WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.

(A shorter session due to technical difficulties, but read on fellow adventurer! Somewhere between
Die Hard, Cliffhanger, Mission: Impossible, and Cirque du Soliel, a complex acrobatic encounter unfolds...)

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After weeks of trudging through jungles and up treacherous rivers, this is traveling in style! The Handy Hands look on in amazement as they see their land of adventure from above for the first time. A rolling green sea of tree canopies spotted with vein-like tributaries stretches below, rocky mountains guarding the west. What better time for a relaxing drink? 

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Arnie pulls a patch off his Labcoat of Useful Items and manifests a large burlap sack that, with the help of Vorn, hauls a barrel of tej up from the construct's hammock below the boat-like gondola of the hot air-powered contraption. The crew is barely a cup into their Happy Hour when Bertram calls from the back of the vessel.

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"So... hey... Shorty. What exactly do 'pterafolk' look like?", he says, as he points astern.

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The tabaxi merchant squints, counting the black dots on the horizon. Eyes go wide. "...Shit!"

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The dots close in from behind, rapidly growing into winged forms. The raiders that originally downed her flying machine have returned! With no way to speed up the hot air balloon, all the Handy Hands can do is prep for an aerial battle as the squadron approaches. Cunning things, Shorty warns. Watch for clever tactics. Krenko jury rigs flashbangs by skewering lightning mangoes on a few arrows. Bertram ties off to a long rope and climbs rigging to the top of the balloon and hangs on for dear life, Eku readying below to aid in balloon defense. Arnie and Col ready to defend the main deck, Samryn the tiger at their side. Get ready!

 

Krenko's first snipe goes wide. The second detonates on one in an electrified fruity explosion before Arnie finishes it off with an arc of scorching ray, body dropping from the sky. The remaining six close in and the crew get a look at their pursuers: freakish dinosaur-human bodies, long beaks, cranial crests, each close to 10 foot tall with over a 20 foot wingspan. No wonder locals call these things "terror folk"!

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When they start shouting taunts in Common across the wind, the uncanny valley is a touch too disturbing. Bertram potshots eldritch blasts while Arnie unleashes another blast of fire to critically sear one of the attackers.

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"AHH! It burnses me! BURNSES!", the pterodactyl-human screams.

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Their formation splits. One goes high, one goes low, the remaining four dive-bomb the deck. It's a flurry of beaks and claws as Krenko and Arnie are strafed one by one, another slashing at Bertram on top of the balloon. The precarious situation brings fear to Col and Arnie, but the rest hold fast! With a *skrich*, the pterafolk that flew below attaches itself to the boat-gondola and starts sawing away at the large hammock with a knife. They mean to drop Vorn into the sky!

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The severely burned pterafolk lands on the deck and gnashes at Arnie in revenge, the handyman dodging away but blocked from aiding his robot friend below. A quick inflict wounds misses just as another lands and tears into Samryn, the tiger fearfully fleeing to the rear of the deck near Shorty. 

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Meanwhile up top, Bertram holds steady on precarious billowy footing against his strafing attacker. It's the flanking support that catches him off guard. Veering up from the deck and despite Eku's best effort to shield the blow, a second pterafolk claws a long tear down the side of the balloon and the historian falls flat among the collapsing cloth.

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"Hot air escaping!", shouts Shorty as she pilots. "We're losing altitude!" Not good!

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The hammock's ropes start to give way, the entire vessel lilting to the side as Vorn's weight shifts. Also not good! But the goblin is ready, having ducked out of action for long enough to tie off his climbing harness. Knife between his teeth and thinking fast, Krenko dives off the stern and into the void. The rope goes taut, the barbarian arcs through the sky against the wind at just the right moment to land square on the back of the pterafolk clinging next to Vorn and start stabbing, a single metal fist barely missing him and crunching into the pterafolk's face.

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"Ow! Bad machine! Get off, goblin thing! OFF!"

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(DM: At this point I wish I had a diagram to better portray the physics insanity! In what follows,

imagine a trapeze act, except one revolving around a slow-crashing aircraft rather than inside a circus tent.)

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Back up top the historian is caught off guard as his assailant furiously dives with talons extended. Nabbed! The pterafolk squawks triumphantly as it abducts the Bertram into the sky. Moments later he grunts in pain as  the rope around his waist goes tight, stopping the kidnapper mid-flight. It looks back confused just in time to see a tongue-like whip wrap around its body and surge with energy. The critical hit of a wrathful smite rips the pterafolk in two... and sends the warlock swinging through the sky like the end of a pendulum.

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On the deck Eku protects Samryn, but it only serves to divert attention to Arnie. As his burned nemesis is finished off, talons wrap around the handyman from behind and take off into the sky with its new prey.

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"...Bye!", calls back Arnie as he helplessly is hauled away, hundreds of feet above the ground. Think, Arnie, think! There has to be something that helps! Arnie reaches for his labcoat and rips a patch off... another burlap sack! "Hey!" Arnie calls up, "Hey dino-bird man!"

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"The meat shouldn't speak!", calls down the pterafolk as it lowers its head... and plays right into the plan. Arnie whips the bag over the creature's head. With wings for arms, all it can do is screech and erratically fly blindly. Well. The predicament isn't any worse, at least?

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Down below Krenko stabs until *CRUNCH*, Vorn's metal fist smashes the clinging pterafolk's head. It limply falls, Krenko along with it until his harness snaps tight. The goblin is surprised to see Bertram swing by like a pendulum as he climbs back on the deck, hardly there a moment before a wildly flying sack-blinded pterafolk with Arnie in its talons spirals by. Mid-air chaos! Let's add to it! An expert throw of the grappling hook wraps around Arnie's legs... yanking Krenko right back off the deck and into the air once again. The remaining pterafolk retreats to help its sacked friend to no avail.

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Arnie shouts up to his abductor: "I'll take the sack off if you put me down to the ground!"

 

It agrees. "To the ground, yes!" The claws loose... and the handyman freefalls.

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Eku dives off the deck and into coatl form just as an airborne Krenko struggles with the rope. It may be too late! Grip is lost, Arnie expects a plummet to doom, then *thwip*: an organic whip stretches outward. Return swinging at full velocity, Bertram triumphantly shouts as he lassos the handyman. The aircraft lurches again as the hammock breaks and Vorn grabs the gondola, but things relatively stabilize as the surviving attackers flee. Safe! Or are they? Col helps Bertram, Arnie, and Krenko back on deck as Eku returns, but this contraption has had too much. The damaged hot air balloon is going down.

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"Hold on! It's gonna be a rough landing!", calls out Shorty. Blue mist below. Nothing they can do about that now. With an unceremonious drag and thunk the gondola and torn balloon slow-crash to the ground and its passengers tumble out, fully immersed in a fog of Mad Monkey Mist.

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Can't stay here long. Arnie, Eku, and Shorty get to work repairing the balloon and Vorn's hammock while the rest forage for yahcha beetles - a known antidote to the mist's madness. With only one found, Bertram and Eku strategize for inevitable mental derangement. An hour and a half later, the gang once again takes to the skies and course set for the small village they know of near the mouth of the River Shoshenstar.

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*         *         *

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Thousands of stars dot the sky. Through evening and through the night, the Handy Hands take turns piloting the slow dirigible and admire the beauty. It's been a while since they've not had a ceiling of leaves above them. Casual conversations of psychedelic edibles and aircraft design are had, and by the crack of the morning sun their destination is seen on the horizon. A low village of huts on stilts, friendly folk, and - as Arnie remembers - a particularly nice vine swing.

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The balloon descends and locals wave up to the crew, exclaiming amazement when the large metal man lounging below the deck waves back. A safe landing, for a change. And one that should be only a day's journey from Port Nyanzaru.

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Bertram can't say he's upset about the new beard. Rather pleased, in fact. The grey-white beard that rapidly grew down his chin gives something of a professorial vibe, does it not? Opinions seem mixed among the crew, Arnie in particular a bit suspicious. Connection is made that it's the dwarven belt that is causing rampant hair follicles, but Bertram's okay with it.

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Savage jungle considered it's actually something of a peaceful journey back northeast. It's over a hundred miles back to Port Nyanzaru, but between Col's expert navigation and Krenko's speedy wayfinding they're feeling pretty good about it. A detour to avoid Yellyark causes a second reroute when Vorn cannot easily get across a chasm, but eventually the trek continues until finding a cozy abandoned campsite. A fire is lit and the gang bonds over returning to civilization: Bertram hopes to add to the museum, Arnie has been missing those beachside cocktails, Eku her orphanage volunteer time, and Col will just be happy to no longer be under the thumb of a Merchant Prince.

 

It's a quiet night. Humidity rolls in... likely rain tomorrow. A distant roll of thunder. Another. Repeating and getting closer. With a crack of his tongue whip Bertram shoots himself up into a tree to see the unexpected: That's no approaching dinosaur. That's a massive humanoid's silhouette! The warlock climbs down to quickly rouse the others, defensive postures are taken as tree branches shatter nearby. Two huge hands part the foliage above the campsite, revealing a giant's face.

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"Hellooooooo!"

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Blue skin, icy white hair. Another frost giant! The crew blink at each other, then find themselves cordially agreeing to company as the huge woman invites herself into the campsite. Thyra is her name, and she's rather pleasant so far as frost giants go. Turns out she's a bit lost in their search for this 'Kimber' and just happy to see other sentient beings. After peeling a zombie off the sole of her boot and chatting a bit, Thyra pulls out a flask the size of Krenko and the evening fun begins. 

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One sip and Arnie's out for the night. The rest manage to keep up for a bit. Much is learned about west of here: a pass through the Mistcliff Mountains, some ruins, an undead presence, a gnomish logging operation, clarification that 'Kimber' is a human who stole a ring. All interesting stuff, but the Handy Hands are invested in traveling eastward at this point. The giant rolls over, the crew takes solace in a huge protector for the night, and sleep takes most.

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Moaning and shuffling. It disconcerts Krenko during his watch, but he stifles a laugh when he sees the cause. A small horde of zombies wanders into camp, each one with a Batiri arrow stuck in each eye socket. By simply remaining quiet next to a passed-out Arnie, the goblin watches as the blind parade wanders right out the other side of camp. Nice joke.

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The giant says goodbye and it's time to continue east. A huge spider latched onto Arnie's back during the night - something he's not too pleased about after Col points it out. Prying off the docile arachnid Krenko gives it a new perch on himself, enjoying a bit of speak with animals basic spider conversation as they trek through the morning rain. "Passion fruits!", Eku excitedly exclaims at one point, collecting a bunch of the reddish-purple orbs. "Delicious things, with the side effect of making you feel emotions more... passionately." Could be fun later!

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Mid-day Arnie spies a large ape sitting under a tree. A gorilla... and is it holding a wand? He has to check this out. Making nice, the handyman is able to get close and sit, conferring best he can with the ape. The bedazzled but bent wand sparks like a frayed power line - seems dangerous, but the gorilla is transfixed. The rest of the crew watch cautiously at a distance while Arnie has his primate moment. An adventurer's old corpse nearby - the ape must have found the wand on the body. 

 

Arcs of energy course out of the cracked shaft as the gorilla excitedly shakes it. That's no good! Perhaps a trade is in order? Arnie slips his old exhausted Ring of Wishes on to the gorilla's finger, distracting it just long enough to safely get the wand away. A show is put on to entertain, Vorn even called forward to the ape's surprise, the gorilla wary but mystified until Bertram makes the robot glow. That's a bit too much, and the spooked ape runs into the woods. So much for new primate friends. At least the "bomb" situation was diffused.

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Come night another tree roost is found, a thick leafy coverage thankfully muting the continuing rain. What to do with a pile of passion fruits?! Eku proposes a game but the rules are never too clear... but that's okay. Time to eat fruit and answer questions. True enough, answers get more and more real as each takes their turn. Krenko quizzes Arnie on his fear of cannibals. Arnie asks Col of life back in the desert. Col pries into Bertram's historical knowledge. Sure enough, the passion fruit amplifies emotions. Feelings intensify. Bertram analysis of Krenko's thoughts on dragon meat causes the goblin to go into a raging frenzy and devour all of his rations. Arnie confronts Bertram about his now-huge and luxurious beard, accusing him of secretly being an albino dwarf.

 

Bertram smooths his beard and nods towards Krenko. "Perhaps we truly are a pair of fine young cannibals (hoo! hoo!)."

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Strange fruits. Strange feelings. But now time for some rest.

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The morning storm soaks through but it isn't so bad that they cannot travel. Lightning crashes nearby, shattering a fruit tree and... making it glow? The scorched tree hums with electricity, arcs of energy jumping between its mangoes. For Bertram it's too tempting of a curiosity. Disturbing a fruit releases a violent explosion of electricity that blows everyone back, frizzling hair and jolting nervous systems. The tree's fruit still glows, though less so. Krenko tests, picking another and lobbing it into the woods, the fruit exploding with a zap. Weaponized mangoes! Neat! Handfuls are collected before moving on.

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Thankfully the rain relents. After a day and a half of it, blue skies peek through the clouds as the crew nears a rocky spur of the Mistcliffs. Light beams through the canopy to illuminate a camp up ahead. Abandoned. Or is it? In looting pony kegs of tej from the ripped tents and attaching them to Vorn, three mangled halfling corpses are found. Some sort of violence happened here. Col narrows his eyes. Claw wounds. Javelins. A fall from great height. He's heard the stories of these pterafolk - "terror folk" as the locals say - and this scene has all the hallmarks of the vicious flying raiders.

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When the singing is heard just to the north, understandably most take cover. But not Arnie.

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The handyman follows the sound out from the treeline towards the foothills of the mountains, Krenko changing his mind to stealth behind. Among the boulders what looks like a large rowboat surrounded by piles of cloth rests damaged, singing coming from within. Arnie breaks a branch. The singing stops then nervously resumes, abruptly stopping again when Arnie begins singing back.

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"Who goes there? Back off! I am a great and powerful adventurer!"

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"Hi there! I'm Arnie! Arnie of the Handy Hands! How are you? Do you need help?"

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Large yellow feline eyes rise above the boat's edge. The dark-furred tabaxi stares at the fur-hatted man, the waving goblin next to him, and the towering robot walking up from behind. "I knew it...", she mutters. "The blue mist came and I have lost my mind. Go away, hallucinations!"

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It takes some convincing, especially once Col and Bertram emerge, but eventually the tabaxi is persuaded that the Handy Hands are indeed an adventuring party and that they mean no ill will. A bit of trust gained, she introduces herself. She is Short Stick on a Tall Tree - 'Shorty' for short and despite not being particularly short herself - a shipwreck scavenger and traveling merchant. This "boat" is actually a makeshift flying contraption that hangs underneath a large balloon inflated with hot air. Cousin to River Mist and Flask of Wine, Arnie's two tabaxi contacts, she was on her way back to Port Nyanzaru when pterafolk attacked and caused an emergency landing, hence her desire to quickly repair before the creatures return. Col runs a quick inspection: the damage matches the story, and the thing should be flight-worthy with a bit of help and repair.

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"Help? Repair? It's what the Handy Hands do!", exclaims Arnie.

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Queue the montage!

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The dead halflings' tents are retrieved to use as patch cloth. Krenko and Arnie sew up the balloon's slashes while Col and Bertram collect wood for the large brazier mounted in the center of the boat. Shorty agrees to give the crew a lift with her back to the city, though getting Vorn both on board and airborne may be a feat. Arnie thinks about it... a hammock! Using rope and spare cloth, the handyman rigs up a giant-sized hammock underneath the flying rowboat.

 

With the balloon repaired and modifications complete, it's time to go. "Well...", says Shorty. "Here goes nothing!"

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The brazier's fire is stoked, Shorty's wand of burning hands speeds up the process, and ten minutes later the cloth full of heated air starts to lift the boat. All aboard! There's a groan from Samryn the tiger as the hot air balloon takes to the skies, Vorn jumping into the hammock when Arnie commands...

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... and the robot grinds against the boulders, weighting down the vessel like an anchor. "More heat! More!"

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Firewood is loaded on as Bertram cranks a large fan at the rear for forward momentum. Another blast from the wand, the grinding stops, Arnie looking over the edge to see Vorn lazily floating above the rocks in his hammock. Up and up the balloon goes, clearing the treetops to slowly glide over the rainforest below. Large dark shapes are seen flying in the distance behind, to which Shorty gestures rudely at as the balloon flies away.

 

To Port Nyanzaru! In style!

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It is decided: Back to Yellyark, then to Vorn for assembly. It's going to take some days of travel, but at least they know this corner of Chult's ecosystem well by this point. With a few hours of daylight left, may as well get started. Onward!

 

Wakanga replies to Bertram and seems very intrigued of Vorn being locally worshiped, even offering a "hot tub date" upon return (Bertram RSVP's 'yes'). A few stegosauruses block a shallow river crossing until Krenko startles them aside and the crew travels into dusk, eventually finding a nice tree to climb for the night. The entire way, though, Arnie just can't shake a weird feeling. The feeling of being followed. Nothing seen, but the sense lingers. Something is out there.

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Night watch. Monkeys quietly hoot as a bored Krenko hits up the Alchemy Jug's beer nozzle (up to 4 gallons a day!). Something stalks and watches. Feline eyes reflect, but at who-knows-how-many pints in at this point the goblin can't say he's feeling rather concerned about it. The large orange striped cat climbs up, saunters over in a non-threatening manner... and curls up next to Bertram. Krenko shrugs, waking Arnie before loudly passing out. The handyman beams. A new animal friend! Excitedly petting the huge purring "kitty" he finds it wears a collar with dwarvish script on it. Hmm. Must be tamed.

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"GAH! TIGER!"

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This historian startlingly jolts upright and nearly falls out of the tree before Arnie calms him. There's a symbol is on the tiger's collar, same one as on the braided metal belt found in the albino dwarf village - one that Bertram had ascertained to be a Belt of Dwarven Influence. Ah!, Bertram thinks. Likely tamed by the dwarves of that village. It knows this belt. Putting on the belt and suddenly understanding Dwarvish when he didn't before, he reads the collar. 'Samryn'. Well, Samryn. Welcome to the Handy Hands!

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A rapid pace is set by Krenko come morning (after the others manage to wake him), and it's a relatively uneventful day of travel. Samryn tags along, Bertram experimenting to discover that the tiger responds to vocal commands in Dwarvish. By evening familiar round huts are in sight - Yellyark. There's a moment of confusion in talking to mobile shrubberies before it is remembered that the tribe's guards camouflage themselves, and they're welcomed back. The queen awaits.

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"I asked you to embarrass the grung king, not inspire a bloody revolution...". Queen Grabstab gives a serious look before flashing a cocked grin. "...but I'll take the result!"

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Dispersing her entourage, the gang is led to her hut where a shrine of Vorn awaits. "Here. As promised." A large bronze medallion emblazoned with a 'V' is pulled from under her bone breastplate as she reminds the Handy Hands of her people's relationship to Vorn. "A god leaves its people, perhaps one day to return. Could be a good story, no? Myth is stronger than reality. Make the myth better." Queen Grabstab nods as Krenko dons the amulet, deal fulfilled.

 

The offer to stay the night and resupply is welcome. Goblin children play with the tiger as Bertram stocks up on dried meats to feed it, hopefully preventing it from hungrily eyeing the preserved corpse of Arnie's dead dog. Farewells are said and the Handy Hands say depart Yellyark for the second time, setting off into the morning rain.

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It's a soggy but routine journey backwards. The ravine where a certain bard angered a mother tyrannosaurus is wisely not revisited, glowing wukka nuts are collected by Eku and Krenko, and the crew find their way back to the same rocky overhang that they camped in days before with a goblin girl named Snack. Startled horned rabbits prompt a tasty rabbit stew for dinner, and the crew settles in. 

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Tomorrow, we steal a god.

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*         *         *

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Early morning. Beams of light break the glade's canopy as the Handy Hands approach. Empty, save for the solitary overgrown machine surrounded by offerings. Vorn awaits. Plans are slightly complicated when two contingents of vegepygmies and grung emerge to curiously watch at a distance. Knowing looks are exchanged. Bertram nods.

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Make the myth better.

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The historian kneels in ritualistic fashion, raising the two halves of the metallic power core above his head as Krenko whacks wukka nuts together and starts to juggle the glowing balls. Arnie and Col launch into an off kilter harmonized rendition of the Handy Hands theme song as they shoot off glowing spell effects under their breath. The grung and vegepygmies lean forward, utterly entranced. Krenko tosses glowing nuts in a circle as the reformed power core is raised above Bertram's head, then ceremoniously placed in the spherical cavity in the center of Vorn's chest.

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Brackets grab the core. The chest plate closes, revealing a 'V' matching the amulet. With a high-pitched whine and creak of gears shaking off rust the one-armed robot activates, eye sensors glowing to life as it stands to its full 12-foot height.

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"VORN."

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The vocalization rumbles through the forest like a horn blast. The glade erupts in a cacophony of croaks and hoots as the locals behold their god animate before their very eyes! Vorn! Vorn is ALIVE!

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Krenko touches the amulet and smiles, the construct turning toward the goblin. "Hi Vorn... time to leave! Walk north."

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"VORN." The robot/deity pivots and begins to trudge northward, the remaining vines pulling away from its legs. Col, Arnie, Bertram, and Eku follow close behind as Krenko addresses the bewildered locals. The mood shifts. Something is wrong. The revered god animated... only to turn its back on its worshipers and leave with foreigners? Krenko insists, it's fine!

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The vegepygmy's utterances turn from awe to doubt to anger, some mounting their odd plant-like beasts. "I don't think they're buying it...", whispers Bertram, as he eyes the tree full of increasingly agitated grung.

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The goblin looks left. Then right. It's getting hostile quick. "RUN!"

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The Handy Hands madly dash after Vorn as the construct picks up speed, two howling packs of short but vicious locals hot on their heels. The mounted moldies are quick - think fast! Krenko fumbles through his pouches to throw a few bags of caltrops back to the others as he sprints up to the robot. The others scatter the caltrops best they can as they run, hearing a *thunk* up ahead as Vorn's head crunches right into a particularly large insect nest. Augh! Poorly timed hornets!

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With a scream Krenko runs in swinging, hilariously punching giant hornets out of mid-air to clear the path as he runs ahead. The field of caltrops mires the vegepygmies, but the tree-hopping grung are nearly upon them! A dead tree over a trench is crossed by Krenko and Vorn, the latter cracking the trunk with its weight yet all are able to nimbly bound across soon after.

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All except Eku. The trunk gives way and the jungle guide falls into the trench under a hail of splintered wood. 

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"Vorn!", shouts Krenko. "Help her!"

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"VORN."

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The construct jumps down and raises its arm just in time to shield Eku from a hail of poisoned grung arrows. With all eyes on Vorn, no one notices the handyman pointing his finger to launch a burning streak of light towards the mass of multicolored frogmen in the tree branches.

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"BEHOLD THE WRATH OF VORN!", shouts Arnie. And the fireball detonates.

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The explosion utterly annihilates the tree's lower boughs and the entirety of the grung brigade with it, a hail of scorched amphibian parts raining down to the surprise of both the Handy Hands and the approaching vegepygmies. The pursuers wisely back off in fear of their god, Eku and Vorn are helped up, Samryn the tiger catches up, and the gang cautiously steps past the carnage and into calmer woods. With any luck, they shouldn't have any more troubles with Vorn's old congregation.

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From his perch atop Vorn's shoulder, Krenko takes off the control amulet and hands it down to Arnie. "Here.", he says. "This is fun but I don't really want the responsibility."

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Arnie puts on the amulet and looks around. A loyal construct, and a tamed tiger. New friends. After discussing with Eku the potential dangers of visiting whatever entity is in Mbala for resurrection, he comes to a new point of view.

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"Guys. I think I'm ready.", says the handyman. "Arnie's Little Helper was a good dog, but next pretty place we see... I think he deserves to rest."

 

The others solemnly nod in agreement. The fact that Bertram has been very rapidly growing a grey-white beard since morning feels like something to bring up, but no one has the heart to distract from Arnie's emotional development.

 

Vorn acquired. Mission complete. After a month in the western jungles, it's time to return to civilization. To Port Nyanzaru!

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(Level 7: Achieved! It's a long journey back. How has the great merchant city been since the Handy Hands left?)

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One piece of Vorn in hand, one expected upon delivery, and one to go.

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It takes some convincing, however. Considering past trauma Arnie isn't exactly too keen to visit another albino dwarf village. Once Bertram points out that the very reputation of the Handy Hands name is on the line, though, the handyman steels his resolve. Off to get that last piece!

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It is a relatively uneventful trip. After avoiding a herd of giant brachiosaurs a curious trail of dried shimmering slime is encountered. Some gastropod was here. A really big one. There's temptation to follow what Bertram reasons is likely a mythical flail snail, but the mission takes priority. Due to the lack of Peach's nightly protection a large tree is climbed for the evening, each of the crew finding their own private bough to rest. But not before the story time that Eku had promised! Even disturbingly lit by the magical "campfire" Arnie creates by making his severed half of a dog glow, it's a good tale:

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"Long ago, the god Ubtao hardened his heart and vowed to weep for the people of Chult no longer. Without rain the jungle withered, death swept the land, and the people sought new spirits to pray to.

 

One morning, a wise zorbo named Obo'laka spoke to the Chultans, and tried to convince Ubtao to return by cooking a stew made from the people's virtues. However I'jin, the wily almiraj, snuck recklessness into the pot, believing it a virtue. From that day on, the zorbo and the almiraj became terrible enemies.

 

At noon, the brave kamadan Shagambi fashioned a holy spear to lance the evil in man's heart, but it was stolen by the crafty grung Nangnang. The kamadan flew into a rage and now forever chases the grung across the sky. That evening, the wily eblis Papazotl realized that without Chultans they would have no one to play tricks on, so they sent a marsh frog to reason with Ubtao. To Ubtao's amusement the frog wanted to wrestle instead, so Ubtao gifted Kubazan the frog with tentacles and great size. Thus the froghemoth chases the eblis.

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Come night, a hateful su-monster stole from Ubtao and hid much-needed water in the den of a jaculi. The snake was too honest to lie when Ubtao inquired, and now Moa is despised by Wongo for the betrayal. All the while, Unkh the flail snail watched, her reflecting shell making Ubtao's eyes water and return rains to the land. And so the nine animal spirits became the Trickster Gods, honored by shrines in replacement of absent Ubtao."

 

An interesting tale, and one that fits a few things seen recently. Night comes. Passing apes cause no fuss, Col eats a bug, and with the exception of a snake finding warmth in Arnie's shoe it's quiet 'til the morning's journey continues.

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*         *         *

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Shadehollow must be close. The overgrown trail and lack of recent humanoid impact has Col on edge. Most quietly move forward as a wardrobe malfunction causes Krenko to nearly walk right into a dwarven corpse tangled in a mass of vines on a tree trunk. No, not tangled. Vines are emerging from the body. Another one is found nearby, back of the skull ripped open... from the inside. Something was in these dwarves, Bertram notes. Something that wanted out. Proceed with caution.

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Huts in the distance. Slow movement ahead is noted by Col, but it's the lone solitary dwarf standing among ferns that gets Arnie's attention.

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"Hey! You there! Hello!", shouts the handyman as he waves, Col turning back in alarm.

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The dwarf's head turns nearly 180 degrees, the jaw drops, and a strange inhaling moan is made as it starts towards Arnie in an unsettling backwards shuffle. Vines and a yellow bud grow directly from the spine and skull, waving as it approaches.

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Col's eyes go wide. "Ah! Nope! Kill it! Kill it with fire!"

​

Two blasts from Arnie and Bertram later the corpse falls, the budding flower detaching to crawl across the ground before it withers. Okay. Mind-controlling zombie flowers. This is new. Thoughts go to parasitic fungus that controls some species, and the analogy is not far off at all. With Arnie's new penchant for fireballs, Bertram sets up a plan to clear the village. 

​

A ring of oil is set, Krenko and Bertram make as much noise as possible, and without fail a mass of shambling dwarves overgrown with vines and flowers approach. Fireball! Another fireball! To no one's surprise Krenko dashes out of safety to engage, Bertram mumbling to Col about sticking to plans as they snipe from safety. It doesn't take long to finish. Soon a pile of ex-dwarves litter the ground, all seemingly impregnated with plant bulbs that had hijacked their bodies after death. 

​

The artifact of Vorn must be ahead, but this is a terrible fate to avoid. Best be careful.

​

The way to the closest huts cleared, the crew sneaks in a rear doorway. Grass sleeping mats, personal items... ah. Here we go. Some crude paper with a familiar construct drawn on it in a sacred fashion. Bertram pockets it in the Living Pouch: surely Wakanga will find this interesting as well. The actual artifact must be near. The handful of plant-zombies in the village center though... that's a bit of a trick.

 

A trick if you're not a performative goblin! Dropping his weapons, Krenko shuffles right out into the mix and does his best undead impression, distracting the group and allowing his friends to quickly split up and investigate the village faster. Arnie and Col go right, smelling yet resisting a strange sweet odor in the air as they make their way into a second hut. Beads, dried food. Not here. Bertram swings around to a larger hut on the left, the same sweet odor catches his nose... and he stops with a smile. This is home. He lives here. The historian drops his guard and casually walks into the large hut.

​

There, hanging from one of the hut's beams, a large yellow orchid entices the warlock. Bertram walks forward, the petals extend around his face, and he simply smiles as the flower starts to eat away at his mind.

 

Elsewhere the sweet smell hits Arnie again, this time irresistible, the handyman smiling and walking away into another hut. Another large orchid begins to tear at his psyche... no doubt with intent to make him into another human-shaped bag of fertilizer. In a matter of seconds Col and Krenko realize what is going on, and the quiet scene erupts into chaos. 

​

Krenko pivots his zombie-charming routine into a brawl, tackling the dwarves as Col yanks Arnie out into the open to snap him back to reality. Groans and hisses from multiple angles sound at the sudden commotion as Krenko violently wrangles. More plant-zombies! Lots of them! "Run!", shouts Eku from a doorway. Gotta make this quick!

​

Unseen, no one is around to save Bertram's mind. Another painful wave of psychic energy is thankfully just enough to snap him out of his stupor and his senses focus. A converging horde outside. A shrine of flowers surrounding an effigy of Vorn adorning the entire far wall of the hut. And there, inset within the effigy's chest, half of a metallic orb.

​

Reacting more than thinking, Bertram sidesteps the orchid to grab the hemispherical artifact along with an interesting braided metal belt nearby and: *KRA-KOW*! The sides of the hut are blown out as he thundersteps to the outer edge of the village, remaining Handy Hands turning to see their friend escape. With a mass of no less than twenty former dwarves descending upon them, the crew madly sprints out of the village following the wild-eyed warlock.

​

They flee as fast as they can through the woods until finally slowing, choking for air and nearly collapsing in exhaustion. Exhausted, but alive! No Handy Hand shall become a feedbag for a plant today, no sir!

 

Bertram holds up the orb hemisphere. High fives are had. Breath is caught. Vorn is nearly theirs!

​​

"Since when have you been able to do that?", says Krenko to Arnie.

​

The huge treant lies face down in the thorn maze, a scorching crater where the handyman's fireball blasted into its backside. He had used his light-based cleric spells for many things, but this was a first for a blazing ball of heat.

 

"Oh. You know. For a while now. Like a month." Arnie shrugs.

​

Col raises an eyebrow. "That... would have been nice to know a month ago."

​

"Arnie, I can think of like twenty times that could have been useful just in the last week!", exclaims Peach.

​

It was a short but intense fight. Two other trees were animated by the original, but some highly effective lumbering between Krenko's plant-destroying sword and Arnie's fire spells brought the treant down with a creaking scream. With one new treant charmed by Peach and left on guard duty while the other arose deeper in the maze to get swarmed by grung, it's time to press on through this weird shifting tangle of thorns.

 

The narrow maze walls are treacherously sharp and change orientation frequently, but to Col, moving barriers and hidden threats are not unlike the sand dunes of his home. He's got this. With a flash of inspiration Krenko ties himself off to Arnie's rope and uses his vest to levitate up like an observation balloon, providing eyes in the sky. It's a hazy day but clear enough to orient: the maze is circular and a village lies in the middle. Must be Dungrunglung. 

​

Quiet croaking translates to Bertram's ears. Voices. They're being watched. Time to move. Col navigates the Handy Hands pass a variety of traps as well as undead tangled in the maze's thorns before finding a secret passage leading to an exit. Indeed a village sits at the maze's center surrounding a small lake, where a shrine resembling a massive frog sits at its center and a variety of green and orange frog-like humanoids quickly muster at the party's approach.

​

"What's the password?", croaks one. Understanding but not speaking their tongue, it's a tense moment until one of the orange ones tells the others to escort the Handy Hands to their leader. It's up to the shrine through shallow waters, where within a mix of colorful frog-people decorate and tend to a regal looking golden-skinned grung lounging in the rear.

​

"Visitors!", announces King Groak. "Welcome!" Noting lack of comprehension, he commands his priestess - a red grung decorated with feathers and bones - to offer her hand. Peach offers to shake after her hailing the king in Common is similarly not understood, but the priest shakes her head and pantomimes a lick. Well... fine. The bard licks the hand, pupils dilate, and Peach begins speaking in croaks. Arnie follows, then the rest, and under the influence of some odd skin toxin the crew find themselves in amphibious conversation. 

​

Grung societies are castes sorted by color in which the gold rule absolutely, and this one is no exception. The tribe jumps to King Groak's every demand, but between his violent mood swings and an odd obsession with mating their grung deity - an entity called Nangnang - the Handy Hands find the leader strangely distasteful. They came here to discredit or possibly rob the king of his artifact of Vorn, but how to do that in a village of over 70 grung all loyal to their king? Tensions are noted, especially in the priestess Krr'ook's behavior. Perhaps there's something to work with here. "Commanded" by the king to aid in a morning ritual to summon Nangnang to Dungrunglung, the crew are escorted away by the Captain of the Guard.

​

The tough orange Captain Roark doesn't speak much about his king, but he does comment that the undead have been a problem of late and he feels that this "Nangnang business" is distracting from real concerns. With the freedom to roam and after stopping to pick up some smoked catfish, the crew decides to track down the priestess and see what's truly doing on.

​

Krr'ook is gathering decorations with her purple assistants near the lake shore as the Handy Hands approach. While not necessarily pleased to be mingling with outsiders, there's a desperation in her voice that spurns honest dialogue. Assistants sent away, the red grung gets real: King Groak will surely have her head should this ritual fail and no grung would ever defy their king... but outsiders though. Yes. Yes... that's just what is needed.

​

A plan is laid. Trick King Groak into believing he has Nangnang's favor. The king is pacified, the tribe focuses on a new god, and any old relic of Vorn can be passed on. Illusions will do, Krr'ook thinks, along with some magical paints she gives to Krenko. It's a dangerous gamble, but one that just might work!

​

The crew quietly use the evening to break down their deception. Peach has the illusions down. Bertram and Arnie can assist with light and sound effects. Krenko plans to paint magical stones into happy amphibians, and Col will play point should a rapid exit be needed. The rest of the night is spent on their own, with Col learning a bit about how to distill grung poisons and Bertram noting their colorful social dynamics. Their guide Eku also relates a curious fact: Nangnang is one of what are called The Trickster Gods - animal spirits that became worshiped after Ubtao abandoned the land. Curious indeed.

​

*         *         *

​

Morning comes. Final preparations for The Great Ritual are being made. The entirety of Dungrunglung are amassing at the foot of the shrine, and soon, King Groak will emerge and expect to find his love goddess. Everyone into position!

​

With a thaumaturgy rumble from Arnie and a flash of light from Bertram, Peach works from the rear of the crowd to summon a major image of a giant glowing grung goddess that hovers above the lake. On queue, Krenko releases a hoard of painted frogs and salamanders to bounce around in the illusion's wake. 

​

"KING GROAK! YOU HAVE BEEN DEEMED WORTHY! I COME FOR YOU, MY NEW CONSORT!"

​

The king wrings his golden hands in amazement, wiping them on his ceremonial reed robe. The mass of grung kneel and praise "Nangnang" as the king bows and swears loyalty, speaking of the many god-touched tadpoles that he shall sire with her to bring about a new age of grung superiority. And (through many successful rolls of charisma) the goddess agrees!

​

"IN THREE DAYS TIME WE SHALL MATE. BE READY! I SHALL RETURN!"

​

King Groak hesitates. "But... my goddess. Three days? Why not now?"

​

Uh oh. Clearly this ruse has its limits and the Handy Hands had planned on a ritual exit strategy. If King Groak demands this go any further, they'll surely be found out and not likely make it out of here alive. Think fast! Rumbles and flashes from Arnie and Bertram intimidate as Peach's voice booms through the illusion. The crowd cowers, but not the king. King Groak continues to question the "goddess"... and the mood of the gathered grung shifts. A murmur of dissent here, a mention of blasphemy there. Tension builds as Peach and the rest sweat. Then, like a breach of a dam, the mob roars in anger of their god-doubting leader and descend upon a screeching King Groak, tearing him limb from limb in a cathartic frenzy of gore.

​

"Well. That was unexpected.", says Bertram. The Handy Hands convene at the edge of the ritual-turned-riot and stare at the spectacle. A part of the king's foot lands next to Krenko and promptly gets eaten by the goblin, his eyes dilating to this new golden variety of grung toxin. Eventually Krr'ook finds the crew and thanks them, gifting them half of a metallic sphere.

​

"Here. Our relic of Vorn.", the priestess says, hearing chants to a new grung goddess nearby. "I do not think we will need it any more. I imagine Roark will turn gold and be our new king. We will see. You... you should leave while one is looking."

​

To which they readily agree! It takes a moment to lash up Krenko and activate his vest to balloon-fly him out despite his hallucinatory protests of wanting to make many grung babies, and a bit more time to navigate through the thorn maze, but the vicious grung of Dungrunglung are finally left behind. One Vorn relic in hand. Another guaranteed upon return to Yellyark. Just one more in the possession of the albino dwarves to find.

​

*         *         *

​

Two hours later, en route southwest to the dwarf village of Shadehollow. Out of seemingly thin air a dark hand emerges, then another, as they part the veil of reality like a shower curtain. A short cloaked figure crouches in plain view and hails.

​

"Hello, Pe'charillimeas."

​

"Horatio! Why, good to see you outside of the Feywild!"

​

The darkling is a welcome sight from Peach's homeland, but the tidings are not. Horatio informs Peach that her grandfather has succumbed to his fatal illness, leading commune elders to reevaluate their search for a cure. This means that all searchers, including Peach, are to return immediately.

​

Unexpected and awkward as it is in the middle of uncharted rainforest, the rest do their best to understand. It is far from an ideal time to leave, but Peach must do as she is asked. Goodbyes are said, the eladrin elf vows to return to her friends as soon as possible, and Horatio guides her back to her native plane through the rift that zippers up behind them.

​

From five to four. At least, for now. The Handy Hands persevere.

​

(DM: Peach's player leaves for an unexpected job opportunity! With any luck they'll be back before too long and playing with us remotely. Until then, everyone's favorite season-shifting bard will be hanging in the Feywild!)

​

Spears stacked with skulls line the far shore, in which Arnie and Col find a mix of humanoids among those of beasts... better be careful. After the young guide Snack cheerfully admits all the various "people" that her tribe eats there's some thoughts of turning around and pursuing other leads, but where better to find out more about Vorn than here? After Bertram gets a living pouch response from Wakanga confirming that Vorn is missing a power core and control amulet, it's agreed that there is no better way to go forward at this point. Perhaps this tribe's queen knows more?

​

Yellyark is, if anything, a mix of quaint and bizarre. Huts, campfires, playing children, and tribal folk go about their routines in the late afternoon rain. Yet with the normalcy comes the peculiar. The very bushes themselves move as the Handy Hands approach - disguised border guards that Snack talks their way past. Each goblin wears a mask resembling a stylized ant in one way or another. A few giant ant hills border the village, an unfortunate captive with the flesh eaten off its skull hangs over one mound, and apparently the whole of Yellyark is built over what looks like one massive woven grass mat.

​

"Snack!", shouts an older goblin man as he storms over. "You in trouble! No go to Vorn alone with brother! Much danger!"

​

The young goblin has hardly introduced the crew to the queen's guards when her father hauls her off by the ear, little brother Morsel following. The mystery of why a kid was wandering the savage jungle alone is solved, at least. Peach tosses Snack and her father a bit of gold as payment for her guidance and it's on to meet the queen of the Biting Ant tribe.

​

In a hut no bigger than the rest, a physically large and imposing (for a goblin!) sits attended by a small entourage. Queen Grabstab. The Handy Hands graciously introduce themselves and quickly learn that this leader is all one would expect from a chief of goblins in an untamed land - intelligent, shrewd, and straight to the point. Visitors to Yellyark are not uncommon, but why has this group come to learn more of their local deity Vorn? It isn't long before the queen's curiosity is piqued and her entourage is sent away for some privacy. 

​

"Vorn is... an old robot.", says Grabstab bluntly. "Vorn has been around for generations, and many tribes worship, but it was just some traveler's toy." Eyebrows raise. Deception was planned, but this old queen may be easier to deal with than they thought. Grabstab is curious of their intentions and cannot vouch for safety should they try to take Vorn, but she is more than forthcoming regarding the missing parts: one amulet, and two halves of a sphere that matches the description of the power core. The amulet hangs from her neck and it can be theirs.

 

For a price.

 

The territorial grung of Dungrunglung have long been a thorn in her side. Embarrass or depose their leader, King Groak, and she'll freely hand over the amulet. Perhaps the Handy Hands can even acquire the sphere half in Groak's possession? Agreeing that this is a less deadly option than violently taking on both an entire tribe of goblins and an entire grung village, the crew are quick to make a deal with Grabstab. Dinner first, then rest, then onward to grung territory in the morning.

​

With a couple hours to kill Yellyark is explored a bit. Traders are bartered with, a meat larder visit nets Peach some snacks for her baby t-rex Cobbler, caged vegepygmies are spotted, and the very nature of this village's structure inspected. Thinking back to once seeing a massive green bundle flying over the River Shoshenstar, Col quickly reasons it out after finding a good-sized bent-over tree. The whole village is a spring trap! Trigger line cut, long vines tied to the huge grass mat would launch Yellyark far into the jungle. A clever survival technique but also one - as the Handy Hands note - could be a backup plan should they anger the locals. Better than having one's face eaten by ants or ending up a skull on a pike, for sure.

​

There's little surprise when the "vegetarian" dinner is those same vegepygmies, now roasted and served on palm fronds. Well... technically still vegetarian, right? After some hesitation most sample the food. Not unlike humanoid-shaped shiitake mushrooms. Quite tasty, actually! Bertram entertains Krenko by eating the fingers off his whole arm serving, saving the middle one for last. Considering that Arnie's serving is one of the pygmy's heads he just can't quire bring himself to dig in, but at least the fruity drinks going around please his tropical vacation sensibilities. After a conversation on trust with Queen Grabstab and avoiding what looks like the tribe's jester, it's time to get some rest.

​

*         *         *

​

Dark. Nearly silent. A strange prismatic light shrines from somewhere afar. If anything there is an element of calm in this dreamscape grove, and Col has no fear. As the scintillating light remains at a distance, the desert druid inspects five large trees that encircle him. One furry with moss, one with snags resembling tusks, one with a large knot resembling a fanny pack, and more. Curiosity overtakes. Col walks to the one with feather-like bark, the surface pulls inward to form a hole, and a window into his friend's dreams are revealed. One by one, the druid walks between the trees.

​

A panicked young man hides a bloody knife in a frozen river, tears streaming down his cheeks until a spying a strange sword changes his expression. A goblin boy beams with excitement as he guards a dungeon room, but age turns him dull, then bitter, then angry as he stomps off to confront his master. A mother teaches a young boy of the Morning Lord and duty in helping others before a joyless father interrupts, the boy later retrieving his mother's gifted holy symbol. An elderly half-orc sits and grins, telling tall tales to the grandchildren and family that he never had himself as a child. The final tree oscillates seasons, elvish patterns representing one who doesn't dream. The muted forest echoes and reflects, the rainbow of colors always in the distance.

​

"That light...', comes a familiar voice behind Col, "... I have seen it too." Eku sits coiled in her coatl form, multicolored wings folded around her. "I am sorry for intruding. I try not to do this often, but I could sense your sleep tonight was... different."

​

"Oh. It's fine.", starts Col. "I'm getting used to this land's strangeness. What's with the light?"

 

"It found you. Or you found it. I'm not sure. It seems aware of you, at the least." The celestial snake observes the grove's trees for a moment before speaking again. "Col... Your friends all dwell on the past, running away from something, or towards something. I cannot help but notice that you do not have a tree in this grove. What about you?" 

​

The desert druid shrugs. "My dream, I guess. Also... the past is the past. The present is where I live."

​

It isn't so much a warm smile as it is the feeling of a warm smile. "And that is why your friends need you, Colubrin Eryx."

​

The dream fades, but the prismatic light fades last.

​

*         *         *

​

Morning. Thunk thunk thunk. Great. The tribe's jester found their sleeping hut. After a couple of very bad (but magically hilarious?) jokes the one called Dookdook moonwalks away, a few Biting Ant scouts join to lead the way west, and it's off to find the grung settlement of Dungrunglung.

​

The day and a half of travel is relatively uneventful. A pack of triceratops avoided here, rustling sounds by a river avoided there. A pair of stalking jungle cats are scared off by the goblin scouts, their kill cache in a hollow tree rummaged through to find an old sketchbook among the scattered halfling bones.

​

"Oh no...", says Peach, looking at the sketchbook and seeing herself drawn within. "My old ranger buddy, Toes! I wonder what happened to his pet cat... that thing always hated me." The crew beds down for the night, at least a little wondering about how many of Peach's traveling companions DON'T end up dead and mangled.

​

Grung territory. The guides fall back and the Handy Hands press onward. Undead roam this area, though not organized it seems. Dodging the occasional reanimated skeleton it is less than two hours before spotting a small patrol of grung taking down a zombie. Dungrunglung must be near! Time to sneak and follow... wait. Nope. Absolute utter trash Stealth rolls. The grung croak in surprise and chase is on, the small frog-like people darting into an opening in a wall of vines and thorns. The crew follows but lose track of their quarry, finding themselves in what could be best described as a spiky hedge maze.

​

A deep croak is heard somewhere ahead. With a flash of his golden eyes Bertram casts comprehend languages and listens: whispered patrol commands around them. A vine shifts out of the corner of Arnie's eye. Then another. Not quickly, but quick enough to make the walls of this maze eternally shifting. This is no place to be trapped.

​

But no worries, Peach has a plan! The bag of magical beans comes out and a single bean is planted in the soil. Perhaps the plan was to grow some friendly vines? Perhaps a way over the maze? The ground erupts as a tree rapidly grows to over 20 feet in the air... then turns and stares with burning eyes in a barked face.

​

The enraged treant roars and charges, directly at the eladrin bard.

​

"What just happened...?"

​

A bewildered Krenko watches from the top of the ziggurat as the last of the wasp riders fade into the distance, turning back to see his companions in utter confusion as to how they fell for such a ruse. Miryem Jünd, brilliant archaeologist... and duplicitous thief! Bertram looks down. A magical whip but that's it - everything else stolen. With no way to track them, depression sets in. All that work only to be hoodwinked by a different warlock archaeologist. At least Miyrem's sending stone was dropped, leaving them with a matched pair.

​

At least they are alive and have each other. This entire trip was to find something called "Vorn". The top of an evil temple seems no good place to rest and there's some daylight left for traveling. Best to finally get to it. To the northeast!

​

It's a quiet evening as most brood. Arnie debates what to do with his dead dog while Krenko seethes alone. Peach attempts to cheer up Bertram by giving him half of her treasures, but the historian just rolls over and goes to sleep. Her skin and hair go pale, melancholy and contemplation sets in. By morning, a white-haired "winter" eladrin awakes with her friends.

​

Krenko's rapid wayfinding ability rockets the crew under the dense forest canopy. At this rate they should be around where Wakanga's contact found the wizard's journal that mentions Vorn... a good place to start as any. A river crossing noted by Col as treacherous briefly knocks Arnie and Bertram downstream, but a dose of Eku's restorative magic gets them up and moving again and it's onward to this old 'X' on the map.

​

Ah, an old corpse. It took about an hour to find, but sure enough, judging by the old mildewing pouch of reagents this is likely what remains of the wizard. The skeleton's broken neck and a bedroll far above in a tree bough tell a sad little story. Poor bastard. Rolled over in his sleep and fell to his death. 

​

"Uh. Hey guys? Look over there...", says Arnie as he points downstream.

​

In the distance a lone vegepygmy carrying an armful of herbs and flowers crosses the river and continues north into the woods. Odd. More than intrigued, the Handy Hands stealth behind the fungus-person for a good half mile until the dense foliage opens up into a glade.  And there, in the middle, is what looks like an old deactivated robot.

​

Vorn. It has to be.

​

There's more than just a vegepygmy here. Subtle croaking above Krenko tips off the location of three fierce-looking things somewhere between a tree frog and a halfling in appearance. Grung. A pair of batiri goblins, one quietly singing, approaches from another entrance to the clearing with no apparent worry or fear. The vegepygmy places the bundle of herbs and flowers at the feet of the construct and goes into a prayer routine. Definitely odd indeed.

​

It's clear that the construct hasn't moved in a while. Mechanically speaking it looks incomplete to the point of deactivation. Religiously speaking... well. The large clearing is well-trodden under foot, and the vegepygmy's offering is but one of many, all manner of shiny objects and other tributes placed at the construct's feet. This entire area is ceremonial, Bertram notes. Sacred, even. Different species, one "god". Interesting.

​

Sacred ground. Got it. Peach walks towards Vorn and the two goblins, if anything, are intrigued by new visitors.

​

"Snack!", declares the older of the two, clearly just a young girl despite the wooden mask stylized to look like an ant. The smaller of the two wears no mask at all and looks even younger.

​

"You want a snack? Here you go dear.", says Peach.

​

The goblin girl shakes her head. "I Snack!", then points to the construct. "You pray Vorn?"

​

Ahh. It's her name. Krenko rolls out of a bush much to the surprise of the grung above him, intrigued and walking forward to aid in translation. Through Snack's broken Common and Krenko's best goblin translation much is learned. Vorn is seen as something of a local deity and protector to the local tribes of batiri, grung, vegepygmies, and albino dwarves. While normally rivals (and sometimes food) of each other, the region around Vorn is a sacred place where all gather and pray.

​

That explains why no one is attacking.

 

All eyes are upon Arnie and Peach as they inspect Vorn up close. The thing must weigh thousands of pounds... no way to get it back to Wakanga in its current state. Can't do much about the missing arm. A spherical hole in the chest clues Arnie in that a power source appears to be missing, and Peach additionally notes that such a construct probably has an arcane control device. Perhaps Vorn can be put back together? How to steal Vorn from its multi-species congregation after that fact is a question and problem for another day. One step at a time. For now, more info is needed.

​

It becomes clear that the tribes' respective elders know more of Vorn, and Snack is quick to offer to guide them back to her batiri village of Yellyark. Her queen may know more... and maybe even something about those pesky wasp riders, too! The vegepygmies are weird, the grung seem vicious, the albino dwarves are absent, and this young goblin is offering a tour of sorts. The decision is easy. To Yellyark!

​

Between Krenko's speed and Snack's regional knowledge the overland travel is almost as rapid as her banter. What's it like to be an adventurer? Why don't adventurers eat other tasty humanoids? Why doesn't Krenko have a mask? Has he not proven himself yet? Through the day and into the evening the goblin girl can't get enough info. It's insight into how Chultan goblins view the world, at least. Camp is set up, Snack and her little brother Morsel are trusted to sleep in the dome, and morning eventually comes. So does the pouring rain.

​

It's a slog. Hardly an hour goes by before the crew is utterly soaked through, saved from the chills by the fact that the day somehow still manages to be swelteringly hot. Occasional thunder rolls above the treetops as the Handy Hands drop into a ravine, following it outward. Until the baby is heard.

​

A crying 3-foot tall bipedal dinosaur of some sort, all left alone and crying in the rain! Peach can't help herself. The rest understandably keep their distance as the eladrin bard casts animal friendship and speak with animals to make a quick friend in the little carnivore. The baby dino walks over the the elf that it was just convinced is its new mama as Col cocks his ear towards the sky.

​

"That thunder...", the desert druid notes. "... That's not thunder."

​

Everyone scatters into the trees as a massive tyrannosaurus rex stomps out of the ravine. Everyone but Peach. The huge predator returns to its nest and freezes a moment, taking in the scene before bellowing a roar that only the elf understands.

​

"BABY STEALER!"

​

The rest make the best exit plans they can while Peach confidently squares off. This is no fight that they want! Col takes to the trees and flees. Eku's robes billow out into leathery wings as she shapeshifts into a big pterodactyl, Bertram jumping on before they quickly veer over to help a distant Arnie escape.

 

Peach smiles, raises her Ring of Animal Influence at the t-rex... and fails.

 

The angry momma crunches the bard between her jaws while a levitating Krenko tries to assist but unfortunately floats away after a single knife attack. Peach thinks quick, rifles through her bag for the "dancing gem" pried of the temple's stone octopus, and drops it down the t-rex's gullet before fey stepping away. It may have resisted a charm, but how about an irresistible dance! The mother tyrannosaur can't do much but roar in frustration as it dances a jig in place, Peach and her new t-rex baby companion quickly escaping into the rainy jungle.

​

The rest of the Handy Hands aren't too keen about the baby stealing, though Arnie can't help but be at least a little jealous. Snack is none too happy, noting that baby t-rexes grow into big t-rexes. But for now, Peach will hear none of it.

​

"He's my little Cobbler!", says Peach in excitement.

​

It's only a couple more hours of wet travel until a small river is reached, and on the far side, a goblin village. Yellyark awaits.

​

Fresh air pulled in by the wind tunnel. They must be close. After finding one final journal entry of the so-called Thin Man ("Souls = the key?" "Why become a god when you can make one?"), time is of the essence. Miryem Jünd is in a dangerous situation above. There must be a way out nearby!

​

The sole remaining room is simple and nearly barren, except for a large stone wheel mounted in the wall and an iron gate that curiously block another section of wall. The floor splits into a large spiked pit when Arnie turns the Wheel of Fortune-like cog, but so does the wall behind the bars. Peach peers around... a narrow stairway going up, previously blocked by stone. This is it, as Miryem described! The way out! Failure to pick the gate's lock frustrates Bertram and Krenko, but the crustacean patterns decorating it quickly bring back a recent memory. Wasn't there a lobster shell a couple rooms back?

​

Krenko, Col, and Bertram backtrack and sure enough, inside a well and under the exoskeleton there awaits a big rusty key. That lobster shed, though. Krenko makes a weird face before tossing it to Bertram, the historian dropping it in disgust. It has a creepy half-baby face! Whatever that was, it was no lobster. Gross. At least they have the key now.

​

On the return trek Col notices one final secret door. Of course it has to be opened. What's one more hidden room, right? Just one more? Temptation can't be resisted, Arnie and Peach are called over, and the Handy Hands cautiously walk into a large matte-black chamber with an elaborate sun painted on the floor. A bead curtain hides something on the far wall.

​

A long ranged mage hand of the curtain reveals a faceless statue on a throne, a gold and silver pterodactyl scepter in hand. Creepy. The scepter seems stuck tight, even pulling Bertram forward when he tries to whip it (his organic tongue whip can function like a hook shot!). Historian standing before it, the statue's blank face morphs, and a statue of Bertram stares back. Even creepier. Peach finds the scepter immovable, but Bertram has a hunch.

​

"Forgive me for what I am about to do..."

​

The scepter easily slides out and into his hands. Golden eyes go wide. He is a priest atop a temple, staring down as soldiers of Mezro rampage and burn the city below. The soldiers charge up the ziggurat, the spears come down, and the vision goes black. What the rest of the Handy Hands see is Bertram frozen in place, sweating... then in a split second turning to stone. The statue gasps as its marble body turns to flesh, Bertram quickly standing up in shock. Body swapped! With a statue!

​

The historian is amazed, but to the rest this is too strange. The questions come. Yes, he knows who he is. Yes, he has all of his memories. Yes, he's their friend and eager to continue. Still not convinced, the others huddle as Bertram switches clothes with his old statue self. It seems like him. But is it really?

​

Arnie notices the new Bertram's gear... something is missing. "Hey Bertram! Where's your whip?"

​

"Oh! It's right here of course." He pulls out a regular whip and swings it around while making eldritch blast noises. No summoned weapon. No magic. No warlock pact. Col and Peach are convinced: this isn't Bertram.

​

"GET HIM!"

​

In a mad rush the suspect is tackled and dogpiled upon, Bertram screeching as an unnaturally long tongue writhes out of his mouth. "Get off me you peasants!", he shouts, face features losing cohesion and shifting as he is assailed with unarmed blows. The others panic. Definitely NOT Bertram! Arnie gives a full-on slap charged with inflict wounds as the weapons come out, a downward swing of Peach's geeter-axe cutting deep as "Bertram" grabs Krenko by the skull... and begins to change, cackling madly as he morphs into a garish copy the goblin. 

​

Krenko repeatedly stabs as he screams. The evil clone stops moving, its features melting into a blank mask. There's a gasp after a moment of silence - what about the real Bertram? Eku works her restorative magic and the statue returns to flesh, the true Bertram utterly clueless as to what happened.

 

It's been an adventure, but enough of this deathtrap. Bertram can only muster the effort to roll his eyes when the rest mention his 'girlfriend' in distress above. Time to get out of these haunted halls.

​

*         *         *

​

Key used, invisibility cast, and the bard and barbarian creep upward to a grey sky, forest stretching beyond. Sweet freedom!

​

And a hostage situation? Atop the ziggurat, Miryem Jünd and her hired guards stand at the mercy of an entire squad of Batiri goblins riding giant wasps. Batiri led by one in a T-Rex mask. The thieving assholes from the river journey! A shimmer of light gives Peach away.

​

"Come out...", shouts the leader in mangled Common. "We have your friends. Give us treasure. We leave! You live!"

​

Krenko seethes. Not even a week earlier these bastards nearly ruined their canoe journey. Give up? No chance in hell. The rest of the Handy Hands have no time to react as their friend flies into a rage. And the arrows fly as well. 

​

One down! Two down! Krenko rage-snipes riders from their mounts as Miryem and her crew dive for cover, the rest of the Handy Hands rushing up from below and into the chaos of a temple-top battle. Peach materializes into view to fear a handful of giant wasps - time is bought, but not enough. Volley after volley of arrows rain down and drop Peach out of a commanding moment and into unconsciousness just as her allies burst forth from below. A flurry of blasts erupt from Arnie and Bertram as they run out, Col calls forth a dust devil to mess with flight patterns, and our heroes establish a front line behind the great altar at the temple's summit.

​

Miryem sighs. "Let us speed this along, shall we?" With a gesture and a mutter, a compulsion to freeze in place radiates from the northern scholar... directed at the Handy Hands. The spell is shrugged off, but what is going on?

​

"We keep shoot, boss?", shouts the Batiri leader, Miryem confirming in return. This is no hostage situation. This is treachery!

​

The blonde archaeologist smirks. "As they said, my friends: Hand over the temple's relics and you will live."

​

The airborne goblins viciously swarm as their leader sneak attacks, Miryem's own guards turning against the Handy Hands. What was just a moment ago a feasible rescue mission is now a very dire situation indeed.

​

With a glowing hand Bertram revives Peach with celestial energy while Krenko mounts a wildly bucking wasp. Eku does her best to protect but the arrows are relentless, and Peach goes down a second time. Despite Col and Arnie dropping a few more Batiri and a couple of Miryem's guards, it's of little good when the well-trained wasps swoop in with their stingers.

​

Arnie and Eku do all they can to protect Peach, paying no heed as the historian's eyes glaze over. A voice whispers in his mind. Walk over here and give me all that you have found in the temple, my dear Bertram. Just a simple suggestion, but one that is so compelling. His body acting yet mind unable to stop it, Bertram calmly walks over as Miryem approaches with a roguish smile.

​

Unable to speak, Bertram can only contort his face in hate as he willingly dumps all of his recently gained wealth and items at the feet of his totally-not-girlfriend, Miryem Jünd. Chaos of the battle still a blur around them, the fellow academic collects the items, leans in, and kisses Bertram on the cheek.

​

"Thank you, Mr. Frode. I had hoped for a fabled axe or a death mask, but this will do. I look forward to meeting again."

​

Miryem waves her hand and the air distorts as a raven-hilted blade is summoned to her hand - one nearly identical to Agamaya's original form. 

​

"...Jennelith?", Agamaya's voice surprisingly exclaims in Bertram's mind.

​

And with a flash the archaeologist and her remaining guard teleport away, far out of sight. The Handy Hands can only stand confused as the Batiri air force rapidly retreats, leaving them alone in stunned silence, overlooking the hazy jungles of Chult from the pinnacle of the ruined Temple of Eshowe.

​

There can't be much more of this temple left. Each level is smaller than the last, and there's just one unexplored door on this one. If that trapped coatl can make it out, so can we! After a short break and some recent find identification (some Dust of Disappearance for Bertram and a Stone of Good Luck for Peach) it's back to this level's main hallway.

​

...But not for long. An obvious cobblestone and a scratched wall. After all the elaborate crypts below, surely it can't be this easy? Yet it is. Weight applied, the wall opens, and another narrow secret tunnel is revealed. That main door can wait.

​

The hazy room beyond feels like one big bad idea. Not a creature in sight. Just a large pool of golden liquid and four creepy multicolored mirrors: red, white, black, and blue. Wary adventurers would keep away. But this is the Handy Hands.

​

Arnie's feeling great after solving the coatl's riddles so quickly... so great that he runs forward to touch the blue mirror. The glass warps and in a split second Arnie is in the mirror, swimming and drowning. This is no mirror. It's a death aquarium! When Peach gets sucked in as well in trying to pull Arnie out, it's a race to save the duo. Col yanks the frame off before his scimitar glances off the glass, but Bertram's eldritch blasts starts a crack. The handyman cleverly buys time with destroy water to give him and Peach the air and strength they need to kick out the glass from within. With one final kick, the glass shatters, and a small tide of water and Handy Hands spills across the floor.

​

"That was FUN!", exclaims a soaking wet Arnie as he jumps to his feet. "Let's do another!"

​

The chorus of "no no no!", "wait!", and "let's not!" do nothing to stop him as Arnie steps up to the black mirror with a grin. At least he doesn't touch it. Instead, the visage of a stern man superimposes over Arnie's reflection and states a phrase in the old Chultan dialect.

​

Eku raises an eyebrow. "It said: 'Command an answer and I shall'. A strange enchantment."

​

"Will I get a new pet dog?", asks Arnie. The ghostly image shakes its head, and Arnie sadly frowns. The image holds up three fingers then retracts one.

​

"Two questions left!", Bertram reasons. "Yet it does not answer with words. Let us think this over!" The quick huddle rapidly agrees when Col brings up the absent god of this wild land.

​

"Is Ubtao still around?", asks Arnie. The ghostly image nods. Yes. One more to go.

​

"Is Ras Nsi still alive?" The image gestures one final time. A nod - yes - then fades.

​

How much can a mirror know? How truthful is it? Ubtao abandoned Chult centuries ago, and Ras Nsi faded into obscurity over 100 years ago and has not been seen since. Future mysteries to ponder indeed. For now, there's more mirrors! Not one to let Arnie have all the fun, Peach touches the white mirror... only to have the "glass" collapse over her like a corrosive blanket. Gross. And painful. Beyond the frame, however, is another hidden tunnel! Secrets within secrets.

​

The red mirror is ominous yet seems normal... until things appear next to Arnie's reflection. Two albino dwarves emerge, smile, then rapidly devour the handyman's reflection. With a screech Arnie retreats while Peach steps up, this time a zombie crawling up her reflection's leg. "Oh no! MAGIC MIKE!", screams Peach, as the zombie of her former wizard companion rips out her reflection's heart, somehow still looking like a hot Channing Tatum in undeath. Enough of this mirror. Too stressful!

​

The golden pool seems exactly that: molten gold, yet only warm to the touch. It doesn't adhere to skin and turns to water if removed, but the crew quickly finds out that any item touched to it turns to gold. Incredible! Inspired by the black mirror, Arnie grabs the frame Col ripped off the wall, dips it in gold, then holds it up in front of himself.

​

"Hey guys! Ask me three questions!"

​

What follows is perhaps the strangest therapy session ever as Arnie and eventually Peach are asked questions through the mirror frame, responding like the ghostly image to check on the handyman's mental status and building team unity. Done with the awkwardness, it's through the white mirror's frame.

 

There have been many odd things in this dungeon, and a huge stone octopus certainly makes the list. It's hardly a moment before Peach touches the statue, her skin adhering to it as the cephalopod begins to spin. A fey step earns freedom but slams her into the wall, the statue returning to a stop. Okay. Don't touch it. Got it. A red gem on the octopus' head is again too tempting, this time making Arnie dance uncontrollably until Bertram dispels the effect. Okay. Don't touch that either. Could be useful though. The gem is pried off into a burlap sack. Never know when one could use a magic dancing rock!

​

Bertram and Eku's chat about the afterlife on the way to the main door is perfectly poignant: as the door is slowly opened, tiny clay figures are seen acting out various scenes that appear to be different interpretations of life after death. Peaceful hunting grounds, flaming and frozen depictions of the Nine Hells, a meandering River Styx, and more.

​

"Don't touch anything!", says Peach, as she runs forward to touch something.

​

The bard helps little clay people push a miniature boulder up a hill - a purgatory of sorts? - to spy a trickle of light coming out of a hole directly above. A way out! Krenko climbs up Peach's shoulders and into the hole and sure enough, there's another level above. A room with two basins of water and, as Peach discovers, a creepy taxidermied crocodile-human thing in the room beyond. The way forward is clear. Back down below though, other Handy Hands have different plans.

​

Despairing figures and clay worms writhe in the black river in front of Col and Arnie. A clay person disperses into dirt in Arnie's hand, but Col's face goes blank as he picks up a worm, spell slots draining from memory. Arnie moves on to the grassy hunting grounds... and it's great. Just the best. So great that he has a seat and has no interest in leaving. Almost expectedly Col steps into the burning desert landscape but just shrugs. Similar to home, sure. No desire to stay, though.

​

Bertram is about to head upwards when he notices the odd goings on, calling up to notify Krenko and Peach before offering to help Arnie. These hunting grounds though. So pleasant. The historian sits next to the handyman and they watch as little clay people frolic and hunt the clay dinosaurs around them. Eku shrugs, out of ideas. A returned Peach pulls out a loudly protesting Bertram, mood immediately changing once out of the grass. Why did he ever wanted to stay? It takes some convincing but eventually Arnie decides to not stay in an evil temple forever, and the crew say farewell to the afterlife for now. That nearby door, though. Just one more door.

​

It was perhaps a reagent storage room at one point. Only a few things remain. The items are tempting but when the very earth itself begins to animate, sprouting a myriad of eyeballs and mouths, with a quick "nope!" Peach grabs a small bag of what looks like beans on a shelf and runs for the door. For real this time. Upwards and onward!

​

"Hallo? Mr. Lambert?" Arnie's sending stone vibrates and Miryem Jünd's voice rings through. After connecting on recent events and finds, the archaeologist states that she may have found a way in from above. The narrow stairway down ends in a wall, however. If the Handy Hands can find somewhere matching such a description, perhaps the end of this crypt is near!

​

Golden items that were dipped in the mirror room's pool sadly drip off yellow liquid and return to normal as the crew scales up to what they hope is the uppermost level. A lobster exoskeleton rests in one of the other wells. Weird. Not quite as weird as the mummified man-crocodile thing ahead, though. Krenko knows an ambush when he sees one, and he's not about to let this monstrosity get the upper hand. With a leap to it's back... HEEYA!, and the beast starts bucking!

​

The fused mummy thrashes wildly but the goblin holds tight, sinking in his teeth and relaying the flavor (DM: Krenko has a homebrew ability, "Nice to Meat You", that allows him to learn certain monster info upon bite!).  Thankfully the taste of dried mummy flesh has little effect, and despite the creature's terrible visage it's hardly a fight. Avoiding resistances and exploiting vulnerabilities, the stitched-up mummy creation falls in a single round. A bit of looting later, and that's that.

​

Fresh air rushes inward as a large jade anti-graverobber wall is pushed over. They must be close! Moving through what suspiciously looks like a wind tunnel, Peach ties a rope to herself and doubles back to open a hatch. ...Yep. Wind tunnel. The bard slams to the ground, the crew hauls her back, and nothing is said about curiosity's effects on cats.

​

"Handy Hands...", Miryem quietly calls from the sending stone. "Something approaches. I'm not sure what-"

​

The stone squelches as its matched pair is dropped. The last thing heard from Miryem's stone is the sound of large wasps.

​

"Everyone ready? Now!"

​

The golden seal on the double doors shatters into multiple pieces, and after no apparent traps triggered, Peach signals safety. One couldn't be too safe after the "door" shaped like a T-rex head. A wise use of mage hand had discovered that false passage to be nothing but a tiger pit trap. It didn't help that the double doors were emblazoned with "Mother and Queen, Temitope". If Eku is right and this is indeed the crypt of the mother to the lich-mummy-vampire-thing that is King Toloki, one can't be too careful.

​

With a *thwak*, crossbow bolts blast out at Krenko as he opens the doors. So much for a lack of traps. A cavalier Peach heads right in to observe the scale model of a city beyond and, with blazing heat, a veritable wall of fire erupts in the doorway behind! Clawing hands lash out at her legs where what looks like a royally-adorned corpse lunges from below a ledge in ambush. Queen Temitope, I presume? Reacting more than thinking, Peach goes invisible and sidesteps the thrashing undead before getting clever. Why deal with a flaming doorway when you can make a new one? Like hands in soft clay, another charge from the stone shape bracelet rips open a hole in the wall and the Handy Hands pour through.

​

It's nearly over as soon as it began. Despite Bertram having difficulties trying to figure out how to cast eldritch blast through a floppy tongue whip, the rest of the crew dogpile the hissing undead. Three rapid hacks from Krenko's blades and one final arcing crit from Peach's geetar axe later, the former Queen Mother lies in pieces.

​

What a room! A scale model of Eshowe in its prime fills the area. Ziggurats dot the room surrounded by tiny replicas of ancient Chultan housing and, most notably, a large copper funeral barge resembling a dragon floats in a silvery purple river. A small sacrificial shrine containing a magical heart-shaped stone is looted by Peach while the others go to work on the ziggurats. Apparently a handful of them are actually treasure coffers! 

​

The biggest one catches Bertram's eye. With Peach's help the lid is pried open and bolts shoot - one of which Bertram catches. These Gloves of Missile Snaring... impressive. The loot, even more so! Necklaces and bracelets in volumes, and in a moment the poor historian becomes a wealthy man. Perhaps what differentiates the "looter" from the "archaeologist" is the documentation: no sooner has Bertram taken the ziggurat's contents is he thoroughly documenting the finds.

​

An excited Arnie pries open another and narrowly avoids a grasping arm trap, then Col and Arnie work together to pop open the third. Valuable jewelry for all! With 6 more rings added to his collection of 4, the handyman wields a special handy bling of his own styling. Not much magical here, but the wealth... oh by Waukeen, the wealth.

​

While the rest occupy themselves, Krenko works on a riddle. How did an undead queen assault them, yet the casket remains closed? Hopping over to the funeral barge he finds the backside partially ripped out, and once lid removed, the very same shriveled Queen Mother lies within. Glancing back to the bisected-but-otherwise-identical corpse near the door, the goblin notices the definitely not-undead interior of their most recent foe. He shudders. Shapeshifters. Whatever it was, it wasn't Queen Temitope. These dark ruins have certainly attracted dark residents. Reaching for the true Queen Mother's burial mask, Krenko hesitates. No. Not after the fiasco with her son. She can keep that. The rest though, that's prized goblin booty.

​

It's a short trip back to humor a certain handyman's notion to use the "Thin Man's" lab equipment to revive his dog, but without necromantic energy and missing components, it's a wash. Time to finally head upstairs. The conjoined twin snakes are asked perhaps the most important question to date in this campaign: "How do you poop?". The answer is ambiguous. The inference that the Thin Man is likely still alive, however... that's interesting. Onward and upward!

​

One flight. Another flight. Another. Wherever they're going, it's certainly up and hopefully outward. A stair trap and associated false wall are avoided, and a smaller upper level is discovered. They're surely heading up the ziggurat temple.

​

Gold! A lot of gold! Conspicuously piled at the end of a hallway! They may not be the most experienced adventurers, but the Handy Hands are no dummies. A rapid arrow from Krenko's bow reveals it is indeed an illusion, and Peach's drop of a torch with mage hand burns away the caustic mold underneath. The old bones and sword are real enough, at least. After blasting charred mold out of his way Bertram explores. There has to be more to this hall than a bunch of fake gold. And he's right.  With Arnie's help a rotating door is found, and the crew can't help themselves but head beyond.

 

Bertram leads around a corner. A mirror awaits, and his reflection stares back. A reflection that slowly shifts. Larger frame, broader shoulders, miner's clothing. His brother stares back.

​

"Heh... look at you. Still think you're better than me? Think you can forget who you are?" Terrance Frode sneers, the knife from that fateful night still in his chest. "You left our mother. You killed me, Trash. Your own brother. YOU KILLED ME!"

​

To everyone else Bertram simply stares into a mirror. To Bertram, a wave of regret washes over him and he can only defend as the memory of his dead brother assaults him. It isn't until the sharp sting of a goblin's hand against his cheek that the young historian breaks out from his personal hell.

​

"HEY!", shouts Krenko as he saunters around the corner. "Snap out of it! We're dungeon exploring here..."

 

And indeed, there is. The hall ends in a curious circular chamber. On top of a cross-shaped dais a large crystal cylinder rises from floor to ceiling, smoky green vapor swirling within. The four small stairways up the dais are oddly different in their own way - one lined with small clay heads, one shimmering with colors, one masked by darkness, and one with a warrior statue at the top. After poking around shelves of offerings, it isn't long before a calm voice resonates through the chamber.

​

"Interlopers. You have trespassed in my sacred chapel." The hiss of gas fills the air. "Retribution has already begun. It is possible your actions were not from malice or greed, but idle curiosity. Solve the puzzles to reach the cure. Choose your path wisely. You are dying."

​

Path? Which path!? Peach runs by the statue, which jumps to life and immediately starts swinging a stone spear. Col rushes to help while Krenko weakly backs up from the stairs with the clay heads, a psychic babbling preventing further progress. Arnie rushes for the darkened stairs only to trip in the utter blackness and land face-first on the floor. Spying a jade mask on the wall, Bertram yanks it down hoping to find a release valve but only succeeds in dropping a cage on himself. 

​

"Bars! Krenko! Help!"

​

The goblin runs over to assist Bertram with bending the old rusty bars apart, and the two run for different paths while the statue battle rages up top. Though only a handful of steps, the colorful stairs act as a treadmill under Krenko's feet. Bertram makes for the dark stairs and slams right into a hidden Arnie, the two doing their best to crawl out and upward. Peach and Col's chosen path must have been the one... no time to waste as lungs choke on poison gas!

​

The handyman and the jungle guide help their statue-fighting friends while Bertram gives Krenko a boost towards the ceiling, the goblin activating his Vest of Levitation ("fizzy lifting drinks!") to find a hidden solution. When the statue is blasted apart by Peach's shatter but the crystal cylinder is utterly unaffected, true panic starts to set in.

​

"You have passed the first test." Again the calm voice speaks. "Perhaps you are not fools. But now it will take your best tool of your most clever person to breach these crystal walls. Hurry. Time is running out."

​

Best tool... best tool... most clever person... Out of ideas and options, Krenko floats back down as the rest manically rush around the room. But not Arnie. Arnie knows tools. And clever solutions are the handyman's game. He pulls his trusty large pipe wrench from his side, and with just a tap the giant crystal barrier shatters into a thousand pieces. The swirling green cloud within disperses, and there rests a vial of antidote on top of a pillar.

​

"Good! You are nearly there, but your time is nigh exhausted. One final puzzle. Trust your souls to the gods, mortals."

​

An invisible barrier around the vial confounds the levitating Krenko, who shouts in dismay as a dimly glowing rune appears on the pillar. Everyone panics and tries to flee except for Arnie, who just smiles. His mother long ago taught him to trust his soul to Lathander. All that is needed is a display of faith. With a quick cast of light, the barrier disperses, the gas drains from the room... and a large winged serpent much like Eku's true form reveals itself in a wash of healing energy.

​

"Thank you, friends.", says the coatl in its calm voice. "I had been trapped here, and quick action was needed to free me."

​

"Kulu!", exclaims Eku, recognizing an old acquaintance. "Why... how... what are you doing here?"

​

As the antidote is passed around, Kulu explains. The coatl came here over a decade ago to explore the ruins of Eshowe for clues as to where Ubtao went after the god abandoned Chult, but ended up getting stuck in a trap that required an outside party to solve. The deception is less than positively received. Bertram storms out to smash the mirror in the hall while others (deservedly) berate the feathered serpent. It is, however, gracious for its release, thanking Arnie in particular by gifting him the Mirror of the Past, a small looking glass imbued with the ability to tell an item's history.

​

As Kulu prepares to return to its place of celestial origin, the Handy Hands walk away miffed by the whole experience. Even Eku mutters about the strange nature of her own kind. A good snake in these jungles can be just as taxing as an evil one.

​

With the deadly amber gas purged the Handy Hands could finally afford to rest, and they do exactly that. Peach's hut goes up and most nearly fall asleep before hitting their bedrolls. Bertram, however, has a bit of science to do first.

 

This odd whip... what curious properties! The double-ended snake watches on as he whips the tongue-like weapon around the room, discovering that it can extend to extremely long distances with exciting (yet potentially deadly) results: small things are pulled back to Bertram, and large targets pull Bertram towards them. Pleased with the potential, the warlock historian performs a short ritual before bed to mold a new pact weapon. The sword fades. The whip's handle morphs to form a raven-shaped hilt. Agamaya melds with 'Kubazan's Reach', and it is now uniquely his.

​

The "morning's" decision is easy and unanimous: Freshly rested, what's the rush? Let's explore! Room thoroughly looted for a few valuables, a side door is checked for traps then moved through.

​

Dust. And apparently only dust - nearly three inches deep in some places - covers the room. The unnatural movement of it when swirled into the air disconcerts Bertram and Peach, especially when it takes on the shape of a terrified woman running from them. An intrigued Krenko steps in and a scene animates before him: commoners flee as soldiers bearing the symbol of Mezro slaughter all until a small phalanx of Eshowe guards disperse the others. 

​

"Bad memories...", Eku says quietly.

​

The phalanx of dust soldiers are dispersed as easily as they formed and all move through while Eku, Col, and Bertram chat a bit about history. One could blame Mezro, but soldiers follow orders, and it was Ras Nsi ('Ras' is not a name but a title, it is learned) who led the ethnic cleansing of the Eshowe. The connecting passage is moved through, another journal fragment found referencing "forced unions", and the crew find themselves back in the cat room. Time for a new door.

​

Arnie works up his nerve to get in on the door opening fun, but what's beyond is a lot more dangerous than dust. It may have been a vegepygmy at one point in time, but the mutated fungal structure now more resembles a writhing tree than anything else. The repeated inhaled sounds urges Arnie to ask Eku to telepathically translate.

​

The guide pauses, then furrows her brow sadly. "'Kill me'. It is all that is says. It just repeats 'kill me'."

​

Rested up and itching for combat, Krenko is happy to oblige! A blitz plan is devised, Col and Peach sneak into position, and the goblin leads the charge. TREE FIGHT!

​

The crew gets in some quick melee hits while Col ice knifes and Peach dissonant whispers, but the fungal tree's thick chitin proves difficult to pierce. Branch-like structures animate, whipping out to ensnare and reel in Peach, Col, and Arnie's Little Helper to the creature's main body. "Trunk" rotating, a distorted vegepygmy face embedded on the side opens its maw and takes a bite out of Col with a mouthful of chitinous teeth. 

​

Gotta sever the branches! Like a fungal lumberjack, Krenko rapidly scales the thing and chops off a branch-like tendril to free Col. Arnie rushes forward to save his dog, landing an inflict wounds that withers the tendril around Arnie's Little Helper. 

​

"Run back, boy!", shouts the cleric. And so Arnie's Little Helper does. But it's too late. The monstrous mouth gnashes at the fleeing dog... and where there was once a dog, only half a dog now remains.

 

The cacophony of combat goes silent for a moment as all turn their heads and await what they've been dreading this entire misadventure: The breaking of Arnie. The handyman blinks, then in shock, starts casually collecting the remaining dog half.

​

"He's fine. He'll be fine!"

​

Bertram shields as the mutant fungus thrashes, then goes all in to tear at its main body. The crits come, and it isn't long until Krenko's repeated hacks from above begin to split the monstrosity down the middle. Moments later, all is still. At first no one knows how to approach Arnie. The handyman is somewhere between grief and delusion as each offer condolences... all but Krenko. 

​

"Was that dog even real? It was just a patch on a coat!", says the goblin.

​

Peach and Bertram awkwardly back away as the handyman's face grows furious. "Just a patch? JUST A PATCH!?" Arnie rips a patch resembling a door off his labcoat and throws it near Krenko, a large iron door manifesting and clunking down behind the goblin. "Go on, Krenko! Take that patch for a walk! Cuddle with it! Goblin's Best Friend!"

​

Sensing no way to win this argument, Krenko sighs and walks behind the newly-summoned door. After some final kind words from Col, Eku reluctantly informs Arnie: there may be a way to bring Arnie's Little Helper back. The evil that dwells in Mbala is said to have the power to bring back the dead. The guide regrets telling Arnie as soon as the words leave her mouth, but it's enough to motivate the handyman cleric to move onward. The other dog half is found inside the mess of fungus, and the final door leading out of the cat room is opened.

​

Bas-relief stone soldiers guard a short hall, Bertram's keen eyes detecting the pressure plate that clearly triggers nothing good and most hop over to the far door. The smell catches them first. Rotting flesh. The sight is a bad dream: Under blood red light flayed human skins line the walls where an insidious grinning statue wearing human body parts greets the crew, guarded by a deathly still jaguar sitting at its base.

 

Only Krenko braves to approach and the panther animates... only to stalk right by the Handy Hands as if they weren't even there. Odd. Bertram and Krenko investigate the grotesque statue while Col and Peach check out the curiosities on the far side of the room - a well full of silvery liquid and a mirror of black glass. A quick mage hand by Peach disturbs the liquid's surface, and the room reverberates with a low guttural voice:

​

Lock the door, blow out the light;

The hungry darkness haunts the night.

​

Peach waves at the black mirror. Her reflection waves back. Then smiles.

​

Hide and tremble, little one; 

It just wants to have some fun.

 

More than a bit creeped out, the crew nervously experiments to find some way through the chamber. The statue seems to have no hidden mechanisms, and the silver liquid does nothing when applied to the black mirror. As the statue is prodded and Arnie touches the silver liquid, the voice rumbles again:

 

Hear it scratching on the door;

See the shadow cross the floor.

The sun won’t rise for quite a while; 

Ubtao is gone, beware my smile.

​

Above. The voice is coming from above. A circular hole is spied in the ceiling directly above the well. As the silver liquid spreads over Arnie's arm and across his torso, Bertram just can't help his curiosity and desire to test his new whip. Kubazan's Reach lashes out to the distant ceiling through the hole, the historian is yanked upward... and hot rotting breath from a demonic grinning face just inches from his own emits a slow laugh. There's hardly time to react as large clawed hands slash at the surprised warlock.

​

A well-placed grappling hook gets Krenko up to aid his friend, Peach following after closing up the well with a quick stone shape from her new bracelet before it causes any more problems. The living manifestation of the statue below greets them, then fades from view, leaving the trio above confused and searching. Bertam's golden eyes glow as he floods the chamber with radiant energy, but no hidden evils are revealed.

​

Meanwhile below, Arnie finds that the silver liquid has covered most of his body... which must be a good thing! Surely this stuff could be used to put his dog back together! Eku balks at the notion but Col wastes no time drenching the handyman with create water, washing off the questionable fluid and snapping Arnie back to reality. A skin-flaying monster is about!

​

Just as both Arnie ascends the rope and Krenko slides down, the grinning entity snaps into view hovering right next to the duo and unleashes a torrent of cold energy forward in a surprise attack. The stalking panther is utterly annihilated but the Handy Hands largely avoid the worst of it, Krenko jumping from rope to the entity's leg while Arnie sears its flesh.

​

"Make way!" With a shout from above and with a heroic maneuver that was perhaps only half thought out, a glowing Bertram dives through the hole to slash at their foe with his whip... then unceremoniously cracks his back and crumples on top of the stone shaped well. The entity vanishes once again, but a flying Krenko holding onto an invisible leg leaves no doubt as to where it is retreating. Back up top!

​

Cornered - it's a short fight as the Handy Hands bring down their fury. The grinning creature just laughs as it stumbles and falls lifeless against the wall. The fallen entity's flickering shadow does not match its form, confirming Col's suspicions. The shadow is the very same as the painted representations of Eshowdow seen far below. Whatever this creature was, it appears that at least some small manifestation of the dark anti-Ubtao remained in this place. Using the last of her ongoing power of command called upon during the battle, Peach does what she can to assure Krenko apologizes to Arnie.

​

More beaten foes. More treasure looted. Yet one loyal companion lost. Even rested, the Handy Hands find this temple a risk.

 

​

After identifying her new bracelet as one that can cast stone shape, Peach wanders down the remaining passage on their current level to find an alcove. A conspicuous silver coffer on platform. Clearly here as temptation... but what's within? With a quick use of mage hand to avoid physical contact, the bard floats an odd small statuette back to relative safety.

​

"Ilnedraw?", says Peach as she reads the Elven script on the statue's base. Col has a look at what can only be described as a mermaid-like Academy Award with fish fins for wings - it's not religious, whatever it is. Popping off the base reveals a series of beads pulsing color. Curiosity baited, she touches the beads... and the statue takes to the air! Flipping about on fin wings the statue rebounds off walls and down the hallway to where Bertram inspects the final door for traps. As soon as the large pair of bronze doors are cracked open the flying fish-thing darts through.

​

Crumbling terra cotta warriors, everywhere! A small army of nearly 50 life-sized soldiers stand in guard of a domed cairn in the rear of the large room, a curious palanquin resting along the right-side wall. Visions of the army animating keeps the Handy Hands cautious as Krenko inspects broken weapons (disappointing!), Arnie checks out the palanquin (neat!) and finds a chained skeleton within (creepy!), and Peach lifts a barred door to reveal one final passage (mysterious!).

​

"Here Lies King Ayo, Father to Toloki", translates Eku for Bertram as he examines the dome. Looks like Mr. Evil Vampire-Mummy-Lich's dad has been found. A moment of graverobbing urge strikes, but the crew thinks better of it and decides to leave much of the large room undisturbed.

​

The final passage reveals - once again - that large quartzite block from another angle. Ah!, Bertram reasons. It's an anti-graverobbing block, hence the rollers on one side. Content, the crew backtracks all the way back up to their furthest point explored so far, but not before Peach deftly swats the flying fish-person statue out of the air and pockets it. Could be useful!

​

The historian pushes forward to the colorful murals ahead, but it's the handyman who gets distracted by muffled voices from far above heard through a crumbling wall. A doll-like creature phases through the rock to investigate as well... a chwinga! With an offer of his "broccoli stone" Arnie makes another quick friend, and through apparent trade with the distant voices the chwinga returns with a new stone. 

​

"Hello? Anyone down there?", says the stone in Miryem Jünd's voice. A sending stone! The archaeologist has been in the ruins of Eshowe far above, searching for the Handy Hands after finding the collapsed sinkhole. The two parties reconnect as Peach plays with the chwinga, piecing together more of Eshowe's lore, but both still finding no historical basis as to who this arcane scientist was in the years after King Toloki's defeat. With no clear way to reunite quiet yet, Miryem offers future advice through the stone then signs off, leaving the Handy Hands to their colorful murals.

​

Painted athletes. A ball. Fans watching. Two goals on opposing ends. Thinking of the very similar layout of Executioner's Run back in Port Nyanzaru, Bertram reasons it out. This hallway. It's a game court! An inscribed capstone on the floor reads "Dare not open unless you be willing to meet the challenge." Col, Krenko, and Bertram press on, but the curiosity is just too much for Arnie and Peach. The pair lifts the capstone and a ball is found - one that quickly animates and flies through the air. Horns sound. Boundary walls start to rise as the rest dash back in to help. The countdown ends, and the game is on!

​

(DM: Queue ESPN Jock Jams. Let's Get Ready to Rumble!)

​

The ball is wily, but not so quick as to evade a spin-kicking goblin. It's clearly flying for the far wall... hit it back into the near goal! Taking a defensive position Col tries on a new form and wildshapes into a large ape. Gorilla Goalie! The rest scramble the field through a series of hits and misses until Peach lines up a perfect shot with the backside of her geetar, batting the ball directly into a mouth-like hole in a carved face in the near wall. GOAL! Horns sound, a feather in the carving's headdress glows orange, and the ball rockets back to mid-field. Round 2 commences!

​

With Arnie lighting up the ball to give his teammates advantage, Round 2 is over in short time. Where Arnie's Little Helper - his pet mastiff - can't quite connect, solid hits from Bertram and Peach knock the ball down court and Krenko rushes forward to punch the ball in. GOAL! Another feather lights up. Round 3!

​

The rubber ball nearly makes it to the far goal before Bertram slaps it with the broadside of Agamaya. Col takes a daring risk: The Gorilla Goalie abandons defense to rush and double fist smash the ball, sending it careening back but knocking over his allies as he barrels through them. Peach is down. Bertram is too far away. Krenko barely gets in one final hit. With one last solid hit needed to win, Arnie misses... while his dog soars through the air over Krenko. With an epic critical roll, tongue flying in the air, belief is suspended as Arnie's Little Helper grapples the ball mid-air and slam dunks it into the hole. GOAL! Final score: Handy Hands 3, Evil Temple 0. Somewhere, in another timeline, a certain golden retriever's spirit smiles.

​

The pearls and topaz necklace in the winner's stash are nice valuable prizes. Curious, though, is the "whip" that resembles a long barbed tongue with a handle. The normally-stoic Bertram can't stop himself from smiling wide as he wraps his hand around it. Truly, a strange but fitting weapon and tool for an archaeologist!

​

The oddly shaped room beyond is a reliquary of everything 'cat'. Feline skins cover the walls, domestic and wild cat species stand stuffed in various poses on small pedestals, and a large tiger-headed humanoid statue stands in the middle of the room. Of particular note is a stuffed toy tiger missing an ear, matching the statue. A large stone circle of glyphs hangs on one wall, a very large bust of a tiger's head on another. The crew cautiously explores as Arnie inspects the circle (a calendar, he surmises), but can hardly react in time when the statue animates, rushing Arnie and stabbing him within an inch of his life!

​

Krenko leaps into action but quickly finds out that his knives can't even pierce the weretiger's flesh, causing him to leap back and reevaluate. Col has better luck with a magic, as does Bertram with the sling and silver bullets he had found in the lab. Peach quickly eyes the weretiger and the toy tiger. Missing ears, and corresponding scars on their chests. Thinking fast she chops her geetar's axe blade on the toy tiger and reaches inside... to find a living, beating heart.

​

The feral statue stabs down again, and again, until a thoroughly punctured Arnie can do little but bleed out on the floor. A re-armed Krenko assaults with magical weapons to much greater success, buying Peach just enough time to slide over to Arnie's unconscious body and land a cure wounds followed by a feystep teleport. With a *bamf*, Arnie finds himself on the other side of the room and barely alive. Barely alive, but safe.

​

The raging creature whirls and searches for its prey as it takes more pummeling hits from the crew, turning to see Peach holding its beating heart. It reaches out. But it's too late.

​

"If anyone gets my friends killed, it's gonna be me!", shouts the eladrin bard. And the knife comes down.

 

The heart withers to dust and with a screech the weretiger crumbles into a pile of pebbles. So much for invincible statues.

​

After some first aid a latch in the calendar by Arnie, flipping it to swivel the stone circle and reveal a passageway behind. Between the numerous esoteric symbols, snarling T-Rex facade, and door sealed with a golden disk, the narrow hall beyond gives off some serious creepy vibes. It's the third door - a simple but rusted one - that Krenko and Bertram inspect. 

 

After bashing in the hinges to expose a tiny room with a shimmering floor, the historian tests the floor with his toe. It goes right through. Hmm. Holding tight to a rope, the crew belays for Bertram as he spelunks down... and emerges horizontally in a previous explored chamber. Huh. Well. Curious, if anything. There's a bit of a struggle to get back through the portal, but a strong pull from Col and Arnie are enough yank the Bertram back through. Enough of this eerie passageway for now.

​

Back in the Cat Room, Col stares at the large bronze bust of a tiger's head. No eyeballs. Offering up a couple of large pearls as eyes doesn't net a result, but his hand does find a lever in the right eye socket. The bust swings forward, and another way out is revealed. How many secret passages does this room have? What looks like monkey bars make up the floor, which Col is easily able to make across in giant snake form while most of the others follow. Thorned grasping vines lash out at any who stumble, but thankfully dexterity is mostly in everyone's favor.

 

As Arnie hesitates, the far side of the tunnel is opened. Another large room, one heavily crumbled in some areas. It's the kind of quiet room where it's more than likely you're not there alone.

​

"Who are you?", comes a telepathic voice from a large pile of rubble. "We don't know you." Another voice, but different.

​

A large boa constrictor pokes out from the rocks. Then another. Twin snakes, just like one of the nine statues in a much lower chamber. What fascinates the Handy Hands is their full emergence: It is not two snakes, but one, with a head at either end of a long body. Is it an amphisbaena, or mutant?

​

Arnie and Eku join, it turns out it's neither. In a curious conversation they reveal they were once two, but melded into one by an experimenter they refer to as "The Thin Man". Their twin minds results in a paralyzing indifference, and they have not left this chamber since joined. A crushed corpse's hand (verified as NOT the scientist himself) contains two more pages of torn journal, correlating with the snakes' story. The twin snakes' final question comes after a pause.

​

"Are you... allies of The Thin Man?"

​

Brief thought is given to deception, but Arnie and Bertram are quick to speak. "No! We are certainly not."

​

The two heads stare. Silence. "Then we care not..." states one, and the other: "...or what you do." The double snake slowly retreats into the rubble, motioning to the large door behind the corpse as it goes.

​

The large stone doors are pulled inward. With a rush like air from a bellows, the toxic amber gas floods outward and upward as it is replaced by fresh air from above. The Handy Hands have passed the Twin Serpents' test, and the way up revealed.

​

"Sand! Lots of sand!", exclaims the historian. "Get us out of here!"

​

Holes above pour sand into the closed-off section of hallway as Krenko surveys the hall that he and Bertram got trapped in, trap door separating the party. Thick wood, no handles, opens vertically, muffled pounding of Arnie and Peach beyond.... gotta get it open! The goblin jams his folding shovel best he can at the base of the door, Col casting mold earth as soon as he sees the crack at the bottom to push sand out of the way. Just enough of an edge to grip!

 

Bertram's eyes turn as the far trap door glows with a blue light. Whatever it was that led them to this doom, it has returned to make sure they don't escape! A sparking ball of light phases right through, eerily whispering in ancient Chultan before zapping Bertram and Krenko with jolts of electricity. "Krenko! Blue light special!", calls the historian as he returns fire with a looted scroll of burning hands.

​

It takes a couple tries, but the combined might of the Handy Hands succeeds in forcing the door upward and jamming it. A cascade of knee-deep sand pours out as Arnie rockets a critical guiding bolt under the door and obliterates the blue light, Peach rushing forward to douse the far door in oil and set it ablaze before the crew retreats. Sand pours. Col magically shovels. The door burns. The dust finally settles, and the way is clear.

​

The reek of old garbage. A soft glow radiates from what looks like mutant bioluminescent yacha beetles foraging in the refuse. Some quiet movement nets Peach and Krenko some valuables among the piles of garbage as Bertram explores the exits: one door leading up a very long staircase, the other back into their current level. With this amber gas there's no time to waste in escaping. Up it is!

​

A flight of stairs. Then another. And another. It's a seemingly endless climb until an end is finally seen... and a *click* is heard from Bertem's errant step on a pressure plate. A wall drops and what resembles a massive rolling pin crushes downward.

​

"RUN!"

​

The stone cylinder rolls right over Bertram, squishing him to unconsciousness as Peach rapidly darts around the corner ahead and out of the way. Everyone flees downwards except for Col, shifting into hadrosaurus form in attempt to body block the huge stone. No luck! It rolls right over dino-Col as Arnie, Eku, and Krenko high-tail it back to the garbage room. There's a moment of confusion as the goblin slam-dances upon room entry until his strategy is seen: the large insects scurry towards the movement and right into the stone's path. Leaping at the last moment, the cylinder crashes into the room and annihilates most of the beetles, splattering bug guts everywhere before finally coming to rest on the far wall.

​

In healing up Bertram, a spooked-looking Peach tells of what she saw ahead. "There's a... thing up ahead. Floating. One big eye, many small ones. Doesn't look good..."

​

And sure enough, there is. 'Scooby-Dooing' it around the corner, some strange floating monstrosity hovers in what looks like an old abandoned laboratory. Talking to it gets no response. Approaching it draws attention. With a quiet countdown of 3... 2... 1..., Krenko and Peach ambush with projectiles and - *POP*! An explosion of spores. It's confusion all-round, but a quick inspection reveals it was some kind of fungal gas balloon. Gross. Good thing no one was close when it popped.

​

Old vials and syringes, large rusted cages... whoever was using these ruins as their secret laboratory, this was their center of operations. As Bertram finds a bag with a sling and silver bullets, Arnie locates a couple intact journal pages among the badly water damaged stacks of paper in the long chamber. References to an 'undying lycanthrope' and a 'fungal mutation'. Hmm. More mysteries. What exactly what this mad scientist looking to accomplish?

​

With a colorfully-painted hall beyond but also another ramp back down, which way to go? Much of the crew is in favor of pushing onward to open sky, but Bertram persuasively argues. When else will they ever get to explore such untouched bits of history? The rest reluctantly agree - as long as they don't delay too long, and turn around if things get rough. After a short rest in the lab, it's down the ramp and back into darkness.

​

(DM: With rest comes identified items! Arnie's new ring is a ring of fire resistance. ​Peach's ring is one of animal friendship. Krenko's +1 obsidian blade also excels vs. plants. Bertram remixes a potion of invisibility and samples an elixir of health.)

​

A huge quartzite block at the bottom of the long ramp prevents progress. Darn. A short trip, but noting the rows of rollers along the ramp, there must be another way to approach this block and push it uphill. Up and back down, the Handy Hands return to the garbage room and try the second door... and find a peculiar sight beyond.

​

Two bodies - a man and a woman - lie on a pair of stone beds, covered in a thick layer of dust but perfectly preserved otherwise. A small crystal flask and two goblets sit between them. Large old Chultan runes line the walls that Eku translates to "The Maze Will Bring Ruin." Whoever this pair of acolytes were, it's clear they were in the anti-Ubtao camp. Brushing away the dust to investigate cause of death, Bertram and the others are startled when both "corpses" open their eyes and stand! The man shouts in old Chultan, then again once he hears the crew speaking Common.

​

"The foreigners tongue...", the man haltingly says. "YOU. MUST. ATONE!"

​

The cost seems high for ending their divine sleep as the woman barks for more every time an item of wealth is placed on a stone table. Tensions grow, Peach's attempt to leave negotiations for intended deception is taken as insult, and the fists begin to fly!

 

The Handy Hands get the jump on the duo, getting in solid hits and all but Bertram evading the returning volley of stunning strikes. Col and Krenko dive across the stone beds with tooth and dagger while Arnie lights up the room with scorching ray. Eku clears the historian's head just in time for him to see Peach jump off the table and land between the two evil monks, slamming down on her Lantanese geetar's whammy bar.

​

A rainbow of lights erupt from the gnomish instrument, mesmerizing all with their color but thankfully only stunning the two monks and Peach herself with their glory. It buys the Handy Hands all the time that they need: the two martial artists are easily cut down in a bloody spray by Krenko, wealth is picked back up, and the room quickly looted of valuable jewelry.

​

"You know, we could have asked them about the past...", Bertram trails off his thoughts, regretting what was lost by killing two literal figures from forgotten history.

​

Two ways to go. One heads to the same quartzite block as before, but no more of an advantageous angle. The other is apparently the far end of the hall lined with dried corpses seen a couple hours before. A quick step into the hall causes the corpses' arms to animate and reach out to the historian, who quickly turns around and closes the door.

​

"Ya, let's not go that way."

​

Upon Arnie's suggestion, the crew backtracks all the way to the hall with the bronze dinosaur busts. The glinting bracelet in the beak of the triceratops bust is too much of a temptation for Peach. Her hand goes in, the beak snaps shut. It's an embarrassing situation, really. Kind of an obvious trap. A chagrined Peach holds still while Bertram eldritch blasts the bust apart, the eladrin bard taking only a bit of shrapnel damage. At least, it's confirmed, the bracelet is a magical find.

​

Two main paths explored upward. One remains. Will the Handy Hands explore it, or head further up to fresh air and safety?

​

The door beyond the glowing slug's domain bows outward. Waterlogged. Doubling back to the secret passage behind the statue another swollen door is found, sloshing sounds heard beyond. Must be the other side of the same room. Safe to say it's completely full of water - let's avoid that. Noticing another exit to the right, Krenko calls the others over.

​

The goblin puts his ear to the door and hears... singing? Stealthily entering, it's an unexpected sight: A beautiful young Chultan woman sits on a small beach wearing nothing but a scarf of sea foam. Finishing her song and diving out of sight, the Handy Hands cautiously enter. It's a soft green glow under the crystals that light the chamber, the shallow beach dropping off deep and dark into what looks like a half-hidden underwater grotto. With a stone door on the other side of the water it's clear where to go. A melodious laughter floats around the room.

​

"Oh, visitors! It has been so long since I have made new friends!"

​

The crew watches in fascination as the water's surface pushes upward into the shape of a woman then takes on a human skin tone. A dryad of sorts?, thinks Peach. After cautious introductions, much is learned. Dasa, as she is called, came with the waters that eroded this chamber. She tells of a man who came and experimented on special animals but stopped returning a long while ago. A huge eel that glides under the water's surface that Dasa introduces as Chac. Her offer of trading pages from "the man's book" piques Bertram's interest, though the crew decides they're more interested in just getting through that stone door than dealing with suspicious water-women.

​

Interest in knick-knacks and shinies noted ("Look a this stuff - Isn't it neat?"), Arnie surprises Dasa by producing a full-size mirror from his Cloak of Useful Items to trade. Permission granted to cross the water! Col's waterwalking still in effect, the crew cross to the door... and find it locked. 

​

A shimmering laugh rings from below the water. "You didn't trade for the key." Well. Annoying, but true.

 

With Dasa requesting a new "pet" in trade and eyeing both Arnie's dog and Krenko, the Handy Hands debate strategy. When Chac the eel telepathically communicates "Not a pet..." in response to hearing the same words, the crew decide it's time to pull back and assess. This water-woman is more than she seems. The path is decided after Eku detects an evil presence: Dasa herself. The path is decided. Persuasion didn't work. Time for deception. 

 

Plan #1 fails when Peach's notion to summon an illusory pet draws the nereid's suspicions. Time for Plan #2: offer up Krenko and see where it goes. Dasa laughs and agrees, Krenko steps forward as her new "pet", and the eel is commanded to retrieve the door key. Yet when Chac opens his mouth to Bertram and reveals nothing, Dasa's devious mind is revealed. The eel crackles with electricity as the nereid melds into the water, eyes going entirely black before vanishing.

 

"Eshowdow lives!", she hisses.

 

The eel explodes with electrical current! With Peach sunned, the Handy Hands lay into the beast while Dasa animates the very water itself and pummels from invisibility. Another electrical blast, then another, as the crew scatters to avoid more shocks. The evil nereid laughs and taunts as she floods the room, water surging throughout the chamber and making every corner a potential threat. A stunned Col is attacked but the eel soon falls, Bertram disappointed that they weren't able to save another "Guardian" from madness. The water grows like a living creature right in front of Arnie, Dasa materializing and attempting to kiss the handyman before he struggles out of her grasp and flees, the nereid vanishing once again.

​

With Peach and Col unable to find the lurking Dasa with faerie fire and erupting earth, it's time for another strategy. Time to get out of here! Krenko runs over the water to the stone door while Peach goes invisible herself and quickly fey steps underwater to loot the nereid's grotto. Grabbing the key and a pair of waterlogged gloves before Col's waterwalk carries her back up like a buoy, the door is quickly opened and the Handy Hands run through. Though lit up by a second faerie fire, our severely wounded heroes evacuate as fast as they can to heal up, the watery chamber left behind as singing once again rings through the halls.

 

With no desire to return, as much distance is put between Das and themselves as they can. Never trust a watery tart.

​

A grand hallway of dual murals stretches beyond and seemingly much further into the dark. Odd torchlight reflections and a rebounding rock thrown by Bertram reveals half of the long hallway as simply a wall with a clever perspective painting.

​

"Damned coyotes!", exclaims Peach.

​

"They're so wily!", returns Eku.

​

On one wall a massive god-like figure kneels down and molds a city from the earth while a dwarf and a lurking shadow observe. On the other the god lays fallen, shadow grown in size and the city in ruins. With no traps spotted yet also no obvious doors, the search is on for a way out while Eku explains the two scenes. The first is apparently a common old story: Ubtao's creation of the holy city of Mezro, his dwarven god ally Thard Harr looking on while dark Eshowdow manifests. The second looks like it's more of a wishful prophecy: What the Eshowe tribe had hoped would come to pass.

​

Krenko looks at his shield taken from a dwarven tomb, then up at the depiction of Thard Harr. The symbols match, for sure. What catches his eye is actually a bit off to the side... the mural's sun is a door! Standing on Peach's shoulders, the goblin pushes the sun to reveal a passageway beyond. One by one the Handy hands help each other climb up the wall and out into the narrow dark passage beyond.

​

"Turn Back!", Eku reads. Sure enough, the other side of the mural's sun is a round shield engraved with those words in old Chultan. Oddly it's more comforting than ominous. Surely this means they're heading outwards, right? The corrosive amber gas persists however, and no time is wasted in moving on.

 

Bronze busts of dinosaur heads line a hall of branching passages. Something glints in the jaw of the last bust. A series of what look like dried corpses line the hall ahead... Bertram shudders and wisely keeps his distance. Catching sight of a flickering blue light down one passage to the right, Krenko gives a silent hand sign: Stay here. Stealthing ahead.

​

Around a corner. Then another. Every time the goblin silently moves forward, the light dances ahead and tempts him further. Arnie, Col, and Peach quietly join. "Where's it going?", whispers Arnie. Motioning to stay, Krenko peers around the end of a curving hallway just in time to see the blue light seemingly vanish into a crack at the end of the hall. Gone.

​

Bertram and Eku inspect the dinosaur busts until the rest call them ahead - a pit has been found, and bones! Wary of a trap, most fall back while Krenko and Bertram jump over the pit of bones to the far wall where the light vanished. Hmm. Just a regular pit, it seems. No obvious cause of death for the remains within. This wall though...

​

Noting arced scrape marks on the floor, Bertram gives the wall a slight push but quickly steps back as Krenko pushes on the opposite side of the wall, pivoting the whole thing in the middle to expose continuing hallway beyond. There, ahead, the blue light flickers. Excited about the reveal, the historian and the barbarian walk ahead as the rest of the crew jumps over and squeeze through the gap. It isn't until they hear the click of a pressure plate that the duo realizes they had let down their guard.

​

With a crash, twin metal-bound gates of wood slam down both in front of and behind Krenko and Bertram, isolating them from the rest of the Handy Hands. Trapped. A pebble bounces off Bertram's arm. A trickle of sand falls in front of Krenko. Looking up, they spy eight fist-sized holes lining the stone walls near the ceiling.

​

And that's when the torrent of sand comes cascading down.

​

With a *click*, the pressure plate disarms and Bertram calls back to the rest. Through the stone hallway stands an oxidizing bronze door hammered to resemble a mass of seaweed. Only one clear way to go. The walls beyond wet and slimy, the floor slick with mud. A large smooth boulder rests in the middle of the chamber... and the Handy Hands spy what looks like an oversized crayfish emerging from the mud and waving its claws threateningly.

​

"Who dares enter the chamber of the Guardian? Be gone, or I must discharge my sacred duty and PINCH you!"

​

The crew stares and blinks. Traps and dungeon horrors, maybe. But a telepathically communicating 4-foot tall crayfish? This is, well, an oddity. Things get even more odd after Peach casts suggest to get on the thing's good side and it awakens the so-called Guardian. The smooth boulder lifts as massive legs and claws appear. A hermit crab the size of a small cabin! 

​

The crustacean duo is helpful yet the conversation is an exercise in frustration, as apparently neither can remember what this place is or exactly why they are here. The crayfish believes that they are notorious villains, for why else would they be locked away? The hermit crab, called Kagakila, knows they were brought here long ago but cannot recall more. Hmm. At least an idea is given for escaping the catacombs: head to the right!

​

The stairs at the end of the ride-side hall are a bust - Arnie finds it just as collapsed as the chamber they landed in. The stone block in the hallway though, that's intriguing. Bertram and Peach clear stucco from its seams, Col and Krenko join, and it's a group effort to push the block inward and reveal the chamber beyond. The highly corrosive lime is a problem but one deftly dealt with by using a cloak and a bedroll as padding, Col using create water to rinse out the cloth afterwards. Around the block, six urns full of oil frame a magnificent pair of bronze doors and an ominous-looking inscription in Old Chultan.

​

Eku squints as she translates. "Here lies King Toloki, servant of Eshowdow, who is like the wind and the night!" The squint turns to suspicion, then to realization. "King Toloki? Friends, I think I know where we are!"

​

The coatl-in-disguise spins a tale of Chultan folklore. Legend has it that once Ubtao's shadow broke away, a tribe called the Eshowe worshiped it, naming the dark demigod Eshowdow. Eshowdow was destroyed, but the wrath of the holy city of Mezro came down on the Eshowe tribe. Their city of the same name was attacked by Ras Nsi - the one and only - who smashed King Toloki's skull, and in his zeal for Ubtao killed every last woman, child, and elderly. It is said that the ruins of Eshowe were cursed so that no one would recall where it was, and those that stayed long enough would forget themselves. 

​

"And in horror of learning of what he did...", Eku concludes, "... the great Ras Nsi was banished by his fellow leaders of Mezro, branded with the city's symbol and never permitted to return."

​

Bertram nods. Crustaceans who can't recall much of anything. A literal forgotten city. Another piece of Ras Nsi legend. It all seem to fit. This door, though. What's any self respecting archaeologist not consider at least just a bit of grave robbery?

 

Glass spotted through the door's crack, Krenko's deft hands await a quick reaction while Bertram unlocks the door. It's sighs of relief all around when the glass slides away with the lock... phew! Large door is pushed aside, a trapped glass sphere of silvery gas noted, the crews light an ominous chamber beyond. A large stone tomb sits central on a raised dais, surrounded by carved pillars and stalactites casting shadows from the Handy Hands' light sources. Another inscription on the floor:

​

"Defilers! Join me in my eternal rest!"

​

As soon as the axe embedded in the back of the cavern's wall is seen, all bets are off as the goblin heedlessly runs forward. What an axe! The fact that its shadow it casts is a human hand (see pic above) just raises the cool factor! Krenko pulls. Nothing. Krenko and Peach pull. Nothing. Arnie joins as well. Still nothing. No matter what the trio tries, nothing can make the axe budge even a millimeter. The ever-present gas, though, does leave a lasting impression as the crew roughly hack and cough. Can't stay down here too long, Col notes. We'll need to get out of these ruins into fresh air before too long.

​

Meanwhile a fascinated Bertram sets to work on the tomb itself. What hides within? Engraved glyphs with a slight glow.  Dispel magic. Done. With the help of others the heavy lid is pushed aside and the magnificence of King Toloki is beheld. Upon a shriveled skeleton lays a golden death mask, a huge jade necklace, and a hoard of items otherwise. The wealth of the forgotten king is quickly divvied up: magic rings for Arnie and Peach, three unknown potions for Bertram, a pair of very large gems for Krenko. The old bones don't seem to mind. As long as the two death relics remain undisturbed, Bertram reasons, the dead will not be offended.

​

"Col, would you like anything?", calls the historian back to the druid near the room's entrance.

​

"So we're grave robbing an evil king? NOPE. I'm good.", Col responds.

​

Despondent over the immovable axe, Krenko grabs the death mask and tries it on. Then it happens. As the oblivious goblin dances about singing "Ooh, look at me, I'm an evil scary king!", the rest watch in horror as the skeleton sits upright and rapidly begins regenerating tissue, rocks and debris levitating around the room. Thinking fast, Bertram yanks the mask off Krenko's face and puts it back on the dead king... who returns to bone and lays back down.

​

"Krenko! You almost got us killed! I said not to steal from the dead! Well... more than we are!", says Bertram.

​

"Wait what? What are you talking about?", says the clueless goblin, having not seen the reanimation through the mask.

​

"Look. If my hypothesis is..." Bertram removes the large jade necklace, and sure enough the corpse sits up and starts to regenerate once again. He slaps the necklace back on and King Toloki lays back down. "... Ya. Let's not take those."

​

"Burn it.", says Peach. And so they do. Pouring a few urns' worth of oil into the casket and igniting the flame with a quick prestidigitation, the last thing that is seen and heard before slamming the bronze doors shut is a screaming King Toloki rising from his tomb, pointing a finger at the Handy Hands, then turning into vapor and phasing through the rear wall. Lich? Mummy? Vampire? Hard to say, but whatever it is, it's bad news!

​

"Well that won't certainly come back to haunt us.", comments Bertram.

​

"And this is why you don't grave rob an evil king.", mutters Col.

​

So much for heading to the right. Waving to the crab and crayfish, it's off to the left-side door. A damp room lies beyond with nine pedestals and nine statues. A hermit crab, a panther, an eel, a vegepygmy, a crocodile, a slug, twin snakes, an octopus, and a were-tiger. Kagakila the crab was called a Guardian... could these be other Guardians? The mystery deepens when Col finds a waterlogged journal in the soft silt. Mentions of experiments on strong organisms, but written in Common. Someone was here, and far more recently than the Eshowe tribe.

​

The cracked statue that lays beyond nearly crushes Krenko when he climbs up it for inspection - a loss of historical art to be sure, but the statue's obsidian-edged sword is quite the find... and a secret passage is revealed as well! While no evil axe, Krenko takes great delight in acquiring the weapon before crawling into the secret passage with Peach. Hmm. Long and dark. There's an opening ahead, but the others convince the pair to come back and try the next set of large bronze doors.

​

Silvery iridescent trails line the walls and ceiling of the large flooded chamber beyond, a large green glowing mass on one of the walls. Two small pools are inspected by Bertram and found to house only frogs... and a journal note matching the book that Col had found. Something about "infusing a gastropod with ooze". What was this recent visitor doing here?

 

Musing aloud, the Handy Hands are surprised to hear a response. An eyestalk emerges from glowing mass, then another. The massive neon green slug telepathically communicates much like the crayfish and hermit crab, calling itself Tekuzite and smugly speaking of its own glory and the inevitable demise of our crew. It doesn't take take long for Arnie's annoyance level to peak and he insults the slug right back, and the words turn to blows. It's a slug fight!

​

Eyestalks lash out at unnatural range and the slug drops into the murky water, out of sight. Krenko dives in and Bertram swims for the far side before the slug emerges moments later, spewing caustic acid over the rest. Thinking fast, Col casts water walk on his friends and they rapidly spread out over the flooded chamber. Between Krenko's amphibious assault and a killer cast of scorching ray by Arnie it isn't long before the slug surrenders... and is denied! Enough of this bragging gastropod! Peach and Col help finish off the retreating creature, and it's over almost as quick as it started.

​

Another scientific note. Another so-called "Guardian" with limited memory, though the slug did mention a "man" that had experimented on him. The mystery underneath Eshowe deepens. Bertram opens the door, and the Handy Hands continue...

​

The feathered serpent called Eku coils at the base of the tree, multicolored wings wrapping around her. No doubt there were questions. Yes, this is her natural form. She's a couatl, resembling an old god of Maztica. Yes, she can shapeshift. No, flying forms aren't necessarily safer. Yes, she has every intention to keep helping the Handy Hands.... if they still trust her. And they do. 

 

It's been a weird day and Krenko could use some medical treatment after almost being plant food, so the crew decides to stop early today. The tasty giant yahcha beetles in this grove are a plus, too. As Peach and Col set up camp for the evening, Arnie and Bertream have a bit of fun gathering the big beetles. Until the screeching. And the weird smells.

​

"...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEE!", as a familiar looking dinosaur-like humanoid crashes out of the underbrush, reeking of lavender and ham and... carrying a screaming baby triceratops? "EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." as he crashes out of the grove again and out of sight. Only a moment passes before another dashes by in the same direction, this time a human man with a panicked look on his face. Bertram and Arnie stand with handfuls of beetles, thoroughly confused.

​

"Hey, you smelled the guy.", says the man. "RUN!" 

​

An entire hunting pack of allosauruses tear into the grove in hot pursuit, Peach, Eku, and the others looking up just in time to see their peaceful rainy grove erupt into utter chaos. Seconds later Bertram is throwing beetles while fleeing, Arnie is on the ground and being savaged by an allosaurus, Krenko has jumped out of bed and is now somehow riding an allosaurus, the "dino-man" carrying the baby is sprinting towards a shouting Peach's offering safety in her magical hut, and the human man is unleashing a flurry of arrows. The screaming baby dino is pulled inside the hut, and all weaponry turns on the predator rampage that is uncomfortably familiar to our heroes' very first day shipwrecked on these shores.

​

It isn't long before their growth in ability is remembered, however. Two allosauruses flee in the onslaught of spells, daggers, and arrows, the "dino-man" rushing to help his human companion as Peach gets to work summoning a powerful illusion. Arnie is saved, Krenko jumps from one allosaurus to another, and the rest flee into Peach's hut... until it fades. Like a strange egg, the hut bursts and a massive tyrannosaurus rex emerges and bellows a terrifying roar. The hunting pack scatters and flees, the goblin taking one down as the rest make for the woods. All settles down once again, with the odd addition of Peach marionetting an illuionary t-rex that dances its way through the grove.

​

After a round of thanks and recollections that they've met in Port Nyanzaru long ago, introductions are made. "Hey. I'm Artus.", says the tall middle-aged man with a short beard. "And this here's Dragonbait!", he says, motioning to the odd dinosaur-like person. A 'saurial' who communicates through whistles and odors, Dragonbait was also apparently the cause of this hot mess when he decided to save a baby triceratops from the predators.

 

With the baby is calmed, travel stories are shared. Turns out there's a place called Orolunga to the south where an oracle lives, which Eku also knows of. Artus himself seems an interesting understated fellow, with both he and Dragonbait ("D.B." as Artus calls him) showing off considerable magic and martial skill versus the dinosaurs. They're an entertaining pair, jokingly prodding each other and letting the Handy Hands roll with their sardonic banter. Bertram is beyond intrigued and stays up much of the night conversing with Dragonbait through comprehend languages, learning much of the unique character. His various odors are translated, so to speak, and the historian ponders the nature of reality when he learns that saurials are not native to this plane. Good people it seems, he and Artus. But, the day has been exhausting. Sleep comes.

​

*         *         *

​

In the morning the Handy Hands part ways with Artus and Dragonbait, eager to get on their way to rendezvous with Miryem Jünd. Goodbyes are said, the crews sets out, but it isn't long before Bertram hears a screaming voice in his head.

​

"HELLO BROTHER! NEW SPELL LEARNED! SENDING!" The young historian winces yet can't help but smile. Lilia Frode, his younger sister! She'd been studying the arts of wizardry at the University of Silverymoon, and it seems like she's coming right along. The letter he had sent her weeks ago... of course! As pleased as Bertram is, he'd been dreading this reply.

​

"Listen", continues Lilia's voice at a more reasonable volume. "Terrence was on dark path. You did not mean to kill our brother. You are not 'Trash'." Bertram's eyes dart around, a quick second passing before he realizes that his dark secret had not been revealed out loud to his friends. Explaining his sister's magic to the crew, he responds with thanks and love to her. Yet what comes next - regarding the second part of Bertram's letter - is disconcerting.

​

"Research done. Agamaya? No info. Similar name: Ayimarra. Handmaiden to elf queen who went mad. Shadar'kai? A queen of ravens? DO NOT TRUST!" The telepathic message ends, the young historian wondering what this means. A patron who wants him to investigate a matter of dreams and souls, but may be insane? He'll need to think on this.

​

The warlock ponders what it means for hours, comforted by the fact that his friends are mumbling to their own weapons to make Bertram's frequent apparent one-way conversations seem more normal. It's a strange but touching scene, broken up when Krenko calls from up ahead.

​

"Uh. Guys? There's... snow?"

​

And sure enough, there is. Frost coats the ferns, quickly ceding to a full-on winterscape beyond. A circular boundary of snow and ice hundreds of feet across right in the middle of the steaming rainforest. It's jungle, alright, but utterly frozen over. Trudging through the snow tropical animals are seen stopped dead in their tracks, icicles hanging from their snouts. Bertram pockets a flash-frozen squirrel for later study, the crew following the arctic circle to its epicenter.

​

"Tag! You're it!", bellows a deep voice as a massive snowball flies overhead.

​

It doesn't take long for the three frost giants to notice the Handy Hands. A fierce sight on any given day, but today... one could call them happy! One of them has a seat and chats with our heroes a bit about the scenario. "Kimber"? Oh, yes, they're still looking for that thief. He stole a ring from their jarl, by the way. They're close, they think. But this circle of winter is a surprise to them as well, and who can blame them for relaxing and enjoying a break from this tropical hell for a while?

 

Searching near the epicenter Col and Krenko find some very clear tracks. Looks like a human and someone with reptilian feet came through here recently. The Handy Hands talk low amongst themselves... this "Kimber". They've got a sneaking suspicion of who it may be. No need to tip off the giants, though. The giants wave goodbye, Peach shows Eku how to make a snow angel, snowballs are tossed, then it's back into the jungle heat. The temple should be near.

​

Sure enough, it's only a mile or two to where Miryem Jünd had marked their map. There was a city here long ago, but the jungle had nearly consumed it entirely. Tree root buttresses grow from door frames. Vines coat the roadways and walls, making small green canyons. This is no small ruin. How could this have possibly gone unknown and unlooted for so long?

​

The clues are strange. Defaced symbols of Ubtao. An engraving mentioning a shadow. Ancient signs of violence.

​

"Eshowe?", Eku muses. Bertram turns from examining a carving. Eshowe?

​

"Oh! The Eshowe tribe.", continues Eku. "It is said that, once, Ubtao's shadow came to life: the dark side of the god had taken form. The Eshowe worshiped this dark being, naming it Eshowdow. They say Eshowdow was destroyed long ago and the Eshowe along with it... but no one remembers were the Eshowe lived. Could this be their city?"

​

Arnie and Peach call from an avenue's remains. Ahead, in the haze, the outline of a ziggurat is seen. Ah. A temple! As the Handy Hands approach the large ziggurat grows in size and clarity. Then a wet creak. Soil slightly shifts. They have no time to react as the very earth gives way, their combined weight caving in the ground caving in after a day's worth of heavy rain. The earth shudders and gapes. The Handy Hands fall deep into a collapse of dirt and masonry. 

​

Darkness swallows them.

​

*         *         *

​

They cough in the dust. Pitch black. Not injured, at least. Arnie and Bertram light the cavern... no... chamber. Stuccoed walls. A light amber haze in the air. Gas? Terracotta dioramas of village life and battle line the walls in small displays. A museum? A stone door at the end of the room looks like an easier way out than somehow digging out through the landslide cave-in.

​

The displays are examined, Peach finding a key hidden in one of the dioramas. The stone door is opened. A curving hallway beyond... by all estimations heading in the same direction as the temple. Hmm. Best to move forward than stay here.

 

And so, into the dark the Handy Hands go.

​

"This was unexpected.", says Agamaya.

​

"What do you mean? The dead returning to death, should this not be normal?"

​

Bertram hovers over the previous evening's battle in his dreams, watching the undead fall. Blueish auras glow around the living, but none from the undead. "Souls.", Agamaya explains. "When one dies, the soul travels to one of numerous other planes of reality. This is normal. But souls leaving Chult have been decreased lately, and it's been getting worse over time."

​

Agamaya admits. This is a reason that the young historian was encouraged to come to this tropical land. The sword says she had hoped that souls were simply just stuck in undead flesh, but that is not the case. A mortal investigator was needed.

​

Bertram had been okay with his source of warlock powers being a cryptic entity, but now suspicions are rising. "My patron, this Lady of Dreams. Who is she?"

​

"She is... a queen. My queen." The sword, flying in the air with Bertram until now, morphs into a crow and begins to fade with the rest of the scene below. "Find the reason, Mr. Frode. For our queen. For all of us..."

​

*         *         *

​

Arnie stares up at his banner above Camp Vengeance's gate in the heavy morning rain. The offer to parlay. The undead didn't pay it any attention! Col and Peach comfort the disappointed handyman... what did he expect? Repentance? Absolution? It is a little unclear if Arnie is haunted by his past or simply just chooses to find the good in even the most evil of things. Maybe it's a bit of both. Eku waves them over to the fort's command tent, and the morning meeting begins.

​

Munching on a bit of light breakfast the crew surrounds the tent's large table. The gang's all here: All of the Handy Hands, Undril and her officers, Eku, and the archaeologist Miryem Jünd. With the undead horde stopped, what's next for everyone? Scouts, archaeologists, and Handy Hands pull out their maps, each taking turns in speaking to pool their knowledge.

​

To the east: Between the River Shoshenstar and the former holy city of Mezro lies a large area of increased undead activity, which eventually gives way to grung territory and a significant pterafolk presence. To the south: The vast marshlands of Aldani Basin. A region of multiple river sources, Eku's old residence of Mbala, and to what a scout oddly reports as a "flying island" in the basin's southeast. Strange. 

​

To the northwest: A myriad of cultures both present and ancient. Chultan humans and dwarves indeed, but also goblins, grung, kobolds, and more. In addition to being where Wakanga's journal was found and this "Vorn" supposedly is, Gauntlet scouts also mention a town with unexpected undead up in the mountains. Last and certainly not least, Miryem Jünd tells of a hidden temple in this area she wishes to explore and would fully cut in the Handy Hands should they choose to aid her.

​

Many options, but the northwest is just too enticing! Progress on their current mission, AND exploring an untouched ancient temple? Absolutely! Miryem and the Handy Hands make plans to rendezvous at the temple's expected location in two to three day's time, farewells are said, and most take off to plan their next adventures. All except Undril and Arnie.

​

"You know Arnie... the Order of the Gauntlet could always use a person like you. A true helper with a good heart."

​

Arnie briefly considers. But only briefly. "My friends need my help, Undril. But thank you. You're a true friend as well."

 

She smiles and nods. "May Torm... May Lathander be with you, Mr. Lambert." And so the half-orc cleric ally - and new commander of Camp Vengeance - is left behind to her new duties. Maybe one day they will meet again.

​

Loot from the previous day is divvied, with Bertram ending up with the charismatic hair grease and Arnie the glamoured armor (immediately shifted into a tourist t-shirt), potions spread around as needed. A quick stop to the fort's quartermaster refills ration and insect repellent stocks as well as a bit of herbalist knowledge for Col, and the Handy Hands are ready to go. The two canoes are left in the Gauntlet's care for now, and the crew marches off under rainy skies.

​

It's just outside Camp Vengeance that Peach spies a note falling out of the tattered robes of one defeated zombie. A drawn picture... of herself. And others. Her eyes go wide. 

​

"Oh no! It's Magic Mike! Well... what's left of him."She looks over the drawing, the drawn-Peach smiling amongst her old adventuring crew. "And Xerxes the dragonborn... and Toes the halfling... and his damned cat. Always hated that cat."

​

Before Peach can wallow in bad memories for too long, Krenko eats a bit of dried velociraptor jerky and feels a new speedy urge come over him - and the Handy Hands take off! Aided by the barbarian's newfound haste (DM: Totem Warrior of the Elk, literally re-flavored), the crew is able to make record time through the western jungle expanses. It isn't until the late afternoon that they slow down and catch their breath, already nearly 20 miles from Camp Vengeance within a single day.

​

Looking at his map Bertram rubs his chin, then realizes both his hands are on the map. With a quick "GAH!" at the third arm he remembers that Krenko had given him Living Pouch a few days before, and here the arm of the eponymous Merchant Prince Wakanga extends out to get his attention. Status update?, reads the note. No point in lying. The Prince knew this may take time. En route, getting close. Reply sent. Seemingly appeased, the hand does not reach out again- wait, what are Peach and Krenko doing?

​

The scent is amazing! It's of home, of love, of everything good. Bertram senses something is wrong with his two friends wandering off into the woods and quickly lassos Peach's foot, but the goblin is a bit too quick. The crew turns their heads just in time to see Krenko approach a massive flower... that promptly eats him.

​

"It's a mantrap!", shouts Eku.

​

As Peach rushes forward to aid Krenko it becomes clear that more than a mantrap lurks here. Vines on surrounding trees come to life and ambush, nearly missing the eladrin bard but snaring Col, pulling the druid 20 feet off the ground.

 

"...and assassin vines!", shouts Eku again.

​

The vines accelerate thorny growth on the forest floor and snare Bertram, who works with Arnie to blast Krenko out of the plant's bulb. The goblin struggles inside while Peach and Bertram slice inward, Krenko tumbling out in a coating of digestive acid onto the earth in a weird mockery of childbirth. Another plant "head" rotates around. And another. A quick thought is given to a long time ago when albino dwarves warned them that vegetarianism isn't exactly the safer option out here.

​

Tangled in vines, Col shifts into a large constrictor and it becomes unclear of whom is grappling whom. As Eku blesses and Arnie snipes, the snake hisses as the vine injects burning poison into Col's flesh. The second mantrap head is approached by Krenko... who promptly gets eaten again. Two daggers emerge from the bulb and it doesn't take long for the goblin to chop himself out, spilling to the ground once again. 

​

Arnie's scorching rays go wide while Peach shatters the two vines above. A critical error is made Eku moves ahead to aid Krenko while Bertram falls back, making the guide now prime target for the second assassin vine. The vine wastes no time in snaring the Chultan woman off the forest floor and into the air, screaming as poison floods her veins and barely able to heal herself before certain death.

​

With 2nd mantrap "head" dealt with the goblin circles to the third, Col falling to the ground nearby with an unceremonious *thump* as Arnie severs the vine with a guiding bolt. Bertram aims to shoot Eku down, but it's too late. The vine constricts, thorns inject, the guide screams... a scream that is more felt than heard. A telepathic blast of agony pours out from Eku... and she disappears in a flash of radiant energy, reappearing just a split second later and falling to the ground.

​

The Handy Hands look around in confusion. What was THAT? Col and Krenko finish off the last "head" of the mantrap, the final injured vine retreats to the treetops, and all eyes turn to a healthy-looking Eku picking herself up off the underbrush.

​

No one speaks. Moments pass.

​

"Who... are you?", Peach eventually says.

​

Eku sighs but smiles weakly. "Come. Let us set up camp. I will tell you everything you wish to know."

​

*         *         *

​

"I have always been honest. I would never lie to you... in fact, I am unable to." Eku and the Handy Hands sit huddled in a nook created by a tree's massive root buttresses, doing their best to avoid the day's continuing heavy rain. The colorful feather-braided guide continues. "My parents came here from the west. As they, I am of their god. They named me Eku, and I am 276 years old. I help those in need as I can, but I understand many would not trust me as I truly am. So I appear as so."

​

It is a lot to take in. The distrust is there, but the Handy Hands talk among themselves and agree that they have never seen Eku be anything other than kind and helpful. But why the deception? What form does she conceal? The guide asks for a promise of consideration and thoughtfulness, to which all agree. Radiant gold light emits from her body, and Eku's form begins to morph.

​

Where a middle-aged Chultan woman once sat, a large coiled serpent of shimmering emerald scales is coiled. Large rainbow-feathered wings plume from its back, sheltering from the rain like a giant multicolored shawl. A buzz familiar to the scream that was felt is felt once again, and Eku's voice calmly broadcasts into their minds.

​

"Now you see me as I am. I am Eku."

​

There are snakes, and then there are SNAKES. Col's face lights up in excitement.

 

"Ohhhh you have GOT to teach me that form!"

​

Previous entries have been moved to improve load times and your reading experience. Click below to find them!
 

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• Chapter 1: "A Shipwrecked Misadventure." - Entries 1 through 11.
  ​After a disastrous journey at sea, four travelers become necessary allies and eventually friends as they get their bearings in a beautiful but hostile land.​
   

• Chapter 2: "The Shining Jewel of Chult." - Entries 12 through 20.
  Chult’s great city of Port Nyanzaru hosts a wealth of possibilities, where new friends are gained as the fledgling adventuring party establishes themselves.
   

• Chapter 3: "Famous and Infamous." - Entries 21 through 27.
  Local fame leads to larger concerns, and the crew find themselves as notable figures involved in the city’s events and intrigues.
   

• Chapter 4: "The River Expedition." - Entries 28 through 38.
  The Handy Hands bravely set forth into the uncharted jungles of Chult on a mission... and this time, they have experience and planning on their sides.

​