WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.

The three ancient warriors on dinosaur mounts raise their obsidian blades, and in a cacophony of guttural noises the undead front starts their advance on Camp Vengeance. On the left flank a bull-like roar signals the charge of a triceratops zombie, while on the right a rotting anklyosaurus crushes through the underbrush directly towards the fort's gate. Siege beasts! Two massive cyclopes with milky-white singular eyes plod through the smaller humanoids as the army lurches forward.

​

Trapped behind enemy lines with his small treetop ambush force, Krenko scrambles to hide in his perch. The middle warrior - the gaunt one riding an allosaurus - lingers behind its minions and motions into the woods, a pair of howling four-armed apes emerging to scour the trees. Trapped... with zombie girallons, to boot! Not good! Taking a quick potshot and hiding once again, Krenko's mind races to form a plan.

​

"Dinosaur battering rams! Take them down!", shouts Bertram. He and Peach direct their ballista crews to focus on the two charging dinosaurs amidst a hail of soldier's arrows. Meager troops are pulled from the southern palisade to aid in the north as the projectiles fly, but nothing is slowing the rapid advance of the leading undead dinosaurs and cyclopes.

​

"On it.", says Col.

​

One would think the snake-obsessed shapeshifter to be at a disadvantage, but the druid steps to the edge of the northeast tower and looks down to see a fertile ally in the nature around him. With a wave of hands spike growth creates a tangle of hidden thorns near the gate, and an ice knife is thrown at the charging anklyosaurus and nearest cyclops. A golden bolt of energy flies in from Arnie's position on the gatehouse, and the duo prepare themselves for the approaching masses.

 

"Load up the oil barrels!", calls out Peach to the reloading crews. The oil shots of Peach and Bertram go wide: damn... but the oil slicks may soon prove useful.

​

Back in the treetops it doesn't take long for the two girallon zombies to climb up and murder two of Krenko's scouting party. 'Can't stay here, gotta help the others!', thinks the goblin. Leaping off his perch and activating his Vest of Levitation, arrows from the nearby ancient warrior glance off the raging goblin as he glides over to the next nearest scouts' tree just in time to land on the back of one of the undead four-armed ape. 

 

A flurry of knives and arrows later, a girallon falls to its death.The ancient warrior looks up and locks eyes with Krenko, hatefully staring as it dismounts and moves towards the tree. 'If I keep this one distracted, that's 1/3 less battle command against my friends back at the fort.' Kicking off, the goblin levitates directly down to the wight and engages in a brief melee... before kicking off once again back into the treetops. The gaunt warrior seethes at his elusive prey and shouts in an old Chultan dialect as Krenko once again confounds his enemy.

​

The army advances. Arnie, Bertram, and nearby soldiers do their best to stifle the wave's gatehouse approach but the tide is seemingly never-ending. A ballista bolt hits the dimetrodon-riding ancient warrior as the ground to the right explodes, a mass of zombies seemingly swallowed by the earth. Heads turn as Col points again, another cast of erupting earth ripping apart a charging wave of skeletons and zombies near the anklyosaurus.

 

Cheers go up within the fort as undead near the blasts struggle to approach, but celebration quickly fades as one of the distant jungle trees appears to move on its own. A massive brachiosaurus - half-eaten and barely standing - sways its great weight forward towards the north palisade.

​

'They don't need to take the gatehouse...', realizes Peach. 'They have a siege tower!'

​

The cyclops on the western side reaches the outer trench, jumping right in and ripping out the sharpened logs to clear the way. At full ramming speed, the zombie triceratops charges right across the trench and slams into the northern palisade wall. Peach ducks to avoid splintering logs, looking up in time to see the teetering brachiosaurus closing in fast.

 

How can they be this organized? "Mindless" hoards shouldn't be operating a strategic siege. Noting the lack of control in the undead's central line due to Krenko's distraction, the rest note what the goblin had seen before. The ancient warriors are the source of intelligence! The call goes out across Camp Vengeance: "THE LEADERS! TAKE THEM OUT!"

​

The call is heard on the gatehouse side and Arnie's guiding bolts key in on the parasaurus-riding ancient warrior. A hit! And another! Bertram alights his final ballista oil barrel with prestidigitation and launches it at the anklyosaurus, bringing the beast down in a smoldering pile of flesh. A third blast from Arnie scorches a hole right through the ancient warrior and the wight falls... nearby zombies, skeleton, and cyclops stopping in a confused daze. One down!

 

Col's spike growth shreds the unguided cyclops as it stomps up the gatehouse ramp... only to collapse the ramp weakened earlier in the day. The giant goes down, just barely reanimating before soldiers pepper its corpse until still. Another ice knife shreds the remaining forces as attention turns to the looming threat on the western front. Peach drops a faerie fire and lobs her final flaming oil barrel at the third dimetrodon-riding warrior: a direct hit!

​

The triceratops zombie is brought down but it's too late - the "siege tower" has arrived. With a low moan the brachiosaurus collapses forward over the trench and crushes through the palisade wall, long neck and body forming a bridge.

 

"BREACH!"

 

With the gate relatively secured, Bertram rushes to help as a swarm of humanoid undead lead by the surviving cyclops pour into Camp Vengeance, Undril and her personal guard also running in to engage. The cyclops wastes no time in crushing Peach's guard support in the tower, the eladrin bard quickly teleporting behind the giant to evade sight. An ice knife cannot stop the dimetrodon-riding warrior as he crosses the (un)living siege bridge... but it seems to have forgotten that it is on fire. The second wight collapses off into the trench, corpse smoldering away. Two down!

​

Meanwhile, Krenko can only watch as the second girallon slaughters another scout. Out of options... what to do? He wraps his arms around the waist of the last surviving scout and levitates off in the direction of the River Shoshenstar, hoping to lead the final ancient warrior away from the fight. It works for only a moment. Hearing the palisade breach, the warrior turns and leaves. Damn! Leaving the scout behind, Krenko kicks off a tree with all his might and soars through the air above the remaining undead line towards Camp Vengeance.

​

The breaching force pauses for a moment after the death of the second warrior until another wave of intelligence washes over them. The final warrior! It's coming! Altering plans, Krenko drops from the sky to charge across the battlefield towards the breach. The last one must be stopped! He can only spare a glance as the scout he left behind is killed by the girallon.

​

Another guard is smashed by the rotting one-eyed giant, Bertram and Undril converging to slash at the monster but fully knowing that a single hit from this thing's club would easily end their lives. Through the smoke outside the palisade breach the last undead commander is seen making its way across the brachiosaur's neck...

​

... When a radiant bolt, sniped all the way from the far side of the fort, shears the last ancient warrior in half. Arnie smiles.

​

The remaining undead can only stumble as they are hacked to bits by the Handy Hands and soldiers of the Gauntlet. The cyclops falls to its knees under Bertram and Undril's assault and doesn't rise. It takes a while, but the remaining undead are either put back to rest or dispersed into the jungle.

 

The fort falls quiet. Camp Vengeance is safe.

​

"My friends...", starts Commander Undril Silvertusk. "Never would we have withstood such an assault alone. Handy Hands... we are in your debt. No matter where you go, the Order of the Gauntlet shall know you as allies. Thank you."

​

The rewards that Undril offers are curious. It seems that ex-Commander Breakbone had confiscated the belongings of a Lantanese merchant and it only seemed fit to pass the items on. A set of +1 studded leather armor with the ability to appear as regular clothes. Goopy hair gel that enhances a person's charisma (note: highly flammable). A handful of health potions. And last but not least, a machine module that Peach quickly deduces is an attachment for a Lantanese geetar like her own, morphing her "axe" into a literal battleaxe. Oh yes. This should be fun.

​

The cleanup goes for a while until exhaustion takes its toll and most retire to get some rest. A shocked Miryem Jünd arrives late in the night with her mercenaries, glad to see the fort and our crew safe but wishing to speak in the morning. A sullen Krenko, however, just can't bring himself to relax. The scouts he led knew it was a suicide mission, but it doesn't make him feel any better. In silence, lead scout Wulf cleans up the dead alongside the goblin.

​

And with that, the Handy Hands sleep and dream of a new chapter in their adventure. Come morning it'll be a brand new undead-free day, and this crazy tropical land is laying out a wealth of possibilities.

​

​

(Level 6 achieved! My, what a long strange river trip it has been!)

​

A newfound sense of optimism radiates from Camp Vengeance as the officers retreat to organize themselves and soldiers returning to their daily routines. With a job well done, the Handy Hands set about ways to ingratiate themselves to their hosts. With a little help, Bertram notes, this could be an excellent staging point for future expeditions.

​

Col and Krenko check on the fort's supplies - all looks good. If anything had gone rotten it was the old commander. As Peach and Arnie stop in the sick tents to aid the medics best they can, Bertram considers ways to improve the fort's sanitation come morning. With his "massive" height and "great" strength, it should be no problem! Evening comes and out comes the booze. May as well drink away all this excess canoe cargo weight, eh? To the command tent!

​

It's a wealth of information over casual drinks with the Order of the Gauntlet's new leadership. The historian pours over the camp's supply of maps as he chats with Commander Silvertusk. Let's see here... The jungle is thick to the east and has a notably increased undead presence. The north is already somewhat known from the river journey. To the west is a mix of rainforest ruins, vicious locals, and eventually the Mistcliff Mountains. To the south is a broad expanse of marshland and plateaus called Aldani Basin. Details are a bit vague, but this should help the crew decide on where to go from here.

​

Meanwhile, scout leader Wulf Ryger tells of strange undead activity. Reports of larger hordes, almost organized in their actions. Half of the fort's scouts led by Wulf's counterpart Bilwata went on a recon mission but the patrol is now two days overdue. Perhaps these missing scouts can be searched for tomorrow, suggests Krenko. Speaking of missing, where is Eku?

​

Peach and Krenko excuse themselves for a tipsy dusk-time stroll up the river, following a growing roar and churn of mist that turns out to be a massively broad waterfall south of the camp. There a meditative Eku sits lost in thought. Smiling sadly, she tells the pair the reason for her mood.

​

"Beyond here lies Aldani Basin. And, among the plateaus, the kind village of Mbala... well. Before she came..."

​

A story unfolds. Eku lived with the people of Mbala for a while, but some time after she left a new visitor came in the form of a human woman. It lived with the people, but one by one, the citizens were slaughtered. Now, they say, this entity lives alone in what is left of the village, surrounded by the bones of its victory. An empathetic Peach and Krenko comfort the jungle guide and help her to her feet, Eku asking them to promise that they will avenge the people of Mbala should they ever head south. The duo agrees, and all three head back to the rest in camp.

​

It's a lively conversation into the night! There's a mix-up of "mindless cannibalism" and "mindless consumerism", and next thing everyone knows the Handy Hands are semi-seriously considering the possibilities of the undead as an untapped market base. They have to go somewhere from here... why not into entrepreneurship? Most stop with the half-joke, but to Arnie, this has serious potential. Zombie zoos! A zombie-employed amusement park! Endless potential!

​

Bertram speaks up, seeing where the handyman is going with all this: "I'm sorry Arnie. Not everyone can be redeemed. These undead, they're just... gone."

 

"Arnie.", starts Krenko, sensing the family connection. "Your rich father was dead inside. These undead are LITERALLY dead inside. Like, all over, really!"

​

The handyman may be a number of tiki mugs full of tej into the night, but on this he's serious. He has to try to save them. To help them. "Well. You never know 'til you try...", resolutely says Arnie.

​

The night's watch comes and goes. Some blue mist trails in the distance. A lone zombie crawls along the river's far bank until shot by an arrow. Arnie smiles as he hears a guard hum the catch Handy Hands theme song he sang the day before. As Col sits in a tower watching the predawn light grow, movement is spotted to the north. Two figures. One carrying the other, injured. A shout goes around the towers... it's the missing scouts!

​

Lead scout Bilwata is at death's door as she is carried in by the only other surviving Chultan tribal scout. Quickly rousing, Peach and Arnie cast cure wounds and the woman hacks up a bit of blood as her eyes open wide. Undril Silvertusk and her officers rush over, Bilwata's confusion is cleared, and the scout spins a grim tale.

​

For 3 days they have been on the run after what they had discovered: a swarm of undead have crossed the river and are amassing, undead of all sizes and types. Forty, fifty or so. Three leaders stand among them all bearing the inverted blue triangle of Ras Nsi. What terrifies Bilwata most is the intelligence... the undead move with intent and organization. More than a mindless horde. These leaders have some sort of unholy influence over the rest. They're coming this way and, at best, the scout believes Camp Vengeance to only have until nightfall before the unliving army is upon them. 

​

Commander Silvertusk sets her jaw. "Friends. This is not your fight. We know what we signed up for. Leave and know that you still did good deeds here."

​

But the Handy Hands are not swayed. Not one is convinced to abandon allies. No. This is their war too. And with just dawn to dusk to prepare, it's time to get to work!

​

(DM: Queue the montage scene!)

​

Noting the single entrance to the camp Col sets to work using mold earth to narrow and weaken the gatehouse's earthen ramp. Peach works to make a large burn pile out front... a useful obstacle, if anything. Arnie, not willing to give up hope of salvation, crafts a large banner bearing Ras Nsi's triangle and hangs it above the gate, hopefully as an invitation to parlay.

​

"Um. I... don't think that is going to work.", says Col. Still, the handyman remains unconvinced. If his offer of peace talks are ignored, sure, maybe then he'll know. But he at least has to try. As a backup, Arnie works with soldiers to rig a rolling log trap at a fort's corner. The fort's only heavy weaponry, two ballistas, are moved and stocked at two north-facing towers.

 

The rest look on in a mix of amusement and pity as Bertram - still believing himself to be a giant - feebly attempts to reroute the fort's drainage and improve sanitation by himself. When the madness of the blue mist shifts and the historian starts to twitch and repeat himself, Eku is given the go-ahead to finally purge the magical illness. Reminiscing on the great height and strength he wished that he had, a somewhat disappointed Bertram goes back to work.

​

Trenches are deepened. More spears are added. Krenko organizes a treetop ambush party consisting of himself and 4 scouts and sets off to find hiding spots among the forest's edge. With preparations complete, the Handy Hands await.

​

*         *         *

​

The sun sets. The northern forest stirs.

 

Hidden in their perches, Krenko watches the shambling wave emerge below. The scouts signal to each other: forty, fifty... sixty, seventy... much more than they anticipated. Undead of all types lurch below. Zombies, skeletons, the long-tongued ones called ghouls, a few varieties of huge plodding rotting dinosaurs... and is that a pair of cyclopes? The full extent can't be seen, but Krenko notes a strange phenomenon: The undead near the middle are more organized, more directed. And in the epicenter of that order are three ancient Chultan warriors on undead dinosaur mounts, all bearing the forehead triangle insignia of the legendary exiled necromancer of Mezro, Ras Nsi.

​

The goblin focuses. He knows what he must do.

​

A long line of mixed undead stops at the edge of the woods in full sight of the fort's defenders, just beyond the hidden archers. Eyes go wide as many mentally calculate the overwhelming odds. And just as one ancient warrior signals an undead triceratops to lead the charge... a barrage of arrows hit the warrior from the treetops behind it.

​

The wight turns. It spies Krenko in his perch, and points. Without a sound, nearly twenty assorted undead also turn and point at the goblin and his scouts. The mounted warrior speaks in what sounds like an old Chultan dialect, and the masses hiss and snarl in unison.

​

"NOW!", yells Peach. She and Bertram trigger the ballistas' opening salvo, and the undead swarm begins its charge across the clearing.

​

The battle for Camp Vengeance has begun!

​

(DM's note: Holy frijoles, what a session! So much happened, and it is impossible to sum it up quickly
without doing a disservice to the entertainment. Read on, dear readers, for one wild day with the Handy Hands!)

​

Miryem and Bertram take the time to connect on all things archaeology before everyone goes their own ways. The dwarven shield, sites that they have been to, and a particularly interesting rubbing of an old unknown archaic variant of the Chultan language. Even though he's unable to convince her to share more, the historian copies down what he can. Miryem restates her intent to rendezvous at Camp Vengeance in a day or two. Perhaps they can catch up more there?

​

The groups part ways and the canoes head upriver just a bit. Late as it is, setting up camp right next to the creepy old battleground didn't seem like a good idea. It is a peaceful night, only a hunting jaculi spotted in the trees. It's a clear and calm come dawn... well, at least the surrounding area is. The Handy Hands are anything but normal on this new day.

​

The normally stalwart Undril Silvertusk is pensive and brooding, nowhere near as eager as the others to finally reach her final destination of Camp Vengeance. Arnie is grooming his dog with a strange enthusiasm. Bertram chats up the guide Eku.

​

"Eku. Do I look... taller? I feel taller. Perhaps an inch or two?", says the slightly concerned historian.

​

The guide laughs as Bertram stretches his neck up, commenting that perhaps he is just feeling healthy and well for a change. The crew load up, and it's hardly an hour upriver before social chaos erupts. Arnie is still petting that dog. Krenko takes a break from posing with his bow and new shield to check up on the handyman... who begins petting Krenko as well. 

​

"This just feels so NICE you guys. You really all should try petting Krenko!", says Arnie.

​

Krenko lets it happen, raising an eyebrow at Eku. "So, uh, does he seem a bit off-"

​

"WHOAAAAAAAAA!!!" screams Bertram, grasping the canoe. "I CANNOT STOP GROWING!"

​

As Arnie serenely double-hand pets both Krenko and his dog, Bertram freaks out, believing he has grown to over 12-foot tall and is in danger of sinking the canoe. It's a good hour of canoe-bound insanity as Arnie manically obsesses over fur and Bertram believes himself to be a giant. "It's evil fey magic!", offers Peach. No, no, probably not that. "Maybe they ate bad mushrooms?", suggests Col. Hmm, no, Bertram and Arnie would certainly remember that. Krenko's eyes go wide as he recalls the events of yesterday morning. The blue mist!

 

"What? The 'mad monkey mist'?", says Eku as Krenko relates how he, Arnie, and Bertram briefly got stuck in the mist while evacuating camp. Eku informs that the strange magical blue mist, while not deadly, can easily bring about madness in anyone who makes contact with it. The goblin fared well. The other two... not so much. Eku has some advanced restorative power, but can only do it once per day. Who to cure? Debating the pros and cons of a disturbingly touchy-feely Arnie, a delusionally-huge Bertram, and which one they can tolerate being stuck with for a day, the crew decides that having a "giant" friend would be the less potentially disastrous option. Arnie's madness is purged, leaving the handyman clueless as to why he he ever thought petting a goblin was a good idea.

​

At this steady pace it looks like Camp Vengeance should be reached by late afternoon. A couple of hours later, a troupe of flying monkeys descends upon the canoes in a flurry of wings looking for some easy theft, but a quick sleep from Peach foils the fly-by and makes for a lot of sad river-drenched primates. Walking alongside the canoes through some shallow rapids, Bertram shouts. Ahh, the Potion of Diminution in his pouch! Yes! He eagerly chugs its contents, the historian very pleased with himself as he imagines shrinking to normal size, his companions viewing the reality of a now tiny 2-foot tall Bertram jumping up and down in the canoe. Well. It'll keep him calm for at least a few hours, at least.

​

A charred corpse floats by. Then another. And another. Two clearly undead, the third bearing the remnants of the Order of the Gauntlet's sigil. Dead before burning, Peach and Bertram surmise. The fort up ahead must be taking precautions.

​

The river broadens and slows, a fortification on the west bank. Camp Vengeance.

 

Watchtowers rise above a pointed log palisade, encircled by a deep ditch bristling with sharpened stakes. Looks like the Order of the Gauntlet learned a lesson in fortification from Camp Righteous. As sturdy as the fort looks, it's the sights and smells otherwise that dishearten the spirits. The stink of burning corpses wafts from a few smoldering funeral pyres. Fetid water pools in ditches and rutted paths. Carcasses of animals rot in the surrounding clearing. Soldiers of the Order shuffle about, looking half-sick and like they haven't slept in days. This fort is not a healthy place.

​

The guards on top of the gatehouse lighten in mood a bit once they realize Undril is among the expedition members. "Lieutenant Silvertusk", they call her, and the Handy Hands are welcomed in. The guide Eku stares afar up the river to the distant haze, excusing herself to meditate a little upstream while the crew does their business. With the serene guide gone for now, Camp Vengeance is explored.

​

The fort is just as sorry on the inside. Its knights and soldiers are the definition of walking wounded, not one of them looking hale and hearty. Mud and clouds of insects abound. Tower guards and patrols run a skeleton crew as the medical tents overflow with patients. A youngish dwarf with bushy orange hair catches eye and turns to greet. "Undril, ya bitch!"

 

The half-orc cleric smiles. "Hello Ord. Good to see you." Lieutenant Ord Firebeard, one of the two second-in-commands at this post. The two old friends catch up and details emerge. While not an overrun disaster like Camp Righteous, it's been a hells of a time over the past couple of months. If it isn't dinosaurs during the day, it's the undead during the night. Between that, the diseases, and the blue mist, it's been a mess lately. Seeing opportunities for good deeds, Arnie and Peach lead the way to the medical tents.

​

Indeed, the tents are full of exactly what one would expect. Casualties of undead battle, tainted water, mad monkey mist, and more fill the cots. The cleric in charge, Sister Cyas, is more than appreciative of aid, sharing more camp details while a "giant" Bertram rants with a fellow mist-afflicted believing himself to be tiny. It seems that Commander Breakbone, the fort's leader, may not have the full trust of his own contingent. Shortly thereafter an exhausted half-elf lead scout named Wulf is encountered returning from patrol, mentioning that his reports of undead threats are not being properly heeded. It's time to check in with this commander and make their presence known.

​

Pouring over maps in his command tent with his other second, Lieutenant Salhana, Commander Breakbone is pleased to see Undril and the Handy Hands... but the niceties stop there. The commander wastes no time in ordering the Handy Hands to return to Port Nyanzaru with letters and wounded troops, not heeding any persuasion that the crew were just hired escorts. It's no good. Breakbone "Shanghais" the Handy Hands into service while Undril stands by, saying nothing. With the freedom to stay for the night before leaving, the party excuses themselves out of the commander's presence to make sense of the situation.

​

Bertram and Peach waste no time in confronting Undril Silvertusk. What the hells? Was this her plan all along? Did she knowingly lead the Handy Hands into an impossible situation? It's an understandable fury! The half-orc cleric can only look down in guilt, quietly taking the abuse before softly speaking up.

​

"The crate. May I show you what is inside?", mumbles Undril. Col, Peach, Bertram, and Arnie get partway through opening the crate when they notice Krenko never left the command tent. An argument is heard, a fire lights in Arnie's eyes and he heads back in. Oh. This can't be good. The remaining distracted Handy Hands inspect the crate's contents. It is indeed armor as Undril had said, but very particular: the crate is entirely full of singular gauntlets, each one etched with a name and rank. There's a brief panic from Peach of what this could mean before the half-orc clarifies.

​

"Each one was a member of the Order who has died under Breakbone's command. The crate was never the resupply to Camp Vengeance... I am. I was sent to see if there was truth to the stories of Breakbone's increasing madness and brutality and - if necessary - remove him from command. It is my mission, not yours, and I never meant to get you involved."

 

Bertram is pissed at the deception... but where's Krenko and Arnie? It turns out Krenko had rudely flipped off Commander Breakbone on his way out previously, and now Arnie reenters the tent to find a hot argument about insubordination.

 

"You're not my dad! You can't just shout and order around people like that!", yells Arnie.

​

Breakbone growls. "Ungrateful soldiers. A court martial is in order! Arrest them!" Liuetenant Salhana arrests a complacent Arnie while the goblin literally flips out, evading the guards and landing on the map table, activating his vest of levitation to float up to the tent's ceiling. Outside near the medical tent, Peach, Bertram, and Col slowly come around to Undril's explanation that her intel was limited, and that she had no intention of involving the Handy Hands beyond just dropping her off at the fort. Heads turn as they hear a *rip*, Krenko's knives cutting a hole in the command tent's roof and a goblin floating down to them, a pile of guards in hot pursuit. Great. From bad to worse.

​

Weapons draw. The creak of bowstrings are heard as soldiers in the guard towers all aim down at the Handy Hands. Everything briefly goes silent. Five versus... what? Fifty? Sixty? They could fight their way out. Death seems more likely.

 

"Psst. Hey. Roll with me here.", Undril whispers. Then louder: "There's that goblin! The blue mist got to him and the other. Poor fellows don't even know what they're doing half the time!"

​

It's takes some serious convincing, but Commander Breakbone is persuaded by Peach and Bertram to let the "ill" Krenko go as long as he is accompanied by an armed escort. Arnie isn't so lucky and is taken to the brig. Crisis averted! ...Sort of. Breakbone and Salhana return the to command tent, soldiers stand down, and tensions release for now. But now what? 

​

Krenko's armed escort don't take much convincing to loosen their lips. There's very little faith in Commander Breakbone, and the exhausted and injured troops live in just as much fear of Chultan threats as they do their own leadership. To make it worse, somehow the undead attacks have been getting more organized. If the Handy Hands can rally the Order of the Gauntlet's officers, they might be able to depose of the delusional Breakbone and help this camp.

​

Meanwhile behind bars, Arnie has far too much fun playing up the part of a madman. He pets his dog, he sings songs of petting, he offers to pet the guards. Passersby are more than just a bit creeped out. A silent horn call comes from Peach to let him know a plan is in progress, which just fuels him further, the whole fort turning heads as Arnie belts out the Handy Hands theme song that he came up with months before in Fort Beluarian.

​

Sister Cyas is already on board. Lieutenant Firebeard is quick to join his friend Undril and arranges for Arnie's freedom, though he notes the scout contingent will be needed. Lead Scout Wulf is woken up and convinced, yet he has one big stipulation: It's the leadership that has gone mad, not the soldiers. He'll not see any harm come to anyone.

 

Everyone agrees. This is to be a bloodless coup. Lieutenant Salhana may be a complication, but we will see.

​

"COMMANDER NILES BREAKBONE!", shouts Undril.

​

The commander, Salhana, and his personal guard emerge from the command tent. "Is there a problem, Lieutenant Silvertusk?"He lowers is voice and stares at the half-orc. "This reeks of mutiny. I have executed for much less."

​

Not rising to the bait Undril kicks over the crate, spilling the emblazoned gauntlets at Breakbone's feet. "Private Surina. Sargeant Deitrich. Scout Bafflestone. Private First Class Helja. Scout Brom." The list goes on and on. "Sergeant Edwin. Scout Ling. Private Silvertusk... my little brother.", she hisses the last part.

​

"By the power vested in me by Gauntlet High Command, I hereby deem you unfit for leadership, and you are removed from your post." Camp Vengeance goes deathly silent. Moments pass, then Breakbone looks around for support. One by one, the Handy Hands say their piece, and, like a palpable breeze, a sway of opinion slowly shifts the entire fort's-worth of soldiers into quiet rebellion. Arnie steps forward and with heartfelt effort appeals to the commander, speaking against the actions of dictators who would hurt those around them and call it "helping".

​

The steely gaze of Salhana turns on her superior. All Breakbone can do is bluster. He knows he has lost. Salhana orders Breakbone arrested, Breakbone lamenting in delusion of his great leadership as his hands are bound.

​

A thunk of hilt on shield. Another. More hilts on shields join in the chorus, until all of Camp Vengeance rings with the cadence of a march as the ex-commander is led off to the brig.

​

"Handy Hands...", says Wulf from his position of leaning on the palisade wall. "Without you, many more would have died. You've done a lot of good here. Thank you." He turns to finally get some sleep, nodding in farewell, then stops to give a slight salute to Undril.

​

"...Commander Silvertusk."

​

"Let's go!"

​

Krenko sprints down the river's edge with the others not far behind, all in hot pursuit of their hijacked canoes loaded to the brim with a band of Batiri goblins. A groggy Undril is helped up by Eku, and the race to catch the thieving bastards is on!

​

The one with the feathered dinosaur-skull mask shouts commands as an arrow from Krenko's bow flies by. "You lost your canoes, stupid foreign goblin!", yells the leader as he throws a javelin, our barbarian dodging as he closes distance and readies his grappling hook. Bertram grabs Peach and thundersteps forward, the Batiri twisting their heads around at the sonic boom and shouting as they realize the whole of the Handy Hands are in hot pursuit. The hook flies through the air and latches on to the first canoe, slowing it just enough for Peach to cast sleep on most of its passengers.

​

"Zabous!", shouts the Batiri leader. Col and Arnie watch grenade-like mushrooms soar towards Bertram, Peach, and Krenko and explode in a cloud of black spores, the blast hitting the historian full on as the others barely dodge out of the way. Just as Arnie is able to make it close enough to snipe with guiding bolt, Col runs with the day's theme and casts conjure animals, and a pack of vicious crocodiles are summoned mid-river.

​

"Quipper Maneuver?" "Quipper Maneuver!" A handful of Batiri jump overboard and submerge out of view. What are they up to? As Peach returns crossbow fire and Bertram attempts to wash the spores off his itching skin, the Batiri leader shouts again. "Raptor Squad!" A salvo of arrows from the trees peppers the nearby Handy Hands. More Batiri in the bushes! 

​

A few of the thieves are picked off by the trio of Arnie, Bertram and Peach, causing enough chaos to make the Batiri leader jump to the second canoe and go prone. Eku catches up and cures Bertram just as Col pounces on the first goblin that he sees, also noticing a pair what looks like moving reeds in the water. A second sleep by Peach falls over both canoes as Krenko reels in the grappled one, goblins aboard snoring away. Col's crocodiles finally close the distance and solve the mystery of the moving reeds: the goblins who went overboard, stacked on each other and snorkeling into ambush position! It's a flurry of splashing, body parts, and Batiri screams as they are ironically surprised and torn apart by the reptiles.

​

The thieves rapidly fall despite their superior numbers, and the battle swings in the Handy Hands' favor. *BWOM* sounds a horn blast and a distant buzz is heard downstream... Wasps! Huge ones! Three giant wasps swoop down from treetops towards the scene of action. Oh, great. Air support! A third sleep is dropped on the archers in the woods, Peach working with Col to rapidly bring them down. With Krenko securing the canoe full of sleeping goblins to the shore, it's 'game on' as our crew swarms over the Batiri, sparing none. Those wasps though... Arnie does his best to slow their advance and blasts one out of the sky, the other two arriving to fly low near the second canoe. This isn't an air raid. This is an evacuation!

​

Two surviving Batiri minions jump for a wasp as their leader leaps for the other, leaving only one goblin behind to be destroyed by a series of Bertram's eldritch blasts. The second canoe is safe, but they're escaping! With his final spell slot Arnie lets loose a high powered guiding bolt that rips a wing off the first huge wasp: *shoom*! The airlifting insect spirals to terminal velocity, throwing its passengers loose as the remaining wasp flies the Batiri leader into the far shore's treetops. A frustrated Peach fires her crossbow as she loses track of the final goblin in the ferns... and with an "AUGH!", the bolt blindly hits its mark.

 

Damn. The bandit leader got away! But, at least the canoes are safe. What a day! Rain intensifies as the Handy Hands debate their options. No use sticking around, they surmise. The Batiri may be back, but they'll definitely be thinking twice about sneaky robbery. For now, it's time to head upriver a bit and find a place for the night.

​

The canoes and crate are pulled close and the crew rapidly falls asleep after a very long day. All except for Bertram, who studies the tomb shield. Resistant to missile weapons... nice. Thinking back on religious studies, shield's symbol is identified as that of Thard Harr, dwarven god of survival and hunting. Makes sense out here. In the morning the shield is gifted to Krenko, his old turtleshell shield discarded as the two mutually agree that defense comes before historical preservation.

​

It would be a new day of traveling, but night's storm has turned full typhoon. No use traveling in this mess, warns Eku, and the crew agrees. With liquor on hand and a new magical jug that can create tej among other things, it's time for an all day drinking party!

 

Songs are sung, stories are told. Undril and Krenko convince the others to play some game about truth and lies and spinning bottles, though no is quite clear about the rules in their inebriation. The bottle spins to Col.

​

"I... uh, like snakes." Truth! The bottle spins again. Arnie.

​

"Once I tried to kill my father by poisoning his meal." Everyone laughs. Lie... right? Arnie says nothing. More laughter, but now for the sake of changing the topic. Okay, so Arnie may be an attempted murderer. Let's not think about that now.

​

Once again the crew rests. The new day brings clearer skies... and a blue mist? Peach tell the rest about the odd fog on the edge of camp as they awake, Bertram searching his memory. Ahh, the dwarves who saved them after the shipwreck! Dead bodies with rictus grins. 'Avoid the mist', they said. Bertram isn't sure if this is related to undeath in some way but he's taking no risk. We gotta get out of here!

​

The mist silently washes over the campsite as the Handy Hands make a break for it. Blue ribbons trail in the air as they flee, Arnie and Bertram both accidentally breathing in the mist as they escape, but saying nothing to the rest of the party in front of them. No worries. They feel fine. For now.

​

For the most part it is a relaxing day of paddling upriver. A curious troupe of flying monkeys here, a terrifyingly large walking plant there. At least it seems uninterested in attacking. Krenko pays Eku for another week, and all is calm until the singing is heard up ahead.

​

"Oh! Hello adventurers!" A skeleton filling a water jug waves with a bony arm, taking a break from its tune.

​

"Uh. Hi?", says Krenko. Pleasantries are exchanged as the crew docks, comments about actually being an undead skeleton rather than a living villager are laughed off as silly jokes by foreigners. "Psst. I don't think she knows that she is dead...", whispers Bertram. The invitation to visit her village is too strange to pass up. With Eku and Undril left to guard the canoes, the Handy Hands follow a happily singing skeleton in to the forest. 

​

The skeleton tells stories of her family as she goes, talking of how thirsty her brothers are for her water when a clearing is seen up ahead. The trees thin, and crunches are heard and felt underfoot. Bones. Very old bones. And stone spear points. The crew look up just in time to see the singing skeleton collapse into a heap, water jug breaking and spilling over ancient human remains.

 

Like a muted dream in, the distant sounds of battle can be heard in the otherwise quiet glade. A tragedy happened here long ago, and spirits linger.

​

Another singing skeleton emerges from the woods and collapses, behind it revealing a wide-eyed Miryem Jünd. The Handy Hands are happy to see the archaeologist and her mercenaries once again, but this place doesn't sit well. We shouldn't delay here. The two creeped-out crews walk back towards the river as another happy skeleton emerges, crumbling to bits as the dull whispers of a battle long ago fade in the distance.

​

With Camp Vengeance just a day's travel ahead, it's best time to get moving and leave the ghosts of the past behind. Eku was right. Sometimes mysteries are best left unsolved.

​

​

The Handy Hands step out of the shrine as the rumbling thunder fades, giving way to a rumbling of another type that vibrates the ground. An injured Peach wastes no time casting invisibility on herself just before - in an explosion of leaves and squawking - a herd of large flightless birds erupts from the undergrowth and swarms over Camp Righteous. A stampede of axe beaks! Krenko leaps on top of a stone foot of the shrine's statue and fires a warning shot from his bow, but it's no good. Something more than a thunderstep blast has these birds spooked, and sinister guttural roars are heard from somewhere out of view. The shot causes the panicked birds to view the Handy Hands as another threat and the flock attacks!

​

Arnie steps forward to protect his one surviving dog and is promptly swarmed by axe beaks that lay him low. Col and Bertram contend with the flock best they can until Eku, originally on her way to heal Peach, helps the handyman back up. A faerie fire from Peach lights up the scene and a few of the axe beaks are taken down. Bertram jumps up on the other stone foot and fends off a flanking bird... when, with a choking roar, some THING drops from above.

 

In life it might have resembled a white-furred four-armed gorilla of unusual size. In life, that is. Another similar creature erupts from the same direction as where the stampede came from. Whatever these rotting monstrosities are, they are hellbent on pummeling anything living. As Krenko rushes to engage the second one and keep it away from his friends, the first utterly destroys the axe beak that it landed on and turns to snarl at the very surprised warlock historian next to it.

​

All four arms and gnashing rotting teeth crunch down on Krenko's turtle shell shield as the overwhelmed goblin does his best to fend the thing off. Col, seeing Bertram in trouble, flips his targets of primal savagery from bird to the nearby decrepit ape-thing while the historian dodges four arms' worth of claws the best he can. Meanwhile, a rejuvenated Arnie and his dog continue the War On Birds, bringing down another two as Undril is seen sprinting up from the canoes to help. Eku blesses her allies and the axe beaks are dealt with just in time to help a distant Krenko. The goblin had actually greatly damaged the undead monster, but it is Arnie's guiding bolt that sears through its chest and makes the undead dead once again.

​

The first remains a problem - with every wound that should end it, it reanimates and endures. Even another guiding bolt from Undril and more savagery from Col cannot bring it down. After one final swing of the blade from Bertram, the beast stops moving.

​

"Girallons! Undead ones!", says Eku. "I have heard stories of non-humanoids being reanimated but...". The guide trails off as she notes the reactions of her hiring crew. "Yeah. We know.", says Col. The others nod. This new four-armed white ape species is an intriguing discovery, but the Handy Hands are no strangers to rampant undeath at this point. The undead curse of Chult is changing somehow. Growing. Amplifying.

​

But there's no point in dwelling on it now. We're in dire need of a short rest. Shelter from the pouring rain is taken in the two remaining moldy yurts in Camp Righteous as a small fire is started. Arnie and Krenko bond a bit over roasted axe beak... now there's one type of bird that both can agree is not a friend! Undril heads back to guard the canoes after helping up a bit, Bertram collects some sticks and stones for trap triggering, and the rest ready themselves. It's still morning, and there's still a shrine to explore!

​

Alright. House of Man and Crocodile: Take Two. 1) Go slow, 2) check for traps, 3) think first before action. Got it. The crew, secure in their plan, re-enter between the statue's feet with renewed determination. Bertram agilely slinks around the edge of the pit trap. Arnie follows - and promptly stumbles, triggering the trap door and falling below. Krenko gets across and helps Arnie up, the three of them contemplating their next move after the goblin painfully discovers that there was one spinning blade that had yet to be jammed up. There's a ledge just beyond the blade, where Peach previously discovered a nasty flame-trapped grid floor above. What next?

​

The handyman knows what is needed. A ladder! Arnie rips the patch resembling a ladder off of his Cloak of Useful Items, the patch quickly growing into a useful 10-foot ladder. Bertram jams up the last blade slot with an old spear, the ladder is placed, Peach safely comes across, and it's up to the mysterious flame-trapped grid floor. With Eku and Arnie's dog guarding, Col is the last to sneak across the pit in sneaky little snake form... and flops right off the edge, *poof*ing back into human form with an "Ow." upon landing. Blades? Flames? Who knows what else? Nah, Col is good. The druid decides to just safely chill in this pit for a while and admire the scenery.

​

A 4x4 grid fills much of the floor, another ledge beyond. With a *bamf*, Peach teleports up above. A stone door, also with a 4x4 grid on it. Hmm. A puzzle. A rope is used to make a diagonal traverse over the floor grid to up above, Krenko and Arnie joining Peach up above as Bertram studies the floor. There's some connection between floor and the door, there has to be. A quick rock toss on to the floor grid confirms wariness as flames fill the room, the historian barely avoiding the blast.

 

"Don't step on or touch anything!"

 

Arnie reaches out to touch the door and cast light before Bertram's warning can be heard: *FOOM*, as a glowing blue force pushes outward. Arnie and Krenko hold ground as Peach is blasted down to the floor grid, triggering the flames and falling unconscious once again. Thankfully Bertram is right there to drag a scorched Peach down to the safety of the former blade room, healing her up just a bit.

​

Meanwhile, Col enjoys a relaxing trap-free time in the pit, studying the art of Man carrying Crocodile while hearing the occasional trap trigger up ahead. Nah. Still safe down here.

​

Okay. New approach. Bertram heads up to the door and magically inspects it. There's definitely an arcane trap on this door, but what's this? A bottom square on the 4x4 grid is lightly glowing. Inspired, Krenko jumps down to the corresponding grid tile on the floor and... nothing. Another square on the door lights up. That's it! The goblin and the historian work together, stepping from one corresponding grid tile to another until the floor is safely made across and the door stops glowing. With a rumble, the stone door retreats into the ceiling. Success!

​

A large dusty chamber littered with ancient dinosaur bones lies ahead. A spiral staircase twists around a central pillar, and up top, what looks like a painted jug rests at the summit. Col joins, and the party inspects. No obvious traps, anyway. The historian's eyes glow a golden yellow as he inspects for magical wards... yes. The stairs. But not all of them. 

​

"What if I was a crocodile?", muses Col as he notes the continuing art motifs. The desert druid wild shapes once again, but with Peach staying a bit back and Krenko and Arnie already starting up the stairs, only Bertram is around to attempt to carry the large reptile. Nope. It's no use. Hopefully the handyman and the goblin don't kill us all.

​

"3rd, 10th, 17th, 23rd", calls out Bertram. "Avoid those steps!" Krenko leads, nimbly jumping over trapped steps as Arnie follows behind. So far so good. At the top of the pillar, the large ceramic jug sits, not even a speck of the dust that lays over the rest of the room obscuring it. Man and Crocodile images swirl around a myriad of corks sprouting from all over the piece of pottery. A special find, but knowing this place so far... Yep. Indeed, Krenko sees it. A pressure trap directly under it. But what to counterweight with so that the trap isn't triggered?

​

Arnie speaks up, pulling out the large bag of spice that he bought from The Thundering Lizard. "I have this bag of cumin!" Bertram gingerly steps up to the other two and takes the bag. This will do! As the historian prepares for the switch, it is a glorious corruption of the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark as Krenko and Arnie look on, Bertram estimating the switch of jug and bag best he can, aaaaaaannnnnd... switch! 

 

The historian smiles as he turns away with the jug in hand, but the goblin sees it: the pressure plate is starting to rise! The bag was too light! He quickly scrambles up on the pressure plate and sit, hoping to add weight... but now the pressure plate sinks below where it originally rested. The bag and goblin are too heavy! There is a groan from the walls as stone blocks begin to crumble and rain down. The crew flees the best they can, but Bertram awkwardly slips and falls to the floor and is knocked unconscious by the fall and falling debris. As crocodile-Col lumbers out Peach sprints in, quickly healing and helping Bertram to his feet before the two run out to safety. A stone block slams into Arnie as he tries to get out the door, but thankfully, he makes it out just in time to see the room behind them fill with rubble.

​

It's a safer affair to get back outside, what with all the traps disarmed or dealt with otherwise. As the last of the Handy Hands makes it over the pit, something clicks for Krenko and he turns to Bertram.

​

"Oh! I get it now! Museums! It's okay to steal things as long as they go to a museum eventually!"

​

"That's, uh... not quite right? Or is it? I'm not sure...", replies the historian, also debating the ethics of 'tomb raiding'.

​

It is perplexing when a cork on the jug is popped off and nothing comes out, despite hearing sloshing liquid inside. Another of the many corks is tried. And another. Still nothing. Huh. After a period of experimentation, Eku suggests that sometimes magical items have magical key words. Bertram had thought about water, but had he said it? The historian says "water", and sure enough, fresh clean liquid refreshment begins pouring out and the crew fills all of their water skins. Peach muses if this jug can make more than water and says "tej", and sure enough a drop of honey wine emerges. Excellent! The jug seems empty for today, but they'd have to try triggering more liquids tomorrow.

​

The Handy Hands head back to the moldy yurts when Col senses something off. Through the obscuring rain, a body lies face down near the river bank. The crew rushes over to find Undril, dart in buttocks, knocked out and snoring. And no canoes.

​

Upriver, a troupe of Batiri goblins paddles away in the Handy Hands' canoes as fast as they can. From over Undril's crate in the back of a canoe, one wearing a skull-shaped mask lined with feathers makes a rude gesture back towards Arnie.

​

"Damned vampires!!!"

​

​

Sweating and a little bloody from the recent attack by zorbo "drop bears", the crew continues cross-country with canoes on shoulder to get around the last of the logjams. Down a small drop-off, Bertram spots an old stone door embedded in the rocky ledge. What's this?

​

The scene is scouted. Trodden earth, a heavy stone slab of a door askew with what looks like a sigil of clawed gauntlets engraved on it. Someone has been here recently though it's a little hard to tell who. Miryem, perhaps? With just enough room to squeeze in one by one, curiosity gets the better of the Handy Hands and Krenko leads the way. Two sarcophagi within. Hmm. This isn't so much of a cave as it is a mausoleum. Col wryly jests about vampires in Chult... a comment dwelt upon by a spooked Arnie, who exits to wait out front and ponder which he dislikes more: cannibals or vampires.

​

Dwarven script, jungle motifs with angular Dwarven styles, mention of a father and son. Looks like an old albino dwarf tomb, surmises Bertram. With more disturbed earth inside and one sarcophagus broken and pilfered, it definitely looks like recent looting had happened. But when is it 'looting' and when is it 'archaeology'?, ponders Bertram. Eyeing the second in-tact sarcophagus, Krenko doesn't wait, and Bertram pauses his moral pondering to help the goblin pry off the lid. Where the first stone coffin contained a disturbed dwarven remains, this one is pristine... and covered by a shield depicting a dwarf wearing a dinosaur skull for a helmet. A magically protective one, by Bertram's eyes. Nice find!

​

Meanwhile, Arnie stands out front with Eku and Undril. The woods seem off - quiet perhaps - and the handyman can't quite shake the feeling that he is being watched. Nothing spotted, however. No vampires, that's for sure. The rest of the crew emerge from the small cave with new shield in tow, pick up the canoes, and continue on to the shores of River Shoshenstar.

 

The rest of the day's travel is uneventf- wait. Nope. Crocodiles! Really big ones!

​

An absolutely massive crocodile ambushes a canoe like a mistaken fish, crunching its bow and grabbing a surprised Krenko in its maw. A handful more large-but-reasonably-sized ones swarm around, toothed maws surging upward. Arnie is pulled overboard as well, but a quick inflict wounds fries the beast. The handyman climbs back to safety while Col fights fire with fire, jumping overboard and primal savagery biting right into one. Peach lights up the scene with faerie fire and flips to the other canoe as Bertram is grabbed and carried below the water's surface.

​

The oversized crocodile debates its life choices as the goblin rages inside of its mouth and repeatedly stabs from the inside. After a quick couple of hexblade slashes and a *bamf*, Bertram teleports right next to Peach and aids in freeing the giant reptile's grasp on Krenko. For all their terrible dentition these crocodiles aren't too durable outside of an ambush, and one by one they rapidly fall or retreat. Arnie nukes another, Col wins the Bite War, and the combined efforts of Krenko, Peach, and Bertram finally bring the massive beast down. The canoe looks a bit rough, but nothing some time with mending can't fix. After zorbos, a bit of tomb raiding, and crocodiles, it's time to find a campsite.

​

The night's watch is quiet. Cloudy sky, black woods. Again, though, Arnie just can't shake that feeling of being watched. He sneaks around scouting... and sees it. Two glinting eyes hiding in the foliage, wearing what looks to be a skull-shaped mask rimmed by feathers. The handyman and the mask stare each other down. Whispers in the jungle are heard. Slowly the mask retreats, then the pattering of multiple feet disappear into the rainforest. Something has been tracking the Handy Hands.

​

"Damned vampires...", mutters the handyman.

​

With calm skies and mostly-smooth waters, the next day is a relaxing break from mortal threats. An allosaurus munches on a riverside corpse and ignores the passing expedition. Arnie and Undril discuss the art of helping others as "prayer". Bertram takes a break from his 'Traps for Dummies' book to pour over the map. With the nice weather it's tempting to push on through to Camp Righteous tonight... but no. Not worth the risk. It isn't until the  crew are setting up camp for the evening that Arnie finally mentions the lurking masked invader from the previous night. Col and Peach are a little annoyed that such key information wasn't known about earlier, but at least it's in time to be extra on guard for the new night's watch. 

​

It is, however, an undisturbed and restful night. In an exposed spot with little vegetation to hide any ambush helps, though not so much come the heavy morning rain. Though already soaked and a bit miserable, the crew is more than eager to spend their morning exploring Camp Righteous. Onward!

​

The canoes dock next to a couple of old rowboats and, a bit inland under the trees, what remains of the former base camp of the Order of the Gauntlet is strewn with wreckage. Tattered and moldy tents. Some burnt-out structures. No signs of life.

​

Undril Silvertusk elaborates. "Camp Righteous was established when the Order of the Gauntlet first came to Chult to fight the undead. They were overconfident and did not build defenses, believing the Order's might was protection enough. They were wrong. A couple months ago, hundreds of undead swarmed out of the rainforest and overran the camp. Only a handful escaped the slaughter, since establishing the better fortified Camp Vengeance. Now only these quiet ruins remain..."

​

As solemn as the half-orc cleric is, the guide Eku looks up and smiles broadly. The camp may be a tragedy, but the ancient structure that the camp was built around is, if anything, whimsical. Emerging from the rocky bluff behind the camp is a huge 80-foot statue of a man carrying a crocodile. With its exasperated man and smiling reptile, it's more humorous than imposing. Between the statue's feet a shrine's entrance extends into the hillside. The guide laughs. The Handy Hands are a bit confused at her joy in this grim place on a stormy day, but she readily explains. It's an old Chultan parable, you see!

​

'In the early days of the world, Man stood frightened by the banks of a river. Crocodile raised his head from the water and asked: "What troubles you, Man?" Man said: "I wish to cross this river, but I fear to go alone, for it teems with your brethren." Crocodile replied: "It is true, you would not be safe. But I will carry you safely across the river on my back if you promise to return the favor." Man agreed, and Crocodile bore him safely across the water.

​

When they reached the far bank, Man said: "Thank you Crocodile, how may I repay you?" Crocodile replied: "I wish to see the realm of Man, but I fear to go alone, for it teems with your brethren. You must carry me on your back across your realm." Man had been tricked, but a promise is a promise, and so he carried Crocodile on his back across the entire realm of Man, a journey that lasted many years. He swore, in his anger, that never again would Men and Crocodiles be friends... and so it has remained to this day.'

​

Not friends indeed, based on that river ambush a couple days ago. Undril stays behind with the canoes while the rest investigate. Not a single human remain spotted. Everything long-since eaten or reanimated, they presume. Sure enough, the ripped and burnt tents show every sign of an undead attack and subsequent panicked evacuation. Nothing of note except a silver holy symbol of Torm found by Bertram in what looks to be a burned-down chapel. A squawking sound attracts Peach, who finds a young flightless bird with a sharp beak trapped in an old livestock enclosure. Freeing the bird, she and the others join Arnie and Eku at the base of the shrine. "The House of Man and Crocodile...", says Eku.

​

All head in to escape the heavy rain. A 10-foot wide passage extends straight back and tall ledge obscures where it goes from there, the walls lined with amusing engravings of Man carrying Crocodile all over the world. Seems lit well enough despite the mess of spider webs. Let's explore!

​

Krenko and Peach jauntily step forward... and immediately fall as the floor gives away to a deep pit trap. Well then. Okay. Traps. Keep your eyes open. It takes Peach some effort but she climbs out, throwing a rope down for Krenko before the two of them continue through the spider webs... and directly into a mess of whirling blades that shoot out from the walls that badly injure the barbarian and the bard. 

​

With the rope's aid Bertram makes it across but is careful not to step far. Surely there is some way to disable this trap? This book he's been reading must be good for something. The historian inspects the floor's pressure panels and cannot find a way to disarm them, but he surmises that jamming the blades' wall niches would work. Krenko busts out his throwing knives, managing to jam up all but one blade niche. Let's head up that 8-foot ledge!

​

Peach scurries up the ledge, spying a 4x4 grid of tiles on the floor with yet another 8-foot ledge beyond. Hmm. No obvious markings. The eladrin tests a random tile of the floor grid... and is burned within an inch of her life by scorching gouts of flame filling the immediate area. Never thought I'd be the one to die!, she thinks, before falling back to the "safety" of the previous floor... and promptly being knocked unconscious by the single remaining blade.

​

'We gotta get out of here and figure this out!", says Krenko in a rare moment of caution before activating his vest and levitating back to a spectating Arnie, Col, and Eku. Bertram gifts his meager aasimar healing ability to get Peach up off the floor and teleports both of them back with the *BOOM* of thunderstep.

​

...A 'boom' that echoes throughout the quiet camp ruins. A roar is heard. Snarls. The explosive noise attracted something. Or multiple somethings. And they're coming.

​

​

"That's no way to treat a friend!", complains Arnie.

​

Krenko takes another bite of the roasted parrot and rebuffs. "You knew this bird for all of thirty seconds before it said something creepy and flew away... for all you know, I saved your life!"

 

It doesn't end it, however, and the half-orc Undril steps in to dine with the goblin and change the topic of conversation. Otherwise, the edge of the village ruins is quiet. With Miryem Jünd and her mercenaries retreated for the evening there isn't much to hear except nocturnal beasts and a distant waterfall.

​

Morning comes without event. With a slight drizzle and Miryem nowhere to be seen, the crew opts out of another village search and ready the canoes. Eku, Col, and Bertream load themselves up in one dugout, the rest in the other. Peach has a cold shoulder moment with Undril before she realizes that she'll be stuck alone in a canoe with Arnie and Krenko, and could probably use a sane conversation partner.

​

And sure enough, it continues. First it's arguing about the parrot again. Then it's cannibalism. Krenko finds subjective inconsistencies with what Arnie considers cannibalism... and, oh, yeah, there's also the whole Murder Cleric thing! Why is Krenko considered the "random stabby goblin savage" while Arnie is "the nice helping guy", even though the handyman routinely melts the faces off things with inflict wounds and guiding bolt and has some serious daddy issue-related repressed rage going on?

​

"Time out, boys!"

​

A brick wall appears in the middle of the canoe as Peach jumps between the two of them. A makeshift therapy session commences, with the eladrin bard stepping back and forth through her own illusion to moderate. Undril paddles alone in silent awkwardness, all the while the other canoe's passengers having entirely pleasant conversations on natural history and culture. The bickering pair are talked down from each other's throats for now, and thankfully everyone gets distracted by particularly large flying dinosaurs high in the sky. "Quetzalcroutons? Quetzalcloacas?", recalls Peach. It's a mess of a name, whatever it was.

​

Much of the day is rather uneventful. A jaculi springs from a tree directly into a flock of small birds for an easy meal. At one point a pack of flying monkeys passes over the river to the delight of most but concerning Peach, who knows such things only as Feywild servants of hags. In the early afternoon Wakanga's hand extends from Krenko's living pouch and passes a note that Arnie has fun mistranslating, nearly reigniting their verbal combat until the goblin is distracted by a new toy emerging after the note. A bow! A particularly interesting collapsing tri-fold bow shaped like a pterasaur, too. Neat! 

​

Late day. A well-trodden riverbend campsite. This will do. In scouting the perimeter, Arnie reflects. Feeling a bit bad about things, he tries his hand at apologizing to Krenko, but the goblin isn't quite ready for it, the latter vanishing among the ferns to scout on his own. Arnie sighs. Scanning the area he sees the garbage of previous campers everywhere. Look at this mess! Leftover rope, discarded trash, rotting canvas. The debris litters the area, prompting Arnie to start picking up. He returns with a big armful of garbage to find Bertram cooking a fish dinner, Col and Eku casually talking about animal species. Krenko hides in the underbrush away from Leomund's tiny hut, not coming in until his first watch is completed. The night is quiet.

​

Until the rapidly growing vines. 

​

The magical dome is almost entirely encased in the vines when the Handy Hands abruptly rise, ready for a fight. They chop their way out into the predawn light and find... a ring of red flowers around the vines, shaped like angry faces? Expecting a vicious meat-eating plant of some sort, the group is more than a bit surprised by what they see: A tiny doll-like figure with wild hair and a mask of shifting patterns. A chwinga! More emerge, phasing directly out of nearby rocks, trees, and bushes. And they don't look happy. One gesticulates angrily from atop a rock, pointing at the gang with a small jewel-tipped staff. 

​

It's charades as the crew tries to make sense of the otherwise-silent forest spirits, but they're able to get the meaning soon enough when the chwingas drag empty potion bottles and ration wrappers out from the underbrush. Travelers have trashed this site, and they're none too pleased! Peach tries her hand at communicating and they back off a bit, but what really sells the Handy Hands' intent is Arnie's collected pile of trash. The handyman makes his case, and the odd little forest spirits seem, if anything, pleased that others are concerned with the state of nature. More debris is collected, the chwingas part ways by gifting the little jewel-tipped staff (a wand of magic missile, Arnie surmises!), and the popular campsite is left much better for wear.

​

Hours pass. Light rain. A massive roar and the unmistakable creak of bent timber proceeds what looks like a green meteor soaring over the river. And was that screaming voices coming from inside the meteor? Eku explains. Like many goblins, the Batiri tend towards creative engineering. When it comes to jungle survival strategies things get... unique. That was an entire goblin village, apparently launched through the sky to avoid some large predator. Not everyone survives, sure, but the tribe within the bundled village lives to see another day. Mostly. Quizzical looks are exchanged. Chult is a weird place.

​

A split in the river. Krenko makes the directional call, favoring the muddier but calmer waters to the right. The reason for the slow muddy waters is apparent an hour ahead, where massive mudslides have created impassible log jams. Well. Looks like it's portage time again.

​

Bertram, Col, and Eku fall a bit behind with their canoe as Peach scouts ahead, Krenko and Arnie behind her with their canoe on shoulder while Undril struggles with her crate solo. The bickering nearly starts again when: *thunk*. Something heavy fell on the canoe above their heads... something that they can feel is still up there. Arnie peeks his head around the dugout's edge, coming face to face with what looks sort of like a cute little bear - if it didn't have long claws and a growling mouth full of pointed teeth. The duo carefully set down the canoe, watching in wonderment as the creature's fur and hide shift, taking on both the color and texture of the wooden canoe it clings to. Another *thunk*. Krenko rapidly takes off his backpack as he feels the impact, seeing another growling bear-thing clinging to it, hide shifting to resemble the pack's leather. Another *thunk*. And another.

​

"Shoo!", exclaims Arnie. "Get off my canoe!" The handyman flails his arms at it, and that's all the beasts needed as a sign of hostile provocation. The creatures attack!

​

Peach hears the commotion and runs back just in time to see another one drop from the trees and land on Undril, its fur quickly changing to steel as it makes contact with her chainmail shirt and the half-orc screaming as the beast bites into her shoulder. The shifting density of another one's hide confounds Krenko as it hops from backpack to stone and changes accordingly. Two converge on Arnie, but his loyal dog is there to defend its master! The handyman dodges one while the other viciously attacks the sole surviving dog, the poor mastiff falling to the forest floor and beginning to bleeding out. 

​

"Arnie's Little Helper! No!"

​

With Peach back, she and Krenko make quick work of one bear-thing and rove through the group helping where they can. The one on Undril continues to tear into her, the cleric just barely able to get off a cure wounds in the struggle after all her other spells failed. Arnie, utterly unwilling to lose another animal companion, turns to heal the mastiff but exposes his flank and takes irreparable damage to his leather armor. Great. Angry dropping bear-things with density-shifting skin AND magically-shredding claws? Just great.

​

It's a whirl of spells and blades as the trio do their best to turn the tide of battle while protecting Arnie's Little Helper. A second bear-thing is slain, then a third, then a fourth. The one chewing into Undril is finally thrown off, the cleric angrily charging her mace full of radiant energy and smiting into the fleeing beast. With one final stab, Krenko ends it.

​

Col, Bertram, and Eku crest the ridge with the second canoe, quickly dropping it to rendezvous with their sweating and bleeding friends. What the heck WERE those things? 

​

"Drop Bears! I knew it! They ARE real!", cries Peach.

​

"What? No. Zorbos!", explains Eku. "Odd little carnivores. Magical claws and fur. They drop from above on unsuspecting prey. They don't usually favor groups of travelers though. Must be desperate for food. Best we get moving before we find out the reason!"

​

And so the canoes are picked up and the portage continues after tending to the wounded. Huh. Doll-sized environmental police, and magical airborne death bears. A new day in Chult never disappoints.

​

​

The Handy Hands settle in with the Company of the Yellow Banner around the fire, mutually agreeing to share camp for the evening and get to know each other better. Quite the eclectic cast indeed! There's their salt-and-pepper goatee'd leader Lord Brixton and his wood elf druid partner Rae. Seward the deadeye ranger, Seph the large silver dragonborn paladin, and Devlin the weird goat-like wizard. And of course Bravus the yellow-turbaned dwarf and his pet talking lizard, Sebastian.

 

Bottles are shared, as are stories of destinations up and down the river. A few things are definitely of note. A long lake up ahead flanked by waterfalls, more rapids to portage around, a friendly village a few days beyond that. Of particular interest was the former site of Camp Righteous... apparently there's also a curious giant statue there, carved to resemble a man holding an alligator.

​

While our crew is headed out to Camp Vengeance, the Company is returning to town. A quest unfulfilled, but they claim to have at least made some profit. The so-called Eye of Zaltec, something they believe could restore a friend, was not located before they were ran out by undead, it seems. The "friend" is very curious indeed: Seward produces a glowing blue lamp with a friendly spirit swirling within. The Company came across the "Starfallen" long ago, he says, and one they'd like to some day aid. Bertram shares map info and learns a few things, personalities connect (Peach bonds with fellow elf Rae, Krenko correctly surmises that the goat-wizard would be a great drinking companion), and most retire for the evening.

​

Sounds in the night. Peach and Seph check the canoes. Fresh goblin tracks. Setting bait with minor illusion Peach rigs a trap while the dragonborn tries to flush them out, but to no luck as footsteps flee into the forest. Clever things. Krenko is warned come his shift but the thieves don't return. Best to stay wary indeed.
 

*         *         *

Morning drizzle. Not too bad. Goodbyes are exchanged as the Handy Hands and Company of the Yellow Banner part ways. Fine fellows, they all agree... they hope to see them around Port Nyanzaru again sometime! A casual dispute of who is going to help Undril Silvertusk load up her crate nearly leads to a confrontation: What's inside this thing anyway? This half-orc has been cagey. The cleric finally comes clean - it's armor. It just simply a special delivery meant for the commander of Camp Vengeance and not the Handy Hands, and didn't feel compelled to elaborate before. Conflict aside, it's onward up the River Shoshenstar.

​

"Rawk!"

​

A large brightly colored bird lands on the canoe, eyeing Peach's rations. "Oh, aren't you just beautiful!", exclaims Peach. "Beautiful!" repeats the bird in response. "Beautiful!"

 

Arnie excitedly waves the bird over. "You're such a pretty bird!" says the handyman as he feeds it crumbs. "Say it with me! Pretty bird!"

​

The bird looks Arnie dead in the eyes. "The jungle claims us all in the end!"

​

A speechless Arnie can just watch as the parrot flies away... and promptly gets skewered mid-air by one of Krenko's throwing daggers. The goblin wastes no time retrieving the corpse from the water and starts trussing the bird. The handyman and the bard loudly protest, but Krenko sees no problem with his actions and plucks the parrot clean. 

​

Hours pass. The river narrows and a waterfall is seen, just as the Company had said. With a small portage uphill that lasts no longer than a half hour, the shallow expanse of a lake stretches into the distance. Herds of long-necked dinosaurs graze in the reedy waters, flocks of pterasaurs soar overhead, and all manner of jungle herbivores roam the calm shores under the light grey skies.

 

Canoeing between the larger beasts is not too difficult until a narrow stretch takes the crew right by a handful of massive brontosauruses. One of the young ones takes notice, taking a break from eating aquatic roots to playfully splash water over Col and Peach. They splash back, causing the baby brontosaurus to shoot a mouthful of water through its nostrils and soak the first canoe. Arnie, not wanting to be left out, flings a few drops into the air. He casts create water on the drops and ups the water play, creating a 10-gallon deluge that dumps on the young dinosaur. It squeals in delight, spraying back, and with a cry of "WATER FIGHT!" the handyman flings some more drops... dumping another 10-gallon deluge right on top of Peach. Thoroughly soaked and annoyed by hijinks, Krenko gets revenge by eating the de-feathered parrot raw in front of Arnie and Peach as they watch in horror. Settling down, the lazy lake journey continues after a quick stop to gather a bushel of the unknown roots that the brontosauruses were eating. 

​

A dead dinosaur in the water up ahead, and not alone - a swarm of rotting zombies are spied feasting on the corpse. Thinking back on his time seeing a dino re-animate with Qawasha and not wanting to take any chances, Col darkens the sky with call lightning and a localized storm blasts electricity down on the hoard. It's an easy long-range shooting gallery as the canoes slowly move forward: Bertram fires eldritch blasts, Arnie sacred flames, and Peach plucks off stragglers with her crossbow. Krenko... grumbles at his lack of ranged weapons and rows his boat. Col, Bertram, Arnie, and Peach repeat, blasting most to bits! The goblin grumbles. The goblin rows.

​

It isn't long after thoroughly dicing their way through the rest of the zombies that Krenko gets an idea. The Living Pouch! They could use it to ask Wakanga for resupply! A note is passed through, and sure enough indeed, a janky note-passing dialogue is had with the Merchant Prince of Magic. Rations and big items? No no, not possible. Tiny bag opening, you see! Something long and thin, perhaps? Peach thinks about Krenko's dilemma and passes a note and money, requesting a longbow for their ranged-impaired friend. Good. An order to look forward, at least.

​

Daylight fades to dusk. The end of Brontosaurus Lake is reached and it's another small portage up to the continuing River Shoshenstar. A good spot to camp... but torchlight gleams from the far shore. What's going on over there? The crews load their canoes once again and stealthily paddle over to the edge of a clearing. A village - well, what's left of one. Long abandoned, it looks. Two torchbearers take notice of the canoes and approach.

​

"Who goes there?!"

​

"Why, it's just your old friend Peach!", calls the bard as she strums her geetar, utterly enthralling the two guards with her fey magic. The rest of the Handy Hands side-eye each other and shrug as the charmed duo do all but divulge their life stories. Zhentarim mercenaries, they say, hired out of Port Nyanzaru to escort another traveler. Who, you ask? Why ma'am, let us introduce you...

​

A golden blonde woman in sensible khaki traveling gear taps a pen on her notebook under torchlight, shifting her attention from the crumbling village huts to the approaching Handy Hands.

​

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance!", says the lady with a slight accent. "I am Miryem. Miryem Jünd. Have you come to admire this site as well?"

​

While a distrustful Krenko lurks in the shadows, one-by-one the companions introduce themselves and trade pleasantries. With Bertram she lingers slightly, the young historian not missing that her dialect of Common is familiar to his own. Miryem, it seems, is also a student of history, having come to Chult from the northern Sword Coast to document lost civilizations. Peach, also wary of this new academic, tries but fails casting suggestion a couple times but thankfully goes unnoticed. The two charmed mercenaries are happy to to facilitate conversation, though a third returns from the far side of the ruins, miffed by his overbearingly friendly mates. Breaking the awkwardness, Miryem offers: Would anyone be interested in helping her with a bit of site investigation?

​

At the center of what is left of the village a carved monolith sits on a flat pedestal, slightly askew. Krenko emerges and joins the group as torchlight washes over and illuminates an engraved maze in the shape of a pentagon. Miryem inquires - they know this motif, do they not? Bertram admits that he does not know if this shape holds importance, but he does know of a god associated with mazes. Ubtao, the absent god of Chult. The hint of something hidden at the base of the monolith makes Miryem think there is a riddle here. But what is the answer?

​

Before anyone else can respond, Krenko quickly touches the monolith's surface, releasing a nova of sprayed acid that fries the skin of all nearby. An arcane ward! Perhaps solving the riddle is the way? Miryem Jünd ponders the legend of Ubtao. What did the creator god wish for his people to do?

​

She hesitates and thinks, aided by Col's remembrance of Qawasha's wisdom. "...To follow their own path." She touches the center of the maze. No explosion. She traces her finger outward to solve the maze - a path of her own. The pedestal creaks and rotates. Col reaches inside to find a handful of gems, along with a glinting brass spyglass. A shiny prize indeed!

​

With Miryem's back turned Peach tries suggestion one more time... and connects. Just why was she here?

 

Miryem enthusiastically explains: "As a student of history the stories of lost people have always been fascinating to-" 

​

"-Yeah yeah...", Peach cuts her off and turns away. "Another anthropology nerd." Bertram says nothing.

​

Well. May as well settle down here for the night. After Bertram compares his notes with a fellow archaeologist for a while, Miryem and her mercenaries say their goodbyes and wander to their own campsite on the north side of the village. Morning comes soon, and there's many miles to go to Camp Vengeance.

​

​

"Hey. Wasn't that your rowboat?", asks Krenko.

 

Arnie blinks in the rain as Winchton and Lovely fade into the distance. He contemplates taking offense... but no. His half-orc friend had work to do, and providing a ride was the least the handyman could do. Peach and Krenko loot the scene while the others clear the hags' bodies out of the canoes, finding a fair bit of fine gems. There's a few more hours of good light. May as well cover some ground then find a place to stop for the night.

​

After a few hours of alternating breaks and a bit of tej enjoyment a sheltered river bend is spotted up ahead. Perfect. As Bertram and Krenko find enough dry-ish wood under the dense canopy to make a smoky fire, the half-orc cleric Undril bonds with Arnie in discussion of deities and styles of worship. Peach, suspicious of their hired guide's previously-unknown set of magical skills, pries Eku with questions.

​

"Just who is your patron... your god, anyway?"

​

Eku smiles and explains. While Chultan, her parents come from a land far across the ocean to the west: Maztica. They were servants of a benevolent god - Qotal, the Feathered Serpent. Gesturing to her staff carved into the likeness of a plumed snake, she states that she follows this god's tradition, doing her best to aid those in need. As such, she has ability in spells that heal and protect. Peach nods, appeased for now. Krenko gets to work grilling up a couple of large red fish until a call comes from a bit into the woods: "Guys? Anyone wanna attend my dog's funeral?"

​

Arnie shows all but Krenko back to a tiny clearing where he had dug a hole. It is a somber time, but Peach and Bertram can't help but reference that this dog was formerly just a patch on a cloak and had only been around for a week or so. Regardless, respects are paid. Ashes to ashes, cloak to cloak. Col casts mold earth and solemnly buries the dead. All is silent and heads are bowed as a happy goblin walks up: "Who wants some smoked fish?!?"

​

Night. Nocturnal noises emerge as the rain finally fades. Peach's vision wander towards the river: two distant eye stalks, staring back. They pop up again further downriver. Watch changes, and Krenko sees the same. Eyes just above the water's surface, staring but not approaching. Eku is questioned when the dawn comes. She ponders, but has no answer. Not nefarious, perhaps. But not anything that makes sense to her. Best to stay aware.

​

*         *         *

​

With a lack of rain and partially blue skies, the clear morning is a welcome one. But with the warmth comes the insects. The Handy hands continue up river, swarms of bugs kept at bay by repellent. Three plesiosaurs fighting over a corpse see a new meal approaching and charge the canoes, but a quick row to shore and a beastly display of intimidation from Krenko wards off the aquatic dinosaurs. With a quick skirt around the carnivores, onward they go.

​

A couple hours pass of watching wildlife through the treetop evaporation. The mist is thicker up ahead... Eku had mentioned that sections of the River Shoshenstar contained rapids and waterfalls. Thinking better of actually trying to canoe up a series of them, an overland detour is deemed the smarter option. Gear is loaded up, duties are shared to lift two canoes and Undril's crate, and the expedition heads southward into the trees.

​

It isn't the easiest path trekking uphill through the jungle, but Krenko clears a path through the undergrowth best he can. With a canoe overhead, sweat pours down Bertram's face as he wonders if this was truly the easier route. The historian's doubts fade, however, when the hill is crested and an old clearing with ancient stonework is spotted. Ruins! Col, Eku, and Undril stay behind to guard the canoes as the others investigate.

​

Bertram read about these. Massive signal towers that were once used to communicate between Chultan city-states before an event known as the Spellplague. This one is mostly collapsed rubble being reclaimed by the forest, but the tower's base still remains intact for about a good 30 feet off the ground. A troupe of curious monkeys living atop the ruins cautiously watch as the Handy Hands investigate. This place is old, but not untraveled. Many tracks, some old, some new. Of particular note are large rounded tracks that go into a darkened hole at the ruin's base. What's inside?

​

The smell catches the crew right away. Something dead. Peach casts invisibility on herself and Krenko as they enter. Arnie makes his surviving dog glow blue with light, and he and Bertram follow behind. The interior nearly resembles a natural cavern after generations of tropical rain has eroded the stone. A collapsed passage. The odor intensifies around a bend. The bard spies two bodies at the rear of the "cavern" but Krenko calls out: mind the tripwire. Bertram catches up and studies using his growing knowledge of traps... the place is rigged to collapse. The corpses of an emaciated tabaxi and a decomposing rhinoceros lie still, apparently given in to a lack of proper food and water. Poor bastards. A raincatcher and a couple of small barrels of tej are salvaged from the rhino's packs, and it's back out to the daylight as the curious monkeys retreat.

​

Where there's curious primates, there's loot! A still invisible Peach climbs vines up to the ruined top tower, Bertram failing to follow with his noodle arms unfit for climbing. The big monkeys jump around skittishly observing the visible crew from above as the eladrin makes her way to the primate's hovel, stealthily squeezing between a couple of them to sort through debris. A silver coin, a copper one... and then a monkey's face catches her eye. Skull-like features. Rows of dagger-like teeth. Her mind goes back to the demon-primate thing seen weeks ago in the Grand Souk. Oh. Oh no. These aren't monkeys!

 

Peach runs for the vines but it's too late. Invisibility fading and one of them in the way, she punts the su-monster over the edge. Another turns and howls, a psychic blast stunning the bard in her tracks as others converge in and shred with their claws and teeth. Bertram misty steps up to aid Peach as a whole host of the monstrosities descend, leaving Arnie to deal with the previously-punted one as it leaps at the handyman and his dog. Vest of Levitation activated, Krenko floats up to aid Peach and Bertram before changing course and angling down to assist Arnie, swooping in with knives akimbo. 

​

Things get worrisome as even more su-monsters climb from the far side of the ruins, psychically blasting as they emerge. Luckily no more stuns connect, but Peach is in need of immediate defense as she takes many more hits. Bertram slashes to keep the creatures at bay, killing one while Arnie lays flat the one below. Krenko floats back up... just in time to take a stunning blast to the face and float on by unchecked. Peach manages to regain her wits just in time for Bertram to wrap his arm around her and vanish with a sonic boom. Thunderstep blasts back the su-monsters and echoes throughout the ruins as the warlock and the bard teleport to safety beyond Arnie. 

​

Demon-primates tear into the stunned goblin as he slowly levitates over the top of the ruins, Arnie and Bertram attempting to lob spells from below the best they can as Peach faerie fires and inspires. The remaining su-monsters turn on Arnie as Krenko floats out of range. Inflict wounds sears the life out of one and allies are quick to help the handyman with the rest. Bertram claims one, Peach another, then fey steps in front of the final fleeing creature... just in time to see a recovered Krenko descending from above in a whir of blades and to utterly blend the su-monster to bits. Gross! But gratifying!

​

The crew heals up and returns to the canoes where Col draws attention to the path behind them. Fresh goblin tracks. It seems their portage trek hasn't gone unnoticed by the Batiri. Best stay on guard. Despite keeping a wary eye open for tribal ambushes, the rest of the inland detour is almost relaxing as the rainforest noises become familiar comforts. An hour passes, then it's back into the River Shoshenstar beyond the rapids. The sun's heat, the flowing water, the endless bird calls. All build a growing familiarity as the Handy Hands paddle a few more hours upriver.

​

A fire glows near the shore ahead. The faint sound of music. Our curious crew paddles close enough to see a fellow party of travelers setting up camp for the night. A silver dragonborn, a dwarven cleric... hey, we know these guys! It's the Company of the Yellow Banner! 

​

"Salutation!", calls the talking lizard from the dwarf's shoulder. Some friendly company for the night, perhaps?

​

The yawning mouth of the River Shoshenstar stretches nearly two miles across, beckoning travelers to risk the jungles beyond. Calmer than the ocean yet turbulent due to volume, two canoes paddle a few miles upriver in the late day's light. 

​

A calm inlet on the east shore. This should work for the night. Canoes are pulled to land, Winchton does a quick border scout, and Bertram sets to work building a fire. There no luck for Krenko in an evening fishing attempt, at least not with an improvised pole and unsatisfactory bait. The crew is nervous about their first night out in the wilds, but Peach is at the ready with the newfound ability to create a magically secure shelter - Leomund's tiny hut. It's a tight fit with an orangutan and two dogs, but cramped quarters are a small price for safety. Winchton re-reads a crumpled letter from his pocket while Eku and Arnie chat into the night about a village just upstream.

 

The night is calm. Just a few nocturnal sightings for those on watch... but Winchton's dreams are anything but boring. 

​

*         *         *

​

A boy of partial orcish blood sits on the lap of an elderly halfling, large storybook in hand. Winchton watches his memory from the reading room's doorway, fondly recalling how the kind butler Wadsworth was the father he never had. The book's pictures animate as Wadsworth narrates, the grand journey of an adventuring party unfolding. Over fields, through valleys, monsters are slain and beasts are encountered. The scene warps along with the narration: savannas become dense forests, the heroes morph into strangely familiar companions. Winchton furrows his brow as he watches the memory... this wasn't how the story went. 

​

The hero with the tropical shirt is devoured by cannibals. The smart one summons a sword, then the sword absorbs the man and soars away on great black wings. The druid shifts into a snake, shifts halfway back, and coldly walks away as a yuan-ti. The elven one panickedly repeats "Not again..." as the goblin with the knives is consumed by a gargantuan dragon head. 

​

The butler's eyes go wide, then slowly rise to look directly at the half-orc hunter in the doorway who thought himself invisible up to this point. "This isn't how the story goes, is it?"

​

The boy squeals in excitement. "Read me another, Grand Papa!" Winchton cocks his head. 'Grand Papa?'  The boy looks up as well, staring at the visitor in the doorway.

​

A boy that is not Winchton.

​

*         *         *

​

Winchton Carmichael awakes, crumpled note clutched in hand. Rain trickles down the magical hut. Lingering feelings of a faded dream dwell in the back of everyone's minds. Something about a picture book? Nothing is said aloud, but Bertram's Agamaya voices excitement at something vividly remembered. Huh. Canoes are loaded, and it's off into the morning rain.

​

The village disappoints Arnie. This isn't a riverside resort! Eku chats with an old fisherman in Chultan, the rest watching as a ferry carries miners to the docks. Not a whole lot here by Port Nyanzaru standards, but the huts on stilts are quaint and fresh enough to intrigue the crew. The goblin buys some proper fishing gear, Arnie is dissuaded from swinging on vines like a child, and the expedition continues upriver. Roughly 90 miles to Camp Vengeance as the crow flies, estimates Bertram, and who knows what the twisting river and unknown hazards will add to that. Best get moving.

​

More rain. Looks like one of those days where it just never stops. A newly purchased water collector is easily set to task by Peach. Occasional beasts are seen on the shores, smaller ones minding the passing canoes and larger ones not bothering to look up. Krenko tries his hand at fishing again, this time with great success. Two big fat red riverfish! The barbarian beats the fish senseless with his frying pan and eagerly shows off his bounty. A soaked Undril squints from the back of a canoe, unsure what to make of 'enjoyment' while surrounded by foreign danger.

​

Col, however, can't be bothered. There's nature to observe. A towering pair of brachiosaurs move like animated trees, their calf guarded between them. A swarm of vicious dagger-toothed fish assault a floating animal corpse. A herd of hadrosaurs mind their own business and eat river vegetation. Something large occasionally surges from under the river waters nearby. Two large crane-like birds around 8 feet tall stalk the river's edge.

​

"Eku, what are those?"

​

The jungle guide looks, then cautions. "Eblis. Devious ones. I tend not to trust what they say."

​

"What they... say?" Col looks a little disconcerted. It seems even some non-humanoid creatures of Chult are sentient and can speak. Not necessarily a comforting thought. What of other winged "people"? Eku tells again of the pterafolk, an evil predatory race, but also of the aarakokra - a hawk-like species that inhabit cliffside communes around Chult. One in particular, Kir Sabal, is an aarakokra monastary where she says she has many good friends.

​

The wildlife talk intrigues Krenko as well, who does his little dance of speak with animals to listen in on the natives. Not much for birds on this rainy day, but the occasional dinosaurs are interesting. The monkeys, though? Just flat out rude!

​

The rain falls harder. A small outcropping of rocks in the river can barely be made out where two figures flail for attention. A broken canoe. A pair of miserable-looking women. Ahh yes... the old fisherman back in the village had said that a couple of villagers had not returned from the previous day's fishing trip. This must be them! Arnie perks up at seeing people in need, enthusiastically asking his companions to aid the pair. There's handyman work to be done, and these Hands help!

​

Their Common isn't great, but the women are able to make their point clear: Some large beast wrecked their canoe and still prowls nearby, making a swim to shore dangerous. With a quick port, they could walk back from here. Easy enough! Though wreaking of rotted fish from swathing themselves in their spare fishnets and canvas, the women take seats in the front of the two canoes. It doesn't take long for things to get weird.

​

"Pretty... Pretty..." Winchton notices one of the women eerily repeating the word while petting one of Arnie's dogs, which looks less than comfortable from the attention. Arnie himself feels a wet pressure, looking down to see the other woman caressing his leg. The handyman tenses up as he pulls his leg away. The surge of river water is seen again.

​

"Arnie." The handyman freezes. It's Eku's voice, but it's in his head.

​

"If you can hear me, scratch your ear." He scratches his ear. "We have made a mistake. You are in danger." Arnie peers over the canoe's edge, gesturing at the motion of whatever beast is below the murky brown water. "No...", comes the voice again. "The monsters. The monsters are inside the canoes."

​

Arnie goes pale. With no escape, the handyman thinks fast and rips a patch resembling a rowboat off his Labcoat of Many Things, throws it into the water, and leaps into the rapidly expanding vessel. The woman in front of him screeches and whips around, clawing deep into his leg. The illusions fade. Bodies twist and elongate, fingers extend into long talons. Two hideous entities with doll-like eyes, large mouths full of shark teeth, and hair of tangled seaweed throw themselves at their canoe-bound prey.

​

Overcoming shock and fear, Krenko rages and throws himself over his canoe mates to get to the other side and stab away. As Arnie collects his nerves and heals up a bit, the water surges and breaks. A third creature! It grins as it emerges, eyes aglow with crackling energy, raising its arms to blast a lightning bolt down the length of one canoe before disappearing into the muddy water. Most are able to dodge, but Undril takes the bolt full blast and nearly collapses. 

​

'Three', thinks Peach. 'Something about three...'. With many fey-touched creatures there are certain numbers that resonate and amplify their natures. "Hideous twisted forms that despite beauty... Hags! A coven of hags!' The eladrin bard quickly spreads word that the situation just got far more dangerous, and they must try to take out one as soon as possible.

​

Winchton and Lovely assault the hag directly in front of them but lose a bit of accuracy in the shuffle. A faerie fire comes from Peach and illuminates the first for easy tracking. Bertram follows Arnie's lead and misty steps over to the safety of the rowboat, slashing at the hag still stretching for the handyman's leg. Col tries something a bit different: instead of shifting into serpent form, nature energy swirls and a mass of boa constrictors materialize all around the canoes as he casts conjure animals for the first time. The first hag spins and grabs at Krenko but the goblin is too agile. Arnie can only watch and scream as the second hag - clawed hands still petting one of his dogs - severs the body of Arnie's Little Helper #2 and whirls to grin at Lovely and Winchton.

​

"They killed a dog!", shouts... well, most everyone. "Never kill a dog! These bitches are going down!"

​

Eku reveals a bit more of her arcane skill and blesses a few allies as the third hag emerges again, second canoe in the firing line. Krenko and Arnie miss their attacks as another lightning bolt sears across the river, taking out two of Col's snakes and nearly killing Lovely. The half-orc hunter ducks down to aid his ape companion while Bertram eldritch blasts the second hag from the rowboat. Boa constrictors lunge at and grapple both visible hags while Krenko jumps overboard to try to locate the dangerous third one. Feeling a wave of fear in the chaos, Peach finds herself unable to approach... and the second hag notices. Turning its dead-eyed glare towards the bard, Peach loses her will to live and drops unconscious. Spells from the handyman *poof* in the air as the hags counterspell his efforts, but nothing can stop the desert druid as Col and his snakes overcome and finally end the life of the first hag.

​

The coven is broken but danger abounds. Krenko climbs on board to assist Winchton and Lovely, and take out the second hag, but where is the third? Behind the search area between boats, a wretched form rises in the water behind Arnie. 

​

"Join me, beautiful!", croaks the hag, as she wraps her arms around the handyman cleric and drags him into the depths.

​

The guide Eku jumps overboard to help, but it's too late. They're out of sight. The murky water prevents most from helping... but not Col, as he wildshapes into a shark mid-air and dives in pursuit. A panicked Arnie can't break the grasp, but he can inflict wounds and rot the hag's flesh, causing her to screech and lose her grip. Shark-Col catches up just in time to see the last hag rapidly retreating, helping Arnie buoy to the surface and use a surviving snake as a flotation device. As friends and allies climb back aboard, Bertram jumps boats to restore consciousness to Peach. The danger is over. For now.

​

Winchton had been quiet today, but the aftermath of battle spurs the half-orc to address the others. 

​

"My friends...", says Winchton as he pulls out the crumpled note. "I admit I've been a bit less than honest. This letter was received back in Port Nyanzaru. I didn't know what to make of it, but after last night's dreams and today's brush with death, I think I know what I must do."

​

The hunter reads the handwriting of Commander Liara Portyr of Fort Beluarian. "She is pregnant, and I am the father. Portyr says that military bastards come and go." He pauses, reflecting on sad old memories. "But the lonely childhood that I experienced... I cannot wish that upon another. I must do the right thing. A child needs a father. Arnie? May I come aboard?"

​

Winchton and his orangutan friend shift over to the rowboat as the others shift back to the canoes. This may be farewell, the half-orc hunter says, but not forever. Should the Handy Hands ever find themselves near Fort Beluarian, they'll have a good friend waiting. 

​

And so the ranger from The Vast - the one who came to kill great beasts but found a new appreciation for the beauty of life - rows downstream into the heavy rain and out of the companionship of the Handy Hands. As the rain and mist obscure the departing duo, Lovely can be heard hooting in response to Winchton Carmichael's musings of baby names.

​

"What was the name of that old anklyosaurus again? That was a good one..."

​

​

The parting is bittersweet as the Handy Hands permanently lose one of their own. In real life, Logan (Winchton's player) and his wife are expecting! He departs to use his D&D time for all that first-time parents must do. One of the best ways to exit a campaign, one may say. And who knows... months from now, perhaps a certain half-orc will return, with baby in tow?

​

Insect repellent: check. Rain-catcher: check. Rations: check. A few barrels of honey wine? Sure, why not... check. With Arnie's obligatory purchase of a "I Heart Chult" mug, the expedition's last trip to the Grand Souk is complete. Tomorrow is the day!

​

Eager to leave but sad for what he must do, Krenko leads his dinosaur companion back to the 'Children of Ubtao' dinosaur stable. The granddaughter of the previous owner knows Esmerelda well, it doesn't make it much easier. He casts speak with animals and says goodbye to his anklyosaurus buddy, making sure to pay extra for only the best of food while he's away.

​

Back at the Thundering Lizard, the crew watches a dour dark elf and a small crow-person load in their band gear. Bertram broods, contemplative after mailing another letter to his distant sister. Winchton and Peach retire for the evening, but Col spies his lizard-folk associates from the night before and the rest hang at the bar with Crumbeard. Drinks are ordered but the normally gregarious Crumbeard stares in focused silence as the night's music begins. The drow hits a note on the keyboard. The kenku opens its beak... and a wondrous opera of ethereal tones emerges. The dwarf can't help but start crying, the rest more just confused at the vulgar beauty of a goth drow and a little kenku operating as the weirdest pair of sonic playback samplers. Lovely the orangutan takes particular interest, begging Winchton to be let out of the room to join the others at the bar, completely fixating on the music.

​

In buying a healthy supply of cumin to surprise his friends with later, Arnie is approached by the tabaxis River Mist and Flask of Wine. Why take just Eku when you can have THREE guides! The handyman defers to his friends at the bar but Bertram and Krenko do their best to pretend no tabaxis exist in the establishment. No? Well. They'll ask again in the morning at the docks, perhaps. Flask fistbumps Lovely on the way out, Krenko buys some bottles of booze for the journey, and the scene fades to black.

​

Back in her room and unable to sleep, Peach paces. The fighter. The wizard. The cleric whose name she can't remember! The faces of dead allies from previous jungle expeditions haunt her mind. Will this be another doomed journey? Is she the reason her past companions have died? Red leaves fall from her hair. Crumbeard walks in and begins disrobing, reminding Peach that she's always just sort of squatted in other people's rooms. But there's no intimate interest. The fey elf paces.
 

*         *         *

The Handy Hands wake to the smell of... not cumin, as a manic blonde elf cooks in the tavern's kitchen. Is that Peach? The eladrin bard explains. As an elf of the Feywild, she has a habit of changing "seasons" based on her mood. While always friendly and generous, until now they've known 'Fall' Peach. The anticipation (and dread) of adventure has molted her into 'Summer' Peach... boldly energetic, much more blonde and tan, and but otherwise the same old Peach. The cleric Undril Silvertusk awakes and joins for breakfast, and then it's time to go! Crumbeard bids farewell, and it's time to leave the city.

​

Eku awaits outside, required payments are made, and the serene guide leads onward. The Thundering Lizard disappears behind. Past the Red Bazaar, past the Grand Souk, past the hills of temples and Goldenthrone, and past Old City where the silhouette of a certain Beggar Prince is sipping tea in the dawn light on top of his ziggurat. Shoshenstar Anchorage lies just a quarter mile beyond. The series of docks is far smaller than than those in Tiryki Anchorage, but it's a useful landing for those journeying to or from the great River Shoshenstar, whose mouth is situated a good 12 miles or so to the west.

​

Bertram sighs. A familiar old man in a tweed hat and jacket leans on a boathouse, eating ice cream and staring at the sea. The historian ignores it best he can and considers blowing off his grandfather entirely, but he walks over. The conversation is tense yet Sachiel seems almost... meditative. The angel-in-human-disguise is quite terrible at family relations, but if anything he is putting a bit more effort into not caustically reacting with his aasimar grandson. A commune is offered.

 

The warlock historian challenges the angel - What of this "Vorn" that Wakanga wishes to find? "It is worshipped.", replies Sachiel. "On a warship.", replies Bertram. "Got it." The next questions are far more personal and serious. What of Bertram's absentee father? Long dead, it seems. Unwise gamblers sometimes get their dues, alludes the angel. And what of Bertram's brother, how is he? To this, Sachiel has no answer. No divine reply comes. Whatever Bertram knows, and whatever unrest sits in his mind, his celestial grandfather is unable to divine. Before an awkward goodbye and an equally awkward well-wishing, Sachiel reminds Bertram that aasimars always have a purpose, even if unknown. The historian turns back to the docks.

​

Winchton helps Undril load the crate. Eku grabs an oar and points the way. The rest board, one of Arnie's dogs on each canoe prow. The two canoes pull away to traverse the coast towards the mouth of the River Shoshenstar just as two harried tabaxi run out to the docks as the canoes paddle away... no time for more jungle guides! Onward! TO ADVENTURE! 

​

*         *         *

​

The canoes cut westward through the morning's choppy ocean waves towards the mighty River Shoshenstar. Winchton, Bertram, Col, and Eku steadily paddle towards the distant river mouth. Undril takes the grandeur in, while Krenko and Arnie bicker about the proximity of the former's knives to the latter's butt. Seeing the bay's notorious dragon turtle Aremag shake down another ship in the far distance, conversation is inspired with their guide Eku. There is some suspicion of their guide's altruistic motivations, but Peach senses that this middle-aged woman is as earnest as she says. 

​

Eku cautions of Chult's dangers, but praises its wonders. As a professional guide it is her duty to assure success and survival, though she cautions that even the most skilled jungle guide does not have a 100% "customer survival rate". She also warns of seeking answers. As much as Chult is full of beauty and horrors, it is also full of the explainable... and sometimes mysteries may have no conclusion. "...Yet others may.", finishes Eku, nodding towards a bloated corpse bobbing in the ocean surf.

​

The goblin barbarian lands a well-thrown grappling hook and starts reeling the corpse in. Until it bobs. Fins. Many fins. It seems a group of sharks was enjoying the meal, and continue to follow. A few strong tugs on the corpse threaten to drag Krenko overboard but he holds fast. Pulled alongside one canoe the corpse's lack of legs is noticed, as well as a waterlogged backpack. Just as Arnie leans over to detach the pack, another shark pulls at the body and the handyman goes overboard. Excited by all the movement, the sharks swirl into a feeding frenzy!

​

A quick sleep from Peach makes one of the sharks roll over and drift away but many more swarm around. Bertram unleashes his upgraded double eldritch blasts and takes out another. Thinking fast, Krenko chops off one of the corpses arm and throws it, hoping to distract the pack with other dining options. Inspired, Bertram casts prestidigitation to make the existing dead meal options more attractive than a flailing cleric. A panicked Arnie climbs back on board while Col and Winchton do their best to speed the canoes ahead away from the frenzy. Peach jumps off and quickly teleports back with a rapid misty step to retrieve the backpack. A divine blast from Arnie deals with final pursuing shark, and crisis is averted. For now.

 

A few gems are found in the pack as well as a water-damaged Flaming Fist Charter of Exploration made out to 'Lord Onovan IV of The Dales'. Best wishes in the afterlife, Lord Onovan, but The Handy Hands shall not be joining you today. Peach muses as the canoes pull away from the scene: "Lifeless eyes... black eyes... like a doll's eyes..."

​

Hours pass. Every time the crew think they are soon upon the mouth of the River Shoshenstar, the expanse of the estuary just grows in size. How massive is this river? By late afternoon, the saltwater turns brackish where the broad river spills into the ocean. Eku cautions of whirlpools where the waters mingle, and sure enough, Winchton spots and dodges a vortex among the waves. Col and Arnie are not so lucky.

​

The second canoe wavers and rotates with a large eddy's spiral... a minor inconvenience, if not for the fact that a mass of large reptiles sunning themselves on the distant shore had taken notice. Crocodiles! Too many crocodiles! The druid and handyman struggle to no avail. Krenko - sitting between them - successfully throws out his grappling hook to Bertram in the other canoe. The towing operation seems well and good, until Eku's arms give out and both linked canoes spiral inward. The crocodiles draw closer!

​

It's nearly a comedy routine as Winchton and Bertram juggle the duties of canoe paddling and rope reeling, with Bertram's skinny arms failing to help his friends multiple times until the rope is passed to Lovely and the orangutan's great strength is realized. Lovely and Krenko pull with all their might while Arnie and Col finally make some headway... and just in time! The canoes angle away from the swirling whirlpools just before the dozen or so crocodiles arrive for an easy feast.

​

Paddling up the river's mouth to calmer waters, a wide-eyed cleric of the Order of the Gauntlet pops her head over her large crate from the rear of the canoe. 

​

"Is it... is it always like this out here?", says Undril.

​

With recall of their first few days of chaos, Col Eryx turns and flashes a primal snake-like smile in the late day sun.

​

"Welcome to Chult!"

​