WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.

Their own private tropical home! The villa on the hill overlooking the city is dusty, but otherwise mostly furnished and ready for its new owners. It's not long before each of the gang is picking out bedrooms, customizing storage spaces, and thinking of future home improvement plans. Under a starry sky, the Handy Hands celebrate a respite from chaos and evil plots. This calls for drinks, but the villa is lacking in stock. Its Krenko to the rescue with the Alchemy Jug.

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"Uh. Mai tai?"

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It's a surprise when, popping a jug cork, fully mixed mai tai cocktail begins to flow! Arnie busts out tiki mugs and it's a tasty evening of tipsy-decorating. Col makes a sand bed for his snake, Krenko makes an armory, and Arnie stays up most of the night working on his script sequel to "Seven Hands for Seven Pirates". Sleep comes to most.

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*         *         *

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The bed in his new room is so comfy to Bertram that it feels like it's sucking him in. Wait. No. It's actually sucking him in! As he's pulled through the bed and finds himself gently settling on to a gloomy mountaintop, panic subsides. A dream. An unfamiliar elf woman of sallow skin, dark hair, and pupil-less jet black eyes sits calmly nearby. 

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"Hello, Mr. Frode."

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Agamaya? His pact weapon sentience, manifested in physical form. It's perhaps not what Bertram had imagined, but knowing of the dark ethereal realm of his patron, it makes sense. Memories and dreams float by, flowing lazily towards a distant foreboding castle. The Fortress of Memories. Home to his patron, the Raven Queen. The historian marvels at the dream bubbles that float by... until one containing the scene of a figure lounging on a beach chair pops.

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"Oh. Hi Bertram! Cocktail refill please?", says Arnie, completely non-plussed at the change in scenery.

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Agamaya has no explanation as to why the Handy Hands seem to be lucidly bleeding their dreams into each others, but she can explain their surroundings. This is the Shadowfell. The dark counterpart to the Feywild. The dreams and memories of the dead pass through the Raven Queen's domain before they continue to the realms of their respective gods, but as they can see in the sky above, the souls are increasingly sparse. Something is preventing them from leaving the Material Plane.

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The elven handmaiden makes it clear: Bertram, for all his tragic empathy, attracted the attention of the Raven Queen. As an unwitting champion of her will, she encouraged him to travel afar to search for the source of this apparent soul trap. He knew it. Souls, dreams, the undead, and more. Somehow, it's all connected.

 

Arnie pops back into a beachside dream and Bertram roams the skies of Shadowfell... dreamless sleep eventually comes.

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*         *         *

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After making a delicious breakfast, morning cocktails, and finally getting de-cursed her from a supposed Stone of Good Luck, our resident eladrin bard heads down to interrogate Salida one last time. At Executioner's Run, Peach learns that the yuan-ti spy doesn't have much time left. Still, she's calm, and is open with Peach despite the bard's suggestion spell efforts. Salida knows of a former yuan-ti bastion named Hisari but truly cannot direct towards Omu. Leaving the murderer to her fate, Peach heads to the markets to buy as much useless tchotchke crap as she can for her new bedroom.  

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Meanwhile, after finishing breakfast, Krenko looks at his wrist stump and realizes what day it is. "HAND!", he exclaims, and sprints all the way across town to the Temple of Gond. What the inventive acolytes and Father Spittlesplat have to show is impressive: a mechanized launchable prosthetic silver hand... the Grapple Fist! Combination prosthetic, grappling hook, and projectile, Krenko is all to eager to get the gnomish device attached. Afterwards a very pleased and once again two-handed goblin returns to what has been dubbed "The Handy House".

 

Krenko returns to find Merchant Prince Wakanga in visitation, gifting his friends new magical creations in thanks and in aid of their upcoming adventure at sea. Eyes of the Eagle goggles. Nice! A feathered token in the shape of an anchor that can stop any ship. Useful! And, using Living Pouch technology, a piece of round black fabric that can be unfolded into a Portable Hole. Excellent! Col accepts it gladly. ('Col's Hole', if you will.)

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With Wakanga sharing the news that Jessamine's death is now public and the upcoming Executioner's Run event, the Handy Hands decide to see it through to the end. Thousands gather in Old City among the ziggurats to await Salida's trial by combat. After Krenko organizes a small betting pool regarding how far the convicted will make it, the young daughter and newest Merchant Prince of the city takes the podium.

 

"My mother taught me of the Trickster Gods, and of her favorite, the kamadan Shagambi. Virtuous Shagambi teaches us to bring justice to evil." It's hard to miss the anger in the voice of a daughter speaking to her mother's killer. "And so justice is brought to the guilty."

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Salida is lowered into the long pit, and the poetry is not lost on the crowd when the feline form of a kamadan is seen rapidly stalking in from the far end. The yuan-ti spy panics and attempts to charm the mane of snakes... but this is no mere mass of serpents. With a hiss of sleeping gas and a pounce of the kamadan Salida is no more, and Krenko is all the richer. 

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"Ah! Hello Junior! Donuts?"

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It is exactly the voice that Bertram didn't want to hear. Sachiel. His grandfather. To the historian's disappointment all of his friends eagerly accept the street treats as the angel-in-disguise chats them up. There's a twinge of concern when the man in the tweed suit informs that attempts to resurrect Jessamine were disconcertingly unsuccessful, but it's countered by his oddly jolly behavior. What's got this flippant angel in such a good mood? 

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Turns out failure to revive the Merchant Prince and the Handy Hands' association with recent events has renewed Sachiel's faith in a way. Failure, sure, but it is now clear to him that Bertram's father wasn't the intended aasimar of his family line. Bertram is! The historian scoffs, but Sachiel is pleased. More donuts dispersed, the old angel walks away humming a tune.

 

Enough of this execution scene. Isn't there a certain ship that's almost ready?

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After a quick stop to commission a flag (a yellow "Spock" hand on a blue field!), the Handy Hands pay a visit to the shipyard to find their vessel back in the water. She's seaworthy! First Mate Gorjok is pleased to announce that he found a cook, whom Arnie quickly rushes over to greet. The stocky figure with a large straw hat turns around. Pale skin. Beard.

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An albino dwarf.

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Arnie recoils in horror. The chef for his dream cruise venture is a cannibal? No! It can't be! Bill the dwarf is confused but Bertram steps in with his own glorious beard and understanding of Dwarvish to save the day (DM: This was REALLY funny but it'd take a page of dialogue to relate!). Turns out Bill is an avid fisherman and pescatarian, is planning a seafood menu for the journey, and is actually related to the tribe of vegetarian dwarves that spooked Arnie so long ago. Shopping list in hand and ship thoroughly inspected, it's onwards to the markets... if anything to extricate Arnie from his sudden crisis.

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Costumes? Why yes. Buy many! New weapons for Captain Krenko? Indeed! Veggies to compliment the fish menu? Gotta please the cook! Stock for their travels bought and ideas tossed around of "Handy Talks" to entertain ship guests when the action isn't happening, it's time to finally move out of The Thundering Lizard. 

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It's a little bittersweet to leave their long-time home away from home, but Crumbeard is happy for them. It's debatable whether or not the endless cumin-heavy food will be missed. Companion pets - Esmerelda the anklyosaurus, Cobbler the fey T-rex, Samryn the tiger, Col's flying snake, and Arnie's flying monkey - all gathered and letting Crumbeard know they'll always be back to drink and socialize, the crew heads home to the Handy House.

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It's an evening of mai tais, home decoration, situating animal friends, trading gear, hiring Eku as a house sitter as the crew enjoys another evening in their new home. Tomorrow Arnie's Little Helper III will be ready to sail, and a new chapter in the saga of the Handy Hands is set to begin. The waters call, and the waves beckon!

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(Level 8 achieved! Returning to Port Nyanzaru has been a blast... but what adventures await on the high seas?)

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Bound, gagged, and paraded through Port Nyanzaru to the doors of Goldenthrone by the Handy Hands, Salida can only roll her eyes at the conversation. At least by journey's end Peach and Arnie are vaguely educated by the others to discern the difference between 'state', 'the state', 'estate', and 'Deep State'. Just casual talk to unwind after a crazy morning.

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A half hour ago they reconnected with Kwayothé at the bath house, caught suspect in hand. The Merchant Prince was thankful and would quickly work with the other Princes to have a trial by sundown. Krenko and Arnie's plans to turn Good Cop / Bad Cop into Good Attorney / Bad Attorney are sadly shut down by the judicial structure, but the gang's testimony would at least be more than welcome. Kwayothé's cold response to another apology from Krenko is frustrating and makes it clear that she's no ally, but at least she's a person of power on their side for the time being. 

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At Goldenthrone the crew takes up an offer to interrogate the prisoner. The gag to prevent Salida's charm magic complicates things but Peach finds a workaround with a quill and ink. Strangely, the spy is cooperative... and even though Peach's own persuasive magics fail to take hold, Salida freely hands over a key to her rented room at an inn.

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Why? Surely a trap, they surmise. Her yuan-ti scales don't match those found in Pottery Shard's ransacked home, Bertram deduces, and there are clearly more out there. Perhaps their old friend Eku has some insight?

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The coatl-in-disguise is easily found at the orphanage in Malar's Throat but sadly she has little insight. Eku knew Salida as a fellow guide and a dependable one at that. No cause for suspicion. Hmm. Deep cover for a spy, indeed.

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Salida's key leads to The Lazy Zorbo - a modest mid-tier inn in the Market Ward. It's quiet. Too quiet. Three familiar ladies who had signed up for the pirate theater venture get Arnie's attention.

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"Don't eat the red meat! Cannibal Snake People live here! It's all human meat!", warns the handyman.

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"...I, uh, ordered the fish?", confusedly replies one of them.

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Well. The inn passes scrutiny. Perhaps Salida operated here incognito? With Col and Krenko guarding, an invisible Peach uses the key to Salida's room. Empty. No ambush. No trap. Why did the assassin hand over the key? Bertram and Arnie enter and a thorough search entails. An explorer's pack, modest traveling clothes, nothing obviously magical... ahh. A note. It's vague, but Arnie surmises that it's correspondence regarding the missing persons around town. Damn. Definitely a yuan-ti coordinated effort. But to what end?

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Intrigue reaches peak when Peach flips the mattress. A single sending stone sits underneath. The temptation is too much.

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"Collections continue, please rendezvous for transfer.", says Peach into the stone.

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"Over!", hisses Bertram. "You're supposed to say 'over' when you're done talking!"

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After a long delay, a response finally comes: "So. Salida has been caught. And you are...?" 

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"I'm Peach. Hello!" The male's voice on the other end is authoritative and measured. After a bit of back and forth it's very clear that this is no mere fellow serpentine spy. "Um... who am I speaking to?"

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"I was gifted eternal life... or cursed to it. Among the Nine we rise. As Mezro fell so shall your world. It will end in nightmare, and in the new world... your 'Ras' will reign as 'Emperor'!" There's a static squelch as the distant sending stone is smashed.

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That wasn't a fellow spy. That was her boss.

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Wasn't this case solved? The crew heads back with more questions than before. Why kill Jessamine? Why the abductions? Bertram and Peach converse with a Goldenthrone guard captain and find the missing persons details are just as confusing on their end: no correlations, no obvious reasons. The rest know what to do. They have questions, and Salida has answers.

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"Why have people been kidnapped?", asks Arnie. 

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"Slaves. Food. Sacrifice. But if worthy, they ascend...", Salida's eyes are calm, yet uncomfortably settle on Col. "Don't you want to know why your Prince is dead?" The yuan-ti secret agent is smug. Smug, but revealing.

 

Jessamine was killed because of her financial backing of certain interests. When her boss caught word that Jessamine (and Syndra Sylvane) were investigating the Death Curse, it was time to set an example for others. An opportunistic target, and one discouraging to others. When asked about the person on the other end of the sending stone, Salida smiles.

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"My lord. My god. My Ras."

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"RAS NASTY!", Peach exclaims. Is it true? Is the ancient fallen paladin and boogeyman of legend still alive? The rampant spread of undeath, the blue triangle-marked zombie assaults on bastions of civilization... yet now connected to both the yuan-ti and the Death Curse? Do the yuan-ti follow a former champion of Ubtao? What is going on here? Peach demands to know where Ras Nsi is, but Salida just smiles and stares.

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And then, for the fifth time, the elf casts suggestion on the yuan-ti spy. And this time Salida's eyes flicker. Peach asks again.

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"Why... the Forbidden City, of course. Omu."

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The spell wears off, Salida will not reveal more, but the gears in Bertram's brain spins. He's learned of this before! Chult had many nation-states and aside from the holy city of Mezro, Omu was the greatest and most powerful until it fell to ruin and earned its title. There's no more facts to gather here. But the yuan-ti - and likely Ras Nsi himself - operate out of Omu.

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*         *         *

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"One human drink, please!", says the monstrous four-armed white gorilla at the bar.

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Let it never be said that a return to the Thundering Lizard is dull. While the Handy Hands kill time until Salida's trial, no one else in the bar, not even Crumbeard, is willing to address the literal 900 pound gorilla in the room. Time to make friends!

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She's Wabizi! She's a super-smart ape-thing after finding a cursed Headband of Intellect! Yes she loves this new "whiskey" drink, thank you for offering kind goblin! Unable to return to her kind, ears perk up when she says she's looking for work.

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"You can work on our ship!", says Krenko, nearly in tandem with Arnie.

 

"Oh... Well... Yep.", mutters Col.

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Wabizi accepts! Ogre Jeff is out a position, but the growing crew is no less odd. It's going to be strange tides at sea.

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*         *         *

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Come sunset the trial is brief. 

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After each Merchant Prince has their say, it's time for the evidence. An eager Arnie lays it out: Salida sought to murder Jessamine, used her position and magical ability to infiltrate from Jobal's party, and later followed up at the Public Baths in an attempt to stop the investigating Handy Hands. Some Merchant Princes question motives and evidence, but it isn't long before Arnie and the others firmly make their point.

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The vote comes. Six Merchant Princes vote 'guilty'. And the seventh? None other than Jessamine's daughter, Ymezra, the young teenager now uplifted to her mother's role and more than vested in vengeance.

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"As the Prince of Justice, and fully backed by my fellow Merchant Princes, I condemn you to Executioner's Run. May fate be swift.", says Ymezra. Shy as she is, there's no mistaking the fury of a child judging the murderer of her mother. Salida is led off to face her fate on the next day. Ymezra approaches the Handy Hands shortly afterwards.

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"I do not know how to thank you. My mother died... and you caught the killer. Please. Take this. A property in her name. It overlooks the city. A fitting view for ones who have helped our city so much."

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After a short journey they find themselves overlooking Port Nyanzaru under the moonlight, very near where Arnie's Little Helper II was buried. It's a strangely happy end to a day. Sure, Snake People plots abound, but a murder has been solved and the Handy Hands now own a house overlooking the very city they have helped many times over. In just a couple days their ship shall be ready... and the high seas await. Minus evil plots and cannibals, life is good!

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As Jessamine's guards hurry to spread news of her murder to the other Merchant Princes, the Handy Hands debate on what to do next. Five guides left the party. Five suspects. Better not wait 'til morning with this. The two tortles seem unlikely culprits of a stealthy assassination. Perhaps their old buddy Shago is also just as unlikely?

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It's no surprise that Shago is at his mother Zhanthi's mansion, thoroughly drunk and enjoying a midnight snack among the bejeweled skulls of his ancestors (certified 100% cannibal-free by Arnie!). While Krenko stakes out in a bush to monitor for suspicious activity, the rest quiz the strapping young Chultan as Arnie tests his mixology mettle. Shago is a lot of things, Bertram reasons, but "clever" and "killer" aren't words that come to mind. Especially when drunk. What about "gullible"?

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It turns out Shago was the one who stole Aazon's grappling hook... but he has no memory why. Was he charmed to do so? With his date Salida instantly suspect, Col and Bertram tell the Merchant Prince heir to lay low as they investigate further.

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An urgent summons from Wakanga via the Living Pouch leads the crew back to his manor for a quick meeting with him and Syndra Sylvane. They seem earnestly shocked to hear the news, assuring they had no intention to involve the Handy Hands in a murder plot. Wakanga can at least gate the news for a day to prevent public panic. Good. That buys a bit of time.

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Arnie's drinks in hand, it's time to consult the shadier elements of town. The poison vendor at the Grand Souk verifies that the tej poison is indeed unnatural - likely magical - getting a bit freaked out when Col insinuates it is yuan-ti in origin. Arnie and Krenko purchase some incognito clothing for investigating before a flying messenger monkey arrives.

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'Make no mistake that I enjoy your company, but we must meet. Public Baths, 9am. - Merchant Prince Kwayothé.'

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Great. Not someone they're keen to talk to, especially after her public humiliation of Krenko weeks before in the arena. But a lead is a lead, and this Merchant Prince seems full of ill intentions. Arnie retires for the night while the rest head to Tiryki Anchorage looking for black market operations. Many rumors are heard regarding different topics, and while chatting with local smugglers is a dead end it at least if confirms that the murder was a covert plot and not a grand conspiracy.

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*         *         *

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Come morning Arnie and Peach share an interesting tidbit from Crumbeard: The young tabaxi minstrel who plays at The Thundering Lizard, Pottery Shard? Turns out he hasn't been skipping work - his apartment has been ransacked! With a couple hours to kill before the bath house meeting the gang figures they have time for another mystery.

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Signs of a struggle. A beloved guitar left behind. Tabaxi scratches out the front door. Wherever Pottery Shard is, it looks like he didn't go willingly. It's what Col finds that disturbs the group: a copper-colored snake scale embedded in one of the tabaxi scratches. Damn. Snake People! Why does it always have to be Snake People? Any why abduct a local musician?

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No one is eager to meet Kwayothé. The Public Bath House is neutral territory and has a strict 'No Weapons' policy, but this Merchant Prince is a contemptuous one. The crew disrobes after tipping the caretaker priests, Krenko hiding a few darts in a jury-rigged girdle under his bath towel.

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"Hey Krenko!", says Arnie. "Last night I was Good Cop and you were Bad Cop. We get to reverse that now, right?"

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"Okay!", responds the goblin. A friendly barbarian and a mean cleric. Sure. Why not?

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The Bath House is stately as ever, the Amnian architecture decorated to Chultan standards with an abundance of vines and tropical shrubs surrounding the four main spa pools, large palm tree and juice bar in the middle. Bathers and masseuses go to and fro, but there can be no mistaking the beautiful and important-looking woman in the hot pool. Kwayothé sits alone with her eyes closed as the Handy Hands visit the juice bar then get in the pool with her. Only Peach had seen her up close before when the eladrin bard robbed her at the coliseum. She's younger than expected - hardly seems a day over 30. After some very cold introductions, Good Cop Krenko and Bad Cop Arnie get to work.

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"Where were you at 8pm last night? Tell me! We have ways of making you talk!", says a strangely aggressive Arnie.

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"Fruity drink?", offers Krenko. 

 

Kwayothé rudely turns him down. A suspicious Bertram activates his Eldritch Sight and raises an eyebrow: Kwayothé's two assistants sitting at the juice bar are wearing illusory disguises. Whatever they are, they're not human. The Merchant Prince is calm about the reveal however, claiming that they simply come from a plane more closely associated with the fire deity that she follows. Not a comforting fact, but as long as it's not yuan-ti, the Handy Hands take it in stride.

 

The Good Cop Bad Cop routine goes on for a while until Arnie loses his bluster and happily accepts Krenko's spare drink. Krenko, on the other hand, loses his cool when the Merchant Prince revels in mocking him at the Siya Kikombe event by giving him a dog as a "mammoth" mount. Emotions flare, things are going south... until an interesting twist.

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It turns out that Kwayothé grew up in poverty under colonial rule, seeing foreigners devalue her people and cultural history. When a celebrated Chultan hero is played by a foreign goblin in an annual event, well... one can understand people being pissed off about the cultural appropriation. Attitudes quickly change.

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"Uh... I'm sorry.", says an atypically apologetic Krenko. "That's a really good point. I never thought of it that way."

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Nationalistic as she may be, the Handy Hands find it hard to fault Kwayothé for being a bit xenophobic. The tone mellows and they converse on the true purpose of this meeting: Kwayothé is the Merchant Prince of alcohol among other things, and she wishes to make it very clear that "poisoned tej" isn't one of them. Thankfully this pairs with Col's thorough investigation of the poison and post-delivery tampering of the barrel, and the air is cleared of some distrust.

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Until the crunching slam from somewhere below the bath pool.

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A sickly yellow-green floods into the hot pool from the cracked tiles and coalesces into a raging elemental! A look at Kwayothé determines she's just as surprised as the Handy Hands, who immediately get to... wait. Except for a few towels, they're entirely naked and without gear! No time to plan! At least Bertram is able to summon his pact weapon, lashing a couple of blows while Krenko dips his towel in the water. Wet towel whip! He gets in a quick snap before the elemental surges forward, sucking Col into its body and superheating the pool to boiling temperatures. Get out!

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Completely ignoring the 'No Running' sign, Arnie sprints across the wet tile to the juice bar to grab the fruit knife while Col wild shapes into an alligator to bust free of the elemental's grasp, crawl out of the boiling water, and dip into the next cool bath over. Between blasts of water forceful enough to knock one over Bertram and Krenko are able to get a couple more respective whip-shots in before the elemental rapidly dissipates into the boiling pool's pipes, seeps into gator-Col's herbal bath, and smashes away at him until the wounded druid drops from gator form.

 

Remembering the helpful properties of the beverages here, Arnie chugs the watermelon-lemonade drink abandoned at the bar... and feels amazingly fast! Pupils fully dilated, the handyman chucks the fruit knife at the water monster before making a mad dash to the locker room (incredibly not slipping on the tiles!), hoping to get his holy symbol in hand before it's too late. An inspired Col evasively maneuvers out of the now-boiling herbal bath and grabs the other drink on the bar. Strawberry guava. He chugs it. Muscles swell and bulge until he looks like a world champion bodybuilder. It's Swole-Col! He breaks his glass on the edge of the bar and stares down the elemental. It's shanking time.

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Channeling all his celestial might into his whip Bertram smites the elemental so hard that it nearly dissipates under a wildly bucking Krenko, doing his best to grapple and hold on to the shifting water monster. In exposing itself and failing to suck in both the warlock and the barbarian, its fate is sealed. With a teamwork one-two punch, Arnie emerges from the locker room to guiding bolt the corrupted creature right before an intimidatingly massive Swole-Col furiously shanks the elemental with the broken edges of his shattered glass. With a final burbling shriek the yellow-green water dissipates.

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It hits both Col and Bertram at the same time. The same yellow-green as their detection spells radiated on the poisoned tej.

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"The bath's pipeworks are downstairs!", shouts Kwayothé. "Quick, to the lower level!"

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Bare-skinned and still without gear, the crew makes it downstairs just in time to see a figure escaping down the pipeworks' sewer entrance. The naked sewer chase is on! Despite the disgusting fact that they're parkouring over who-knows-what sewer garbage in the nude, after the polished wet tile upstairs this is a breeze. Between Krenko's natural speed, Swole-Col's ripped leg muscles, and dexterous moves by the others, the mysterious figure had little hope of escaping. The goblin tackles the target and sucker punches, Arnie does the same, and Krenko once more before they roll the person over.

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It's Salida - the guide that Shago was hanging out with. And she has a barely-healed cut on her hand. They knew it! When she attempts to magically charm the gang into letting her go, it's the last bit of evidence that they need. It's of little surprise when underneath her disheveled clothing they see a hidden stretch of yuan-ti scales running down her back.

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Wonderful. Snake People confirmed. The Merchant Princes are definitely going to want to hear of this.

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A dead Merchant Prince. Poisoned tej. A locked door. An open window. The clues come together as the Handy Hands reconvene in Jessamine's private chambers.

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The poison is familiar to Col in a serpent-like sort of way, making him uneasy as he recalls the yuani-ti plot in Po's basement months ago. Along with Arnie's revelation that the tej cup doesn't match anything in the manor, the crew looks out the window towards the party next door... is there another secret snakeperson plot hidden in plain sight? Peach finally caves and alerts Jessamine's guards and nurse but Krenko has no desire to be implicated at a crime scene, the goblin diving out the window into the garden below.

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It's a tense but mercifully short standoff. With the locked door and Jessamine being dead for over an hour according to her nurse, Bati, how could the Handy Hands possibly be the culprits? As Arnie reasons out that another person was clearly in the room with Jessamine before their arrival, Krenko inspects the outside walls. More chips in stone. Rope and foot marks disturb both the house and the barrier between residences. Someone used a grappling hook... and came from next door.

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"KRENKO!", shouts Arnie out the window. "There was a second person! They came through the window!"

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"I know!", an annoyed Krenko hisses back, hanging from his one good hand from the barrier wall overlooking the party, cover thankfully not blown due to the noisy party. "Keep it down... I'm going over. Get through the front door if you can."

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Bati and the guards tell what they can of Jessamine: She was reclusive yet well-liked by the people, lacked enemies, and if anything the other Merchant Princes always respected her fairness and neutrality. The other Princes must be informed, but the guards understand the need for controlled information and investigation time. The Handy Hands have two hours, then they're informing the authorities. No time to waste! There's a party to investigate next door!

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Krenko parkours over the wall to land in a urine-scented bush. Perfect, actually. Stumbling out towards the party in the large garden like a guest returning from a pee break, he sees a lot of familiar faces. Some unfamiliar, but most are official jungle guides... ah, that's right! Jobal's monthly guide celebration that Eku had told him about. Maybe she knows something about the murder? A chubby drunken halfling distracts him just long enough for Eku to be led away by a guard... dang.

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Meanwhile, a failed attempt by Arnie to bluster their way into the party is saved by Bertam requesting to speak to Eku and someone in charge. The gate's guard returns with Eku and Aazon - the Tethyrian right hand man of Merchant Prince Jobal who had helped them in break into Wakanga's place long ago. Good graces and familiar faces! Invited in to join the party, the gang reconvenes with Krenko and do their best to blend in and socialize while keeping their agenda under wraps.

 

Someone here must know something. But who to trust when anyone could be the culprit? Some they know personally, others in passing. Musharib is a friendly sort who frequents the Thundering Lizard. One of the tortles too - a racer named Kwilgok. The other tortle with the goggles is recognized as the guide Eeyal. Azaka they know from interviews. The dandy human and the drunk halfling must be Faroul and Gondolo, another pair of guides. The stern female hobgoblin looks a bit out of place, soon discovered to be a new guide named Leirisk. A slender Chultan woman called Salida is another guide... and who's that she is talking to? Why, it's their old friend Shago, returned from Fort Beluarian to become a guide himself!

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As Peach scans for suspicious characters and behaviors, Col wastes no time in following the poison lead. One tej barrel off to the side gives off the same glow when detect poison is cast as the cup did in Jessamine's room. Someone tampered with this one. Was it the help? Arnie quizzes the waitstaff but they seem completely ignorant of the poisoned barrel. Good thing it currently isn't being served to the guests, at least. While Bertram inspects through detect magic and finds nothing out of the ordinary, Krenko returns to the wall directly below where he had saw chips and scrapes on Jessamine's side.

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Ah ha! There it is. Hidden under a bush Krenko finds it: a grappling hook. A bit of blood on the rope. Whoever the culprit is they definitely came from this party. But who brings a grappling hook to a party?

​

Peach, Col, Bertram, and Arnie mingle, but it's a trick to ask prying questions without letting on what happened next door. After reconnecting with Shago, meeting Salida, and learning of Leirisk's appreciation for feather fall (DM: A reference to a very unfortunate player character death in our previous campaign... nevermind!), Krenko returns with a new idea. The culprit must be bleeding. He makes the rounds shaking hands looking for injuries, but no luck. Dang. Wondering where else to pursue leads, Arnie turns and enters the manor proper.

​

Among pillows and around a large hookah, the Merchant Prince Jobal sits with his assistant Aazon and smiles, waving the handyman over. 

​

"Help yourself.", says Jobal, motioning to a pillow seat and the hookah. "Do you smoke?"

​

"Of course!", says the handyman who has never smoked in his life. Arnie acts casual as the shisha smoke enters his lungs but doesn't last long, exploding in a fit of coughing. Jobal politely smiles, at least sparing Arnie further embarrassment.

 

After a bit of back and forth the rest of the Handy Hands join, but post-greetings it's clear that this is less of a conversation and more of a game. And when that game is carefully chosen words and cunning insight moved about like pieces on a chess board there is perhaps no greater opponent in Port Nyanzaru than Merchant Prince Jobal. It's a curious battle of diplomatic politeness between Jobal, Aazon, and the Handy Hands as they both dance around their intended goals: for the Prince to discover their intentions, and for the amateur sleuths to gauge what role this power player may have had in the crime.

​

In the end Jobal flat-out states that he knows they're snooping around. Keen to not tip their whole hand, Krenko and Arnie at least reveal that there was a break-in next door and that a grappling hook was found. A grappling hook that, upon retrieval, admittedly belongs to a sheepish looking Aazon. The very same grappling hook that they had used to break into Wakanga's manor months earlier.

 

The tone changes. Though retaining a diplomatic calm, Jobal becomes entirely cooperative to the Handy Hands' investigation. Surely a clever politician wouldn't kill their next door neighbor and fail to hide the evidence, right? A willing Aazon is inspected: no wounds or blood. Bertram checks out Aazon's room and finds the scene matches the assistant's story: the grappling hook was likely stolen from his room.

​

They're clean. Or so it seems. It must be someone familiar with Jobal's residence... but who?

​

Peach curses a bit to herself. They've been inside for so long that the party is wrapping up, half the guests already having departed for the evening. The suspects are leaving! Jobal quickly locks down the manor with the remaining guests. At least some were held behind. Time to interview the partygoers in earnest!

​

Knowing that Eku is incapable of lying makes their old friend a useful non-suspect, but sadly she did not notice any foul play while she pretended to drunkenly socialize (coatls can't get drunk, you see). Faroul and Gondolo seem utterly useless and incompetent - probably innocent. Leirisk the hobgoblin is forceful but naïve - doesn't seem the type to use stealth and poison to settle affairs. Musharib has been Krenko's drinking buddy on more than one occasion - not out from under suspicion, but a burly tattooed albino dwarf would be an easy spot if scaling a wall. None are injured or bleeding, and none say they noticed anything strange. On the other hand, most were at the very least tipsy.

​

Damn! If anyone knew anything, it'd be the those who had already left. With a wave of the hand Col turns into a mouse, mouse-Col scaling the wall to retrace the perp's path. The timeline and facts all check out. Someone physically fit and stealthy snuck out of the party, poisoned Jessamine, bled on both the window and rope, and snuck back in. 

​

10:30pm. It's almost been two hours. Jessamine's guards should be notifying authorities any moment now. Jobal offers his continued support and cooperation as his personal guards escort out the remaining partygoers.

​

They were close! They knew it! The true culprit may have eluded them for now, but the Handy Hands remain on the case.

​

Axe in his remaining hand, Krenko and the gang are pleased when the young monk of Gond returns with a clipboard full of prosthetic ideas. The gnome loved Peach and Arnie's idea for a "Switch Arnie Knife" - little saw and wine corkscrew options included of course - but their idea for a combo prosthetic inspired him. A hook, a metal hand, something that can hold a weapon... why not all three, and more? Krenko's eyes go wide with delight as he looks over the sketched schematic of a spring-loaded articulated metal hand with a cable tether that can launch like a grappling hook.

​

"YES! I need this! I'd even cut off more of my arm if needed!", Krenko exclaims, the gnome grimacing at the thought.

​

"'Captain Grapple.' That's a WAY better name than 'Captain Hook'!", says Arnie, making note for his new script in progress.

​

Captain Grapple it is! The monk - named Jordi - says that he and the other acolytes will get to work on it immediately. No worries for cost... they're more than happy to practice their engineering skills to help famed gladiator and hero of the city, Tok-Tok! With Bertram pondering the social meaning of the traditional Lantanese greeting/farewell of "finger wands", the Handy Hands head down to the Harbor Ward. How's the ship coming along, and how's Gorjok doing in finding a crew?

​

The old orc blacksmith has been conducting interviews out of a dockside warehouse. It's been decent success in filling the traditional roles. Gorjok will of course be the First Mate, he states. He's found a willing sewer kobold to serve as Bosun... small to be sure, but a perfect size for scurrying around repairing the ship. There's a young Chultan man hired on as the ship Surgeon. Gorjok has found a recently-unemployed ogre to serve as the Quartermaster and muscle... what's his name? Jeff?

​

"Uh...", interjects Bertram. "Let's uh, move him down the list, ya? Maybe interview more?" Friendly sort, that Ogre Jeff, but after seeing his clumsy bulk in more than one shop they're not too confident in how he'd do on a ship.

​

"What about a cook? We need a good one for our guests! Who uses less cumin...", says Arnie, whispering the last part. Indeed Gorjok hasn't found a Cook yet but he's working on it. Krenko's fine enough in the kitchen, Peach too, but Arnie insists that their acting talents will be needed above deck. Leaving their First Mate behind, it's off to inspect the ship.

​

Arnie's Little Helper III is coming along nicely! The hull is mostly reconstructed and shipwrights hustle about other parts of the vessel, hard at work rebuilding the ship formerly known as the Larva. After inspecting mounts for seats and weapons, conversation turns to their stage identities, and, perhaps more importantly, a flag. Every ship needs a flag!

​

Arnie brainstorms. "Captain Grapple and the Dreadful Hands. Not bad!" He encourages Bertram to remain 'Guy With The Tiger' if he'd like, but otherwise everyone is welcome to choose their own anti-piratey monikers.

​

As for a flag... hmm. Ideas come up, but nothing settled for now. The trick is coming up with a design that doesn't get them mistaken for pirates, or a "handy" symbol that doesn't resemble the Flaming Fist. Conversation rambles until a strange yet familiar buzz is felt in Arnie's head. Telepathic message incoming!

​

"Mr. Lambert: Meeting arranged with our ally, Merchant Prince Jessamine.", comes the dry voice of Syndra Sylvane. "Her manor in upper Merchant's Ward, 8pm. Can your crew make it?"

​

Distracted by flag designs, script ideas, and the excitement of a ship, it's a rambling mental reply from the handyman. A sending message arrives again, the masked mage's sigh audible. "8pm. Meeting. Jessamine's manor. Of great importance. She will help. Be there. Savvy?"

​

"Guys! The meeting is at 8pm! And we need to be SAVVY!", declares Arnie. Savvy means 'fancy', right? Maybe Winchton would know if he were around, but it sounds right to all present. To the Temple of Sune! Time to get savvy!

​

The goddess of beauty's temple is new to Peach, who is immediately swarmed by acolytes eager to give an elf a makeover. An hour later the gang emerges in well-groomed glory. Krenko's body hair is slicked back giving him a gentleman goblin flair. Bertram's glorious beard is pleated into a mass of cornrow braids. A hesitant Arnie takes off his fur hat for a change, allowing for an impressively poofy pompadour to be styled. Last but not least Peach walks out, greenish-tinged curls of her long hair up in a beehive that cascades down her back in a way that would make her the envy of all the Feywild debutants at the ball.

​

After a bit of fancy clothes shopping and finding a stylish monocole for Bertram, it's pre-drinking and hanging out at the Thundering Lizard awaiting the evening meeting.

​

"Krenko.", starts Arnie. "We need to sound savvy. What fancy words do you know?"

​

The goblin thinks. "Smashing! Indubitably! Juxtaposition! Bless your heart!"

​

"Oh honey...", Peach interrupts. "'Bless your heart' isn't a compliment. Uglier than homemade sin when used that way."

​

Arnie jots down all of the phrases that he can. Savvy words indeed! Come 8pm, Jessamine won't know what hit her.

​

*         *         *

​

In fancy clothes and Peach notably in an "awkward teen prom" dress, the Handy Hands arrive in the lingering dusk light to the gate of Jessamine's manor. The telltale thump of music and commotion next door informs of a party in full force. One of the few latecomers at the next gate over looks familiar... it's Eku! Even secret coatl moms like a good party, it seems. After waving hello, Jessamine's manor guard gets their attention.

​

"We're the Fancy Hands!", states Arnie. The guard confusedly looks at the list of expected visitors and goes to check inside. Five minutes, ten minutes... Krenko greets Eku and learns of the festivities. Apparently next door is Merchant Prince Jobal's place and he throws a monthly celebration for his jungle guides. Nice! Eventually the guard returns, confusions are cleared, and the gang is ushered in.

 

The stately tropical manor decorated in stylish serpentine motifs, a young teenage girl reads on a couch, servants work in the side rooms, and a kind woman named Bati arrives to show them up to Jessamine's private chambers. An enchanted lock is whispered into by Bati, she takes her leave, and the Handy Hands take a moment to remind each other to "act savvy" before they finally push up then door.

​

The Merchant Prince is on her bed. Eyes open. Blood from the nose and mouth. Not breathing.

 

Jessamine is dead.

​

Bertram calmly closes the door behind them before the collective panic sets in. What?! Who?! Why!? How!? Is this a setup? Are they being framed? Peeking out the door and seeing the house's staff going about their business, Peach concludes that it doesn't seem that anyone knows. Phew. Okay. They have some time. But what happened?

​

Jessamine's final look is one of surprise. Probably not suicide. Krenko traces the path of the Merchant Prince's outstretched arm and finds a dropped cup had rolled away. Tej. A quick taste of the honey wine confirms suspicion and the goblin spits. Poisoned! Jessamine was the Merchant Prince in charge of poisons, but her personal supply right there in the room reveals that no vials or supplies otherwise had been touched recently. Where did the poison come from?

​

Arnie leaves the room to quiz the help. Bati, he discovers, is Jessamine's private nurse and knows her diet well. When asked about tej the nurse raises an eyebrow. No, Jessamine never drank tej. She hated the stuff! Why does he ask? 

​

"I'd like a smashing slice of homemade sin, indubitably!", Arnie asks the manor's cook. He's confusedly offers snacks while Arnie checks out the pantry with permission. There's other alcohol, but not a drop of tej. Where did the drink come from?

​

The girl on the couch knows even less. With his pompadour and illusory armor made to look like a cheap suit Arnie gives off strong creeper vibes, but he does painfully find out a few details. The girl is Ymezra, Jessamine's daughter, and its clear that she has no idea that her mom is dead upstairs. The revelation hits and Arnie's chipper facade drops. Oh no, Arnie thinks. This is real! This isn't a murder mystery party game! This is a real murder! We're savvy for nothing!

​

"Bless your heart, sugar baby!", blurts the handyman as he awkwardly runs from the conversation. This vacation event just got a lot less fun.

​

When he returns to the private chambers Peach is keenly inspecting the body. Jessamine nearly fully covers herself, and the eladrin bard soon finds out why. Withered skin. Deteriorating features. Jessamine had the Death Curse, just like her grandfather! But why would someone kill a dying woman?

​

It's at that moment when Krenko and Bertram turn their eyes to the room's open window. There's a bit of blood on the window sill, and near it a fresh chip out of the sill's stonework. Someone went through this window, and recently.

​

The thump of drums and happy guests echoes between manors. The party. Jessamine's window faces the party.

​

A Prince was murdered in Port Nyanzaru tonight. And the Handy Hands are determined to find out who did it.

​

The pack of velociraptors picks away at a large carcass, hardly noticing when the fern behind them inverts into the ground. The humanoid scream grows in sound until - like falling vertically or shot from a water spout - an elf woman flies out of the hole and unceremoniously plops on the ground, quickly followed by a young tyrannosaurus. The raptors screech and scatter at the sight of the apex predator, fleeing into the woods as the portal closes. The elf rights herself and dusts off. 

​

"You okay Cobbler?", she says, casting a quick cure wounds on her "son".

​

"Thank you Mommy!", squeaks the big adolescent T-Rex, understood through her Ring of Animal Friendship.

​

She sniffs the air. Ocean breeze. Port Nyzanzaru can't be too far away.

​

(DM: Peach returns! The Handy Hands have five fingers once again!)

​

*         *         *

​

It's early morning at the Thundering Lizard when a familiar eladrin bard knocks and walks in. It's Peach! Understandably there's a lot to catch up on, especially since it's been over a year for Peach in the Feywild while just a couple of weeks for the Handy Hands otherwise. She's looking good: in a 'Spring' mood, a slight green tinge to her hair emoting her eagerness. The baby T-Rex that she "adopted" seems to have filled out nicely to a ridable size... though the Feywild year has definitely left it's mark. It's not every day you see a salmon-pink tyrannosaurus with vestigial rainbow-hued butterfly wings.

​

Though eager, Peach is quite bummed out that she missed out on the musical. That was EXACTLY her sort of thing! At least this 'pirate dinner cruise theater' is upcoming, and her friends are looking good... oh. Krenko's hand. She consoles the morning-drunk goblin and can't help from inadvertent hand/finger puns. Krenko wails, but at least he has the former axe of his foe. "Scourge" it's called, and it's one fierce flying battleaxe!

​

A day of rest needed. After Fronk stops by to check up on Krenko, Bertram and Col set off for some errands around town. Possessions of King Toloki are all given to the museum (minus the axe, of course). A public news bulletin is a welcome sight: Thankfully the Handy Hands are being regarded as champions of the Toloki debacle rather than the cause of it! If anything, rumors are that the disastrous end to Arnie's musical was tied to the undead threat, or even Ras Nsi himself. Phew.

​

Back at the Thundering Lizard amongst the increasing tourist presence due to the positive Yelf review, the rest catch up and brainstorm ideas for a musical sequel to enact at sea. 

​

"Wait. Shouldn't the pirates fight flying children?", asks Peach.

​

"...Flying pirates?", ponders Krenko, thinking of his Vest of Levitation.

​

"What? No!", exclaims Arnie. "Flying children? I don't even... Why?"

​

It's a bit of culture shock as Peach and Arnie come to an understanding of what pirates are like in the Material Plane versus the Feywild. Something about flying children who don't age, a captain with a hook hand... it's strange. The arrival of the daily mail distracts from the conversation. The first is a nice update from Zindar. Sounds like the blacksmith Gorjok has eagerly taken on the burden of gathering a ship crew. Nice! The second letter is an expected one. After hearing of the arena debacle, the mysterious masked mage Syndra Sylvane wants to meet ASAP.

 

Their ship renovation is still 5 days from completion. What's the harm in looking into another job proposal? Though the masked mage creeps them out a bit, the Handy Hands plan on a morning visit. But first: it's shopping time!

​

At 'Potent Potables' Bertram stocks up on health potions and buys a bag of questionably legal smokable herbs for Krenko. The githzerai Zorn is pleased to see them at 'Star Stuff', though the boutique wands are too pricey for Peach's budget. Arnie asks about magical repairs, pulling out the broken wand he had collected from a confused gorilla. The shop's purveyor's eyes light up. A Wand of Wonder! A unique and valuable wand, but it would need time and money to repair. The handyman is happy to leave it "in shop" for a bit. Perhaps they can swing back and pick it up after some pirate hunting?

​

*         *         *

​

Wakanga is away, but the guards are expectant. A fireplace glows in the Merchant Prince's library as the Handy Hands enter, help themselves to tea, and sit around the robed figure of Syndra Sylvane. Small talk subsides, and the enigmatic woman with the silver mask and raspy voice gets to the point.

​

"For a long while I was an adventurer, much like you.", she starts. "Years of dungeon diving left me rich and powerful beyond most. Then I died." The robed woman pauses for effect. "Acid pit. Grisly business. Luckily a companion adept at the divine arts brought me back, but that was the cue to retire, for certain." Syndra continues on for a bit about her life post-retirement. It's droll... until she talks of a strange malady. Months ago, she started slowly withering away.

​

She reaches up to her silver mask, and with a couple clicks removes it. Underneath is not the face of a woman in her 60s. Sunken, decayed, and shriveled. Not unlike a corpse or a partially-preserved mummy.

​

"I am dying. Again. And it's not just me."

​

Reports came in. The Harpers found many mysteriously experiencing the same. Over time it became clear that any who were brought back from death were now wasting away. The Death Curse, they call it. Most of the gang leans forward in interest, but Peach erupts. This is it! This is the illness that some elders in her community are experiencing! The symptoms match exactly, there's no way this is a coincidence! Syndra is troubled by the information that the Death Curse is also affecting nearby planes like the Feywild and perhaps even the Shadowfell. She pauses again before continuing.

​

"No one knows the cause, but I had a hunch. I gambled on the notion that an undead curse comes from an undead-infested land, I came here to Chult to continue my research, and revelations over time have only strengthened my hypothesis."

​

The Handy Hands inquire about the disease's timeline and specifics. Too many coincidences align. Wealthy resurrected elites are wasting away. That seems a "rich person's problem". But what about the surging undead presence in Chult? What about Bertram's patron's concern that souls are not traveling to the afterlife? What about recent reports of stillborn infants, apparently soulless? The crew agrees. They have no idea what's going on, but it's of concern and interest. Syndra laughs.

​

"Handy Hands... The Baker's Dozen.", she cackles. "Thirteen. You'd be number thirteen." When questioned, Syndra admits: Twelve groups of adventurers have already been sent, most recently their friendly associates the Company of the Yellow Banner. Only two have ever returned. As the Handy Hands well know, the jungle is full of death and peril. But, the archmage states as she puts back on her mask, their handling of King Toloki gives her optimism in their survival.

​

Sadly there is not much to go on. The Death Curse must have a nexus, but Chult is a godless tangle of ruins, dinosaurs, carnivorous plants, and more. Syndra gives what leads she can. Wherever the point of origin is it must be inland, and while traditional maps help, perhaps divination or even exploring noted historical sites could help further. She'll be contact and will speak with Wakanga to see if he can offer any more support, and offers one more connection before they go.

​

A meeting with the Merchant Prince Jessamine is arranged - someone Syndra states is an ally of shared interest. Maybe she'll be able to help the Handy Hands further? Farewells are said and much is left to ponder. Surely after dealing with pirates, a growing magical pandemic can be investigated?

​

*         *         *

​

The meeting was a lot to take in. An existential threat of unknown proportions? Good thing it's only around noon and there's time to process. May as well look into getting Krenko a prosthetic, eh? To the Temple of Gond!

​

The young gnome monk who greets our crew inside the God of Innovation's temple is more than eager to talk about hand replacements. A hook? Nah, too stereotypical. A metal hand? Maybe, but a weapon is preferred. A sword-hand, perhaps? Excellent for combat, not so much otherwise. Arnie and Peach propose a prosthetic with multiple folding tools and utensils - a "Switch Arnie Knife" if you will. The young monk is intrigued about Krenko's axe Scourge, but something about that dire weapon has never really sat right with Bertram. Is there a resident specialist in curses?

​

Indeed, there is. After a sizable gold donation that leaves most fairly broke, the gang is led to a back chamber where they are met by an older fat gnome priest who is more than happy to run down the Handy Hands' gear. Peach's Bracelet of Stone Shape? Cursed! Her Stone of Good Luck? Cursed! Krenko's axe? Cursed as HECK!

​

The eladrin bard is more than annoyed, especially since the donation only buys them a single de-curse. Luckily Arnie is fairly certain his growing cleric ability allows him to remove curses once he knows of them, settling Peach for now.

 

Now, for that axe. Greed and panic steal the goblin's mind as Scourge senses the priest. Krenko freaks out, raging and casting fog cloud  through the axe. Bertram quickly dispels while the rest wrestle Krenko to the ground, and in a matter of moments the priest of Gond has purged a nefarious black energy from the axe. It's a bit weaker... but the malevolence is gone. Whatever compulsion of Eshowdow was in the weapon is there no more. (DM: Good thing, as it would have made Krenko a killing machine who couldn't tell friend from foe!)

​

Krenko sighs and walks away defeated... until he sees the axe's shadow. A normal shadow. Gone is the shadow of a severed arm, the grisly reminder of Krenko's loss. The barbarian can't help but smile when Scourge magically flies to his good hand.

​

Eyes glow under the jade feathered mask as the muscular grey-skinned figure spreads his arms, the fog flooding back in and morphing into a dense blood-red shroud. King Toloki, the Lord of Eshowe, cackles hoarsely. His tomb's defilers shall pay!

 

Col's wind wall limits the spread of the dense red fog, though the undead menace has vanished on the far side of the arena. The druid wastes no time in digging a hole to take cover. Unnatural movement in the thick haze catches Bertram's golden eyes: the red mist is alive and swirling around Krenko… but that doesn't stop the goblin! He blindly runs around searching for the hidden king while the axe flies out again and wounds Arnie, the handyman shocked at the sudden pain and blood.

​

"This is not part of the show!", Arnie shouts to the coliseum's crowd. "RUN! EVERYONE FLEE!"

​

The crowd is slow to react considering that they can hardly see the threat... the threat that is right behind Krenko. King Toloki's axe arcs across Krenko's back and then a heavy fist slams down before he can react. The living mists of blood swirl in with vein-like tendrils, one narrowly missing Krenko and the other unable to get past the wind wall. The dual roar of gladiators is a welcome sound as Andermon and Crazy Larry charge forward to help, the unibrow'd dwarf missing her swing but the goliath connecting, finding that Andermon's spear merely bounces off King Toloki's skin. With another dry cackle, again the jade-masked nightmare disappears into the fog.

​

Again and again the bronze axe flies out of the crimson veil but the Handy Hands have no option but to attack the fog itself. Col emerges from cover to primal savagery bite a vampiric mist yet it is resistant, though Bertram's eldritch blasts solidly connect. After the flying axe hits him again Krenko rages, frantically searching the fog for Toloki on the far side of the arena to no avail. The rest quickly see why: the fog parts as the undead king emerges right next to Col and assaults the druid, wind wall fading as spell concentration is lost. A murmur of concern rises from the crowd as the red cloud rolls over the rest of the arena, spreading it just enough to thin out a bit and reveal the brutal battle happening below.

 

A living mist drains Krenko while Arnie falls back to drink a healing potion, Toloki's axe soaring out to slash Andermon as he fends off the other mist, axe returning to hand and slicing down at Col once again yet missing. A wild scream pierces the ears as Crazy Larry runs forward with prop boat overhead to slam it down on the undead king, but Toloki is hardly fazed by the wood shattering around him. It's no good! What weaknesses does this returned king have?

​

Gravity, for one. The desert druid whirls around to face his attacker and mold earth digs right underneath him, King Toloki tumbling into the 5-foot deep hole. Bertram charges forward, radiant aasimar energy surging through his hand into his whip to smite a long tear in the half-buried king's arm. Krenko dives across the arena to stab down his scimitar as well. Maybe this monster is less immortal that thought! But the Lord of Eshowe still had surprises.

​

"FEAR ME." Toloki roars as he makes eye contact with Krenko. The goblin freezes in place, paralyzed with terror. 

​

Bertram and Col futilely swing as Toloki climbs from the hole and looms over Krenko. Two quick slashes and the goblin falls, the undead king reaching down to tear the jade earplugs out of Krenko's ears that he had stolen from the Eshowe tomb. "Mine...", Toloki rattles, too pleased with his victory to notice the four blasts of flame arcing out of the distant handyman.

​

"You." A scorching ray hits. "Aren't." Another connects. "In the." A third. "SCRIPT!"

 

The final ray goes wide but it doesn't stop Arnie from furiously shouting. Hurting his friends, endangering the audience, and ruining his pirate musical? How dare he?! The axe flurries and the deadly rotting necrosis from Toloki's fist attacks is a nearly insurmountable amount of hurt, but one major thing doesn't go unnoticed: Where the undead king was self- regenerating before, something shut it down. Radiant damage!, Bertram thinks. That is the key!

​

Col shifts to snake-Col but is unable to get a grip on Toloki, yet it buys Bertram just enough time sacrifice his attack to heal Krenko back to consciousness. Ears ripped, the goblin runs back while Toloki flails at his nearest assailants, narrowly missing Col again but shriveling Crazy Larry's skin with a necrotic gut punch, his own undead form regenerating once more. After missing a spell Arnie touches his Ring of Jumping and bounces into the audience, landing on a family in the front row.

​

"Why are you still here? RUN!", he shouts, spinning around and spraying blood from his side all over the children. The fog clears enough to make out the carnage below. "FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!"

​

With more damage being dealt than can be handled Col rapidly shifts after another failed grapple, thinking quick to drop a healing spirit on Arnie to halt his bleeding. The Merchant Prince Wakanga shrieks in surprise as the handyman dives into his box seats to take cover, firing off another arc of searing rays at the undead king. Just as a vampiric mist brings Krenko down again and Toloki goes in for the kill, the rays hit. The glowing eyes turn... and with a roar he charges towards Arnie.

​

"THIEF! MINE!"

​

In seconds King Toloki is in front of the box seats and furiously hacking inward at Arnie, the cleric cowering on the floor as the axe narrowly misses him again and again. Horrific as it is, it buys just enough time for Col's spirit and Bertram's aasimar healing to get Krenko up once again. Unseen in the rear of the box seats by all except for Arnie, Wakanga touches the control amulet emblazoned with a familiar 'V'. Somewhere in the distance, iron feet start plodding.

​

In a panic Arnie dashes out through the fleeing crowd. The enraged Toloki lunges after the escaping handyman as he dives back in to the arena with the rest of the Handy Hands, cutting down Bertram as the historian moves to intervene. The terrified audience runs for the exits as a barely-alive Krenko sprints towards Arnie. He knows. Arnie's ring. One of Arnie's many rings was from Toloki's sarcophagus. And he knows what he must do to save his friend.

​

"ARNIE! Give me your ring!", yells the goblin. Krenko yanks the Ring of Fire Resistance off of a willing Arnie's hand and starts to run. But not fast enough.

​

Col's healing spirit is reviving Bertram and nowhere near the desperate Krenko as the raging vampire-mummy descends upon the injured goblin. With a mighty fist Toloki pounds Krenko into the ground.

​

Then the bronze axe comes down, severing Krenko's right hand at the wrist.

​

"TOK-TOK!". The scream comes from the stands. There, the young children of the Tok-Tok Brigade watch their hero fall. 

 

All Bertram and Arnie can do is attempt to heal themselves while Col tries to get his spirit to a dying Krenko as quick as he can. The blood-sucking mist weakens Crazy Larry. Toloki is hovering over Krenko ready to deliver the killing blow when, with a shout of "KRENKO! MY FRIEND!", Andermon the goliath charges the undead king.

 

Toloki turns around, his bare hand's fingers out, and plunges them right into the charging gladiator's chest. With a sickening wet ripping sound, Andermon's still-beating heart is torn from his chest, and the mighty goliath gasps as he fades from life.

 

The Handy Hands will not fall! Not while there's still more to give! Surging with radiant light Bertram tears into the king once again, smiting a large gash in his side as another volley of Arnie's searing rays sear the grey skin and force the wounded Toloki to a knee. Another dry cackle, but this time there's a hint of desperation in its sound.

​

"...Die."

 

Black mist swirls outward and the remaining blood-red fog takes on a necrotic energy. Col fends off the mists and his spirit finally makes it to Krenko, but it's no good. The black fog is blocking any attempt to heal. 

​

"Where?", chokes out Toloki as he pulls the ring from Krenko's severed hand. "Where is the other?"

​

"Kill us and you'll never know!", taunts Bertram. The fury of Toloki comes down on Arnie and Bertram, badly wounding the former but missing the latter. Arnie's retaliating guiding bolt misses but the unmistakable sound of iron footsteps bring a smile to his face. With a crushing *THUNK*, a familiar one-armed construct jumps into the arena.

​

"VORN.", announces Vorn, in the most Vorn-like of ways. Wakanga gives a big double-thumbs up from his ruined box seats. The black fog fades back to red as the feathered mask turns to the construct.

​

"Get him, Vorn!", says Arnie as he climbs on Vorn's shoulder, the construct's eyes glowing pink as it unleashes a salvo of magic missiles along with one final blast of fire from Arnie.

​

The distraction is all Bertram needs. With the black fog gone, the warlock historian slides past Toloki and lays his hand on Krenko, using the rest of his radiant reserve to save him from the brink of death. Gasping back to life, acting on instinct, and rolling just out of melee range, the goblin pulls his only remaining weapon - a little hand crossbow - and fires it left-handed.

​

And rolls a natural 20.

​

"You'll be buried with ME!", screeches Krenko.

​

The jade mask splits in two as the bolt hits between the eyes, briefly revealing the shocked face of King Toloki before it starts to lose cohesion. Flesh turns to a swirl of red mist, which starts to escape down the nearby arena floor gate. No you don't, thinks Arnie. You don't get to escape again.

​

Arnie points. His finger glows. "You won't be in the sequel!"

​

The small radiant blast from sacred flame is all that is needed to pop the mist cloud like a balloon. Blood explodes over the halls to coating a nearby shocked Fronk, and the remaining red fog and vampiric mist dissipates. King Toloki is no more.

​

It's only when the adrenaline fades that Krenko screams, becoming aware of his severed hand and ruined ears. As Arnie has terse words with the arena announcer, Bertram, Col, and a helpful Wakanga work to cauterize Krenko's bloody stump. Medics rush in but there's no saving what's left of Andermon or Bone Lord. The grievously wounded Timmirith is carried away, just barely saved by a timely spare the dying from Arnie just before the fog went red.

​

Things finally slow down. Krenko and Fronk tearfully grieve for their dead friends. Crazy Larry, for the first time ever, speaks to Krenko and offers her support. Wakanga speaks with the others, encouraging them to meet his friend Syndra Sylvane as soon as possible... but perhaps take a couple days to heal up first. The coliseum seats are scanned and the Handy Hands wonder: Did they succeed or spectacularly fail in garnering new customers for their 'pirate dinner theater' business plan?

 

Only one person remains in the seats. A hunched grey-bearded orc. Gorjok the blacksmith.

​

"To crush one's enemies! The glory of battle! The honor of combat!", raves the old orc. Bertram nearly turns away in disgust when Gorjok states that he is no longer interested in being a customer. No... He wants to be crew. The Handy Hands turn in surprise as the old orc makes his sailing experience known, his intention to rally a crew for Arnie's Little Helper III, and his denial of regular pay... For a share of the treasure and chance to fight, he'll gladly sail into pirate-infested waters.

​

Blood-covered loot is scattered in the arena hallway. Everything reclaimed by King Toloki from personal possessions and the museum are there. The split mask, the diadem, the ear plugs and other jewelry... and a brutal-looking bronze axe with a severed hand shadow. Krenko can't help to note the irony as he picks it up, and the Handy Hands slowly make their way out the gates.

​

*         *         *

​

Esmerelda is hitched up outside the Thundering Lizard and the injured crew head in. Crumbeard's excitement turns to empathy once he realizes the Handy Hands were at the epicenter of today's chaos. The dwarf pours drinks for all, denies any sort of payment, and even gives Arnie his last bottle of homebrewed "Blingdenstone Blaster" to save for a special occasion.

 

One drink in and Krenko's out due to blood loss. The rest aren't far behind. Much rest is needed.

​

The din of the crowd grows as fans trickle in to the stands and booths above, while the Handy Hands prepare below.

​

Despite Arnie pestering the others about script lines and song lyrics for the upcoming musical event, the last two days had been a nice break. Not a single secret meeting or manic cook-off. The fluffy flying monkey Arnie bought as a pet seemed to calm him a bit, at least. Otherwise the days were spent with Krenko busking on the streets in his new fancy pirate costume (complete with ridiculous 5-foot long hat feather), Bertram reading up on ships and how to sail, and Col training his new flying snake friend. Three mornings later they find themselves in the belly of the Coliseum, anticipation building.

​

"So what's this musical called, anyway?", asks Fronk the arena manager.

​

"Seven Hands for Seven Pirates!", exclaims Arnie.

​

The rest shrug. Sure. Why not? Just as the title reminds them that they're down a couple of friends, Andermon the gladiator goliath walks in wearing olive green body paint, small fake tusks, little glasses, and familiar safari clothing.

​

"WHAT HO, OLD CHAPS! ...did I say that right?", he says, adjusting the large orangutan stuffed animal under his arm.

​

It's "Winchton"! Yes, this will do nicely. Timmirith the elf emerges wearing an overcoat and adjusting a red wig... "Peach" is here as well! It's a flurry of last minute discussion and planning: Arnie hands out rewrites and new lines; Bertram picks up the silly cardboard cutout of a tiger that he's using as a stand-in for Samryn; "Winchton", "Peach", and the weird dwarf Crazy Larry ("Ya, I think she may have the rabies." - Bertram) ready the costume ship platforms; costumes are donned; and Krenko chats with his old nemesis Bone Lord the bugbear, finally making amends.

​

Horns blare. The crowd roars. The gates open. Arnie freaks out but it's too late: It's showtime! They peer out from the tunnel at an impressively two-thirds full Coliseum, also spotting the familiar faces of Wakanga, Jobal, and Po among the box seats. The announcer belts out a greeting as the crew emerge from below. The requested choir had arrived from the Temple of Waukeen, singing as each of the gang is introduced ("Oh Handy Hands! They're so Handy!"). 

​

"And now...", shouts the announcer, "Seven Hands... for Seven Pirates! We join our hero Tok-Tok as he ponders how to help the city with its pirate problem. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Sea We Go!" Arnie takes over narration while the gang mounts the three costume-ships worn by "Winchton", "Peach", and Crazy Larry. Krenko belts out a screechy rendition of this Act's song as the far gate opens - a lumbering creature emerging from the shadows. Somehow Fronk managed to get a large wood and canvas costume resembling a dragon turtle over a zombie allosaurus.

​

Act 1: Fight! Can our hero Krenko and his friends defeat the mighty Aremag, Beast of the Bay?

​

The dino-turtle barrels forward as Bone Lord pulls a lever to activate wave-like scenery around the arena's edge. Winchton's ship swoops by the beast, Krenko slashing while Arnie cleverly uses thaumaturgy to boom out a line as if spoken by Aremag. Peach pilots Col in close, the druid's jaw growing fangs and sinking deep into the decaying flesh. The monster screeches, gnashing in return and also catching Arnie with a mighty tail swipe as his ship turns away. Bertram commands Crazy Larry to stay afar as he pummels with eldritch blast. 

​

Winchton circles around, Krenko unleashing two crossbow bolts that catch Aremag in the throat. The beast is injured! Col dodges as the zombie dino futilely chomps again, but Bertram is unprepared when its tail slams down on top of him, ripping the cardboard tiger in two. No! Not fake-Samryn! His whip cracks out in revenge, two mighty lashes ripping apart the sides of the beast to collapse it under a pile of wood and canvas.

​

Aremag is vanquished! A sprinting bugbear dives under the corpse, Bone Lord spraying up gold confetti as the dragon turtle's "treasure stash" explodes. The crowd roars, stage hands aid in clearing the mess of costume and dinosaur, and the Handy Hands disembark their ship costumes.

​

"Our hero and his companions proved themselves...", continued the announcer. "But they were not yet ready to take on the dreaded pirates! They needed training! Luckily one of their own was one such trainer. Enter... The Guy With the Tiger!"

​

Drums and choir kick in as Bertram holds up the two halves of his cardboard tiger, the Handy Hands getting ready as the warlock historian starts to sing his theme song. It's... really not so bad! It's a bit awkward with Bertram's accent, but the crowd loves the musical break as he leads the rest of the crew through a training montage. Jogging around, running up and down stairs, choreographed fight maneuvers.

 

On cue, gates creak open and two masses of figures appear. It's a ridiculous scene as two hordes of zombies and skeletons lurch forward, each one with a shoddy pirate hat nailed on to their head. Fronk and the tailors delivered! 

​

"The pirates had caught wind of our heroes and crash their training regimen! Using their new skills, can they defeat this surprise attack by that most notorious first mate, Apollo Creep?!"

​

"Col!", shouts Arnie. "This is your cue! Start singing!"

​

Col turns into a snake and slithers away.

​

Act 2: Fight! It's a blast of spells from Bertram and Arnie as the pirates chaotically pour out and Krenko charges in, "Peach" and "Winchton" helping but staying out of the spotlight. A pit opens and two spiked pylons rise from the dirt as Bone Lord furiously works stagehand magic. A few rotted zombies drop, but the ghoul dubbed Apollo Creep charges ahead... right into the awaiting coils of snake-Col. An unsure Arnie looks at the writing on his hand, then points a sparking finger at a swarm of undead.

 

"Burn in the Fires of Hell!"

​

The fireball detonates, blasting apart nearly a third of the invaders as the crowd roars at the cheesy one-liner. Krenko leaps over to grapple Apollo Creep's legs just in time for snake-Col to rip the ghoul's head off its neck. Undeterred by losing out on the killing blow, the goblin rips off the ghouls legs... and starts swinging! Another searing fireball from Arnie takes out most of the remaining undead, and it's a blur of Bertram's whip and Krenko's improvised leg-maces as the survivors are quickly taken out one by one.

 

By the Guy With the Tiger's decree: Training is complete! In guarding Port Nyanzaru from pirates they are now dubbed... 'The Excellent Seven'? Or are they? The announcer calls down to Arnie, confused by his mess of a script. Is it Seven Hands, Seven Fingers, Seven Excellences, Excellent Handy Fingers...? He shrugs. No matter. On to the finale!

 

"A honed fighting force, our heroes head out to confront the leader of the pirates himself - Captain Ghaston, and his loyal mate Mr. Smeet! Who will come out on top? Find out in Act 3: Poor Unfortunate Shores!"

​

Back in their three vessels, fog activated by Bone Lord pours out as Krenko sings a menacing rendition of "Poor Unfortunate Shores". The far gate rumbles open and with thundering footsteps the "pirate ship" emerges. A huge zombie triceratops with a ship's deck mounted on its back, loaded with a huge mass of undead... a mobile battle platform! There's no time to regret the decision to fight this much enemies in this Act as Krenko and snake-Col launch into action, sinking their scimitars and fangs into the nearest zombies.

 

With a choking roar the triceratops/ship charges forward. Bring it down! The beast turns to Bertram as two of his purplish-black blasts of force slam into it. Good... distracted. And angled just right for the handyman's ember of flame.

​

Arnie's hand goes up as he reads his palm once again. "Go back to the depths from whence you came!"

​

The ember flashes forward and a truly epic fireball detonates the deck of Ghaston's ship, utterly obliterating Mr. Smeet and the entirety of the zombie/skeleton crewmates, severely wounding the triceratops, and leaving a scorched Ghaston standing alone on the teetering platform. Fog intensifies, the spiked pylons begin spinning, and the Excellent Seven hold the rest at bay as our goblin hero uses his vest to levitate over to the ship's deck with showman's flair. It's time for the climactic end!

​

With a mighty slash of his blade and and even mightier flash of his grin to the audience, Krenko cleaves Captain Ghaston in twain. The crowd goes wild! A final flurry of blasts from Bertram bring down the triceratops, Krenko artfully somersaulting off into a heroic pose at it collapses, and the crowd reaches peak frenzy. "Tok-Tok! Tok-Tok! Tok-Tok!"

​

The Handy Hands and their gladiator companions take a bow, but things are quickly getting obscured as the fog continues to intensify. Soon the audience fades from sight and their cheers are strangely muted. Is the show not over?

​

"Oh my my! It appears a surprise fourth Act is upon us! What encore will our heroes grace upon us?"

​

"What? No. There's no Act 4. Stop the fog! There's no Act 4!", shouts Arnie up to the announcer.

 

The announcer shrugs. Wasn't it Arnie's idea? Fronk directs Bone Lord to investigate the malfunctioning smoke devices as Bertram hears his name being called from the front row. He can barely make her out - it's Zaidi, the curator.

​

"Bertram Frode! I needed to find you.", she gasps, out of breath. "There was a break-in at the museum. The Eshowe king's relics have been stolen and... and... I saw it. The ghostly axe!"

​

A bugbear's scream is heard moments before a *woosh* as something heavy flies out of the fog, hitting with a wet thump. "Peach" looks down. A large axe is embedded in her chest. And an inexplicable shadow of a severed arm hangs below.

​

"Krenko...?", Timmirith says weakly, collapsing in the dirt. A hollow laugh reverberates from somewhere in the mist, the axe supernaturally pulling from the elf's chest and whirring out of sight. A quick wind wall from Col parts the fog just enough to see the mangled body of Bone Lord, and above it a muscular grey figure with a flying axe returning to hand. Crown. Mask. Burial wraps drifting in the breeze.

​

"THIEVES.", it roars in Old Chultan.

​

King Toloki. The malevolent being that they had awoken in the ruins of Eshowe... has found them.

​

With the Yelf critics on their way out the door Krenko rushes ahead to stop the guest reviewer, Fronk the gladiator manager. There's business to discuss! After introductions and an explanation of the promotional Coliseum event to net the crew more interest in their "mercenary cruise" venture, the Handy Hands being their true planning.

​

There's various undead humanoids and dinosaurs on hold for arena usage, but what to do? At Fronk's suggestion of a multi-part event, Arnie gets excited. That's it! A three act "combat musical"! The ideas fly quickly and furiously (Krenko vs. Darth Hater! The Dread Pirate Robbie!), but ultimately it is decided: This should be Hero's Journey arc. Krenko is of course the lead, stresses Arnie. How does the hero get his friends involved in fighting pirates?

​

A classic start is needed. Start familiar. Why not with that notorious monster of the bay, Aremag? The half-ogre believes his Coliseum crew could whip up a large dragon turtle costume and throw it over an undead dinosaur. Krenko then brings his friends to fight. Simple. Easy. Done! Act 1: "Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Off To Sea We Go" is set!

​

But there's a pirate threat, right? It's too much for the heroes. They need training! Enter Act 2: "Guy With The Tiger"! Expert trainer Bertram and his tiger companion Samryn (represented by a cardboard cutout) whip the crew into shape in an uplifting montage. You know. Punching bags. Running up stairs. Track suits maybe. The usual. The pirates find out part-way through and First Mate 'Apollo Creep' raids the town. The heroes protect it to become "The Excellent Seven". Act 2 is set!

​

Act 3 is the climax! In "Poor Unfortunate Shores" they take the fight to the pirates, climactically taking on 'Captain Ghaston' in an epic battle as a huge swarm of zombies and skeletons sail in on their "ship" (another undead dino, with a husk of a ship's deck mounted on it). Bertram, Krenko, Arnie, and even Col admit - this is shaping up excellently. Imagine how many interested future customers they will have once they see this! Fronk is given the go-ahead to make costumes, get creative with arena traps and obstacles, and he takes off for now. It's three days until the big event. No time to waste!

​

The Handy Hands immediately set about town shopping for their needs, bantering about scripted lines and song lyrics as they go. The first step is costumes. Krenko is prepared to spare no expense and looks for the most upscale tailor that he can. The head tailor is a bit off-put by adventurers barging into his classy establishment, but he can't argue with money.

​

"Splatter-resistant, sir?", he asks.

​

Indeed! Nothing less for mighty Tok-Tok, Pirate Hunter. The goblin is sized up for a custom privateer's outfit, complete with a mighty fine tricorner hat to be ready in two days' time.

​

"...And a feather.", states Arnie. "The biggest feather you have!"

​

The tailor nods. Arnie fingers his sweaty old earflap fur hat and considers a change himself but he just can't bring himself to do it. Perhaps a different pirate status symbol? When Arnie finally rips off a patch from his Labcoat of Useful Things that results in a bag of jewels worth 1,000 gold, it is sealed. To the pet store!

​

The primates at the Grand Souk beast merchant's booth are all extremely tempting. A little capuchin, a wily spider monkey, a big gibbon, a trained flying monkey... so many choices! Ultimately after considering the cost of ship renovation Arnie waits for now (DM: though he does come back later for a little flying monkey of his own!), and the merchant turns to Col to smile widely. The desert druid's custom-ordered flying snake is in! The slender banded black-and-white snake is quite the beauty, two graceful leathery wings folded across its back. Col is more than pleased to find out that the serpent has already been trained as a messenger animal - all it needs is destinations set to mind. 

​

It's been a long day. A dog funeral, shopping, all sorts of personal business around town, a review critic cook-off, planning a musical, more shopping... the gang is ready to relax. But a 9pm secret meeting awaits.

​

*         *         *

​

Two cloaked figures round a dark corner to a recessed alleyway entrance. The Handy Hands follow.

​

They're invited but the details were lacking. Bertram notes a certain door knock and hand sign of three raised fingers gains entry, but the doorman is a bit too astute. A few moments later they're let in. An old wine cellar, torchlit, with numerous cloaked figures meeting in the distance. One with a familiar gold half-dragon's snoot walks over to greet the crew.

​

"Ah, I am glad you have come. This...", says Zindar as he gestures to those behind him, "...is the Ytepka Society." 

 

Bertram is not amused. Why is power secret and not in the hands of the people? The historian wastes no time going into a tirade. Who are they to be in charge?! Why does money always run everything?! Krenko feeds off of Bertram's indignance and it's quickly a tornado of aggression.

​

Zindar blinks.

​

It takes some patient explanation as the Harbormaster explains the basics. There's nuances, but essentially this organization watches out for the best interests of Port Nyanzaru. The Ytepka Society is a mix of city citizens, not just the rich. After freeing Port Nyanzaru from the colonial rule of Amn ten years ago they had a role in establishing the Merchant Princes, but since then have largely existed to deal with problems that fall outside of the city's usual politics. Zindar politely requests the Handy Hands remain quiet until introduced and leads them around the wine barrels to the gathered cabal.

​

Familiar faces. There's the Grand Souk's meat vendor. That's Pock-Marked Po over there! That stately older woman, that's the Merchant Prince Zhanthi.

 

The circle of robed figures discuss a series of topics. Undead incursions are increasingly commonplace, to no surprise. The city guard has been bolstered with Zhentarim mercenaries, divisively so. The sewer-dwelling kobolds have been cautiously accepted into society and work as engineers. The Flaming Fist are up to uncomfortably colonial things. And, most notably, pirate activity has been severely impacting this mercantile port city as of late. Murmurs turn into a rabble of debate until the one robed figure who was entirely silent until now raises her hand.

​

"We are actively working on a solution.", says the slender Chultan woman wrapped entirely in black. Jessamine. At last, the final Merchant Prince of Port Nyanzaru is known to the Handy Hands. There's a strange air about her. Quiet, but with an icy intelligence. "Zindar...", she continues. "Would you please introduce us to the visitors you have brought?"

​

And so the Harbormaster does... but, oh. First impressions. Rarely the Handy Hands' strong suit. The rabble triggers Bertram to go off on another anti-oligarchy tirade as Krenko rages, screaming at random cloaked individuals who wonder if they're about to be victims of assault. Arnie loudly shouts his cruise sales pitch over the chaos at the worst possible time. Meanwhile, like a teenager trying to escape a family reunion debate on politics, Col does his absolute best to melt into the furniture while his colleagues make utter fools of themselves.

​

Zhanthi is not impressed. Po tries to explain a bit more. It is only after Jessamine explains herself as an adjudicator of not only assassination but of justice that the Handy Hands finally calm down. The Ytepka Society occasionally brings in outsiders to aid in problems outside their judicial reach. Would they like to hear of the pirate problem?

​

Heads nod. Col extracts himself from the furniture. Let's talk anti-piracy.

​

There's always been pirates, but lately they're emboldened. They've created a confederacy and for one reason or another things have gotten worse. Much more so to the west, hardly a problem to the east. There must be a base somewhere. Captain bounties have tripled, ship bounties are considerable, and dealing with the base is quite the payout. The initial ship investment is on the Handy Hands, but Zhanthi offers monetary aid in free upgrades.

​

What say you, Handy Hands? Interested in being legitimate pirate hunters?

 

There's no hesitation. Arnie slaps down his bag of gems. Krenko supplies the rest. LET'S GET A SHIP!

​

As details are given on the wanted pirate captains, Zindar gets out a notebook and polls the gang about their ship's desires. Zhanthi's commitment will upgrade the small ship to be fast and durable. Armaments will be added. Small... but tough. Figurehead? By request, a mer-dog. When Zindar inquires why, Arnie states the obvious. This ship is no longer The Larva.

​

"It's Arnie's Little Helper III!"

​

There's some requests regarding a "green room", "front row splash zone seating", and an "immersion cage" that mostly confuse the Harbormaster, but at least it seems in the end that a room will be painted green.

 

The Ytepka Society meeting wraps up and the streets are quiet on the way back to The Thundering Lizard. Crumbeard is looking pretty cat-scratched up and Goldie the tabaxi cook has a big black eye, but besides that it seems par for the course. A three star Yelf review? What's that even mean? At last, after a few nightcaps, the long day comes to an end.

​

Arnie rubs his hands together in excitement. Building a new business in the tourism entertainment industry? What's more Handy Hands than that?! With a basic model in mind, it's time to gather survey data and work on the sales pitch.

​

"Col! Grab some paper and take notes! Let's go find us some clients..."

​

The duo heads to outside the Grand Souk where a well-dressed merchant is setting up for the day. Commence the sales pitch! The fellow is impressed at the delivery and scope: "Pirate Dinner Theater with real pirates! Witness actual battles at sea while enjoying a 5-course meal!". Sounds great... but did he say 'real pirates'? The merchant picks up on Arnie's buried lede and starts to question the validity of the venture. Wouldn't the customers be put at undue risk? Col does what he can to interject and make things sound more sane, the pair riffing off each other to improve their pitch.  

 

The importance of release forms and getting enemy pirates to sign waivers is stressed, but the merchant opts out after some friendly constructive criticism. Local children listening in have been sold, but they're not exactly the desired clientele. That elderly couple though. They seem convinced. It's debatable how useful they'll be at sea, but Ester and Renaer from Waterdeep are intrigued at the notion of reliving the adrenaline of their youth. Col marks down one interested party - now time to try inside the Grand Souk itself.

​

At the wide intersection inside the bazaar Arnie announces from atop a crate. Adventure! Excitement! A unique experience with only the minor threat of death! A crowd gathers and questions are answered, though sadly many disperse after realizing just what the "cruise" entails. Some linger, however. As the desert druid takes down contact information for a few aging swingers, one young man, and a middle-aged married couple, Arnie feels hot breath on his neck and turns around to be greeted by the bushy grey eyebrows of the bazaar's old orcish blacksmith.

​

"To feel rivulets of my enemy's blood wash over my face once more... the glory of battle... SIGN ME UP!", Gorjok the orc shouts over-enthusiastically. "FRONT ROW SEATS!", he adds, before turning back to his blacksmith stall.

​

Well then! That's at least one gung-ho customer! Not off to a bad start. The duo can't help their roster is a bit, well, geriatric... but who are they to age shame wannabe pirate-killing enthusiasts?

​

Meanwhile, a certain historian walks up to the Museum of Chultan History. It's been a while since Bertram was last here, and since then the place has been nicely restored and fleshed out with exhibits. He checks out Port Nyanzaru's colonial history before the curator Zaidi happens by and welcomes her fellow archaeological enthusiast back. They catch up and eventually head over to see the new special exhibit the curator is raving about, Bertram cringing a bit when he sees the banner:

​

"ESHOWE: THE FORGOTTEN CITY"

​

'Great', Bertram thinks. 'SHE was here.' And sure enough, she was. Almost every artifact, old jewelry, and ancient coin that had been stolen from him by Miryem Jünd was here on display. That the fruits of his hard work were here didn't bother him - that was his very intention. It was the small plaques on each display: "Generously Donated by Miryem Jünd, Archaeologist".

​

'That duplicitous... dirty... thieving...' Bertram pulls himself out of it when he recalls what Krenko had given him earlier. King Toloki's burial mask. A fine donation, to be sure. He smiles as he asks Zaidi to display it as "Generously Donated by Krenko 'Tok-Tok', Adventurer", knowing that his wild friend's name will be right there next to his rival's. He inspects the mannequin containing King Toloki's opal and jade diadem and is just about to leave when he notices a reflection in the glass.

​

An axe. With a severed arm as a shadow.

​

He quickly turns to the wall behind him. No axe there. He looks back at the glass. Indeed it's King Toloki's axe, last seen in his hidden tomb. Disconcerting, especially when detect magic turns up nothing and Zaidi cannot see the illusion. Leaving it behind for now, it's off to the Lost City-States and Trickster Gods exhibits to study up before returning to his friends.

​

With a wet *plop* Krenko is deposited by the transit water tube into the Grand Coliseum's plaza. A morning match just concluded, and it doesn't take long before the goblin gets noticed by passers-by. "Tok-Tok?", says a young street urchin, looking over from where a group of kids are playing kickball. "TOK-TOK! Where have you been?!" It's the Tok-Tok Brigade, the very group of kids who led the crowd in rooting for Krenko during the Siya Kikombe event!

​

The local celebrity wastes no time launching into a half-hour long story about his journey into the wilds, enamoring street kids and passing enthusiasts alike. The fans are slightly disappointed when he admits that his taste for gladiator combat has been replaced by a taste for adventure, but rest assured, asserts Krenko - he'll always return to tell his fans new stories.

​

The locker room below the arena smells of stale sweat as always, and it's a boisterous exchange of greetings as Andermon the goliath and Timmirith the elf re-connect with their old coworker. Old habits die hard and it isn't long before the hulking Andermon is on a philosophical tangent and the gangly 'Timmy' is talking up a storm. With Arnie's Pirate Dinner Theater concept on the mind Krenko interrupts with a sudden idea. 

 

"Hey! Know how the arena can be flooded for water combat shows? What if we did another?", says the goblin.

​

Brows furrow. It's an annual event, and one that takes weeks of preparation. Sealing off the lower arena, disassembling and reassembling ships inside the coliseum... hard stuff to pull off on short notice.

​

"What if... I was a boat?", says Andermon.

​

Krenko's eyes go wide. Yes! That's it! He runs into the office of Fronk, the half-ogre gladiator event manager, and pitches the concept: Gladiators in boat costumes, with his friends The Handy Hands riding them around fighting pirates. A promo show for Arnie's business idea! There's just one problem - with gladiators as boats, who will be pirates? Fronk brainstorms.

​

"So Krenko, you know how undead wander into town now and then? The city guards corral many of them.", Fronk pauses a moment. "What if we strap little pirate hats to their heads? Your friends versus Zombie Pirates?"

​

Amazing! What a way to promote! An event date is scheduled three days out before Krenko happily skips his way back to the Thundering Lizard to day drink. Meanwhile and elsewhere, a tiki mug with tiny arms and legs frantically runs through the Merchants' Ward until it finds Col, Arnie, and a reconvening Bertram. 

​

"Hey. My bro seems to trust you all. We got something of an emergency here. Come back ASAP. - Rubrik Kegbelly"

​

*         *         *

​

They're hardly outside the Thundering Lizard for a second when a blur of tabaxi and dwarf tumbles out of the kitchen window, Crumbeard furiously wrestling Golden Morning to the ground. The distraction of Arnie asking what is going on is all that the cumin-happy cook needs to dash away hissing and spitting into the side alley, the tavern's proprietor jumping to his feet to run after. Rubrik emerges in the doorway and does his best to explain.

​

"So uh. You guys heard of Yelf reviews?", asks Crumbeard's brother. The Handy Hands shake their heads. "Right. Well. Long story short, their reviewers rate stuff, businesses depend on good ratings, and Crummy didn't get the memo that reviewers were arriving TODAY. While he keeps that damned cat away from the cumin... Hey. You guys know how to cook?"

​

They can't be worse than Goldie, right? They can do this! Inside the Thundering Lizard the animated tiki mug and Terry the pit fiend clean and set tables as the Handy Hands are led to the kitchen. Minus the giant barrel of cumin, this is workable.

 

There's hardly time to situate before there's a knock on the door and Rubrik answers. A dark-haired elf walks in officiously, followed by a somewhat clueless looking young and muscular human man. Flynn the Elf and Berk the Barovian, they introduce themselves as, and they're more than ready to downvote this dirty dive bar!

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(DM: Flynn and Berk are two player characters from our previous campaign. Cameo callbacks!)

​

The elf pops the cork off of an elaborate-looking bottle, and in a swirl of red smoke coalesces a fire genie with platinum spiked hair and a silly goatee - it's Guy Firey! The genie is in the middle of exclaiming how "Gangsta" and "Money" the dive bar is when in walks the 4th guest reviewer: Fronk the half-ogre from the Grand Coliseum. 

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Four cooks. Four judges. Perhaps they can play to desires? Bertram picks Flynn, discovering spicy and complex is the way to this reviewer's cold heart. Col can't help but choose Guy, learning that the genie surprisingly prefers delicate flavor balance. Arnie approaches the big man and finds Berk to be truly out of his element, hoping for something plain after all the exotic places Flynn has brought him. And Krenko chooses Fronk who- nope! Krenko doesn't care! Fronk gets meat! Only meat!

​

Welcome... to Mithril Chef! Today's theme ingredient is Kir Sabal Corkscrew Peppers! Who's cuisine shall reign supreme?

​

First, the pantry selections. Crocodile thighs, monkey brains, pickled passion fruit, Batiri-made marinade, cubed gelatinous cube... there's some good stuff here. The crew divvies up the ingredients per their plans and get to work. (DM: This is a game based off of one Ryan Hartman made for Acquisitions Incorporated: The C-Team. All credit to him!)

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Meats, meats, and more meats! One after another Krenko prepares his ingredients and skewers them on to his own knives to present as kabobs. He nearly overcooks a couple, but last minute assistance from Col saves his dish. Col, meanwhile, cautiously prepares his well-rounded set of ingredients to make the most complex and nuanced meal of the group.

​

There's less luck on the other side of the kitchen. Arnie manages to burn many of his very basic ingredients. Next to him Bertram calmly makes a spicy plate for Flynn... until he destroy his main ingredient. The historian throws up his hands in frustration and sighs. Looks like it's 'condiment soup' for the main judge.

​

It's time to dine! Flynn raises his nose at Bertram's unceremonious bowl of broth, but the Yelf reviewer can't help himself. Sip by sip the elf becomes a fan, finding himself unable to stop from drinking the full bowl. Flynn is in! One star earned!

​

Col presents an artfully arranged array on a huge piece of kelp to Guy Firey and soon the genie is "riding the cart to Flavor Village". Guy is impressed. A second review star is earned! Arnie presents his mush to Berk, who eyes the dish suspiciously.

​

"I tried to add 'really boring beans' but I burnt them...", laments the handyman.

​

As basic as it is, the tropical ingredients are still too exotic and the Barovian turns his nose up the offering. No star there, but one only needs to witness how fast Fronk is devouring Krenko's kabobs to guess his likely vote. A third star is earned!

 

Could it be? Did a dirty old tavern in a working class district of Port Nyanzaru just earn a Three Star Yelf Review? What does that mean? As the reviewers prepare to leave, the Handy Hands and the brothers Kegbelly can only wonder. The very fate of The Thundering Lizard is looking good... and not a dash of cumin was used.

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"Where to, sir?"

​

"Uh. The Thundering Lizard?"

​

With a surge of water Krenko rockets down the chute towards his destination. Up! Over! Bank the corner! After spying the new oversized water tubes around town that people are using as a public transportation network, the Handy Hands just had to try. One by one they launch themselves into the damp - though very speedy - roller coaster experience. All except Col. His legs work fine, thank you very much. It's a series of wet plops as they are spewed out near their destination and see their old haunt, ogre bouncer giving a nod of familiarity. Kickin' music. The smell of ale and piss. The Thundering Lizard.

​

Same dingy interior, familiar patrons, weird band on stage... a massive pit fiend playing cards in the back that everyone is strangely nonchalant about... That last one's new, but otherwise it almost feels like a return home after a long time away.

​

"Dudes!", the dwarf bartender shouts. "YOU'RE BACK!"

 

It's jovial greetings all around as Crumbeard welcomes back his old pals the Handy Hands, a cheer going out across the tavern when Krenko tosses a bag of gold to buy a few rounds for the house. Ale for Bertram and Col, a tiki cocktail for Arnie, the hard stuff for Krenko. They tell of their journey, the zombie siege, the temple, the construct Vorn and more. But what about here? What's new, bartender?

​

Well, let's see. There's the water tubes, those are cool. City's been relatively peaceful though city guards have been busy with undead wandering near. Raiders at sea have been making travel routes tricky. Same old cumin-heavy food from the bar's cook (which the crew promptly orders plates of). New bands all the time - the tortles on stage are islanders from the south. Potsie the tabaxi flamenco guitarist has been "no call no show" for a few days. Same old same old otherwise!

​

Old acquaintances Ortimay the gnome smuggler and Flask of Wine the tabaxi guide are nodded to, friendly conversation is enjoyed. It certainly grabs Arnie's attention when he idly reaches for his tiki mug and it moves away. He reaches again. It moves further. The tiki mug sprouts little clockwork arms and legs and starts running for the end of the bar.

​

"Come back with my drink, mug!"

​

The handyman's mobile beverage jumps - no, floats - off the the bar and right into the outstretched hand of a middle-aged dwarf playing cards with the huge devil. He takes a sip before spitting out the fruity mixture, mug floating back towards the bar with spindly legs kicking as Arnie watches confused.

​

"Guys, let me introduce Rubrik Kegbelly. My brother!", says Crumbeard.

​

The salt-and-pepper bearded dwarf walks over to simultaneously greet the crew, apologize to Arnie, and attempt to steal his fanny pack before apologizing again. Strange fellow. Crumbeard wards his brother off of making his friends easy marks, but the Handy Hands collectively agree: best keep our eyes on that one.

 

Playing games of chance with a devil though... Krenko just can't resist! The night eventually finds the goblin seated with Rubrik and the hulking devil (whose name is Terry, apparently?) at the gambling table, propositioning a bet of weapons. Between Krenko's magical loaded die and Rubrik's sleight of hand it's quite the trickster's competition. Though eventually losing to the Rubrik's deceptions, he's a good sport and gives Krenko both his gambled knives back as well as Terry's massive elemental-forged scimitar before they continue to drink into the night. 

​

As for the rest, it's sweet slumber time. In actual beds! Heads hardly hit the pillows before sleep comes.

​

*         *         *

​

The morning funeral procession turns heads as it winds through town. It's not every day you see two halves of a dog strapped to an anklyosaurus and given a somber parade. Arnie had chatted with Crumbeard about pretty places nearby and the destination does not disappoint. A scenic hilltop above overlooking the city... this'll do just fine. The eulogies come one by one, each friend helping Arnie get beyond grief but unable to help themselves from pointing out that this dog was literally birthed from a magical labcoat. Ashes to ashes. Patch to patch. It's a handful of dirt from each before Col plows over the grave with mold earth, closure hopefully finally reached after weeks of carrying around a preserved dog corpse.

​

"How long does mourning last before considering a new pet?", asks Arnie.

​

"Until noon.", says Krenko. No issue is taken with the homonym mix up.

​

Now what to do with the day? Debating breakfast, the crew spots what looks like three little lizard people wearing turtle shells for construction helmets working on building an extension for the new water tube transit system. The sewer kobolds! They're part of society now! Sure enough, in conversation its learned that the clan has unionized with the help of the Handy Hands' ally Pock-Marked Po and now bring their ability to Port Nyanzaru as municipal experts, combining sewer knowledge and engineering know-how to create the tube network. The oddly flowing and apparently talkative water vexes Bertram, something magical about it for sure, but he'll look into it later. After Krenko hands over his hand-drawn hot air balloon designs to the kobold foreman to give to their leader Sneep, it's finally time for some food and morning shopping.

​

'Victorious Secret'. The book and scroll shop cranky owner is much less friendly than former employee Ogre Jeff, but at least he knows his wares. It's "Life & Death Magic for Dummies" for Arnie to sate his growing interest, as well as a nice bartender's guide to tropical cocktails. There's nothing on the Old Chultan language that Bertram has been finding in ruins, but “The Desolate Planet Easy Chultan Phrasebook” is at least a useful tool for getting around town. Magical scrolls are debated but there's another cost to consider first. There's an ex-pirate ship awaiting repairs.

 

To the Docks Ward!

​

Zindar the half-dragon Harbormaster directs a ship into the tightly packed harbor before recognizing the crew. Sure enough, he informs, there's more than a dragon turtle out there that's hindering the shipping lanes. Pirates. They've been quite bold as of late, causing a lot of problems for ships going in and out of the city. But enough of that for now. What of 'The Larva', the damaged ship that Zindar drydocked for the Handy Hands?

​

With broken and burnt wood removed the ship looks somewhat skeletal in its warehouse scaffolding, but no worries, assures the Harbormaster. The frame and guts are good, it just needs some solid repair work. The cost though... 2,000 gold! It's far less than the 5,000 it'd take for a new ship, but it's a hefty price and the Handy Hands balk.

​

"What if I help fix it up?", asks Arnie.

​

Zindar sizes up the handyman. Sure, a discount could be considered in that case. Even then though, the cost is formidable. It's affordable, but do the Handy Hands even need a ship? Col and Krenko raise concerns. What would they even do with it? What's next for the Handy Hands? Maybe they should figure that out before committing a heap of gold? 

 

The Harbormaster assesses the ship as the crew debates, ears eventually taking note when they hear Zindar muttering something about weaponry and reinforcement. The half-dragon turns around. "How do you feel about hunting pirates?"

​

Krenko's eyes go wide. Bertram and Col are dubious but interest is piqued. Sea-based bounty hunting isn't exactly Arnie's preferred method of helping, but he could get into it. Zindar flips an iron coin to Bertram. The same triceratops symbol from the coin that Jobal gave them to plant in Wakanga's home long ago. The Ytepka Society.

​

"Tonight. Nine o'clock. Basement stairs behind Kaya's House of Repose. Come discreetly. See you there.", says the Harbormaster before walking off to attend other matters.

​

A secret meeting! Lucrative bounty offers! It's too intriguing... they'll be there.

​

After chatting up a couple of talkative dockworkers to learn about the Larva's repair needs, capabilities, and eventual crew considerations, talk turns to the rest of the day. It's still morning, and the weather is great! What to do? Bertram is nearly jumping out of his trousers in anticipation of revisiting the Chultan Museum of Natural History. Krenko would love to reconnect with his Coliseum gladiator buddies and see what work is available.

 

And Arnie? The handyman can't help but wonder: why not use this ship for both pirate hunting AND giving Chultan cruises, at the same time? Surely there's a market for "Danger Tourism", right? He can't wait to start advertising! With Col thinking it wise to tag along as Arnie's handler, the gang splits for now. Time to get things done around town.

​

The hot air balloon spectacle is a morning spectacle as villagers emerge, knife juggling and spell effects marking the fanfare. Local kids swarm Vorn. Big robot, big hit.

​

In the jovial fanfare no one notices the bearded historian quietly pack his things and leave. Bertram isn't quite sure why he's here or who those people in the balloon are, but he does know he should move on. Delicious sweetbread... thank you old man... but where's a boat out of here? Does no one speak Common? Eventually he sits on the docks and awaits the morning ferry, but back at his forgotten friends, things are rapidly going south. The juggling gets more and more manic until the crowd pulls back from Krenko wildly slicing at the air. Col side-eyes the tabaxi merchant Shorty as she starts softly rubbing his face. It takes Eku and Col a few moments for it to dawn on them: the crash into the Mad Monkey Mist! Ho boy.

 

After some convincing and a greater restoration-powered handshake from Eku, Bertram's amnesia rapidly clears. Ah, yes, the mist! The yahcha beetle in his pack is an edible cure, but who to give it to? The touchy-feely tabaxi or the stabby goblin? Well, yes, perhaps the second is priority. Sympathies to Col's face, but Shorty can wait.

​

The goblin refuses the beetle. Hmm. Okay. Plan B. Arnie? GET HIM! Vorn's instructed pin maneuver only succeeds in causing Krenko to fly into a blind rage, hacking chunks out of the construct's head while bystanders are awkwardly warded away from the scene. Col briefly escapes his tabaxi admirer by shifting into a monkey but promptly gets stabbed just seconds later. Finally Vorn snatches up Krenko, Bertram force-feeds the beetle down his throat, and the madness clears.

 

Seeing the damage done and his own knife sticking out of Col's shoulder, Krenko goes quiet in shame before walking away to fish, Bertram later joining. No conversation. Nothing needs to be said. Friends know each other this way. With trades complete and Port Nyanzaru reachable by before sunset, the crew is only all too eager to load back up for the final stretch.

​

*         *         *

​

It's a gusty but relaxing flight over the Bay of Chult with surprisingly few ships below. Smoke to the north. The balloon veers closer... a pirate raid on some unfortunate merchant vessel. Not much can be done, but it's interesting that pirates are this close in. The glint of distant Port Nyanzaru grows. Erratic winds pick up. A sudden gust rocks the gondola and the planned dockside lander goes haywire! The balloon's ropes clip a domed temple's spire and unceremoniously spill Col, Bertram, and Krenko overboard to the causeway below, the craft and the rest of its occupants careening somewhere across the city before deflating in a heap.

​

A swarm of strangely sexy and oiled-down Chultans pour out of the temple... and start assessing their attractiveness? Col is fine, Bertram is grateful to a large muscular man, but oh, Krenko! The goblin hams up his misery as fawning priests take pity on the dirty crash victim. As he's hauled inside Bertram notes the temple's iconography - ahh, Sune, a goddess of beauty! Intriguing. What was mere moments before an embarrassing return to was about to become a glorious makeover session.

​

The beautician-priests waste no time. Washed, oiled, hair pleated and braided, Bertram looks on as Krenko receives nothing but the finest of spa treatments. A rotund man applies intricate eyeliner to the goblin as another approaches Bertram and measures his neckline, giving reprieve from the large muscular fellow rambling about his body oil collection. A polished box, a golden ascot within similar to what Winchton used to wear but matching his own eyes. It's a good look, he must admit! 

​

The druid wants none of it. Col patiently waits outside alone until thumping steps across the causeway herald a large lime-green robot, followed by a bright red Eku and a vibrant blue Arnie. Col raises an eyebrow.

​

"Oh. The Dyeworks. Not the worst crash landing...", explains Arnie. Shorty stayed behind with the balloon so at least the face-molesting tabaxi isn't a concern quite yet. That's a relief. Col hangs with Vorn outside while Arnie and Eku head in to clean up best they can, though it seems their clothing has permanently taken on some new shades. Eventually the gang emerges with a particularly glamorous-looking Krenko.

 

They smile, looking out over the city. Rays of sunset over the docks. Evening music starting up. The sounds and smells of commerce. Ahh... civilization! Hello again Port Nyanzaru!

​

"Friends. It was my honor to guide your expedition.", starts Eku. They knew this was coming though it still feels odd. No need for a jungle guide in a bustling city. There's a bit of sadness as each of the Handy Hands take turns saying goodbye to their coatl-in-human-form friend. Her secret is safe with them, and they may always find her again at the orphanage. After a final farewell she departs, and the crew contemplates what to do now that daily survival isn't a dire priority.

 

First thing's first: Time to get this Merchant Prince off our backs.

​

The locals and tourist groups gawk at the giant green construct as it clanks through the richer part of town, the gang playing up the image of successful adventurers as they make their way to Wakanga's residence. The manor's guards are a bit wary of the strange visitors, but a quick note through the Living Pouch by Bertram quickly grants entry. They are expected!

​

The laughing Merchant Prince is duplicitous as ever, his vapid dandy routine pivoting to keen intelligence as soon as the Handy Hands sit among the room's fluffy pillows and the Wakanga's entourage are out of sight. Through silvered plates of appetizers the whole ordeal is relayed to the fascinated Prince: a surreal river journey; beasts and mysteries encountered; the coup of Fort Vengeance; the ruined temple of an evil being; a backstabbing archaeologist; Vorn's worship as a god; Bertram's glorious new beard; and more. Wakanga takes it all in. 

​

It is a sad moment for Arnie in particular, but Vorn is eventually handed over. A deal is a deal. "Contract" fulfilled, reputation upheld. It's a collective sigh of relief as the tone shifts to shared interests rather than a quasi-blackmail relationship. Bertram asks to play around with the Prince's Living Pouch (DM: ...and almost stuck one extra-dimensional space inside of another!) and the gang quizzically regards the unseen servant covered in a bed sheet before they move to relax in the hot tub room. A makeover and a fabulously rich hot tub experience after over a month in the steaming jungle? It's quite the way to return!

​

Wakanga isn't so bad, they think. A clever player who isn't above using his power, sure, but in the end an earnest individual. The Living Pouch? Keep it. A 20% discount at all magic item vendors around town? It's hard to say no! The Merchant Prince even motions to the intricate pattern of circles and runes within his very hot tub... Bertram had guessed right weeks ago: a teleportation circle. Though lacking ability at this time, Wakanga gives them full license to use the circle should they find it possible in the future. A potentially useful boon, indeed! As the crew dries off and dresses, there's no ignoring the masked and robed figure watching them from a shadowed hallway.

​

Syndra Silvane. 'Find S.S. in P.N.'  The Handy Hands hadn't forgotten the cryptic message. Bertram least of all.

​

"So you return alive. Good." The older woman's muffled voice behind the silver mask still creeps Krenko out a bit. "If you are open to it in the near future, there is something I would like to discuss with you."

​

There's something about the enigmatic old Harper. What conspiracy is she involved in? Why does she apparently seek experienced adventurers? The bait is too tempting and the gang is all too quick to agree to a meeting before parting ways. Col and Arnie can't help but notice however - despite the great power that Syndra gives the impression of, the woman feebly falters as she turns to walk away. Indeed there is more to this than there seems.

​

*         *         *

 

The city streets are alive in the cool evening air. Why not partake in long-missed amenities?

​

"ESMERELDA!"

​

They're hardly a few bites into their street food before Krenko shouts and runs off with Arnie to the east. Happy-dancing his way into speak with animals along the way, it is a joyous reunion of old anklyosaurus companion and goblin under the stars as both gently express their companionship to each other. The new stablemaster of 'Children of Ubtao' generously tipped, Krenko and Arnie hop on Esmerelda for a relaxing ride through town.

​

Meanwhile, it's shopping time! All this wealth from the expedition... how to spend it? Trading in his old dented chainmail shirt, Bertram upgrades to some orcish-styled studded leather similar to Col's before perusing for tiger food for Samryn.

 

Col's hardly a materialist but he can't help but admit he's been a bit jealous that every Handy Hands has an animal companion except for him. Horned bunny? Nah. Giant lizard? Nope. Monkey? Eh. The druid goes from pet vendor to pet vendor until he eyes a large wire cage. Flying snakes, many colors, can be trained as messengers. This'll do nicely! A custom order for a black and white one is put in, Krenko and Arnie return, and it's off to do a bit of magical item shopping.

​

Across from the renovated but closed Chultan Museum of History, a warm multicolored glow still shines from the windows of Star Stuff. The shop's githzerai owner is out, but the new assistant is all too familiar. It's Ogre Jeff, here to ogre-sell! Apparently fired from his old job at the book store, the clumsy but enthusiastic ogre gives the Handy Hands a tour of some of his favorite magic items on the shelves.

​

A baby doll that records messages? Nope. Too creepy. A foot-long pole that springs out to 10-feet at the push of a button? Bertram is sold! A six-sided die that can psychically roll to any number its owner? Ooh, the possibilities. Krenko is sold! 

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With most saving their money in contemplation of buying a ship of their own, the Handy Hands step back into the nightlife. It's been a long time since they've slept in actual beds. Perhaps some rooms are available back at their old dive bar haunt?

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Previous entries have been moved to improve load times and your reading experience. Click below to find them!
 

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• Chapter 1: "A Shipwrecked Misadventure." - Entries 1 through 11.
  ​After a disastrous journey at sea, four travelers become necessary allies and eventually friends as they get their bearings in a beautiful but hostile land.​
   

• Chapter 2: "The Shining Jewel of Chult." - Entries 12 through 20.
  Chult’s great city of Port Nyanzaru hosts a wealth of possibilities, where new friends are gained as the fledgling adventuring party establishes themselves.
   

• Chapter 3: "Famous and Infamous." - Entries 21 through 27.
  Local fame leads to larger concerns, and the crew find themselves as notable figures involved in the city’s events and intrigues.
   

• Chapter 4: "The River Expedition." - Entries 28 through 38.
  The Handy Hands bravely set forth into the uncharted jungles of Chult on a mission... and this time, they have experience and planning on their sides.
   

• Chapter 5: "Ruins and Robots." - Entries 39 through 55.
  Rumors of forgotten temple ruins are just too good to pass up, and the goal of retrieving a dead wizard’s construct leads to odd encounters with the locals.

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