

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"Because you're one of us, Krenko.", Arnie whispers back. "Welcome to the Handy Hands!" Arnie places his hand on Krenko's shirt, Bertram uses mending to clean the symbol of a hand underneath, and the goblin grins. He finally did it! He's officially an adventurer! With his new friends he'll gladly brave the darkest of snake-infested ruins.

 

The companions quietly open the only door down a collapsed hallway. Dilapidated benches. Molding tapestries. A large prayer room of sorts? Two lone sinewy figures converse at the far end of the prayer room, not yet noticing our heroes.

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The chanting grows louder.

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The armored guards are defeated. Screeching and scurrying are heard in the sewer's walls and pipes. The kobolds have retreated for the time being, but the secret is out! And what was that they were shouting about "our queen"?

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In hindsight, it appears that the stronger kobolds were guarding a giant iron gate secured with an equally giant padlock. Another rumbling roar from an open passageway makes it known that whatever THAT is that they've been hearing, it's not behind this gate. Krenko tries his knives as "lockpicks" with no success, though he does trigger a couple of crossbow traps that thankfully seem to be calibrated to target something taller. What lurks beyond?

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As Bertram scouts ahead to the next room, Winchton has an idea. Why, no one has yet thought to let his dear simian friend Lovely try that magnificent gnomish prototype helm! The clockwork helm that seems to voice the thoughts of beasts is placed on the orange ape and it instantly begins to hum. Music. Beautiful music. Music such as that of the finest composers of Faerun have only begun to imagine, pouring out from the helm's speaker-horn from over the vapid and clueless face of Lovely as he looks around with his usual serenity. 

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"Hmm. Seems on brand." says Winchton.

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Bertram gives the 'go'. The next room had been hastily retreated from and seems to be a loot-sorting area. "Loot" in the loose sense anyway, as much of it is junk to the average humanoid. Not much is found in the mildewing piles, though a strange wall tips off Arnie to something hidden. It takes a bit of study to find that pulling the torch sconce opens a hidden room (Winchton: "Ahh, a classic!". Arnie: "Just like where my dad hides his bribe money!") and a stash of preserved wares is found. Bertram trades out his awkward 10-foot pole for a most curious staff covered in carvings of birds that gives off an interesting magical aura to his golden glowing eyes. Certainly worth investigating in the future.

​

Meanwhile, Col and Krenko push the offensive advantage. The goblin beats an impotent threat on a shield he looted from the armored guards, confused murmuring is heard ahead, and he and Col charge past a newly detected trap. A glass pot of acid flies out from the darkness and barely misses the goblin, but a flaming cocktail from around the corner takes him right in the face! Krenko's head entirely on fire, he screams as he flails at his assailants. Kobold inventors, wielding all manner of improvised weaponry! An entire hornet's hive arcs over a pile of crates to land near Col and an angry swarm emerges. The desert druid spawns a dust devil and keeps the hornets at bay as Bertram, Winchton, Lovely, Arnie, and Peach rush in to assist. With a lunging stab Winchton skewers a tricky kobold straight through the crate it was hiding behind while Bertram assails another. A fourth chucks another pot of acid at Arnie's favorite shirt, burning a hole through it... and the normally friendly cleric's eyes go dark. Uh oh. Not his favorite shirt! HANDYMAN RAGE!

​

The first that Krenko faced runs in terror from the goblin with the flaming head, and the goblin gives chase! A second runs and it's no better a situation as an enraged man in a furry hat and burned Hawaiian shirt screams as he follows. The flaming goblin catches up to the first and utterly murders the poor little lizard-man-thing in a dark and damp passageway... and then the stomping is heard. Crushing steps of some huge thing in the next room. A gush of flame lights up the end of the passage. "Protect the queen!" shouts the final escaping kobold as he rounds the corner out of sight.

​

The kobold's dragon leader has been found.

​

As he finally puts out his flaming head, something doesn't quite sit right with the goblin barbarian. Col and the others catch up and Krenko explains. He knows dragons well ("Long story, I'll tell ya later" - Krenko) and this doesn't sound like anything he's ever heard. This is something different. A still-upset Arnie obliviously complains about his damaged shirt, Krenko reacts by smearing blood down its tropical pattern. The handyman's cleric's eyes go red. The goblin runs around the corner cackling, and the "raging" cleric gives chase.

​

Work benches. Tinkerer's tools. Alchemist's supplies. Is this a laboratory? A handful of escaping kobold inventors run behind a large curtain at the rear of the room where blasts of steam and creaking metal sound. A hooded kobold standing on top of... something... rises above the cloth.

​

"Snake-people bastards!", the kobold leader cackles. "Meet your doom! Our Queen... QUEEN SNAKESLAMMER!!!"

​

The curtain drops as a mass of metal, wood, gears, and haphazard stolen supplies animates and rises to its full height. The crazy little things built a mechanized dragon! Piloted by six kobolds wearing coconut halves as helms - one in the chest, one in the head, and one in each limb - the mech construct roars and stomps towards our companions. The kobold leader cackles again, pulling two ripcords on his shoulders to unfurl dragon-like wooden wings on his back, and dives off behind cover as two more inventors run out to assist.

​

Krenko wastes no time, grinning as he runs in to leap on the wooden exoskeleton and begins climbing. Winchton grapples on to the other side of the mech and follows suit. The lab quickly descends into chaos as a skunk is thrown nearby by an inventor, the hooded leader launches spells from around a crate, and the other inventor peppers the battlefield with toxic chemicals, all the while the giant clockwork mech stomps and whirls. "SPIN WHIP!" shouts the chest-pilot, and the mech creaks and violently rotates, throwing off Winchton. Col attempts to slow things down by casting entangle, causing roots to crack through the sewer's stone floor and grasp their enemies. Bertram, seeing an opportunity to end this prematurely by taking out their leader, gets into a fierce magical duel with the hooded kobold.

​

Lovely the orangutan picks up the skunk and throws it back near the kobold leader but misses his target. Arnie and Col get to work smashing the giant construct with their spells, but are often countered by pilots scurrying out to make quick repairs. Just as Peach lines up to attack, the head-pilot shouts "FIRE BREATH!", squeezing a stolen blacksmith's bellows mounted inside the mech's head to spray burning lamp oil all over Col and Peach. Winchton resists a charm person spell from the kobold leader and once again mounts the construct while Krenko stabs from up on high. Overwhelmed, the chest-pilot shouts "ROCKET JUMP!", knocks the valve off an explosive tank, and Queen Snakeslammer briefly takes to the air. 

​

The wooden mech haphazardly slams to the ground, knocking down almost everyone including the construct itself. The kobold leader and Bertram continue their duel unfazed, though an inventor lands a blob of green slime directly on Bertram and destroys the young historian's shield. Agamaya calmly objects to being used as a slime scraper, and the battle rages on.

​

Thinking quickly, Peach casts sleep into the mech itself making half the pilots doze off, and the tide of battle turns! Everyone fiercely tears in to the clockwork dragon with might and magic while Bertram single-handedly holds the kobold leader and inventors at bay. Hardly being fazed by a last-ditch spray of slippery oil from the mech, it isn't long before one final critically hitting guiding bolt from Arnie rips apart the final bits of metal barely holding the construct together, and the wooden "dragon" shatters across the room with outward force.

​

Kobolds may be crafty little vermin but bravery isn't their strong suit. The leader - calling himself Sneep the Sorcerer - cowers before the crew, and the rest of the kobolds quickly follow suit. They lament the loss of their Queen and the victory of the snake-people... wait. What's that? Our companion's aren't snake-people? It takes some convincing but eventually the kobolds settle down, and the true story comes forth.

​

The kobolds have long lived under Port Nyanzaru, and they pride themselves on helping keep the sewers functioning and clear. Within the last month or two, some "snake-people" took over part of the sewer system and have been growing in power since, routing and killing the kobolds. Queen Snakeslammer was their invention to fight back, made out of items stolen from the Temple of Gond and other locations above ground. The prototype helm was to be somehow integrated into the mech. Now, with their secret weapon destroyed, the kobolds fear the snake-people more than ever.

​

Arnie and Sneep bond over a mutual appreciation of keeping things tidy, the companions and the kobolds chat for a bit, and it seems despite the destruction caused by a bit of home invasion that a new tenuous ally is made. The snake-people are said to dwell on the far side of the large padlocked gate previously encountered. Sneep hands over the key, a couple of health potions, and a bag with a few beans in it that he's oddly excited about. To the distress of Sneep the crew retreats for now rather than looking in to the threat, vowing to return to look into it once they have rested up. Besides, they first have a promise to fulfill to Father Spittlesplat.

​

The light of late day shines from the end of the sewer pipe. Peach thanks her new friends for a great time, but she must leave for now. Family calls back in the Feywild and she has a reunion of sorts to attend to. Provided these new companions don't horrifically die like her previous ones ("...Wait. What?" - The Gang), she'll look them up when she's back.

 

Farewells are said, and the crew - now calling themselves Mr. Handy Hands and the Five Fingers - heads back to town.

​
 

(Goodbye for now, Peach! Both Pe'charillimeas and her player will return after a couple months of vacation.)

​

Crumbeard eyes his establishment's new "sun roof", contemplating the logistics of mending repair as the crew wakes and saddles up to the bar for some morning eats. A cold breakfast and a round of Krenko-made cocktails are enjoyed while Bertram receives a letter from home, though he's not too willing to share its contents at the moment.

​

Now, where were we? Ah yes - investigating a missing experimental prototype helmet stolen from the Temple of Gond. Last known lead: A halfling with big mutton chops that retreated to the city slum known as Malar's Throat. In the chaos of cliff-side shacks and criss-crossing rope bridges it was hard to know where to start, but Winchton spies a group of street urchins and knew just what to do. With some hefty bribery of minors, a shady black marketeer is found. The fence, however, had no intention of helping the halfling you see... weird face, kinda falling off, creeped him out! It was even more odd than the fact that the halfling wasn't looking to sell the stolen helmet. He wanted help opening the sewer entrance at the bottom of the canyon that houses the slums. 

​

Investigating the sewer grate down in the gulch confirms no one had come this way recently. Hmm. The fence mentioned the halfling had ran off to the Anchorage. Off to the Anchorage it is, then! After a quick stop in the Throat's temple of Tymora and some hijinks regarding donations to appeal tot he Lady of Luck, it's off to a new region of the city.

​

Tiryki Anchorage, unlike Old City and Malar's Throat, has a vibe that almost sets it apart from Port Nyanzaru. No relics of a bygone era loom nearby, and the buildings seem to be a hodgepodge of styles from a myriad of nations, visiting tribes, and river-folk. As an non-guarded district, our goblin gladiator claims, the Anchorage is the place to be for illicit goods and going unseen. Oh, and dinosaur training grounds, those too. 

​

As Winchton ogles over some particularly large herbivores in a stable, Peach and Bertram find a bit of info but nothing too substantial. That blasted-out wall in the large stables called 'Children of Ubtao' though, that's worth investigating. 

​

"You haven't happen to have seen a sneaky halfling, have you old timer?", asks Winchton.

​

"Like that one?", says the elderly stablemaster as he gestures to a thoroughly smashed halfling face-down near the rear of the pens. "Broke in last night, got crushed by my dear Esmerelda. Little guy blew the wall up in a panic. Weird damned face though, ain't gettin' close to that!"

​

The flattened corpse is flipped and a molded leather mask with mutton chops falls off. A 'weird damned face' indeed! A scaly tail is seen under the cloak on the little figure as the true face is revealed... a kobold! Krenko acquires himself some funky molded leather spats in the style of hairy halfling feet. A similar sewer grate to the one in Malar's Throat is at the rear of the dino pens and the narrative comes together just as an eerie distant rumble echoes out of the pipe. Why was this kobold stealing gnomish tech? And for who? ...or what?

​

Our companions are very curious, but first, the dinosaur Esmerelda must be found. The kobold's sack was ripped in the scuffle and no helmet is seen. When the old stablemaster states that the last he saw Esmerelda she had a bucket on her head and was saying in a loud gnomish voice "I'M HUNGRY!" and plodding out through the blasted wall. Huh. Strange hat. Bertram grabs some dinosaur food as bait, Winchton starts tracking, and it's off to find the town's strangest dinosaur.

​

The tracks lead to a plantain orchard just outside of town to the south. There, on two legs and rocking the tree back and forth is an anklyosaurus. A grunt is heard, the bucket-like helmet lodged on a ridge on the beast's head blinks a light, and a horn blares."FALL, FOOD!"Welp. Yep. That there's a talking dinosaur wearing a hat. It appears every time it vocalizes, the helmet blares the creature's thoughts in very loud gnomish-accented Common. 

​

Krenko and Winchton approach cautiously. Soothing words from the strangers make Esmerelda wary. Col tries another strategy, shifting for the first time into a dinosaur of his own (hadrosaurus) and attempting to mimic calm herbivore behavior. Bertram borrows a dagger and attempts to skewer plantains to no success. The anklyosaurus threatens a defensive pose, but is quickly won over once Winchton casts speak with animals and throws a goblin barbarian into the tree to hack down some hanging fruit. "YAY FOOD FALLS!"

​

With a little help from a young historian's 10-foot pole with a plantain tied on the end, Krenko rides Esmerelda back to her home at 'Children of Ubtao' while Col consents to Peach riding passenger and leads the dinosaur procession. The odd prototype helm is tested out by the pair, but the trick to the thing isn't quite discovered.

​

*         *         *

​

What lurks beneath Port Nyanzaru? Where was that little dead thief going? Only one way to find out. Col shifts into giant snake form, the rest crawl through the sewer grate bars in the rear of the dinosaur pens, and it's into the murky dark.

​

It's a curious moment for Bertram. Where before his human eyes had a hard time compared to the likes of an elf or an orc, post-discovery of his celestial heritage his dark vision is expanding in a way he's never known. The companions venture forth for a bit before splits in the sewer system obscure the way, but Bertram's keen golden eyes find a crude symbol marking a path. A lizard breathing fire? Hard to say.

 

Regardless, the tunnel is taken. Rats and other vermin scatter out of the way as our crew push through knee-deep water, the occasional tangle of waterlogged branches, and other debris. A distant growl... no. Roar. The same sound that the stablemaster had said was coming from the sewers for a couple weeks now. What's down here? Krenko tosses a dagger as Bertram casts light on it, illuminating the tunnel ahead. A small lizard-person silhouette is seen fleeing as watery footsteps fade from earshot. They must be on the right trail. More fire-breathing lizard symbols are followed.

​

As Arnie plays with the bucket-helmet and stumbles along behind those who can actually see in darkness, Snake-Col "points" out a junction up ahead. Two kobolds skitter by in the dark towards an unseen path. Winchton scouts. A cracked door in the wall - a forgotten maintenance area it seems - emits a faint glow of torchlight and voices are heard. A net hangs above the door and the half-orc hunter almost laughs out loud at how primitive the trap is. A tripline snare? He's been using those since he was a youth! He points it out to the others and signals a stealthy approach, but Peach has another idea.

​

The elf walks right in.

​

"Howdy y'all.", says the eladrin bard. The two kobolds crouched over a pile of stolen goods go silent, their eyes go wide, and a brief moment of awkwardness and danger hangs in the air as they slowly turn towards Peach. 

​

"TALLLLLLL ONNNNNEEEESSSSSS!!!", they scream, and flee down the hall. Col springs in and fiercely bites one of them as a flurry of arrows shoot out of an obscured guard room from a couple more kobolds. Peach casts sleep into the arrow slit, knocking out all four. Winchton quickly works to tie two up as Krenko shouts, rages, and sprints down the hallway past a triggered bear trap into the unknown den of vermin.

​

Uh oh.

​

The captive kobolds are in hysterics after seeing Col shift from snake to human form, shrieking about "snake people" and "our Queen" as the rest of the party rushes to catch up, getting there just in time to see the goblin gladiator crash into a door on the far side of a room full of dirty little sleeping nests. Scurrying is heard in the walls and ceilings as scaly snouts spy down from crawlspaces. Beyond Krenko, two armored and shielded kobolds turn away from a gate they are guarding and bellow a challenge. The home invasion continues!

​

Col rushes forward and the two defenders slam into him and Krenko as two more kobolds run in from a hallway. These ones can take a hit! The rest of the crew are far behind but are able to get there just in to time to help the surrounded druid and barbarian. Peach gets very lucky in lighting up most of the tiny dragon-people with faerie fire and the tide of battle turns. Hits are exchanged blow-for-blow and it's looking like it might be a draw... until a young warlock historian draws his blade and it crackles with energy. *SHOOM* as an eldritch blast crits into a defender's shield, cracking it. *SHOOM* as another purplish-black blast of energy from the sword Agamaya crits once again, shattering the shield and burning a large hole through the kobold's chest. One kobold flees from where it came, deeper in the maintenance tunnels. In a flurry of butcher's cleavers Krenko whirls around at the final armored foe, eventually taking off both of its arms at once. The last defender falls.

​

Scurrying is heard. In more barred crawlspaces, a multitude of scaly faces shriek at the crew from high on the walls. Footsteps patter in all audible directions. Another roar - this time not so distant - echoes off the stone corridors.

 

The crew is unwanted company. And something is up ahead.

​

The creepy not-a-monkey was barely breathing. That's good. We think. Bertram grabs the head, Arnie grabs the feet, and they drag the unconscious... thing... out of the Grand Souk, much to the relief of the merchants and shoppers. Nyali's home is a bit to the north deeper into the Market Ward. A heavily guarded smaller market is passed by, a place with the strange eyeball sign called "Star Stuff", and an old building with the hand-written banner that says "Museum of Chultan History - NOW OPEN". Hmm. Those will need some investigating.

 

Nyali's place is a small apartment in a nice area of town and she has a cage all ready to go for Demogorgon. Arnie "helps" by casting cure wounds and the room's occupants quickly flee as the vicious creature lashes out at anything nearby. The young apprentice wizard doesn't have much to offer, but that vest on the monkey-thing? It's hand-crafted... and magic! A custom-made Vest of Levitation is given to Krenko, and the goblin gladiator insists a jaunty little fez cap would complete the look so well. Nyali shocking grasps Demogorgon into submission, the fez is garnered, and our companions are soon on their way. It's no promise but perhaps she can convince her patron - the Merchant Prince Wakanga - that her new friends are worth an audience. It's worth a shot, they think. Time will tell.

 

Across the street the Chultan Museum of History doesn't appear like the most well-established institution. The interior is dusty, under construction, and not much is on display, but the items present sure are interesting. A spear with a bit of local history is on display, as well as small dinosaur carving, a mummified hand with two thumbs from something called a 'zorbo', and a maze-like carving symbolic of the old god Ubtao. A silent alarm is triggered as Krenko attempts to lick the mummified hand and our crew meets the curator Zaidi. The place seems to have only been open for a few tendays, and she confirms as such. A local woman with an accent befitting education abroad, Zaidi seeks to form the first united history of Chult, though she's really just getting things going. Peach is more than eager to help find new exhibits once her new friends head into the wilds again. Future deals are primed, Bertram makes a note to return for some serious research, Krenko takes in some prehistoric gladiator artifacts, Arnie is creeped out by some albino dwarf memorabilia, and it's onward for now.

 

"Star Stuff" is a confusing shop, but the sights are incredible! Spheres that glow, trinkets that animate, hookahs that smoke themselves, and more. With a hard to locate voice, a curious yellow-skinned humanoid with a fu manchu mustache floats around the ceiling before settling on a desk in a lotus position. Bertram can't help but activate his eldritch sight and see a beautiful spectrum of magic emanating from darn near everything in the store. Is something in Arnie's fanny pack glowing as well? He makes a note to chat with the handyman cleric later. Inspired by his defunct Ring of Wishes Arnie spends his recent golden gains and acquires a very cool Ring of Jumping. Peach stares at a pair of wonderful horns on the wall - the insanely loud one is out of price range, but the strange silent one that can only be heard by one person is just right!

 

With ring and horn in hand and saying goodbye to the odd githzerai purveyor of Star Stuff, the companions decide it's time to find a new job lead before getting some rest. A local public bulletin has a new posting: "LOCAL INVESTIGATORS NEEDED. Inquire at the Temple of Gond." A private eye job, eh? Why not?

 

A crowd. Cheers. Music. Dancing. What's this commotion in the streets? A golden palanquin with an elderly woman is seen over the crowd's heads. A passerby is quizzed by Peach - "It is the Mother! Mother Sibonseni of the Hall of Gold!" The gathered crowd is all grins and excitement as the procession passes by, with guards and temple sages throwing out handfuls of copper and silver into the masses. A true tourist experience, thinks Arnie, and the handyman dives right in! The goblin gladiator rebounds off of Winchton to grab a coin out of mid-air... then lands directly on some poor passerby riding a small dinosaur. Bertram compares coins, and truly, it appears this is a city of all currencies appreciated. Peach, inspired by the beats, joins the band for a bit before the procession turns up the hill and away from our friends' intended destination. Good times, good times.

​

The Temple of Gond is a blocky building not quite fitting the green tropical elegance of much of Port Nyanzaru, but what it lacks in geometry it more than makes up for in precision architecture and elegant engineering. After observing a wonder of a mechanical waterwork fountain at the temple's center, the diminutive Father Spittlesplat ("Family name, sorry.") meets the crew in private. The gnomish cleric has a bit of a problem: A diplomat from Lantan is staying at the temple, and a thief broke in a few nights ago and stole an invention of importance from the diplomat's quarters. Something about a bucket-like hat with gears and a horn mounted on it? Huh. A description of the thief and last known location is given by Spittlesplat, and an agreement is made. 2 1/2 days to find the missing invention, and no more! The Father has a lot of strings he can pull for possible rewards, and the companions' minds can't help but ponder the possibilities.

​

But for now? It's been a long day. Getting lost in the city, fighting a garbage monster, facing off versus some tigers, just about the worst "missing pet" case ever, and seeing a lot of the Market Ward... it's time for some rest.

​

The Thundering Lizard is a hive of activity as our companions arrive. Three very large and hairy wildmen shoulder their way through the door as the ogre bouncer nods everyone in. A few tables of sailors hang out in the back, a familiar tabaxi idles at the bar, something resembling a turtle-person eats a dinner salad, and is that an albino dwarf at the bar? Arnie quickly takes interest and interrupts the bulky tattooed fellow from his conversation with Crumbeard to quiz him on all things cannibalistic. Thankfully little offense is taken, and our crew meets Musharib, official jungle guide and expected vegetarian.

 

The hairy dudes, Crumbeard explains, are the band for the evening - druids with a penchant for magical instruments. Peach and Krenko beg and charm their ways into the opening band slot, and later on their performance is as warmly received as any opening band tends to be. The three wildmen take the stage wielding fancy upgraded lutes of Lantanese tech called "geetars", there's a *POOF* as one of them wild shapes into a gorilla and sits behind the drums, and a rollicking evening sets into motion!

​

The band blares and things get social. It seems the turtle-person is type of Chultan native called a 'tortle'. Bertram saddles up next to the familiar grey/black tabaxi at the bar and meets Flask of Wine - a chill and laconic fellow with an unfortunate lisp. Things get a bit rowdy as patrons of The Thundering Lizard show a bit too much enthusiasm for the band. A wily gnomish woman from the sailing crew takes offense at the turtle-person's huge shell blocking her view of the band, her huge bearded friend gets a bit too aggressive in moving the tortle, a glass breaks, a roar goes up, and wouldn't you know it...

BAR FIGHT!

​

Fists fly as the sailing crew takes on much of the rest of the tavern. Arnie ducks as a chair flies by. The bearded man and the tortle dive into each other creating a dogpile of drunken violence. Crumbeard grins and shouts "WOO!" as he dives off his own bar into the pit, showing little heed for owning a peaceful establishment as a screeching Goldie panics in the kitchen. Krenko's brain flips into Dungeon Mentality as he scans the room for the largest person to pick a fight with, picks up two metal steins off the bar, and flips in to the chaos.

​

Krenko dodges the gnome in process of a flying elbow dive towards a fellow patron and aims a metal stein at the back of the large bearded man's head. With a whack, he slowly turns around and gives the most brutal 'Triple H' of stares. "Hello!" shouts the goblin, and the dance floor becomes a whirl of Very Big Man and Raging Goblin.

​

If only Arnie could get to the stage to help break this up, but it's no use! Too many wild people in the way! Bertram sees Arnie's intent and eldritch blasts a hole in the ceiling. The band and crowd are stunned into silence, yet for just a moment until Potsie the flamenco tabaxi starts a whirling tune and the fight resumes. Krenko's newly-patented double-roundhouse stein attack slams into the bearded man's face and finally brings him down. Peach has enough of the madness and casts sleep into the crowd a couple times, eventually bringing all to a standstill except Crumbeard, the gnome, and the tortle. It was fun while it lasted! Crumbeard signals to the ogre bouncer to start cleaning things up, those left standing rouse their companions, and cooler heads prevail under the moonlight arcing through Bertram's newly created "window".

​

The victorious goblin toasts the large man, and later the gnome joins our companions at the bar. "Ortimay's the name", she says, "Captain of The Brazen Pegasus. Fastest ship in the Bay of Chult! The big fella is Grig, my first mate, and that's the crew over there. If ya ever need anything moved quickly..." Bertram makes note of this particularly useful contact to have, the rest finish their food and drinks, and call it for the evening.

​

The long day finally comes to a close. With a solid list of feats behind them and a private eye job to tackle in the morning, sleep comes quick.

​

Rounding the corners of Old City on the way back to Po's ziggurat crowds are seen gathering around the sunken ex-game field known as Executioner's Run. It looks like our companions will soon get to see "city justice" in action! But first, onward to revisit the Beggar Prince.

​

Pock-Marked Po isn't up top, but a henchman casually directs the crew inside towards a distant hammering noise within the ziggurat. Down below Po and another henchman are pounding on walls looking for old abandoned passages... something about odd sounds being heard lately from even further down. But no matter for now, isn't there a problem solved and reward to be claimed?

​

Po furrows his brow at the notion that one of the city's otyughs was homicidal, but when Arnie shows the ring with the initials of "M.T." inscribed within the band, the Beggar Prince sighs. It seems this was an unintended consequence, Po explains. The ring is none other than an incredibly valuable Ring of Wishes albeit one with no wish stones left, and it very likely belonged to a recently deceased wizard named Morrowick Telescype who had retired to Old City a while back. It's city policy to throw out the possessions of someone who passes away and has no living relatives. It appears an otyugh found this ring, wished for enhanced telepathy, and was using it to lure in tasty child-sized meals. A sad story, but the pieces fit. Po rewards our friends with a very generous 50 gold each... except for Krenko. Krenko asks for aid in setting up a rigged fight, and the maybe-less-than-lawful Po can't help but be intrigued. "Give me some time", says the Beggar Prince, and the companions head up to the sound of cheering crowds above.

​

They emerge above Executioner's Run just in time to see some poor convict meet a grisly fate as two very large orange cats with black stripes pounce on their prey. Many cheer, some groan and turn away. Numerous attendees exchange bets, some in joy and some in frustration. One particular interaction stands out in which a smaller man angrily shouts at a larger man while handing over a sack of coin. The large man laughs. The small man decks the other in the face and pushes him in to the pit with the tigers. The party snaps into action!

​

Krenko dives in to the pit and grins at the two large cats as Winchton tumbles in behind him. Col follows suit, changing into a third tiger mid-air and shocking the crowd into a roar. Arnie and the orangutan Lovely hold hands up top and prepare for ranged support as Bertram takes off after the fleeing smaller man. A bolt of divine energy strikes down by Arnie's command, spooking one of the tigers. Winchton casts speak with animals but has no luck convincing the jungle cats that the new meal wasn't worth pursuing. As Krenko runs up and throws a net over one tiger, Tiger-Col pounces on the other and creates a confusing blur of orange fur. The three companions gang up on the blur of fur as the large man - no longer laughing - runs to escape on the far side of the pit. 

​

Up above, Bertram misty steps to head off the fleeing smaller man but unfortunately loses him in the chaotic crowd. Arnie continues to aid from above as Lovely takes a guess and thankfully throws a brick at the wild tiger, missing Tiger-Col. Winchton sorts out the tiger mix-up in an elegantly simple way by just shouting "Col!" and seeing which tiger looks up. It is downhill from there, and the animal wrangler begs the crew to spare the second tiger as the first one falls. The subdued beast in the net lives to see another convict. 

​

The rescued man introduces himself and thanks the companions, but it doesn't take Col much insight to realize this guy is kind of an arrogant jerk. While he doesn't seem the nicest man, he does seem to think that Col is a mythical were-tiger... which does explain the crowd's earlier shocked reaction. Regardless, the man does pay some healthy gold from his bulging coin belt as reward, and our friends agree that a post-garbage bath is more than overdue.

​

The Public Baths is open to all... donations accepted, of course. The columned building sports four specialized pools, a fruit drink bar in the center, and a fancy massage service. Something for everyone! The crew divides up and takes a moment to relax away from each other, and rumors are heard in idle conversation by all.

 

Col's ears perk up as he listens in on two women in the same hot bath. The young Chultan tells a red-haired elf of her training as an apprentice wizard and the loss of her familiar-to-be. Making quick acquaintances, Col meets Pe'charillimeas, a pleasant and kindly eladrin of the Feywild and her young Chultan companion Nyali. Arnie, Winchton, and Krenko wander over and things get a little weird in conversation. Is Krenko Winchton's child? Did that druid just grow a beak and say "HOOOO"? Why is the elf playing with the goblin's body hair? Are Arnie and Pe'charillimeas talking about money as the opiate of the masses or are they just confused as to what money is?

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Meanwhile, in the herbal bath pool, a wise Bertram finally gets a long and blissful break from his awkward friends.

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The weirdness escalates when the crew and their new friends realize the fruit drinks are... really damned good. Bursts of speed here, wild surges of strength there. They don't last long, but these fruit drinks are amazing! Their massage times are claimed and get no less odd as even Lovely the orangutan gets as rub-down from a masseuse who is surely having one strange day. Feeling good, the crew and their new elven friend agree to work together and capture this poor lost animal.

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"Call me 'Peach', my dear. It seems easier for those of the Common tongue", says the red-haired eladrin.

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(Pe'charillimeas - or "Peach" - joins the party. A welcome break of feminine elf energy enters this dudefest!)

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The DM rescinds the previous comment. The previous conversation was not weird. The following is weird. As the party heads to where the creature known as "Demogorgon" was last seen in the Grand Souk, it becomes very clear that the word 'masturbation' has entirely different meanings among companions. Things are said, regrets are possibly had, but in the end we're fairly certain that the Feywild idea of masturbation is nearly unknowable, and Arnie's personal equivalence with doing good deeds as masturbation earnest and true is... well, actually not as bad as it sounds. At least we can all agree that Arnie uses his Handy Hands to masturbate and it brings him the greatest pleasure he has ever known.

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Bertram and Col walk ahead, stone-faced and ignoring their companions. It's probably the wiser decision.

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The Grand Souk is a bustle of activity as usual - shoppers mingle, merchants haggle, and pickpockets weave throughout the crowds. Winchton has no luck tracking some ornery lost monkey. Peach asks but gets no answers. Krenko tried the Tough Goblin routine to little avail. Arnie tries a different approach and persuades a nearby merchant to talk. Terrified, they say nothing but gesture further into the market. What kind of beast is this? Deep in the heart of the Grand Souk, hovering 10 feet in the air, a large monkey in a fez hat and jaunty little vest floats above a spooked vendor. 

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"Hey! Demogorgon!" shouts Arnie.

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The head slowly rotates around 180 degrees. Skull-like features. Rows of dagger-like teeth. Glowing pinpoints of eyes. It lets loose a guttural screech that stuns Arnie senseless. This is no monkey!

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The Creepy Monkey Thing whirls its body around and hovers across the market as a frightened Bertram fires off an eldritch blast. Its head nearly spins a full circle as it hovers over our crews heads and hisses. Krenko readies his net for live capture. Col, taking no chances, quickly shifts into jaculi form and spring-launches himself directly at the thing... and nearly ends its life in a single huge chomp.

 

The mess of Druid-Snake and Not-Quite-Primate tumble to the dirt where a panicked Bertram runs up. This was to be a rescue mission, not a monkey murder! Acting out of instinct Bertram picks up the creature, and his golden eyes begin to glow. Like before, the young historian emits a radiant light, but this time in a calm and controlled fashion that seems to slightly close up the monster's wounds.

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With a shallow sputter, Demogorgon inhales. This "lost pet" job may not be over quite yet!

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The rooms weren't much, but they were cozy. Something of a 'shabby chic' reminiscent of old Sword Coast dives.

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Krenko awakens in a round barrel... no... inside the very drum that he was playing the night before. Happy that it's not a pickle barrel (recent trauma, we think), he gladly helps himself to bar duties as the owner Crumbeard heads out on a grocery run. Lovely surprises Winchton with hot tea before he can even finish asking, while Arnie and Col wander back to the bar looking for a bite. The barrier slightly intimidating: Goldie the cook. The manic black tabaxi with crazy eyes serves a pile of cumin with eggs underneath it to Arnie, a dubious sausage to Winchton, and whatever Col eats to Col. Well. It's food. Sort of.

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Bertram joins dragging along a newly-purchased and highly impractical 10 foot pole, and it's time to find some work! Krenko mixes an uncomfortably sweet fruity cocktail as they debate heading back to the public bulletin board, but a returning Crumbeard suggests a contact named Pock-Marked Po in the Old City. "Garbage Men Needed", so he hears. Not glamorous work, but our crew is flat broke, and anything will do! 

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The way is shown by a questionably-drawn map made by Crumbeard, but that doesn't slow down Krenko. Right, left, right... dead end alleyway. Bertram tangles his ridiculous pole in laundry lines as he spins in circles, but frees it in time to block the goblin "guide". The party has finally had enough. This goblin is no guide! He can tag along, but they've had it with this so-called tour. Winchton takes over and very shortly they're off to new areas of Port Nyanzaru. 

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The side of one of the city's large hills is found and a golden temple up top, but it's along the side roads for now. A woman emerges from a water chute down the hillside... curious. Interesting waterworks incorporated in to everyday housing is seen. The source of the region's vibrant clothing, the Dye Works, is found, where streams of dye drain into the ocean in a rainbow of colors. The city's stately Public Baths are passed and many make personal notes to return later. Rounding past the red bricked Fort Nyanzaru that guards the harbor it's onward to the Fish Market.

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Arnie knows better. This is no mere fish market. There's black market human body parts here, and Detective Arnie is on the case! The handyman detective has to work the streets hard, but after one singular undercover ruse he's able to get a fishmonger to point him in the right direction. The second fishmonger and Arnie haggle a secret deal, a piece of "whitefish" is wrapped in cloth and handed over. Caught red handed! He shouts into the market's crowd of his revelation but few respond, most just awkwardly going on their way as the furry-hatted foreigner raves and argues with the fishmonger. A little song and dance routine by Krenko ups the strangeness but this just serves to make people intentionally avoid the entire bizarre scene. With the fishmonger revealing that the wrapped cloth does truly just contain whitefish, the defeated Arnie leaves... for now. The black market human meat trade has won the battle, but Arnie will win the war!

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Just before leaving the Fish Market a familiar figure catches Bertram's eye. Tweed jacket, salt-and-pepper beard. Narrowing his eyes, he furiously approaches the older man. Bertram demands answers for his newfound radiant abilities and golden eyes, but his fury is just met with detached amusement. The older man finally introduces himself: He's Bertram's grandfather, and not exactly of this world. A touch on the younger man's shoulder and the illusion melts away, revealing a winged celestial entity with indigo skin and familiar golden eyes. The angel explains that he serves a greater power and had shaped Bertram's father, but that ended up in a lazy philandering disappointment. Bertram though... the celestial being had high hopes for his aasimar descendant. "We'll meet again", the older man says, before turning back to inspect the fish. The young historian stomps back to his companions in frustration at his newfound grandpa's flippancy.

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Finally fully getting their bearings, the companions make their way out of the southwestern gate through Port Nyanzaru's walls and see a curious sight. The city's vibrancy continues but the underlying style has changed dramatically. Stately temples and public buildings are replaced by a series of ancient ziggurats that line a main boulevard, dotted with smaller wooden homes along side streets. Children play and many walk the streets, making it clear that these storied ruins are just part of their daily life.

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Old City.

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Extending his 10-foot pole as a tour guide's baton, Bertram is excited to finally be in his element. Though not yet able to make out old writing carved in reliefs and frescoes, he is able to put together the historic narrative. It appears that Port Nyanzaru both is and isn't an old settlement. The wealth of Chult and Sword Coast trading interests have made the city explode with money and growth in recent decades, but Port Nyanzaru long predates foreign ties. This area of town is a remnant of the Port Nyanzaru of old, co-existing with modern life rather than built over like everything within the new city walls.

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Of particular interest is the long sunken pit in the middle of Old City. Bertram is at a loss but Arnie's memory of travel brochures reminds him of an old Chultan ballgame. The hoops are long gone, but the roughly 50 foot by 250 foot long recessed game field looks to have been re-purposed. Smears of old blood and tracks of all sorts give it the appearance of a combat pit. Krenko doesn't seem to have many correct details but he does know this: this is Executioner's Run. When more serious crimes are committed in the city, this is where the convicted run a gauntlet of danger. If they die, they die, but if they make it out they are absolved of their crime. Interesting.

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Heading up the second ziggurat on the right and negotiating their way pass the toughs outside, our crew meets Pock-Marked Po. Large and definitely not attractive but carrying an air of authority, Po says he is what you would call a "Beggar Prince" - a local leader whose power outside the walls is a skewed mirror of the Merchant Princes' power inside the city proper. Among his domain is governance of Port Nyanzaru's city dump. There's been some missing children and suspected deaths there lately, and Po needs a team of "garbage men" to investigate. Po throws the bone of his breakfast meal over the ziggurat edge, Krenko catches it in his mouth with a perfect dive and roll, and the party agrees to the job. It's stinky, indignant, and honestly sounds kind of creepy, but hey, it pays. 50 gold each upon completion isn't bad! Krenko is even willing to forgo his payment if Po can help him rig a future fight. 

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The dump isn't hard to find... it's positively massive. Nearly the size of a city ward itself, it slowly and continually shifts as garbage moves downward into the giant sinkhole. Col shapeshifts into a giant rat and scouts ahead. Bertram attempts to eldritch blast garbage apart but flubs it horribly over the city wall. Well. No one hit, at least. Winchton climbs ahead a bit until the stench gets the best of him.

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Then comes the visions and whispers. A flash of a toy dinosaur. A pile of candy. A doll. 

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"Come closer..." whispers a voice inside of Winchton's head. "Let's play..." says something to Krenko. "Go deeper..."  suggests a disembodied voice to Arnie.

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No good can come of this. Our companions want nothing more than to turn around and get out of this creepy dump, but Krenko's sighting of what looks like child-sized bones deeper in the pit pushes them onward to resolve this threat. The goblin barbarian inspects the recent bones. Definitely a child's. A spiked tentacle rises on the left... another on the right. With a roar a beast somewhere between a dinosaur and anglerfish erupts from the garbage!

 

The purple-hued monster spars with Krenko as Col and Winchton rush to assist. A tentacle wraps around the half-orc hunter and tries to slam him in to the goblin but misses entirely. Col attempts some rat-based combat but finds it less than effective and takes a crushing bite filled with dagger-like teeth, feeling a bit of nauseating sickness overcome him as well. Bertram and Arnie weave their ranged blasts of magic around their close-range friends and get in some massive hits in. The creature fully emerges from the sinkhole and things seem dire for a moment, but one final huge eldritch blast drops the beast. 

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The purple glow seems unnatural to Bertram's warlock eyes, and Arnie decides to investigate in the grossest way possible. The handyman cleric pries open a gash from Winchton's pike and climbs directly inside the garbage monster up to the waist, nearly retching as he goes. With a *woomf* Arnie casts a light spell deep within the creature's guts. The others witness a disturbing disco ball corpse illuminate the sinkhole, but on the inside, Arnie spots glinting metal. A ring! A ring apparently missing three gems from their sockets and inscribed with the initials "M.T.", but a fancy ring nonetheless.

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Doing their best to scrape some grime off their bodies the crew heads up and out of the city dump, eager to report their findings back to a well-paying Pock-Marked Po.

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Chatting with with Harbormaster Zindar on the ship's deck yields useful information about Port Nyanzaru. Regarding a place to stay, the gold half-dragon suggests both a classy establishment and a rowdy dive. Regarding work he's at a bit of a loss, but says that public bulletin boards are useful as well as simply just exploring the city.  The Harbormaster excuses himself to his duties as another ship is seen on the horizon, and the hard-working sorcerer flies off, spraying seafoam in his wake as he speeds above the ocean's surface.

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With a nod to the rear port-side of the ship where a small distant island is inexplicably rising and accelerating towards our heroes, the captain of the Flaming Fist vessel makes his call. Sails are tightened, course is corrected, and they speed towards the shining beacon of civilization to the south.

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Past the dual lighthouses and the large statue in the center of the harbor, our unlikely companions' senses are bombarded. Shouting in unfamiliar languages, percussive music coursing the streets, the pungent odors of strange spices, sea harvests, and tropical fruit. Massive domesticated dinosaurs trumpet as they haul cargo around the shipyard. Beyond that the port city is an explosion of color. Buildings are painted in bright shades of blue, green, salmon pink, and orange. Walls are adorned with murals of heroes and giant beasts. Every building sports baskets and urns of colorful flowers and leafy vines that drape down their sides. Multicolored awnings and flags flutter above balconies and city walls. Locals in bright clothing and a myriad of hairstyles peruse the dock-side shipments. A crowd of scantily clad children wearing feather headdresses scream in delight as they run away from a roaring bard wearing a big-toothed dinosaur mask.

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The whole city is bustling, sweating, laughing, swearing, and singing. Welcome to Port Nyanzaru.

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The crew is hardly off the ship for a moment before the vibrant chaos begins to one-up itself. A discarded flyer floats by on the breeze and an angry bugbear stomps by our companions to where a goblin is nailing a new flyer to a nearby public bulletin board. It appears both are fighters working on promoting themselves, and the bugbear takes no small offense to his flyer being removed.

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"Prepare to face the wrath of... the BONE LORD!", shouts the bugbear.

"Boner Lord?", says the goblin.

"BONE LORD!"

"Boning Lord?"

"BONE LORD!"

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The mockery is entirely lost on the bugbear, who simply thinks the goblin is hard of hearing, but there's no doubt a rumble will happen. Our unlikely companions join the circling crowd of locals. The goblin shouts to the crowd, introducing himself as local gladiator Krenko "Tok-Tok" Kikijiki before handing his weapons to Winchton... making special care to give a large dagger to a confused Lovely.

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The bugbear comes in hard! A pair of strong hits connect with Krenko but not before the goblin emits a disturbing high-pitched laugh, after which he seems to be much less affected by damage (DM: Raaaaage!). Bertram covertly casts hex on the "Bone Lord" to assist. After a few rounds Winchton attempts to intervene and break up the fight but finds himself and the bugbear both prone and in a tangle of limbs. Krenko seizes the opportunity, tickling the bugbear's feet. Col leaps in to action, nearly taking out a nonplussed elderly woman as he mid-air shifts in to snake form. The giant constrictor wrapping around the bugbear signals the end of the fight, and the crowd disperses.

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After Krenko and Mr. Bone Lord reconcile a bit, our unlikely companions browse the public postings. A flyer for The Thundering Lizard - the dive tavern known for diverse crowds and musical acts that Zindar mentioned - is agreed upon as the most affordable lodging for now... but everything else is very overwhelming! Sensing an opportunity, Krenko proclaims his expert city knowledge. Hired as a guide for the low low price of 1 gold per day, a tour of Port Nyanzaru begins.

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(Krenko "Tok-Tok", goblin barbarian, joins the party! Welcome Krenko!)

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Through the Merchant Ward, passing some temples, the western part of the city is explored as the goblin twirls knives and entertains passers-by. It seems this part of town trends towards fancier shops and well-dressed locals. Port Nyanzaru appears to be built on an interconnected series of hills and coastal lowlands, and an inclining street here leads to an upper tier of large homes and official-looking buildings. It is passed up for now, and they curve between the Merchant Ward and Harbor Ward towards the Grand Souk, the largest and most famous market in Chult. Krenko insists the second largest is ran by lizard people living in the southwest... most furrow their brows, but Arnie is excited at the notion.

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Taking a moment outside, Winchton checks in on Bertram. They try to make sense of Bertram's explosion of light from that morning but aren't able to make much of it beyond the fact that his eyes are definitely now gold. Arnie fires their newly-hired guide after an uncomfortable conversation about the deliciousness of human meat, but for some reason this serves to strengthen the goblin's resolve to give a tour rather than end it. Krenko takes the time to cast speak with animals and gets to know Lovely the (now knife-wielding?) orangutan a bit better while a bored Col and Arnie wander pass the armed guards and in to the giant tent-like frame of Grand Souk.

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At an alchemist's booth Col discovers that poisons are far from affordable at the moment, however learns much regarding sources: poisonous frog-men called the grung, large insects, walking plants, and more. Meanwhile, Arnie's quest to finally experience his "vacation" gets off to an exotically tasty start! Fried lizard-on-a-stick is a big hit. "Meatball snake" - what looks like a fried snake stuffed with exactly that - not so much, but Col steps up to the challenge as Arnie buys him one. The others soon wander in and Krenko buys himself a disturbingly long fried dinosaur intestine, munching on it from a giant burlap sack like a gross never-ending greasy noodle. Arnie and Winchton up the ante by dosing Krenko's meal with their hot sauce collection. All is fine until Tyrannosaurus Hex strikes again: Krenko's pupils dilate, sweat rolls, and in his mind Krenko walks alongside Krenko #2 as they both converse and tear at their fried snacks.

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Leading the group out and to the east, Krenko makes a hard turn south out of the city's gates. Outside is a canyon shantytown, where a network of criss-crossed rope bridges connect shacks that dot the two cliff sides just beyond a large stone temple. Giving his remaining giant snack bag to a local woman in exchange for a home to poop in, Krenko doesn't let social norms get in the way as he continues to narrate his tour from the privy. "Malar's Throat", "Molar's Tote", "Mama's Boat"... the rest of the crew begin to doubt the expertise of this goblin tour guide that they fired but for some reason is still giving them a tour. After Arnie nearly loses his fanny pack to a young thief with a fishing pole angling from above, it's onward back in to the city proper.

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Entering the Market Ward our crew find lived-in homes, everyday shops, and a distinctly more middle class vibe. They stop short of the Red Bazaar - the city's second largest market - when they see gutters of red water flowing out of it. A local Chultan confirms it's just runoff from the butchers within, while a goblin still greasy and delirious from hotsauce-dosed fried intestine dives into the gutter and slides down the block.

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"When in Chult!" declares Arnie, and the handyman cleric follows suit. They slide to a low building with a wooden sign depicting a rampaging dinosaur trampling buildings: The Thundering Lizard. The ogre doorman recognizes Krenko and the crew are quickly inside, but not before a tabaxi (DM: anthropomorphic cat-person) with an eye patch convinces Arnie to lend her a gold.

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The dimly lit tavern is, if anything, reminiscent of old Sword Coast establishments. Dark wood furnishings and a row of ale taps behind the bar, where an aging but comparatively large dwarf nods his head to the musician's beat. A young tabaxi of yellow tabby pattern expertly plays guitar on a small stage across the room. The bartender introduces himself as Crumbeard, or 'Crummy', proprietor of The Thundering Lizard. Rooms are rented and food is ordered as a wild-eyed tabaxi cook hyperactively interjects his love of spices into the conversation from the bar's serving window. 

 

The sun goes down, drinks are ordered, Crumbeard is chatted up, and the young tabaxi called 'Potsie' plays the night away. A bit about the older dwarf and the tavern's patronage are learned - something about previously living in the Underdark, and a lot about the crossroads of working class, upper class, jungle guides, merchants, traveling musicians, and more that find their way in to The Thundering Lizard. Even the occasional Merchant Prince wanders in, so claims the dwarf.

 

Krenko grabs some drums and accompanies Potsie in to the wee hours, and many retire to their rooms for the night. There's a lot to do in the morning - A city to explore, leads to follow, work to be found, and so much more!

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Previous entries have been moved to The Archive to improve load times and your reading experience. Head on over!

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Archived so far:

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• Chapter 1: "A Shipwrecked Misadventure" - Entries 1 through 11.

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