WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.

The grung worked as the Handy Hands slept. After a night of pounding and snapping nearly interrupting slumber they awake to find an exhausted Kurururu has built himself a nifty jungle treehouse... and something else.

​

"Hey Kuru Goo Kachoo! Whatcha building there?", asks Arnie.

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"A ritual space. You'll see. Come back later.", Kurururu responds. 

​

It's fine with them! With a bulging sack of gold Col can hardly wait to hit the markets, and the rest follow. Despite other troubles the city's vendors are quite stocked post-piracy. After some pricey yet necessary spell reagent gems are picked up in the Jewel Market, it's off to the magical emporium Star Stuff and its odd githzerai owner Xorn. Time to burn some money!

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An hour later and carrying much less gold, it's quite the haul. For Col: A Wand of Magic Missiles and a nifty Insignia of Claws that strengthens shapeshifted forms. For Bertram: A Chultan-style +1 shield and useful coil of Rope of Mending. For Peach: A shiny new modular geetar upgrade full of wind-based spells.

​

For Arnie... well. The Sentinel Shield is very practical. The creepy talking doll not so much. Xorn presents him with the Wand of Wonder that he'd left there a month earlier for repairs, so there's some terrifying possibilities. When the proprietor shows off a small onyx dog statue and describes it, Arnie's eyes bulge. A real dog on command? It's always loyal? And it can never die?! "TAKE MY MONEY!", he shouts, grabbing the figurine. Oh boy, he just can't wait to call upon his latest Little Helper!

​

While the rest meander towards The Thundering Lizard to grab brunch and catch up on town gossip, Bertram has another plan. As much as he despises Sachiel, his grandfather does serve a god of divination. Perhaps the Temple of Savras has some answers in these trying times? The expected "Junior!" grates at him as Sachiel greets, but the historian remains stoic as he explains his desire to learn more about the Death Curse. The head priest Grandfather Zitembe is quite pleased at Bertram's interest, as he and Sachiel are searching for leads themselves. Would Bertram be willing to bring his friends by later for a ritual?

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It's familiar faces all-around in The Thundering Lizard! Tables full of the crews from the Handy Hands' two ships and another with Talgali, Flask of Wine, River Mist, and Shorty the tabaxis all wave in greeting. The boisterous dwarf Crumbeard greets his pals with a round of free breakfast (sausage... extra cumin!) and tiki drinks (one for the monkey and one for the doll, insists Arnie!). The dwarf shrugs. It's Tipsy Brunch Time as Peach, Col, and Arnie catch up on all the latest news.

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Indeed as seen, things are in decline. Fear of the growing Death Curse has people gathering in temples. Doomsayers speak of End Times on street corners. Weekly events like dinosaur races, coliseum matches, and parades have nearly come to a halt. Business is good as fresh adventurers and goods arrive by ship, but how long until this Death Curse gets dire?

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One Bertram added, more sausages and drinks, and one very drunk flying monkey later, it's up the hill home. Behind the small manor Kurururu's construction is finished. It's a funeral pyre. And Krenko's prepared body is on top.

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"His spirit needs this. YOU need this. Death is part of life, and we must accept it.", says the grung dourly.

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It's a hard moment. The Handy Hands have been avoiding this even though they knew they shouldn't. Closure is needed, and their goblin friend deserves more respect than just being endlessly preserved and laying in a shroud. While Bertram takes a walk with his tiger friend Samryn to clear his head, Kurururu and Peach do their best to bring Arnie out of delusion. Traditional as it is in Chult, the idea of cremation is a hard sell until the eladrin bard gets to thinking it over.

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"Well... Krenko always did like cooked meats...", ponders Peach.

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"Then he goes out like he lived!", declares Arnie. "Tasty and reeking of alcohol!"

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Whiskey and rum bottles are poured over the corpse before a bizarre-but-tender series of moments in which each friend takes turns rubbing down Krenko with spices as they say their last words. Large mugs of tej in one hand and candles in the other, the fierce barbarian is ignited into a glorious blaze. It smells... actually quite nice! Hours later, ashes collected into Krenko's Pan of Perfection along with his scorched prosthetic Grapple Fist, it just feels like one more thing should be done.

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"We should parade!", says Bertram, Alchemy Jug full of tej under arm. "It's what Krenko would do!"

​

And so they go! Down past the Temple of Tymora, picking up the street urchins of the Tok-Tok Brigade, waving to Eku outside the orphanage, up to the Grand Coliseum where a drunken Crazy Larry joins, through the Market Ward, and into The Thundering Lizard and picking up half the bar's patrons, it's a raucous roving street celebration of music and shouts of "Tok Tok! Tok Tok!" as the gang zigzags the parade all over the city. The crowd slowly dwindles, and eventually they find themselves alone at the very message board in the Harbor Ward that they had met Krenko.

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What better way to capstone this celebration than to give a tour worse than the one that Krenko had originally given them? One by one the Handy Hands take their turns, each trying to out-do each other in terribleness. Col shows off piles of dirt, Arnie gets weird with his drunken monkey, but ultimately it's Bertram's nonsensical mumbling ramble that wins the prize.

 

Smiles all round. These will be good memories. But now, it's time to face the present. The Temple of Savras awaits.

​

Sachiel greets Kurururu, though it's hard to tell if he's pleased or disappointed when the grung doesn't try to stab him like the previous shortest member of the team once did. The grung's eyes go wide when he sees the celestial as his true self for a split second - a terrifying whirl of eyes and wings - but he doesn't say a thing. Surety comes; not terror. When new companions have allies such as this, surely the spirits have led him on the right path. Following beyond strange crystal balls swirling with ethereal eyes, Grandfather Zitembe awaits in a ritual sanctum beyond, a ring of pillows in the chamber's center.

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"We will share this vision together. Have your minds prepared a question?", asks the old priest. The group nods. Talking at the tavern earlier they had settled upon 'Where is the cause of the Death Curse?'. They're ready. Sitting in a circle and hands held with the priest and the angel, it's hardly a moment before crystal balls envelop them and the world melts.

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A decaying dwarf looks in a mirror before casting illusory magic and joining his brother. A silver-masked sage lies weakly in bed, her frail hand held by a Merchant Prince. People and faces fade in and out of view, all wasting away or grieving others. The hand-clasped Handy Hands fly upwards above a vibrant and wild land... then rocket forward.

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Throat singing reverberates off of cliff walls, a monastery carved into its sheer rock soaring above the trees below. Wings of aarakocra monks flash by as a stone symbol of Ubtao grows and encompasses all. 

 

A heart beats. The pounding grows. Arteries spread like branches of a tree from a massive heart made of stone, slowly dripping blood as it hovers above a misty swampland. The marshes rapidly grows into dense green spires of canopy.

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Stone statues guard a forgotten garden. Plants fantastical even for Chult grow in a ruined conservatory fit for a royal family yet lost to memory. An eerie croak is heard, a tall bird holding a spear turns as the group is whisked away.

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Vast ruins of a circular city stretch below as if itself a maze, at its central hub a tall and shining white palace. The city spins. Or are they spinning? The spinning syncs, they fall through the ground and out the other side.

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A solitary ziggurat sits peacefully at the base of a mountain range, but its summit is wrong. Sometimes seen, sometimes not, a temple seemingly out of time glitches in and out of view on the ruin's zenith.

 

All fades to grey smoke and once again they find themselves in the sanctum, the communing circle releasing hands. What a trip! But what does it all mean? Is the Death Curse from one of these locations in the vision? All of them? None of them?

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"All you see is true... though maybe interpretive.", says Grandfather Zitembe. And interpretation is much needed. It's reasoned out that what was seen were perhaps ways forward. The circular city is believed to be the ruined holy city of Mezro, known to have such a layout. Zitembe is almost certain the bleeding stone represented the Heart of Ubtao, a sacred site he fondly remembers visiting when he was a much younger priest. The rest? Hmm.

​

It's a lot to take in. Perhaps thinking on it for the night and using their connections in the morning to research the visions' scenes is the way to go. Kurururu gives thanks by placing a mushroom in the temple's donation plate on his way out and Bertram tosses in some coin, his grandfather catching up for a word as he does.

​

"You know, greatness can skip a generation. I'm proud of you, Bertram.", says the angel in disguise. Only once has Sachiel called him by name rather than 'Junior', the first being right before his aasimar heritage manifested. But Bertram isn't having it. Who is this celestial to find pride in a mortal doing what - with all of his radiant power - he could be doing himself and more? The historian turns and leaves. Perhaps the eternal and the temporal may never see eye to eye.

​

The grung shaman walks the city alone and finds rumors and divined portents to be true. A magical sickness lurks here, just as it lurks in the deep woods. As Kurururu returns to his treetop nest and the rest of the Handy Hands settle down in their home, all are eager but pensive with shared thoughts: Where to? And how? ...And then what?

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(Level 9 achieved! The Death Curse magnifies and time is ticking... what will the Handy Hands do about it?)

Deep in the rotting underbelly of a ghost ship and finding a lone spectral woman, a skeletal version of the Handy Hands watch on in horror as a compelled Bertram walks right up the the hovering apparition. It turns. Porcelain skin. A thin smile. Lips part as it goes in for a kiss. When the historian flinches away at the last moment, it shrieks in rage! Hair flies back in nonexistent wind, skin goes sallow, eyes sink to glowing white pinpoints, and mouth and teeth enlarge. Ghost Fight Time!

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It's an initial mighty melee flurry from Bertram, Peach, and Kurururu while Arnie blasts away and flying snake-Col makes a fly-by bite, then the fight quickly gets strange. The phantom's hair whips around taking on a life of its own, attempting to snare any in range and reel them in. Kurururu is thrown across the room while a crate slams into Peach's back. There's something else is here too - something invisible! Amidst the confusion the hair grapples Arnie and reels him in... where a gruesome kiss awaits. Ghostly lips meet boney jaw, and a mind controlled handyman turns on his friends.

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Peach's command is just as useless as Col and Kurururu's poisons and the ghost responds with silence, leaving her only able to mouth an insult as Arnie attempts to inflict wounds on his eladrin friend. Hair and crates fly as Kurururu searches for unseen assailants while the rest of the gang continues the melee, but just as Arnie breaks free of the mental domination both Col and Peach are kissed and compelled! Luckily the mind control only holds for a turn before they can shake it off, the spirit shrieking and flailing in frustration, but after another round of high damage its clear that she stands no chance. The phantom dissipates, two poltergeists are briefly seen by the crates before they too vanish, and the cargo hold goes silent.

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"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, Arnie.", says Peach.

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"You said something? It was totally silent by you!", says Arnie.

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"Oh! Nevermind then."

​

A weight feels to lift from the ship. As the Handy Hands return to the middle deck they see the rotting sailors flesh back out to somewhat transparent versions of who they were in life, and with a "Thank you..." they fade into a realm beyond. Well. Most do. With a *clack clack clack* the skeleton dog runs down to greet them once again, and that violinist Linos is heard up top as well.

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It was some malevolent sea spirit they picked up nearly 70 years ago, the violinist explains. She killed the crew of The Flying Waterdhavian after charming them to submission, and the ghost ship has been floating in these waters ever since. Defeated, the crew can finally rest in peace... but why do Linos and the dog remain?

 

After a quick loot of rotted crates to find magical leather armor and a cloak, they reason it out. Ahh. Unfinished business! The violinist is easy to figure out: the song he was working on when he died was never completed. Luckily Arnie has written a whole musical full of songs and about Krenko. What better way to immortalize their goblin friend than to send this ghost to the afterlife with repurposed lyrics about him? So they do, and Linos fades away with a smile.

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And the dog, "The Admiral" as he's called?  Why is he still around? Why not just ask him? With a cast of tongues on the dog by Bertram, it's only so obvious: Bacon! Two rations of dried meat later and a happy shepherd of a dog leaves, and only a decaying wreck of a ship remains. Shipping manifests collected by Kurururu, the Handy Hands find their own living appearances return and it's finally time to leave an ex-ghost ship behind in sunny waters. The sea will claim it in time. It's a long way back home, and it's time to get sailing.

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*         *         *

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Thankfully it's a quiet trip. Through sun and rain The Emerald Eye and Arnie's Little Helper III venture along the coastline back towards Port Nyanzaru for a solid three days, stopping only to dive for oyster pearls among a coral reef (Peach found two!) before rounding the northern tip of the peninsula and bound for the Bay of Chult. The ghost ship's items are identified as swim speed-boosting leather armor for Peach and a special camouflage cloak for Col - nice finds! Arnie discovers that his new tattoo lets him appear as a skeleton at will. Neat! The last of the seasick madness leaves Talgali and their aarakocra passenger is finally healthy, though morose. Merchant ships are seen in pirate-free waters - a welcome sight! A quiet moment finds Kurururu next to Arnie overlooking the endless sea.

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"I'm with you. This Death Curse. As long as you're trying to stop it, I'm with you.", says the grung.

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It's all he says. The handyman nods. Kurururu isn't much for words, but the commitment is welcome. He thinks.

​

On the morning of the sixth day since leaving Jahaka Bay a familiar sight is seen... one thankfully nowhere close. Waters surge near a distant ship and a massive shell appears as Aremag the dragon turtle shakes down another victim. Maybe one day they'll deal with that gargantuan robber of ships, but not today. Port Nyanzaru awaits!

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Exotic scents and raucous sounds wash over the Handy Hands like a comforting blanket as they sail past the lighthouse and into the city's Harbor Ward. If not for the endless risks to life and limb in the surrounding area, it'd be a wonderful town to vacation or even retire in! Deckhands look on curiously as the gang disembark with smiles... all except Kurururu. The smells. The cacophony of noises. All of these people! Having never seen anything larger than his village before, the grung does his best to hyperventilate in private and not cause a scene.

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"I suppose we have you to thank.", says a familiar gold half-dragon. "And returning with TWO ships, no less!"

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It's Zindar, the Harbormaster! Other ships have informed him of pirates being dealt with, but the level of success is more than he expected. A level surely worthy of large bounties! When the Harbormaster meets the gang privately in his office, bounty details are discussed after hearing the rollicking story of the crew's last two weeks at sea. A pirate base. A fallen ally. Three captains... well, two, but Peach sells the little white lie well enough.

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But what of The Emerald Eye and Jahaka Anchorage? To ponder that, it's across the street to a hookah café. Pros and cons are discussed sitting among the palms of the open air garden interior. There's little debate about The Emerald Eye. A second ship, larger and better armed than Arnie's Little Helper III ? They'll happily skip the bounty to keep it! The base though... Hmm. Having their own secret cove would be amazing, but with a Death Curse mystery to pursue and a handsome 5,000 gold reward to turn it over, keeping a future resort location just doesn't seem too timely. Besides, it's a full six days from Port Nyanzaru by sea. How would they staff and defend it?

 

Decisions are made, Peach hands Kurururu the hookah hose to calm him with a long drag of shisha smoke, then it's back to the Harbormaster. Three captains, two ships, and a pirate base defeated... an incredible 15,500 gold reward! Payment arrangements are made before talk turns to troubles. Zindar informs of city unrest - the Death Curse has become more widespread, leading to panicked locals, doomsayers, and political issues despite the return of shipping lanes. In return the Handy Hands tell of Zaroum's Sending Stone and pirates in league with the Flaming Fist - news that Zindar says he'll definitely be bringing to the Ytepka Society. Odd times indeed.

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After connecting with their ship crews and handsomely paying them out (and finally buying the ex-pirates' loyalty), it's time to bring Krenko home. Through the streets and up the hill, the manor they were gifted for solving Jessamine's murder awaits. A certain secret coatl sips tea on the porch before jolting to her feet, Eku waving in excitement until spying the wrapped body. Cobbler the young T-rex is elated to see his "mom" and Esmerelda takes any love she can get, though the old anklyosaurus can't quite locate the one goblin she wanted to see most. 

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The sun sets. It's a bittersweet return.

 

The hilltop house has been well-maintained and even decorated by Eku. No pirates, no ghosts, no deadly wildlife... time to relax for a change. Kurururu claims a tree in the backyard to nest while the rest revisit their old bedrooms and enjoy some sips from the Alchemy Jug. After guards arrive with huge sacks of gold they feel like mini princes of their own, yet a shadow looms in the air. So many questions without answers. Krenko's body is interred within his room, but will his soul ever find peace? Just how bad is this Death Curse impacting the known world? And what can the Handy Hands do about it?

​

Sleep comes. Much is unspoken. Each knows that, come tomorrow, they'll begin prepping for their greatest mission yet.

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It's a morning is spent loading up ships to depart the cove. Making vague plans to reconnect and aid each other on their respective missions at a later point, the Handy Hands say goodbye to Artus and Dragonbait and the pair board with Captain Sheila and her crew. Twin angled fin-like sails unfurl, and just as The Star Goddess is about to careen into the bay's sharp rocks its crew shouts in unison, two large balloons unfurl and rapidly inflate, and the airship soars into the sky.

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"Do you think we can convert Little Helper III to fly like that?", says an inspired handyman. Peach has her doubts, but who knows? Loaded up and a note left for any stray pirates asking them to swear Arnie's Pirates Anonymous oath, The Emerald Eye leaves a vacant Jahaka Anchorage behind. It may make an excellent future resort, but for now: Adventure calls!

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Sharp rocks navigated and Bertram noting how to repeat the path, an hour later they finally reconnect with their trusty flagship among the mists of Jahaka Bay. Gorjok, Wadizi, Bill, Skeek, and Juma are all impressed by the acquisition of the new ship, if not dubious of Bertram and Arnie's conscripted crew. No problem!, thinks Arnie. He's content with forcing them to repeat his oath though the rest are unsure, Col and Peach in particular keeping their eyes on these "ex" pirates.

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"Where's New Krenko?!", comes a squawking shout. Oh no. Talgali. They'd forgotten about him.

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"You REALLY need to stop.", says Peach, but the parrot-like aarakocra doesn't get it. The bird person has been mad from exposure and believing himself to be the true Krenko for well over a week now. It was endearing before. Now it's straight up upsetting. There's a shocked cry after Talgali witnesses Krenko's body, and not long after the aarakocra shuffles back with his head down, dropping his wooden "grapple fist" prop without saying a word. The rest pay their respects, a path is routed back to Port Nyanzaru, and the two ships depart Jahaka Bay.

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*         *         *

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Ahh... the open seas. Clear air. Splashing surf. Known threats left behind. A welcome return! It's a six day trip home but following the western coast shouldn't be difficult. On lookout, Col is pleased to see a pack of pterafolk raiders intimidated away by the presence of two fully armed ships. While Bertram steers and Peach teaches the deinonychus Knuckles some tricks, Arnie is approached by the pressganged crew.

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"So, uh, sir? Are we, uh, slaves? Or what?", asks one ex-pirate, who has a hook in place of a foot.

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"Oh no no of COURSE not!", laughs Arnie. "You'll be paid. Don't worry! You took the oath, you're ex-pirates now! You're good people!" The handyman pauses. "...Unless you try to leave. You'd have to steal a rowboat to do that. Then you'd be thieves. And pirates are thieves. And, well, we know what happens to pirates..."

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With a flick of the wrist he launches an ember overboard, a fireball detonating on the ocean's surface in a superheated spray of steam. The crew gapes in terror. So much for intentions of mutiny. The day passes without incident.

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It's a dull foggy night watch for Bertram as he circles the decks enjoying casual swigs of rum. At least it's dull until he sees the frog. A weird thing, not quite natural looking, sitting on a crate where it wasn't for many walks past before. And is it wearing a cape? It jumps overboard when the historian pokes at it but a splash is never heard. Huh. Maybe it's the rum. 

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Peach was notified of the frog for her shift, but all is calm. Until a dart flies by her ear. Something red scurries along the hull of the ship. Her faerie fire misses... then there it is again, over the other side! Going invisible, she sends out the alarm. 

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"INTRUDER!", she shouts. "INTRUDER ON THE SHIP!" The others stumble out of their bunks to not even see Peach, utterly confused. It doesn't help when a slight prick in Arnie's neck leaves him croaking unintelligibly.

 

"Harbinger of Death!", comes an unknown voice that only Arnie can comprehend.

 

"What? I'm Arnie!", ribbits the handyman.

 

A red and black frog-like humanoid leaps into view and scurries up the mast. A grung! "You are the Harbinger of Death!", it croaks again, accusingly points down at the group. "You bring the Death Curse! You bring our doom!". Peach wheels around and fires a crossbow bolt but the grung is supernaturally fast, reversing the bolt's trajectory right into her thigh.

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"....OW?!", exclaims Peach, amazed that she somehow shot herself. Between Arnie and this grung croaking at each other and Peach reeling from a bolt in the leg, Col and Bertram can only bring themselves to stare at the surreal midnight scene. Once the historian casts tongues and Peach gets some of the grung's toxin on her, things start to make sense.

 

He is Kurururu (They think? Grung words are hard.), a shaman of his tribe. The small frog with the cape is his fey familiar. Apparently this grung is on a vision quest to learn more of the Death Curse, and after witnessing the Jahaka Anchorage battle stowed away aboard The Emerald Eye  believing that the Handy Hands had something to do with the curse. A fair assumption, really! Tensions are calmed after explanations, and the gang gets to know a bit about their amphibious intruder.

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'Mr. Sack' as Arnie calls him - due to Kurururu's frequent mention of most humanoids being unable to pronounce grung words for lack of a throat sack - is odd company. Is he to be trusted? They're not too pleased that he messed with Krenko's body during the night, but after he heals Peach's leg with shamanic magic they decide to let him stay for the time being. Peach takes no risks, locking Kurururu below decks with her Immovable Rod as he climbs into a water barrel for the night. The entire time Col looks on with a raised eyebrow. The druid never joined the grung-language conversation.

 

He and Bertram shrug. A rum bottle is passed.

​

(DM: It's Jon's new character, Kurururu! Looking forward to see how the grung gels with the others!)

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After a dry breakfast in the morning Kurururu is let out and a drizzly day continues on. Once they're back in town what will they do? Ideas are being discussed when Gorjok calls over the Sending Stones. Bizarrely smooth waters surrounded by fog ahead. Just like when they saw the ghost ship a few days earlier!

​

Sure enough, there it is: Drifting in its own private eerily calm vortex is a rotted ship. The Flying Waterdhavian! Nothing seen yet the drifting sound of a violin dog's bark still heard. Despite their first mate's concerns... why not? Let's see what's up!

​

The Emerald Eye drifts alongside the dilapidated ship, their new strange passenger Kurururu agrees to jump over first... and the grung disappears. To Kurururu's eyes the world shifts. The previously empty deck of the ghost ship is now swarming with skeletons and half-rotted corpses dancing and singing. One plays a violin. A skeletal dog jumps excitedly between. Kurururu looks down and sees that he himself is a skeletal frog-person. It's a Dead Man's Party! Who could ask for more?

​

One by one the Handy Hands join. Peach and Bertram marvel at the skeletal versions of themselves (the latter still sporting a glorious beard) while Col and Arnie cautiously go in by rope before the excitement gets the better of the handyman and Col joins by way of skeletal flying snake. What a wild scene! They sing and socialize with the crew who, by all appearances seem to be sailors having a great time at sea... despite the whole being dead thing. Arnie pets the boney dog while Bertram hangs out with a literal "big-boned" skeleton, Peach joining the violinist for some jaunty shanty duets.

 

Bertram's new big-boned buddy informs of a tattoo artist below decks and Arnie can't wait! Things (subjectively!) get weird from there. While Arnie's skeletal bones get engraved, Kurururu interviews the dead. Why are they here? Unfinished desires and deeds prevent their souls from resting... but there's also something below decks. Something that won't let them leave.

 

While Arnie gets his tattoo, Peach happens across a sealed hatch to the lowest deck - one that no sailor dares approach. Interesting. Col and Bertram take note of Peach's curiosity and help her pry open the hatch as Kurururu shares the info he learned from above... in Common, much to the non-croaking annoyance of the others. Seems the frog shaman learned it from a servant who's now dead, but no matter that now: Something is down there. Something evil.

​

The darkness is near impenetrable. In the dank cargo hold, lit only by Peach's torch, the gang spies old rotted crates and barrels... and a shape. A newly-tattooed Arnie (A heart with an eye in it, with the word 'Chult' underneath, ho boy...) makes himself glow for a better view. It's a woman. Long dark hair, white robe, hovering off the floorboards with her back turned. The sort of thing any sensible horror movie fan would not approach.

​

"Come... Join us... Join the crew...", comes a voice. A sudden urge is resisted by most.

 

But not by Bertram. The historian approaches.

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"We can bring him back! He'll be fine!", says a handyman in denial.

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"Arnie... I don't think it'll work like that.", responds Peach. The Emerald Eye's elegantly adorned cargo deck is covered in gore, where the others nod solemnly. Even if they could bring back the dead, with the Death Curse... could they? The bard thinks of how Krenko ran in to save her and looks away. "It's my fault. I should leave. All I do is get my friends killed."

​

Dragonbait howls in failure as well and it takes Bertram, Col, and Artus a bit to talk the others out of the depths of despair and denial. As they wrap Krenko's body in silk, a shout from above comes from above. Someone approaches! 

​

Rowboats inbound from The Stirge! A hand is raised in greeting but Bertram takes no risk, sending some ex-captives to the watchtower ballista while he mans another on the The Emerald Eye. The rowers halt at the sea cave's mouth where the Handy Hands can make out the hand-raiser. Fancy dress. Red cape. Their final target, Captain Laskilar.

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"Ho, mates! Parlay?", shouts the dandy pirate over the waves. Reluctance is high. Is this an ambush? Can he be trusted? It's a verbal game of chess as the Handy Hands and Laskilar size each other up, but eventually it's agreed. Peach shall meet Laskilar alone on the far dock. That hair. That smile. Those flattering words to a lady. Peach can't help herself. This is one sexy pirate! Initial hostility fades and the captain talks business.

 

"Looks like this old place is under new ownership...", says Laskilar as he surveys the mess of corpses all over the cove. "To be honest I don't want it back. Dank, wet place. In fact, I've been looking to retire from the pirate life for a while now and this is a good time as any. Here's my deal: The Anchorage, Zaroum's ship... they're yours. Remove whatever it is that is preventing my ship from moving and we leave. No more hostilities, we never see each other again."

​

Peach returns to the rest. Despite pirate-slaying acumen they are heavily wounded, depleted of resources, and Laskilar's got them boxed in. They could attack, but at what cost? Would more friends die? No, they decide. Enough blood today. With a few stipulations they could come to agreement. Not the least being an oath to stop being pirates, insists Arnie! 

​

"YO HO HO YARR MATEY AVAST YE YARR YARR!", Arnie shouts at Laskilar, then rapidly shifts to a 'business negotiations' voice. "Now that we have pleasantries out of the way, let's talk."

​

The dandy captain indulges the handyman, his rowboat crew laughing as he takes a rambling oath in which he promises to never pirate again. Peach returns, hands are spit into and shaken, and the captain leaves with his entourage. The final deal includes magic anchor removal, a loaned navigator to get around sea rocks in the bay, Laskilar's ascot and the nameplate of The Stirge. A bit of a white lie to acquire those last two bounties, but it's worth a shot!

​

Finally. Threat-less. Time to decompress.

​

Tonight we'll celebrate Krenko's life, but for now it's a laundry list of loose ends. Bertram pressgangs the remaining drunken pirates into service, Arnie leading them in ship cleanup. An injured Dragonbait rests. Artus connects with the rescued captives and learns from Captain Sheila Coppertree that the other ship in cove is not a sea vessel at all, but an airship! In Bosco's Bilge, Peach charms the semi-feral dino Knuckles while Bertram raids the bar's stock. Much-needed rum for later

 

Below decks Col gets rich. Captain Zaroum's gem-encrusted coat and sword, his ruby eye (proof of bounty, if anything), a gem stash, and a magical Necklace of Adaptation. Nice haul! Meanwhile Peach searches the captain's quarters to find a huge amount of stashed gold... and a singular sending stone. Hmm. Something to show the others, for sure.

​

The anchorage's warehouse trap defenses vex Bertram until Artus - returning from removing the magic anchor Col had placed and allowing The Stirge to depart - also brings the solution (eye patches!). Gorjok and crew are contacted: Arnie's Little Helper III can be there in a day. Now, what about that mysterious sending stone that Peach found? Everyone gathers and leans in close as Peach does her best brief impression of Captain Zaroum. There's a pause. Then a reply comes.

​

"What do you want, Zaroum?", says an authoritative woman's voice. "You know better than to bother me."

​

"Who are you talking to, honey?", says a man's voice in the background. Eyes go wide. They know these voices!

​

It's none other than Liara Portyr and Winchton Carmichael, Flaming Fist commander and their old half-orc friend! Fumbling, Peach states an emergency but Portyr rebuffs: When there's news on what shipping lanes to attack and what to avoid she'll do the contacting. The conversation ends.

 

This was unexpected, but it explains a lot! The Ytepka Society will definitely want to know of Portyr's treachery. But does Winchton know? It didn't seem so. How will their old ally react to learning the secret of the mother of his future child? Energy crashes and minds spiral in thought. Time for a rest. For tonight, we celebrate Krenko.

​

*         *         *

​

The rum flows. The bonfire blazes.

​

"It's 'Cimber'", Artus explains. "Pronounced with a 'K'"... yeah... the frost giants. They're after this." A frosted ring of gold appears on his finger where none was visible before. "This is the Ring of Winter."

​

That explains the powerful ice magic. It turns out the ring also halts aging and Artus is over 150 years old, but it's also an incredibly evil sentient item, hence his desire to prevent it from falling in the wrong hands. The conversation gets particularly interesting when it turns out he married a barae of Mezro and personally knew Ras Nsi - a name, when mentioned by Peach, that turns his mood dark. Artus and Dragonbait had recently learned from an oracle that Mezro may not truly be ruins and that Ras Nsi is the key. Conversation rambles until finally liquid courage is strong enough to address what they need to.

​

"Here's to Krenko!", announces Arnie. "The best darn pirate actor I've ever directed!"

​

Cheers and toasts go around, all recounting their favorite Krenko-isms as Arnie serves a new cocktail he invented based on the goblin's tastes: a mug of rum mixed with a few drops of pirate's blood. Stories drone on. Eventually it goes quiet around the fire as each reflects on private moments with their fallen goblin friend.

​

For Arnie, it's cooking. He never was good at it and Krenko never failed to let him know. "Perhaps try something new? Like scriptwriting?", suggests the goblin. The handyman smiles at that. 

​

For Bertram, it was fishing. They'd often angle off the back of the ship and chat about everything except fish. What will they do in their post-adventuring future lives? A sad smile comes to Bertram's face. Never could keep Krenko's optimism down.

​

For Col, it's friendly competition. Each was a great scout, but who misses a chance to poke at pride? The two jokingly egg each other on until Krenko gains the high ground... then Col wildshapes into a dog and leaves the goblin in the dust.

​

For Peach, it was the quiet times. Upon a hilltop overlooking a warm city sunset they'd bond while grooming their pet dinosaurs. They talk of friendship and happiness, yet Peach's deeper intentions sadly just linger in the air.

​

Night comes and all pass out in clouds of rum breath. The memories return. But this time, they're different. The scenes play out the same, but then Krenko splits into two: one void of life, the other a defiant yet spirit. The ghost turns to their friends, defiance turns to rage, rage turns to fear... and in a flash of blue the soul-Krenkos are sucked into some point in the horizon.

​

With a jolt and a scream all awake, covered in cold sweat.

​

*         *         *

​

Dreams? Visions? The unsettling shared experience shakes the gang to their core. 

​

"I think...", starts Bertram. "I think it was the Death Curse. Somehow it grabbed Krenko's soul!" The others quickly agree. From what Agamaya had shown him in the Shadowfell, it'd make sense. Something in this mortal realm isn't letting souls leave, and it's strong enough to disrupt the entire cosmic cycle of life and death. All of a sudden hunting pirates for profit seems weirdly out of context. It's time for a shift of focus.

​

"We need to stop this Death Curse, guys.", says Col.

​

"We need to do it for Krenko!", says Peach. Whatever missed connections they had, he deserves peace in death.

​

"For Krenko!", shouts Arnie.

​

...But what next? They have a new ship and an entire pirate's cove, but an ally is gone. How do the Handy Hands proceed? Artus and Dragonbait share all they can in a map room meeting. There's an oracle in Orolunga, a floating sacred island called The Heart of Ubtao, the ruined holy city of Mezro, and rumors of someone with power over death in Mbala. Hew Hackinstone - one of the captives and a jungle guide - also points out the lair of the red dragon spotted days before. A place called Wyrmheart Mine. Maybe one of those places are a good place to start? Or perhaps someone back in the city? 

​

Decisions are made. Sights are set. Artus and Dragonbait aim to on leave with Captain Sheila aboard the airship The Star Goddess, bound back to Mezro but promising future aid should the Handy Hands need it. Pending the arrival of Arnie's Little Helper III, the crew makes their travel plans: Back to Port Nyanzaru! 

​

With some privacy in one of the captain's rooms at the back of the pirate's cave, the Handy Hands breathe and gather their wits. Time to plan! They only really need to kill the two remaining captains, right? But what about the ships? And definitely what about the swarms of pirate crews between the base, The Emerald Eye, and The Stirge? Ideas come and go. Some more overt and deadly, others more tricky and deceptive. An elaborate scheme of theater production while they secretly assassinate Captain Zaroum is underway when a knock comes to the door. A whiff of violets.

 

Dragonbait casually walks away while Artus slides inside. Allies. Right. Good! This improves the odds! Though it isn't too comforting when Artus points out their exposed visibility. Despite his hospitality, Captain Zaroum clearly doesn't trust them. 

​

Once Dragonbait enters, the pair finally explain themselves. They're on a rescue mission after hearing some old friends of Artus had been raided at sea and taken captive. They've been undercover in Jahaka Anchorage for the past five days garnering trust, but now seems a good time as any to team up with the Handy Hands for a joint operation.

 

But how to do it? After a bit of recon, plans change. The "pirate theater" idea is fun, but Arnie admits that it's so complex that things could easily go wrong. Peach suggests: What if they assassinate Zaroum, free the prisoners, and quickly escape taking on as little of the pirates as necessary? Heads nod all around. They can do this! Besides, Krenko is twitching over there. The goblin has had enough of this planning stuff and is ready for some action.

​

Step 1: Disable The Stirge. The second pirate ship and crew is idling a mile away. Let's keep them there for now. Col's on it! With a squawk he morphs into Seagull-Col, grabs the magical anchor token that Wakanga had given them, and flies out the door. Ten minutes later it's just another annoying bird pestering the crew on the deck... and secretly hiding and activating the token. Good. Assuming it isn't found, The Stirge is locked in place for a full 24 hours.

​

Step 2: Take out the sentries. Krenko, Bertram, and Artus sneak along the parapets to the watchtower above Bosco's Bilge. Three successful stealth rolls, one rocketed cleaver hand, one flying axe, and one arrow later, two guards lay dead and Bertram disables the alarm bell. Arnie, Peach, and Dragonbait casually walk down to the tavern, Bertram using the Immovable Rod to bar the door behind them while Artus quietly takes off to start his rescue mission.

​

Step 3: Assassinate Zaroum... with love. If Peach, Arnie, and Dragonbait can seduce their way below decks, hopefully they can take out the captain and escape before found out. But first: Bosco's Bilge.

​

"I'd ask if you'd like a drink, but I can't seem to ask much of anything at the moment...", says Bosco from behind the bar, still effected by Peach's suggestion. Peach smiles and grabs a bottle, pouring quick shots for her friends. Liquid courage. Arnie and Dragonbait down them, then it's out the door and down the dock to The Emerald Eye. 

​

"We have a gift!", calls Arnie. "Our friend here wants to show the captain a good time!" Peach makes sexy faces while Dragonbait plays it cool, but first mate Voltan isn't having it. Captain's resting. Time for everyone's favorite friendly handyman to shine! With wits and perhaps a bit of charm trickery Arnie convinces the huge goliath to bring Peach below deck... but himself and Dragonbait aren't permitted. Hmm. Okay. It's a risk Peach is willing to take. Seagull-Col lands next to Bertram and Krenko nervously looking on from the watchtower as Peach descends  alone into the belly of The Emerald Eye. 

​

Outside, Artus swings hand over hand under the raised warehouse towards the jail cell, barely escaping notice. A nervous Arnie paces down the dock to the beach where he "Shawshanks" a magical bean down his pant leg and into the sand. Distraction activated. One minute ticking. Down below the eladrin bard is ushered into Zaroum's elegant chambers. The fat scarred man sits up and greets her, then Peach goes to work.

​

She locks the door and makes with the seductive eyes. This is going well... or is it? Much like before, it isn't quite clear how trusting Zaroum is underneath his calm exterior. It turns out 'not at all'.

​

"You say you are from Elok's crew. Elok was a murderous pig who sought to declare himself Pirate King, and trained his crew to hate his allies. Yet here you are. Who are you REALLY?", says Zaroum as he positions himself next to his weapons. Peach casts suggestion, but the ruby in Zaroum's eye socket glints and the charm spell fails. She readies her geetar-axe and stares down the short captain. They both know what comes next.

​

"VOLTAN!", shouts Zaroum.

​

Damn. Step 3 just went to hell.

​

The cabin door smashes in with Voltan's bulk but the bard goes invisible before they can seize her, Peach nimbly running out of the room to mid-ship. Shouts of action and danger mobilize - if not confuse - hordes of pirates that begin to pour forth from the ship and Bosco's Bilge. Knowing their friend is in there alone, Krenko and Col dive off the watchtower and sprints towards The Emerald Eye while Bertram takes the opportunity to start sniping eldritch blasts from his protective perch. 

​

"It's a mutiny, me hearties! Stop the scurvy dogs!", shouts Arnie as he runs back aboard with pirates, utterly confusing Bosco and his tavern crew as to what's going on.

​

It's pure chaos as both the Handy Hands and the pirates of Jahaka Anchorage try to get their bearings. On deck, moisture condenses and freezes into a huge fist of ice that slams into the nearest pirate, the source unclear until Bertram spies Artus hanging on a pylon and his hand swirling with blue energy. Huh. Looks like their friend has some unspoken magical skill.

​

Below deck, an invisible Peach holds her breath. A large posse of bandits had poured forth from the woodwork, and everyone was looking for her. It's a death trap. Zaroum, Voltan, and their crew swing wildly, but the bard is able to weave her way through the masses to sprint unseen upstairs to the confusion above...

​

...While Krenko charges right down, quickly followed by Dragonbait after he shield bashes a pirate out of the way. Peach made it out, unbeknownst to all but her! The goblin and saurial run headlong into the bulk of The Emerald Eye's forces and are quickly surrounded, no Peach in sight. The "Kill them!" from Captain Zaroum is a threat, but Krenko grins.

​

There's just as many pirates in the sea cave as in the ship! Unable to match Krenko's barbarian speed Col gets waylaid by a bandit near the docks, furiously primal striking to get away. Artus' icy fist smashes one into the floorboards while Bertram snipes another dead, and a flurry of scorching rays from Arnie make it clear whose side he's on. Bosco and his crew turn on the handyman yet get caught off guard when Peach materializes next to them, dropping a quick shatter then speeding herself and Arnie to more defensive positions. Seeing the perfect opportunity, Bertram fires the tower-mounted ballista directly at Bosco's chest, nearly fatally wounding the old pirate before jumping down to work his way on board as well.

​

Cut off from the rest it's a flurry of weapons as Krenko, Dragonbait, and a horde of foes exchange blows below decks. Krenko deftly weaves towards Zaroum before the crews' scimitars and a raging Voltan's greatsword comes down, inflicting the first of waves of punishment against him and Dragonbait. One round of attacks. Then another. In a fury Krenko grapples Zaroum and begins stabbing madly, taking considerable damage himself yet determined to kill the captain. 

​

Arnie's rays of fire take out two more. The icy fist another. Col is still bogged down on the beach. Bosco brings down his spiked club on Peach in retaliation but it's not enough. "What?", is all that he can manage to say.

​

"I told you you shoulda stopped asking questions!", says Peach, as she brings down her axe to end Bosco. Bertem and Col finally clear a path to The Emerald Eye, and moments later four out of five Handy Hands have reunited on the ship's deck. Having freed the prisoners, Artus' ice fist is replaced by a frozen ramp as he slides Iceman-style over shark-infested waters to the ship's stern. Bosco's gang is slain but the ship is swarms with Zaroum's crew... and what's that over on the beach?

​

With some less-than-opportune timing due to the unexpected chaos, Arnie's distraction erupts from the sand mid-combat. A dozen fat hot pink toads pop out of the ground, hopping in random directions. There's a quick pause in combat as the Handy Hands, Artus, and the pirates blink at the scene. Then it's back to murdering each other.

​

Below decks Dragonbait is unable to get to Krenko, but it doesn't stop the goblin from doing what he needs to do. One final stab in the back and Captain Zaroum falls dead at his feet, Krenko howling in victory.

​

"Your captain is dead! I am your captain now!", he screams. It was worth a shot, but the loyal crew of The Emerald Eye swarms him once again. Calishite scimitars and Voltan's huge blade hack at the goblin in a retaliatory fury while those above deck rush to help as fast as they can, Bertram tossing a healing potion to an injured Arnie as he goes. Col and Artus clear the way, but will they make it down stairs in time?

​

Krenko kills one. Then another. He furiously screams again but the hits keep coming. With an arcing swing Voltan pummels the goblin... and he drops. Bertram makes it down and alights in aasimar energy, Col runs below, Artus rushes in to save a badly hurt Dragonbait, but no one can make it to the distant and surrounded Krenko. Peach rounds the stairs but has no way to clear the distance and help her friend. The scimitars raise.

​

Flat on the deck and bloody, Krenko screeches in blind rage as the swords come down. Under the whir of pirate blades, the goblin called "Tok-Tok" is cut to shreds.

​

"KRENKO!", scream Bertram and Peach in unison.

​

A frozen ball of protection from Artus envelops Krenko a moment too late while The Handy Hands rapidly dispatch the remaining pirates, already badly injured by goblin and saurial. The last-ditch assault from Voltan is parried by Bertram, his golden eyes glowing with intensity as he embeds his axe into chest with a mighty divine smite, the first mate finally bested.

​

All goes quiet.

​

The ice ball breaks and Krenko's lifeless body falls out. Healing spells don't work. Arnie rushes forward with a gentle repose, but it's all that he can do. Dragonbait drops to his knees and howls in despair at his inability to protect Krenko. Bertram turns on Artus in anger, but softens once he realizes the archer's magic can only freeze, not revive. The mention of his full name, Artus Cimber, spurs some recent history to mind, but now is not the time for recollection.

​

Before them, on the middle deck of a pirate ship in a secret Chultan cove, lies the corpse of Krenko "Tok-Tok" Kikijiki.

​

"I'll be Sarnie!" declares Arnie. "I'm the first mate! Peach, you're a sea wench. What's your name?"

​

"I'm Naranja, the sea witch!", she happily states, mishearing 'wench',

​

"I'll be, uh... Tom Torchand. Cabin boy, I guess.", says Bertram. "Krenko?"

​

"JIM-JIMINY-JIM-JIM-JIMINY-JIM-JIM-JIM!", exclaims Krenko. He's very ready for this! Eyes turn to Col.

​

"Umm. I'll be a parrot.", says the druid. Sure, why not?

​

Arnie's Little Helper III sails through the night as the Handy Hands plan their undercover operation and how to act like pirates. While most piece together believable pirate costumes from their stock of clothing on board Arnie quizzes Bill the cook and first mate Gorjok on 'piratey' ways to speak. There's something about "land blubber", "avast" as appreciation for vast areas, shivering pieces of wood, "yarr" as a multipurpose expression, and more. The terminology is there, but context lacking. Certainly nothing wrong can come of this.

​

By morning they reach the wide mouth of Jahaka Bay. The curiosity which their bosun Skeek the kobold spoke of appears to be true: Crashing waterfalls and inbound winds make for a permanent misty haze that fills the large bay. A perfect place to hide a pirate base. If the Handy Hands are going to find their quarry, they're going to have to venture in somehow.

​

The limited visibility is a double-edged sword, though the crew is keenly aware that the pirates are familiar with this bay and they are not. The prospect of blindly roaming the waters has everyone on edge. When surveying the smoking mountains on Jahaka Bay's southern side with his Eyes of the Eagle, Arnie dismays at the thought of volcano sacrifices... until he spies something very distant fly around a peak. Something red. Something massive. Something reptilian.

​

"A DRAGON!", shrieks Krenko in excitement when Arnie relays the details.

 

Peach, Bertram, and Col say the same but with much less exuberance. Pirates and a dragon? Plans rapidly change. Hiding their ship near the pirates' base on the eastern side seems too risky, and staying out of the mists puts them potentially in view of both other ships and a dragon. What if they approached by land from the west? A course is set, a pod of whales are seen along the way, and half a day later the Handy Hands are off Jahaka Bay's northern point.

​

The crew are understandably nervous about idling for days in pirate-infested waters waiting for a boarding party to return. Plans are made for the "ALH3" to roam and stay out of sight, one of a matched pair of Sending Stones left with Gorjok to coordinate a pickup later, and the companions load into a rowboat bound for the shore. After a good tenday at sea and even longer back in the city, the Handy Hands travel the wilds on foot once more!

​

Coast trekking is easy, if anything. Col is excited to stretch his wings so to speak, wild shaping for the first time into a flying creature with some body mass. Pteranodon-Col takes to the skies and scouts both land and sea, rounding out what ends up being an enjoyably uneventful half day of travel. The quetzalcoatlus were of note - massive cousins of the pteranodon capable of carrying others. Col will have to remember that form for later.

​

Night watch is uneventful save for Krenko midnight fishing and munching on sand fleas. The red snapper caught makes a great breakfast come morning, then it's northward along the beach for a full day's travel. Heavy rain makes it a slog but the Handy Hands press on, breaking only to explore old ship wreckage along the way. Near sunset Bertram spies what he had half-suspected: The beach runs out, and a sheer cliff meets the shore. Damn. So much for walking in from the west.

​

...Or can they? Pteranodon-Col takes off once again and flies into the mist. A formidable pirate ship dwells just ahead, and beyond it, a mighty sea cave gapes like a mouth in the rock wall. The hidden base! This must be it! Flying back and relaying info, plans are made. It's only a couple miles from the end of the beach to the sea cave. They've walked over water before. Why not do it again? Peach hides her Leomund's tiny hut under the tree line and the gang plans into the night. 

​

*         *         *

​

"Grab a chunk of driftwood! Let's go!", says Peach. With a cast of water walk they take off over the water's surface towards the sea cave, avoiding the anchored ship. A new ship had arrived in the night... who knows how many are around currently. Good thing they're just like them. Handy Hands? No! They're the remains of Captain Elok's crew after some dastardly band of adventurers burned their ship! Time for a dramatic entrance. Water walk is dropped, Col turns into a parrot, and with a control water surge Arnie washes his friends in past the circling sharks... and right into the heart of Chultan piracy.

​

Scrambling on to the nearest dock with aid from Bertram in distracting sharks they have just a moment to get their bearings. It's a huge cave! Damp and echoey, but secure. Two more ships idle within. Planked walkways and structures line the cave's walls. On the beach is what looks like an upturned ship converted into a building, from which curious pirates spill forth.

​

"THOSE DAMNED HANDY HANDS!", shout the 'Not Handy Hands'. The story is collectively spun, but will the pirates buy it? They seem to believe it for the time being, and runners are set off to inform the resident brigands-in-charge. Well. What would any respectable sea raider do next... time for a drink, they suppose?

​

Bosco's Bilge - the upturned barge turned into a tavern - makes for a curious establishment. Setting their driftwood aside they stride over the bare sand floor past a barely-tame dino named Knuckles to the bar, where the eponymous Bosco awaits.

​

"Avast ye land blubber, my timbers are shivered, yarr!", yells Arnie. "Give us the rums!"

​

Pulling one over on half-drunk pirates was one thing. Convincing Bosco is another. The older pirate grills the party hard, his steely gaze not faltering as he looks for cracks in the Not Handy Hands' story. The cards are tipped when Peach accuses Bosco of not remembering her name.

​

"And yet just a moment before, lass, you asked MY name, not knowing it.", says Bosco. "So... who are you really?"

​

'Naranja' the sea wench/witch waves her hand under the bar. "Let's not have any more questions, shall we?", she says, as she casts suggestion. Perhaps still suspicious but unable to do anything about it for the time being, rum is served, and the Not Handy Hands relax a bit. While Krenko attempts to drink another pirate under the table, Bertram and Parrot-Col take in the immediate scenery. Passed out deckhands. A lone musician. The familiar scent of violets and ham?

​

Heads turn. And there, at the end of the bar, white-knuckling their rum mugs and trying their hardest to not make eye contact with the Handy Hands, are Artus and Dragonbait. In equally dubious fake pirate costumes as well, to boot.

​

"What are you guys doing here?!", Artus whispers harshly through gritted teeth.

​

"We could ask the same of you!", whispers back an incredulous Bertram.

 

Two bands of adventurers masquerading as pirates in the same pirate base? The wild cards just got wilder! After a mutual freak-out Parrot-Col discreetly turns into regular Col in the privvy, Peach provides a musical distraction, and once Bosco wanders off Artus explains. He and 'D.B' are there on a rescue mission. They had caught word of some old colleagues of Artus' that had run afoul with pirates and they're here undercover to hopefully find them. While risk of discovery is now much greater with two groups of fake pirates, Col and Bertram agree, maybe this is advantageous?

​

Conversation is interrupted when a particularly large male goliath enters Bosco's Bilge searching for the survivors of Elok's crew. Rum shots are downed, the companions stand and steel themselves. Time to meet the presiding pirate captain.

​

The goliath, Voltan, leads them to where the larger of the two ships in the cave is moored. The almost artful curves of the vessel are countered by a bristle of sea-based weaponry. The figurehead is no less a dichotomy, where bloody severed heads hang from ropes off the finely carved mermaid. Two figures on the deck are engaged in what looks to be an intense conversation: one tall and dashing in a red cape, the other short and fat yet shimmering with gems. The two remaining Pirate Captains. It has to be. As the gang approaches the caped one believed to be Laskilar boards a small boat with his personal escort and rows out of the cave. Must be his ship out in the bay. The other captain beckons them forward.

​

"Ah. The survivors, yes? Welcome back to Jahaka Anchorage.", says the fat man. Like his ship he's a marriage of opposites. Scarred and ugly, but wearing fine clothing embedded with gems. Short and obese, but a sharp intelligence glinting in his one good eye. "If we have not yet met, I am Captain Zaroum Al-Saryak. Come. Below deck. You must tell me the tale."

​

"JIM-JIMINY-JIM-JIM-JIMINY-JIM-JIM-JIM!", shouts Krenko. The captain raises an eyebrow.

 

"Oh don't mind him. Head injury from the ship attack.", saves Peach. 

​

Where Elok's ship was a utilitarian vehicle for pillaging, Zaroum's has all the elegance of a Calishite pasha's palace. Satin drapes, low pillows, hookahs and trays of sweets abound. Welcoming as he is it doesn't go unnoticed by the Handy Hands that Zaroum's ship is swarming with pirates, and the captain is never out of sight of many of them at any given time. Docked in a fortified base, this is several levels of intensity higher than finding Captain Elok alone at sea.

​

"Now. Please! I wish to hear it all.", says Zaroum as he offers Calimshan specialties, the ruby in his ruined left eye socket glinting in the torchlight. The huge first mate Voltan looming over his shoulder doesn't help in the intimidation department.

​

What starts as a simple tale of shipwreck quickly becomes a game of calculated deception. While mistakes made with Bosco earlier are avoided and Zaroum Al-Saryak seems somewhat convinced of their authenticity, it's an uneasy calm. Bertram in particular can't help but wonder how truly their story is being bought. Nevertheless, the Captain seems pleased, and lends them the key to his private anchorage quarters for a place to stay for the time being.

​

Dismissed from his presence and quickly leaving the ship it's back to Bosco's Bilge to inform Artus and Dragonbait of the meeting's outcome. No immediate threat? Good. They'll connect later to coordinate. Time to find these private quarters. And so they do, halfway up the cave's wall along the plank walkway. Nothing fancy and smelling like old sex, but they'll do.

 

Here they are. The Handy Hands, deep in the heart of pirate territory, surrounded by far more than they can handle. After a few moments of stress decompression through panic attacks, one question is shared on the minds of all:

​

"How in the Nine Hells are we going to pull this off?"

​

After the horror of his his were-boar transformation Captain Elok charges ahead with maul in hand and-

​

Heh. Nope.

​

The Pig Man can hardly blink before the Handy Hands descend upon him like starving folks at an All-You-Can-Eat buffet. Krenko rage whips, Bertram's axe flies, Peach attacks the mind, and one fiery finishing move from Arnie later ("Pork's on the menu tonight!") the lycanthropic captain falls in a sliced and scorched ruin before he can even get in a single turn.

 

So much for scary monster pirates! Good News: Captain Elok was a chump. Bad News: The Handy Hands are now in the middle of a large pirate ship with the rest of its crew waking up to rush the invaders at all angles. Time to work!

​

Flying snake-Col creates a small commotion above decks with fanged dive-bomb attacks, alerting the rest of the gang to incoming threats a level up. As Krenko silences a nearby waking pirate and Bertram hacks away at Elok's neck to bring the head back as proof of bounty, Peach and Arnie move to intercept the first wave of sea bandits. The eladrin bard looses vicious mockeries and her own brand of fey command while the handyman scurries up some crates for a clear line of sight. They had agreed to blow this ship, there's a room full of sleeping pirates on the far side of this deck, and there's no better time than now. Col barely makes it down the stairs and back into human form before an ember bead soars over his head...

​

Ka-BOOM! Screams are heard as Arnie's fireball utterly obliterates the bunk room, leaving no waking pirate within alive and, uh, very much setting the front third of the ship on fire. All but Krenko are too distracted by the explosion to notice the cabin next to Elok's chambers being opened by... tentacles? A strange pale blue-skinned woman with tentacles emerging from her robes joins the chaos. With a wave of her otherworldly appendages, all goes black.

​

The goblin flails in the magical darkness and lands a single hit before running out to see Arnie's destruction... and a new wave of pirates running down from above decks. With assistance from Peach the Handy Hands quickly move into a more defensive position: She and Arnie falling back while Bertram runs forward after dispersing the black cloud with dispel magic, yet Col getting cut off and surrounded by assailants. Outnumbered 3 to 1, it's a whirl of blades and teeth as the crew hold their ground. Some fall, but more keep coming! Col takes the brunt of the damage, Peach and Bertram taking hits as well while doing their best to coordinate. It's a furious yet controlled fight. Until they remember the sea witch behind them.

​

Tentacles spread wide from the witch's robe, low eldritch words sound from below the depths and rattle Arnie and Krenko to the core. Arnie cowers behind a crate, but the goblin flees in a mad panic! Slashing at everything in his way (and killing one!) Krenko dashes right up through the flames and the stairway to throw himself overboard, all the while screaming. Col does his best to fend off multiple enemies while Bertram and Peach turn on the sea witch to land solid hits and set up Arnie once again for a killing blow. Afraid as he is, the handyman lets loose another flaming salvo.

​

"Who ordered calamari?!?", shouts Arnie, as his scorching rays destroy the strange woman... and start another fire.

​

The fires spread, encompassing most of The Dragonfang and barring the exit. Waterwalk still active the speedy goblin sprints across the ocean's surface to retrieve their rowboat, thankfully feeling the fear subside as the sea witch dies. As the remaining pirates realize the severity of their situation and panic, Bertram grabs Arnie's shoulder and dimension doors them both to safety near Krenko. A badly wounded Col barely manages to shapeshift back into flying snake form and extricate himself by flying right through the flames. And Peach? Alone among fleeing and burning pirates, she gets a bit greedy. A quick loot of Elok's chambers pays off however, and choking on smoke she manages to fey step through a porthole just before the pirate ship becomes fully ablaze under the midnight fog.

​

It's quite the sight. The gang stares at the destruction they have created - a little horrified but mostly amazed.

​

"We're REALLY good at this!", exclaims Krenko. "Are we really 'The Handy Hands'? This doesn't seem too handy..."

​

"Arnie, have you considered that you're maybe way better at destroying than building?", says Peach.

​

The handyman considers. "Well... I guess you can't have creation without destruction, right?"

​

A burnt flying snake morphs back into a damaged Col and enjoys the heals of others on the relaxing rowboat ride back to Arnie's Little Helper III, where it's a late night celebration of giant Dagwood-style fish sandwiches and loot inspection. After all the evening's insanity, it's an easy agreement that they have earned a day of rest and relaxation.

​

*         *         *

​

Morning comes late as the Handy Hands sleep in. Not much planned today except for to idle amongst the island-studded bay to repair and recuperate. Spying the smoldering ruins of The Dragonfang in the daylight a recon party is organized. While Krenko pries off the ship's nameplate to bring back as another proof of bounty the rest dive among the bodies and wreckage, netting even more profit to add to the loot pilfered the night before.

​

Overall it's quite the haul! Bertram had secured some bags of coin, gems, some rolled-up valuable paintings and a spell scroll during his invisible looting spree. Peach had robbed some more gold from Elok's cabin before escaping, along with a ring identified as a Ring of Swimming which she happily gives to Krenko. The dive team not only added some platinum pieces to the pile of gold, silver, and gems, but also a shiny Immovable Rod. Quite a useful find indeed!

​

It's when Peach unfurls what she had taken from The Dragonfang's navigation room that conversation gets interesting. Notes scrawled in the margins of ledgers - mostly references to other pirates and locations - prove insightful. Of particular interest is a map, noting defensive positions and landmarks in a bay's surrounding waters and jungle. Could this be what they've been searching for? The hidden pirate refuge? Matching the bay map up with both Bertram's map and the info from the smaller pirate ship battled days before, they find an answer: Jahaka Bay, on the far west side of Chult.

​

This must be it: The base the pirates' correspondences reference. First Mate Gorjok! The Handy Hands sail for Jahaka Bay!

​

Come next morning the calm seas and occasional drizzle are a welcome sight. With a few days of sailing ahead of them the Handy Hands are happy for some uneventful time before their eventual plan of somehow sabotaging a pirate stronghold. Day Two is more taxing. Late morning a tropical storm rolls in and the crew struggles to fight the winds and crashing waves. One would think the sudden break of calm - the eye of the storm - would be a moment of relief, but the stillness is beyond normal. The wind is utterly silent and the waters go as placid as a mirror's surface.

​

"This isn't natural...", grumbles First Mate Gorjok. "This is no storm's eye. Be wary, crew."

​

They see it through the mist like a vision. Torn sails, rotting wood, and seemingly floating over the glass-like water. The Flying Waterdhavian, so the stern reads, as Arnie's Little Helper III drifts alongside the mystery ship. No crew in sight. Only the ethereal sound of a lone violin playing a jaunty sea song heard drifting on the air.

​

A ghost ship.

​

Living pirates, sure. That's something the Handy Hands are now very comfortable dealing with. But the thought of undead sailors? It takes the gang just moments to NOPE! out of the idea of exploration, fully creeped out by the entire scenario. A ghostly dog bark tempts Arnie with the thought of gaining yet another Little Helper (his pet flying monkey is #4, by the way), but with a bit of convincing the handyman is swayed and their ship heads back into the storm. 

​

Hours later and thankfully not ripped apart by water and wind, the storm breaks near dusk. They'll be within Jahaka Bay by tomorrow... but what's the plan? They gather around their navigational table and debate strategy.

​

There's likely two fully-armed pirate ships present. Paired with an unknown amount of defenders within the stronghold a frontal assault is right out. Sure, Arnie's fireball may work wonders, but it's a different matter when pirate crews are awake and unsurprised. Not to mention the surrounding waters. Maps note a maze of razor sharp rocks just below the water's surface on that side of the bay, and no navigator on board knows a safe path.

​

Attention turns to the eastern edge of the stronghold. There's note of a gate. Hmm. Krenko is about to suggest a land-based assault when most go silent, the same devious thought coming to their minds at once. They have a prop room below deck loaded with pirate costumes. Why blast your way in when you can just dress like a pirate and WALK right in?

​

It's conspiratorial smiles all-round. Come the pirate base, they infiltrate with their greatest weapon: Thespianism.

​

It's bound to be rougher waters from here and the guests have already had a three-day experience. Do the Handy Hands really want to be responsible for civilian casualties? After a discussion with the saved merchant ship's captain a decision is made: their guests will leave with the merchants, returning to Port Nyanzaru to spread fame of their legendary and unique cruise... but of course they cannot leave before one final show!

​

Costumes are donned and a rollicking performance of "The Revenge of Captain Krenko" is given. The evil Captain Toloki is vanquished once again and bows are given to a standing ovation from the eclectic mix of guests, merchants, and even a few captive pirates. Afterwards Peach turns to the prisoners... surely one of them knows more of their quarry? Thankfully the captain that Krenko had kicked overboard was rescued, and with a quick cast of charming magic she's more than helpful.

​

The pirates were patrolling these waters along with other smaller ships, all reporting to a pirate lord named Elok. Ah! One of the big bounties they're looking for! This is good news. Captain Elok has a habit of staging near the large western island called Mother-of-Mists. Of where a larger base of operations is, the pirates remain tight-lipped, but this info will do.

​

"Mind yourself, though...", warns the pirate captain. "A humorless brute, that one. Uncultured swine."

​

Uncultured swine? It gets Arnie thinking. He'd been hoping this whole time that pirates encountered would be classy enough to roll with the entertainment factor. Hopefully the captain is wrong! He'll need to see if these raiders of the sea are truly 'swine' when he gets the chance. 

​

With the pirate's annotated map of this region found, their black flag taken, their ship fully looted and scuttled for repair supplies, and the mad aarakocra Talgali (still thinking they are Krenko) hired on as an additional production actor, the crew of Arnie's Little Helper III say goodbye to their inaugural guests and head out over open seas towards the distant islands.

​

Long sea journeys are, if anything, long. There's a lot of down time to get things done. Bertram catches up on ship terms and positional duties, Peach learns how to pilot the ship, Col takes in the endless blue scenery, Arnie does his best to help the bosun Skeek repair the damage sustained in battle, and Krenko's deep sea fishing techniques eventually net him a particularly large tuna. Night comes and goes. The next day a pod of dolphins leaping in the morning sun catches Peach's eye. What a perfect opportunity to cast speak with animals and gather information!

​

"I don't trust stairs.", says one dolphin. "They're always up to something!"

​

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?", says another. "TEN TICKLES!"

​

Peach blinks. "Dad-Joke Dolphins...? Hey Arnie! How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?"

​

Once the terrible marine mammal humor had run its course Peach was finally able to learn a few things. Ships both mercantile and piratical frequent the area. Indeed a larger ship tends to dwell to the west... sounds like it could be Elok's. The dolphins' mention of a gigantic ship to the south that dwarfs even the largest of pirate ships is weird. Weirder still is the warning of illusory shipwreck survivors. Nonetheless, it's good info, and Peach bids them farewell as they sail on.

​

After a tasty Krenko-prepared tuna fillet dinner, another night, and most of another day of rainy but peaceful sailing, the outline of Mother-of-Mists and The Daughters - her many surrounding islets and rock stacks - come into view on the horizon. Sunset is an hour or two off. Time to plan.

​

*         *         *

​

The cold marine fog is so thick that one gets wet simply existing in it. But to our heroes, this is perfect. Anchor dropped a mile from Captain Elok's location, "New Krenko", a.k.a. Talgali, watches as the Handy Hands lower their dingey into the calm black waters below.

 

While Gorjok had weaved in and out around pillars of rock to find Elok's hiding spot, the Handy Hands strategized. Arnie's Little Helper III would hardly stand a chance in prolonged open combat versus a larger vessel. Forget 'frontal assault'. It's time for 'black ops'. Stealthy clothing? Check! Spells of deception and subterfuge prepared? Check! Many castings of fireball readied for a badass action scene escape after assassinating the pirate captain? Arnie nods. Check!

​

Bertram paddles the dingey silently into the thick fog until a large ship's outline comes into view, a few lanterns on its deck breaking the blackness of the night. With the rowboat tied off to the nearest rocky outcropping, Col casts water walk on his friends before turning into a small flying snake and the infiltration begins.

 

It's "Metal Assassin's Gear Creed" time.

​

Snake-Col flies up and out of sight as the rest jog across the water's surface underneath the high stern and look up at the emblazoned letters. The Dragonfang. Arnie, Krenko, Bertram, and Peach silently look at each other. The elf nods. With an arcane mutter the bard turns Bertram and Arnie invisible, and the goblin starts climbing with the elf not far behind. It isn't long before a rope drops for the invisible pair, and Peach sneaks up on the kenku guard next to the ship's wheel.

​

"It's a good time for a swim", Peach softly whispers into the crow-person's ear, casting suggestion.

​

"By jove it's a beautiful night for a dip!", declares the bird pirate as it saunters right past the ascended Arnie and Bertram to climb down the rope and start taking a casual bath. The rope retreats. One down. Who-knows-how-many to go.

​

Snake-Col coils on a mast crossbeam and scouts intently as his allies disperse below, dodging the few patrolling guards at this late night hour. The transparent Bertram heads below deck. Arnie and a visible but stealthy Krenko follow. Peach heads for the stern map room. Maps indeed, and parchment notes of many kind, but there's no time to inspect and the eladrin bard shoves as much into her coat as she can.

​

Below decks crates open and close in a ghostly way as an unseen historian searches. A guard comes and goes but it's no matter to an invisible man. Leathers here. Metal trinkets there. A crate of fine clothing. There's no rhyme or reason and the crates all bear different markings. Stolen loot. Pirates indeed. 

​

At the aft side of the second deck an invisible handyman feels the question return. 'Uncultured swine'? Are they truly? One can't have proper theatrical interactions with those who have no inclination. Arnie simply must know! 

​

"Arnie! No! Wait!", whispers Krenko as loud as he dares. But it's no use. The handyman enters a bunk room full of sleeping pirates and begins rummaging through their personal gear. Dirty socks. Old shirts. Ah! An amber gem! Perhaps this is a sign of civility beyond pure brute piracy?

​

"Krenko! Does this prove they're not uncultured swine?!", whispers the handyman.

​

Krenko shakes his head, amazed that Arnie didn't wake any of the pirates, but quickly turns at the sound of footsteps ascending the stairs behind them. Peach had come down to find her friends, but now finds herself just beyond Bertram in the stern-side officers' quarters as a patrolling pirate heads that way. Shit!

 

Hiding behind the door of the very quarters she was searching Peach casts sleep, and the pirate collapses. Good. So good, in fact, that while Bertram and Peach work to pull the sleeping pirate into a bunk that none notice an invisible Arnie eagerly opening the next door over. 

​

The door of the captain himself.

​

Captain Elok sits on the edge of his bed reading a book, looking up when his door opens by mysterious unseen force to see a certain very-much-visible goblin trying to stop Arnie. Krenko silently gapes like a deer in the headlights.

 

A rush of wind slams Elok's door in his face... but the whine of Arnie's prestidigitation does not end. Higher and higher pitch it goes until the door opens from the inside, Elok's bald-pated Chultan features rapidly distorting. The noise is no longer Arnie's spell. It's Elok! The whine becomes a high-pitched screech... almost pig-like, as the captain grotesquely transforms. Beady eyes, large tusks, broad shoulders, bristled spinal ridge of hair. In moments, a hybrid boar-man roars in anger.

​

"PIGS! THEIVING PIGS! SWINE!" 

​

And the pig-man pirate captain charges forth.

​

(DM: Cliffhanger! It's a special holiday one-shot for us next week... The Handy Hands return in 2021!)

​

The early morning rain is warm, at least.​ Arnie's Little Helper III is anchored off the coast where a damp Bertram, Peach, and Krenko approach a tiny seastack island in a rowboat. 'X' marks the spot, or so they hope.

 

While Peach searches the waxen map for clues of a grander conspiracy Col and Bertram locate a hastily-made burial site on the small rocky beach with ease. A speedy mold earth from the desert druid reveals a crate stuffed with hay... and bottles. Potions! Lots of them! And a note! Merchant cargo quickly buried in hopes of returning for it after an inevitable pirate capture, no doubt. And now the poor bastards are back there swimming with sharks. "Finders keepers" as they say.

​

Returning to Arnie and impressing their captive audience of tourists the gang points out a key line in the crate's note: "raiders emerged from a cove on the east side of the mountain spur". Indeed they're about to round the northern tip of a mountain range, and maps show coves down the coast on the other side. Whose ready for hunting pirates?! A cheer goes up from the crowd, the Handy Hands plot course, and the ship sails onward into the increasing rain.

​

Well... almost. It's been a long night at the helm for Gorjok, but once a few of the gang are trained up in ship commands and how to steer, Bertram takes the wheel and they're off! Despite the heavy rain the seas are relatively calm as Arnie's Little Helper III travels with most hiding below decks to stay dry, the Handy Hands taking turns giving "Handy Talks" to entertain their passengers. Col takes the time to sample all of the crate's bottles and finds it's quite the bounty: healing potions, shrinking and climbing potions and more, an interesting curative ointment, even a vial of applicable poison... good stuff. 

​

Hours later Peach shouts from on high: "Man overboard, starboard bow!" A ragged parrot-like aarakocra shipwreck survivor is dragged aboard, thankful to be saved after three days afloat. Another victim of pirates. No surprise. Feathers half missing or burnt, exhausted, and starved, the bird-person can't wait for some food and rest.

​

"Would you like a cracker?", calls down Peach from the crow's nest.

​

"I would LOVE a cracker!", exclaims Talgali the aarakocra.

 

There's some grumbling from the guests as Talgali is crammed in with them, but otherwise they sail into the evening. The rain lets up but with its retreat comes a heavy marine layer. It's a few hours to the suspected coves, but a night raid is decided against in favor of waiting for daylight. Fog-muted eerie silence sets in as they anchor in a sheltered area off coast. What a wonderful time for a scary story!, thinks Krenko.

​

And indeed it is! It's a classic goblin legend about a heroic adventurer who murders poor hapless goblins in their dungeon homes. Don't venture out of your cave alone, goblin kids, you never know when that do-gooder wizard will appear and light you on fire! Sound effects and interpretive music handled by Bertram and Peach, the guests are highly entertained and/or spooked out by Krenko's tale just before bed. Night watch comes, and night watch goes. All is silent.

​

*         *         *

​

It's just over an hour to the edge of the marine layer, and something is heard in the distance to the south. A trail of smoke. Ship on ship... Pirates. There's thought about a stealth approach or even avoiding the scene, but no! There's an audience on board! It may be more 'pirate breakfast theater' than 'pirate dinner theater', but Arnie's guests demand entertainment. Rush them out of the fog head-on! Krenko hypes the crowd and explains the upcoming engagement until he notices someone directly behind him, mimicking his actions and repeating what he says. Talgali the aarakocra - dressed like Krenko and wielding a piece of wood like a prosthetic hand - stares at the goblin.

​

"Uh. I'm sorry. Who are you again?", asks Krenko.

​

"I'm Krenko! Heroic Captain Grapplefist!", the bird-person announces as he shakes his wooden 'hand'. "Do you mind not copying me, though? It's weird and kind of rude."

​

Krenko blinks. He'd be flattered if it wasn't so bizarre and poorly timed. "...Right!", he exclaims, just before decking Talgali in the beak and knocking him out cold. Bertram wastes no time gagging and tying him to the main mast. No time for crazy bird-people! They've got pirates to attack!

​

"Full sails!", shouts Gorjok. "The glory of battle awaits!"

​

"Splash zone ticket holders to the front row seats, please!", adds Arnie.

​

Arnie's Little Helper III cuts through the waves at full speed directly at the two ships. One mile. Half a mile. At a quarter mile out an alarm bell sounds from the aggressor ship, now seen to be flying a black flag. They've been spotted! Load the mangonel! It's a series of long range bombardments as distance closes between the two ships, Arnie calmly narrating the mechanics of sea-based siege weapons to the guests as he helps Bertram out with loading the mangonel.

​

Most boulders go wide but some connect, thankfully the enemy vessel taking more hits than the Handy Hands, and doubly-thankfully hitting their hull rather than paying guests. Arnie's Little Helper III closes within 500 feet, Col readies the bow-mounted ballista, and Peach grabs Krenko's hand. The elf and the goblin nod to each other, and with a flash, they're gone.

​

In a puff of Feywild air and colored leaves Peach's dimension door lands the two of them square in the pirate ship's crow's nest overlooking the action. Time for Captain Grapplefist to put on a show! After a quick inspiration from Peach the goblin rip-slides down the main sail in his best Errol Flynn impersonation with an "OH HO!", unleashing into the nearest pirates in a flurry of knife and whip.

​

A shout of arcane words from the ship's bow gets Peach's attention. A spellcaster! Krenko resists magical compulsion only to feel a blade across his back. He spins around to the pirate captain smiling down on him, dual blades in hand, taunting him before grabbing a rope and swinging away. Peach sets to work manifesting shatters to take out the pirate's siege weapons but doesn't go unnoticed. Marauders rush up the rope ladders to her location as a metal hand flies by with a *thwip*, Krenko quickly reeling himself in to aid Peach and avoid getting overwhelmed himself.

​

Another salvo! Then another! Wave after wave of mangonel boulders and ballista bolts fly between ships as Col, Bertram, and Arnie exchange fire with the pirates. Peach's body locks up with a paralyzing spell from the pirate spellcaster while Krenko swings around just below the crow's nest fending off assailants the best he can. Now within clear sight of the mess Peach and Krenko have gotten themselves in, the rest know different tactics are needed. As Bertram readies a short-range teleport of his own, Col spreads his arms to summon an entire flock of pteranodons. Dino attack squadron: Go!

​

The eladrin bard shakes her head and regains control of her body in time to shatter both the pirate's ballista and the spellcaster, but the raiders keep coming! After killing two, Krenko dives on to the siege crew once again to kill another... and dance a jig. Gotta entertain those guests! A final shatter from Peach finally takes out both the enemy ballista and the pirate mage in a hail of splinters. With a blast of Shadowfell energy a new contender arrives mid-deck: Bertram materializes, the axe Scourge in hand, ready to cut some dirty raiders down. The tide is turning!

​

Though the pirate captain - frustrated by Krenko ignoring her taunting - had climbed up to attack Peach and even hurt her a bit, she can't hold up to eladrin bard's Fey presence as Peach commands her right back down the mast to the main deck. Col fires once more while Krenko spins in circles slaughtering pirates (and dancing more), Bertram wasting no time letting loose the flying axe on the captain. When Col's squadron of flying dinosaurs hits and overwhelms the remaining marauders, it's clear that they have no chance of winning. By the time the signs of surrender are noticed and the blades stop whirring, only the pirate captain and two surviving crewmates remain.

​

A cheer goes up from Arnie's Little Helper III as it pulls aside the other two ships. VICTORY FOR THE HANDY HANDS!

​

The second ship is thankfully not too badly on fire. Flames are extinguished and Bertram converses with the merchant vessel's captain to get the full story. Carrying mostly fine textiles and bound for Port Nyanzaru, their crew was mid-robbery when the Handy Hands appeared as their saviors. 

​

Meanwhile Krenko and Peach question the pirate captain with little success. 'Parlay'? 'Conditions of surrender'? These sea-based diplomatic terms are annoying! Finding the conversation nowhere near as entertaining as punching someone in the face and kicking them overboard Krenko does exactly that, and the captain hits the surf below. So much for negotiations!

​

Pirate cargo looted for themselves and merchant wares handed back to their proper owners, reality starts to hit the Handy Hands. This was but one ship of pirates, and not even one of the fierce pirate lords they were tasked to capture. It was only out of sheer luck that no harm had come to the paying guests they had brought along. Surely greater threats await... but how willing are they to put their guests truly in harm's way?

​

Waves crack on the hull of Arnie's Little Helper III under the morning sun as Captain Krenko swings over the deck to land next to the villain, the Dread Pirate Toloki, wooden swords clashing together in an epic battle. Bertram looks confused.

​

"This is where you chop off his hand!", calls Stage Director Arnie from near the main mast.

​

"Oh ya right!", says the historian dressed as an evil undead pirate lord. Toloki/Bertram brings down his wooden sword with a *clunk* on to Krenko's wrist, the prosthetic metal hand flopping to the deck as Krenko wails in theatrical agony. The loyal first mate, "Princess" Peach, emerges just in time to slay the villain and save her captain. A hired minstrel 'one-man band' kicks into gear and a morose one-handed captain walks away singing 'Dead Right Hand', one of Arnie's newest lyrical masterpieces, and the crowd (a.k.a. the ship's crew) erupts in cheers as Scene 1 wraps up.

​

"Okay! I'll be fishing...", says Bertram, wandering off in full costume to join Bill the Cook in angling off the stern.

​

"Don't you think this plot is a bit too... personal?", says Krenko. It had only been a week since he had lost his hand to a resurrected evil and already there's a highly fictionalized musical based on the account. With himself as the actor who loses a hand, no less! He's used to entertaining the masses but this is too close to reality.

​

"No no, it adds realism. The tragedy balances the action.", rebukes Arnie. "Okay... Scene 2! Places!"

​

The crew watches as a musically-inclined Peach sings a wonderful rendition of 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand', literally holding Krenko's severed hand, and Scene 3 comes quickly thereafter. The maimed captain ventures into town and finds a shady merchant - played by a reluctant Col - who offers a replacement hand from his stock ('Hand in my Pocket') for the low low cost of the heart of Captain Toloki. He's back? We think? To Arnie's dismay it becomes clear that no one read the script.

​

"Bertram! Your cue. Do you have a heart prop?", says the Stage Director.

​

"Oh! Yes!". Bertram/Toloki jumps up from his fishing spot, fresh trout in hand, quickly gutting out its heart before running over to abduct "Princess" Peach. Wait, didn't she previously defeat the bad guy? Nevermind, she's the helpless damsel in distress now! A whole Krenko rallies himself, flying monkey companion on shoulder, and chases his nemesis ('These Hands Are Made for Punching'). Scene 4 is a quick beat-down, Toloki's fishy heart "ripped" from his chest, which Krenko wastes no time gulping down in victory.

​

"You needed that to repay the merchant, remember?", says Arnie. The goblin looks sheepish. "REPLACEMENT HEART!"

 

An excited Bill jumps up from his fishing spot but the Stage Director isn't exactly pleased receive another fish heart from an albino dwarf. Surely not a human heart, at least. Show's back on! Krenko pays merchant Col, but then realizes along with Peach... it isn't hands that matter. It's hearts! But not real hearts. Figurative hearts! Friendships! And the friends they have made along the way! Cue the all-cast singalong finale, 'This Hand is Your Hand'. The Stage Director grins. The crew cheers.

​

What better way to celebrate a successful dress rehearsal than by shooting Krenko by catapult back into the city?

​

(DM: This is what happens when you let Jason (Arnie) steal the narrative and force karaoke upon people.
No other player, not even the DM, knew what was going on. It was hilarious and excellent.)

​

*         *         *

​

Hours before, the Handy Hands were hard at work outside the Thundering Lizard signing up guests for the grand "Pirate Dinner Theater" cruise. Many showed interest but in the end 13 paying customers were committed: An elderly couple from Waterdeep; three spinster ladies who are totally not the Golden Girls; a plump middle-aged dwarf and orc couple; a goblin in a fancy suit; a pair of young hip metrosexual gnomes; a dirty centaur backpacker; and, uh, two weird bug-eyed bullywugs who say nothing but pay well. For an inaugural crowd, it'll do!

​

Returning after the successful yet highly off-script dry run later in the afternoon, the Handy Hands are nothing if not eager. If the dress rehearsal was a taste, they can't wait for more! Figuring they'll be back in a few days to drop off the guests and continue their bounty hunting in earnest, the dinos and pets are left behind in the care of Eku with an ample amount of fresh food before one final evening of drinking with their pals at The Thundering Lizard. Morning comes swiftly.

​

Not long after sunrise the guests and crew load on to Arnie's Little Helper III. With it's shining new hull and deck, crisp white sails, custom weapons resembling hands, and the blue-yellow banner of the Handy Hands flying above, it's quite the site! While Harbormaster Zindar approaches Bertram regarding interest in further yuan-ti info, Krenko sees a familiar figure trying to get his attention near a stack of crates. Crumbeard's shifty brother, Rubrik.

​

After the gambling buddies exchange greetings Rubrik confesses that he's not just in Chult to visit his brother Crumbeard. He unbuttons his shirt to reveal withered and leprous skin lined in black. The Death Curse! The dwarf rogue had died once back in his adventuring days and he's not too keen on it happening again... permanently. With a farewell handshake and a promise that he'll find out what he can about the mysterious curse, Krenko turns to board.

​

"We sail! We sail!", shouts the crew in unison, and Arnie's Little Helper III finally sets off on her maiden voyage.

​

*         *         *

​

The "island" is spotted shortly after noon. Dome shaped. Three trees. Rapidly moving to cut them off. Aremag.

​

"Make haste, First Mate Gorjok!", calls out Peach.

​

"Aye, captains!", the old orc responds before shouting out orders to the rest of the crew. The Harbormaster said Arnie's Little Helper III was built for speed. Time to put that to the test. The masts groan under the weight of a fully stocked and at-capacity ship, but steadily the custom-built brig cuts through the waves. The ancient dragon turtle of the Bay of Chult hardly stands a chance. The crowd of 13 guests cheer as the Handy Hands narrate the small victory.

 

"We're hunting pirates but I'm coming back for you...", mutters Krenko to himself. 

​

Hours later a call comes from the crow's nest. "Shipwreck, port bow!", shrieks Skeek, the little kobold Bosun. Sure enough, pulling close for inspection, a vessel's wreckage is entangled on a small coral reef. Thoughts turn to profitable salvage... until they see the shark fins among a few bloated bodies.

​

"One of my earlier adventuring parties shipwrecked once, chief...". Peach stares into the distance. "Twelve men went in the water. Sharks looked right at us. The thing about a shark is that he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes..."

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"Waterwalk.", interrupts Col, casting the spell with a wave of the hand on the rest before diving overboard, wildshaping into a shark of his own mid-air. There's guests craving entertainment on board, there's no time for second guesses! Arnie stays behind to narrate the action to the guests as Krenko and Peach leap over the hull, Bertram letting loose a rowboat to skid it along like a shopping cart in front of him.

 

Shark combat! The goblin barbarian rages as he fires his crossbow, running along the ocean's surface until he's right in the middle of the swirling mass of fins. The sharks are no doubt confused but waste no time adding the Handy Hands to the menu of their feeding frenzy, and quickly turn to gnash at Krenko. A timely cast of fear from Peach disperses half of the pack around the goblin as Shark-Col swims in to bite away below the surf. With a shove and a jump Bertram rides the rowboat like a skateboard, firing eldritch blasts while dodging jumping masses of rubbery skin and teeth.

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Leaping to high ground on a bit of wreckage Krenko slashes down to slay one of the sharks, Peach closing in to shatter a few of them and take out another as the feared sharks flee. A remaining pair get in a couple bites on the eladrin bard as Bertram follows up with a shatter of his own, taking out a few more. Shark-Col loses himself in the bloodlust and munches on the floating reef shark corpses as a whirl of blades and magic disperse most of the rest. A single predator remains, on which Peach wastes no time in casting animal friendship and speak with animals.

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"What happened to this ship?", asks the bard.

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"What?", says the shark.

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"What's your name?"

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"What?"

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"Can I ride you?"

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"RIDE!"

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As Peach whirls about riding 'What' the Shark, she and Bertram quickly scavenge the ship's remains. Not much here... looks like pirates raided it before it went down. Luckily a small hidden compartment evaded them, which nets a sizable bag of coin and a wax-covered parchment. With a bit of coaxing Shark-Col is pulled away from the feeding frenzy and the crew returns to a cheering crowd, Peach waving from her mount like a rodeo cowboy.

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Ahh, a map on the parchment! With a bit of effort Bertram is able to align the waxen map with their own, the 'X' of the supposed treasure just 30 miles or so up the coast. Why not? Could be lucrative!

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Arnie's Little Helper III sails into the night, and with any luck, there's some booty to be found in the morning.

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Previous entries have been moved to improve load times and your reading experience. Click below to find them!
 

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• Chapter 1: "A Shipwrecked Misadventure." - Entries 1 through 11.
  ​After a disastrous journey at sea, four travelers become necessary allies and eventually friends as they get their bearings in a beautiful but hostile land.​
   

• Chapter 2: "The Shining Jewel of Chult." - Entries 12 through 20.
  Chult’s great city of Port Nyanzaru hosts a wealth of possibilities, where new friends are gained as the fledgling adventuring party establishes themselves.
   

• Chapter 3: "Famous and Infamous." - Entries 21 through 27.
  Local fame leads to larger concerns, and the crew find themselves as notable figures involved in the city’s events and intrigues.
   

• Chapter 4: "The River Expedition." - Entries 28 through 38.
  The Handy Hands bravely set forth into the uncharted jungles of Chult on a mission... and this time, they have experience and planning on their sides.
   

• Chapter 5: "Ruins and Robots." - Entries 39 through 55.
  Rumors of forgotten temple ruins are just too good to pass up, and the goal of retrieving a dead wizard’s construct leads to odd encounters with the locals.
   

• Chapter 6: "Death and the City." - Entries 56 through 67.
  A return to Port Nyanzaru is both welcome and ominous, as evil plots abound and news of an escalating 'Death Curse' ravaging the land emerges.

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